The Memory of Murder
By E.M. Megs
Chapter 3 – Mourn
She found the note two days after the funeral. Six days after his death. Four days after the case was closed and Kyoya proclaimed the murderer. Although she had tried to defend him, there was no way to when she was the one that had heard his confession.
"Give it up, Fujioka! You heard him yourself! Your partner was a murderer! Just accept the facts and move on!"
But she couldn't. Especially not now that she was taking in his words. Devouring them with her eyes, blurred with her own shedding tears. This was the first time she had been allowed back in this apartment and now there wasn't anyone to catch her when she fell to her knees in a fresh wave of grief.
My dearest Haruhi,
If you are reading this, then I must be gone. And I must apologize in advance, for this is very short notice, even for me… I do not want them to catch me. If they do, then I will be put in a position where I would never see you again. That is something that I cannot live with.
You are probably asking yourself why… And that is not something I can answer. Justice, guilt, all those human things that I pretended to be above all those years. You are not to blame. None of this is your fault and I never wanted to bring you into it… Never wanted to hurt you.
Do not cry for me, Haruhi. Do not cry for who I was or what I became. I will be angry with you if you shed a single tear because that is not what I want. Grief, pity, and remorse have never been things I wanted. Especially from you.
You should know what although I think I have only told you five times total in our five year relationship, I love you. Now and always, I do. And I sincerely hope you can forgive me for this.
Yours always,
Kyoya Ohtori
P.S. You are by far the strongest, most beautiful, intelligent woman I have ever met and I know you will work through this.
Her entire body shook with silent sobs as the note fluttered from her hand to the floor in front of her. The kitchen floor. Directly where he had fallen. The floor still tinted pink where the cleaning crew hadn't quite been able to remove the bloodstains. She still didn't believe it.
Her mind could only conjure him lying in his own blood. That stupid fucking hole in his head. She saw it everywhere. In her sleep, in her waking, engraved on her eyelids, her very heart. She hurt. The core of her being felt as though someone had town a chunk out of it. Part of her was missing with him. Some part of her was incomplete.
"Haruhi?"
She turned at the sound of her father's voice. Ranka looked absolutely heartbroken for her. "I… I thought you might like some company. Since…" He stopped as his daughter found her way into his arms. She stayed there, clutching the back of his shift, him stroking her hair and mumbling in her ear until she could finally stand on her own. "I don't believe what they say about him, Haruhi."
"Neither did I. Until…" she stopped herself, unable to deal with that thought again.
"No," Ranka said gently. "That's not what I meant. I don't believe he was a coward. Or a murderer. It had to have taken him a great deal of courage to leave you behind. Cowards don't have that kind of courage. And I don't believe that they know the entire story. I think that he left it for you to find."
"He would have just told me…" she whispered, "None of this shitty mind game stuff. None of this… Death. Why should I have to find it? Why would he kill himself if he didn't do it?"
"Because you're the only one who truly understood him, Haruhi. You're the only person he would trust to find the missing pieces."
~o~
A/N: And another chapter. Fun times. And unfortunately, I don't have any kudos to give out because I didn't get any reviews last chapter. Sad face. What's up with that, guys? But I still deliver. Yes, I know you love me. Now drop a review to show me?