Remy's Diabolical Plan

Chapter Fifteen: The Diabolically Stupid Boy

~X~

How in Satan's hell had she ever allowed herself to be dragged into this? Her own mind's reasoning was a wonder even to Rogue, who was trying desperately to figure out why she had ever agreed to this. Let's go over the many reason of why this situation is completely stupid.

Rogue did not like Jack the Ripper. He was annoying and clingy and sickeningly happy and she couldn't stop calling him Jack the Ripper in her head. Another good point: She had told herself that she wasn't going on any more dates. She had no desire to get married or have babies or even let a man so much as touch her (not if they were like the previous three she had dated) so dating seemed extremely pointless. Plus, the whole thing wasn't any fun. The only good thing about all of those dates was that at least they had paid to feed her some good food. And though the company had been bad, that one little thing had made it worth it. This could have been because in the first five minutes she had already been annoyed so she ordered the most expensive thing on the menu.

Kitty's date was another reason. When they had driven to the restaurant, Rogue had been less than pleased that the red-haired creep was the one driving. Yes, that's right. When they had driven to the restaurant. For a date. For a double date. With Jack the Ripper. And Pippy Longstocking's creepy twin brother.

The night before as they watched the fireworks, Jack (not the ripper!) had been ooing and awing over the lights above them, and Kitty, sitting next to her creepy date, had suggested that they all double date the next night. And when Jack (not the ripper) turned to her, eyes shining bright and smiling from ear to ear, Rogue found that she couldn't possibly say no to that face. And so she had unwillingly been dragged into this nightmare.

Now they sat at a square table in the back of a dimly lit restaurant. As much as she had not wanted to hurt Jack (not the ripper) the night before, now she would gladly crush every hope and dream he ever had under her heel. How magnificent it would be to see that happy expression crumble in grief and despair. This thought almost made her smile. But she held back because then he might think that she was smiling at him and take it as motivation to continue being so cheerful. Right now he sat next to her chattering on and on about how much he loved all of his friends and how beautiful he thought they all were and how much he loved life.

It made Rogue want to barf.

Then again, the urge to get sick might also stem from the fact that Jeepers Creepers (her new nickname for Kitty's creepy date) was across the table from her. As Kitty listened with polite attentiveness to Jack (not the ripper) talking, Jeepers Creepers just sat there, not saying anything. Rogue could swear that he was looking at her, but every time she glanced over in his direction to see if she was right in her assumption, he too was paying attention to Jack (not the ripper). Now she could feel his gaze again but she forced herself not to look and ignored the tingle on the back of her neck that told her she was being watched.

What did Kitty see in that guy, anyway? Really, she hadn't paid him the least bit of attention tonight. They had barely spoken the night before. But yet here he was, sitting in the restaurant with them and being creepy. Rogue hadn't mentioned to Kitty that he freaked her out as she hadn't seen any reason or point to it. Besides, shouldn't she have been able to see how weird he was for herself? Rogue could easily imagine herself going up to Kitty and asking something like, 'Have you noticed how creepy your date is?' But then Kitty's reaction to this was unpredictable. Going by her interest in said creep right now, Rogue was inclined to assume that she wouldn't care either way and might even think it was funny.

Rogue sighed. She glanced over at Jack (not the ripper) to find that he was still talking. It had been bad enough that he was so happy. But then he had actually walked up earlier that night in a football jersey. The sight had given Rogue the wild urge to turn and run, but Kitty, being the great friend that she was, had kept a firm hold on her elbow. Rogue absently rubbed the crook of her arm at the memory. For such a small girl, Kitty was freakishly strong.

Speaking of Kitty, Rogue was never letting her force her into another date again. Forget that she had already told herself that same thing countless times before; she was not, under any circumstances, ever going out on another date again. Never. Never, never, never, never, never, never, never, NEVER!

There wasn't even anyone who she was remotely interested in dating. Nope. No one at all. There wasn't anyone that she was attracted to in any way at that moment. Nope.

What would Remy be like on a date? Platonically thinking, she had to wonder if he was the same, familiar friend that always understood her, or if he was a strange man dressed in a cape and holding a rose between his teeth and saying things like, 'Come with me to the Casbah!'

Rogue wasn't sure what he would act like on a date but it was probably not the latter. Hopefully that was just her wild imagination running away with her. Hopefully.

"-and that's why I decided to study to become a male nurse." Jack smiled as he finished his story. "I just love to help people."

Rogue glared at his profile. He was too good and too happy. It was sickening.

"What do you do for a living, Rogue?" He turned, smiling to her.

She continued to glare. She was an X-men, but couldn't say that. Back home in Bayville most people knew their faces and who they were and what they did. But here no one knew them. And she wasn't about to let anyone in on the secret. "Nothing yet. I just graduated from school."

"That's awesome! You're parents must have been so proud."

Her tongue suddenly went numb with the force of her teeth clamping down on it. Parents? PARENTS? Why did he have to say that? What kind of sicko talked about your parents? It was definite. This man was a sick, sick, sicko and a ridiculously enthusiastic freak of nature. But she was willing to let the comment slide. The subject could be changed easily, but when she opened her mouth to say something else, he beat her to it.

"Tell me about your parents." he said pleasantly.

So she picked up the knife off of the table and stabbed him.

Or at least she thought about it.

"They're dead." she said flatly and without emotion.

"Oh!" he seemed flustered and taken aback by this response. "I'm sorry."

She glared. "I'm not."

"OK!" Kitty clapped her hands. "Let's talk about something else! Where is that waiter?"

The incompetent waiter had brought them some water but hadn't returned yet, even though it had been nearly twenty minutes. Just to give any waiter or waitress a reason to come over and interrupt this awkward moment, Kitty picked up her glass of water and started to chug it, pointedly ignoring the looks she was receiving from the other three.

Jack picked up his drink too and Rogue watched him out of the corner of her eye as he lifted the glass to his lips, drank, and then said, "Ah."

She cringed.

He took another sip. "Ah."

She winced and bit the inside of her cheek.

He drank again. "Aaaah."

A sigh of relief escaped her when he set the glass back down. Having people say, 'Ah' after drinking was one of her biggest pet peeves. She could swear that he was doing this all on purpose just to annoy her.

"So." Jack turned to her again and Rogue had to admit that it was quite brave of him to do so. "What do you want to talk about now? Football?"

Rogue twitched.

"Or cats?"

Rogue blanched and turned wide, horrified eyes on Kitty who was looking very confused at this point.

"Or…your friend Remy told me about his girlfriend, Jessica. How's that going?"

That was enough. What was up with this guy? Did he have a mental list of everything that she hated? And if he did, why was he using them all as conversation pieces as though he thought she would take pleasure in talking about them?

"Hey, you know what I love?" Jack questioned to everyone it seemed. Rogue's hands twitched with the longing to cover her ears. "I just love bluegrass banjo music!"

Something inside of her snapped at that point. The knife on the table in front of her was shining very invitingly, but as her hand jerked towards it, Kitty flung an arm across the table and grabbed her wrist. In another display of her freakish strength, Kitty was able to pull Rogue to her feet, say, "Time for a bathroom break!", and drag her through the restaurant and into the ladies room.

Once inside she let her go, only for her to swing around and hiss menacingly, "I'm gonna kill him."

"Because he likes bluegrass music?" Kitty turned to the mirror and pulled out a tube of lip gloss from seemingly no where.

"NO! Because he's annoyin!" Rogue raged.

Kitty didn't spare her a look as she concentrated on her task in the mirror. "He is kind of overly enthusiastic."

"Kind of? Kind of?" She was almost yelling. "He's so happy it makes Santa Claus sick to listen to him!"

Kitty shot her a look in the mirror.

"And you know what the worst thing is?" Rogue continued.

"The football jersey?"

"The football jersey! Why? Why? Why, Kitty, why?"

"I don't know…"

"If he says one thing about football, I'm going to throw salt in his eyes." Rogue said seriously. Where irritation had been before, now a more pleased look crossed her face as the image of throwing salt in her date's eyes came to mind. He would probably scream in agonizing pain and unbeknownst to him, it would be sweet, sweet music to her ears. But then in her minds eye she saw him, eyes leaking from the pain and a bewildered look on his face as he complimented her throwing technique.

Her fists clenched to the point of pain.

"Look," Kitty was making popping sounds with her mouth as she smoothed out the gloss covering them. "It pains me to like, say it, but maybe I was wrong about Jack. He is sort of annoying. But like, don't worry! I'll find you a new hot guy-"

"NO!" Rogue shouted in alarm, her voice bouncing off of the tiles lining the walls and floor. "Hell no, Kitty Pryde. Not ever again. If I want a man, I'll find one myself."

Kitty was completed unperturbed by this. She put her lipgloss away and started skipping for the door and singing, "I'm gonna find Rogue a boyfriend, I'm gonna find Rogue a boyfriend!" Halfway out the door she turned to regard her seriously. "And just so you like, know. I stole your phone and the car keys and you don't get them back until the end of the date. So I'll see you again in a few!"

The urge to bite her own head off was almost too much. As if her date wasn't annoying enough, and Kitty's date creepy enough, Kitty had to add her own brand of crazy to the mixture. And since her phone was gone, the keys to the car gone, it was pouring rain outside and it was unfortunately impossible to bite one's own head off, Rogue was stuck here in this den of misery. Later at some point in time, Kitty was going to have some horrific, life threatening pain befall her, but until that time came, there was nothing that Rogue could think to do to get herself out of this.

So, sighing unhappily, she turned to the mirror to glare at her own reflection...and then started scrubbing her hands through her hair in an attempt to make it look insane. If her date thought she was beautiful, then she would destroy that image! With a crazed enthusiasm she twisted her hair in every direction, cackling evilly.

And that's when the toilet flushed.

Rogue halted in her actions and stared into the mirror confusedly. She hadn't known anyone else had been in here. Either someone was...really quiet on the toilet or...she couldn't think of any other reason why she wouldn't have heard them.

The stall opened. Only slightly embarrassed not only by her hair, but by the fact that this person had most likely heard everything that she and Kitty had said to each other, she glanced in that direction. A millisecond after she had looked away, her eyes jerked back to the figure that had just emerged from the stall. It was a man. And she recognized him.

He was tall, lean, had a pair of crazy eyes that just screamed trouble and wore a black t-shirt that said in white bold letters, 'LIKE A BOSS' under a shock of messy, orange hair. "Eh'?" The man looked at her in alarm before shooting his gaze back to the toilet. "Sorry Sheila, " he rubbed the back of his head, appearing embarrassed. "Thought I was tryin to set fire to the fella's loo."

She stared. "Pyro?"

To Be Continued...