Send Me Letters From The Moon

by switmikan74

He still wrote letters every day as if it will result to a miracle that would take all his pain away. He wrote letters as if it was all he had, as if it was something that keeps him alive, as if it was a form of comfort that builds bridges towards what was so faded and forgotten now. He wrote letters as if he was talking to one Akashi Seijuurou.

Title: Send Me Letters From The Moon

Pairing: AkaFuri

Genre: Romance/Angst/Hurt/Comfort

Note: Ummm, hey guys… how are you this fine day? Err, please don't kill me for disappearing like that! Hahahaha, like you care if I disappear. XD, but this is my gift to all of you! :D, I just passed my qualifying exam plus our midterm just ended. :P, seriously, who thought up the idea of prolonging our midterm to a month?! Anyway, hope you all enjoy!

OoOoO

Hey, how are you today?

OoOoO

He started writing letters a month before their Senior Year ends.

At first, it was only little notes saying greetings and bidding goodbyes. It was little things that make his feelings known—so little that it was barely there. He wrote letters every day but it was never sent nor read.

He was satisfied just writing them—quite contented, he told himself every single day without a fail.

Every day, he lied.

OoOoO

Hey, did you know that I always think about you?

OoOoO

He always wondered what is an emperor such as that one guy is doing today. Maybe, he is out terrorizing people, knowing him. Maybe, he was working his bones trying to be stronger than the previous days. Maybe, he was reading his favourite novel once more.

He wonders, really.

But they were only musings written upon a piece of paper—musings that he was afraid to let him know. Because it was not his place to think about him anymore nor was it Akashi's place to be thought of.

They have no right with each other anymore, not since they both ended their bond.

And so, Furihata Kouki wrote upon secretive parcel about his sentiments and thoughts, willing them to disappear as did his ink.

OoOoO

I still think it was meant to be but that was just a broken heart talking.

OoOoO

He never really gotten over the fact that it was over. Who would? It was a romance that waltzes in and waltzes out as soon as the music was over. It was too fast even if it lasted for two years, it ended too soon.

Too soon. Too soon. Too soon.

Too soon, he never liked those words, too soon is too early for him.

Writing in secrecy was not enough anymore. Furihata wanted Akashi to know.

But he was too afraid. Too scared to let the king know that he can't let go. Too frightened to be seen in such a vulnerably pathetic state. He was too afraid to know that he still loves the man but the man does not love him anymore.

OoOoO

Hey, Seijuurou-kun, do you still think about me? About us? Or am I just something long buried in the past?

OoOoO

Kuroko told him in the middle of summer that Akashi is going abroad for college. He ruffled his hair and slid down the chair and barked a loud laugh.

"As if I don't already know." Because every single detail from his head to his very bones, he had memorized them already; carved within his heart and delicately placed between the pages of his mind.

Within those two years that made him the happiest man, the two of them laid their very soul to each other. It was a surprise that they were only a history now when they both had thought that they'll someday marry each other.

And so, his little hand quivered as tears run down his cheeks; he went home after they played basketball and locked himself in his room and cried his heart out to the little piece of paper he kept in his drawer.

OoOoO

You're really leaving, aren't you? Is it a sign that you do not love me anymore? Am I being too clingy, too desperate for a man who does not have any right to hold you back? Hey, Seijuurou-kun, why did we break?

OoOoO

In their college years, he took a risk and dropped a letter to the floor where Kuroko could see them clearly.

He saw how Kuroko picked the letter and curiously opened them. He saw how his eyes widen before looking for him. He saw how he pocketed the piece of envelope and deliver them to the mail office.

He saw how weeks passed them by and still no reply.

Kuroko approached him and give Akashi's address. He took it with no grace but kept it with on-going rejection in his being, he knows Akashi would not reply to his calling anymore.

OoOoO

How desperate do you think I am? Maybe, you view me as an obsessive weakling. Maybe, you see me as a freak who was so hung up over the past. Maybe, you see me as your once upon a time.

Because I saw myself as a desperate man who cannot get over someone so great. Hey, Seijuurou-kun, why do you have to be so out of reach and so out of my league again?

OoOoO

The letter Kuroko sent was never followed by another for quite a long time.

But he still wrote letters every day as if it will result to a miracle that would take all his pain away. He wrote letters as if it was all he had, as if it was something that keeps him alive, as if it was a form of comfort that builds bridges towards what was so faded and forgotten now.

He wrote letters as if he was talking to one Akashi Seijuurou.

OoOoO

Hey, Seijuurou-kun, how are you? Are you okay? Are you fine there? Have you fallen with somebody else already?

I'm sorry I wasn't good enough. I know I should stop writing because I never expect some form of reply but I should tell you something, you need to know this; did you know I can't stop from pouring myself unto this stupid paper?

You know why? Because I still love you.

OoOoO

It was Saturday and it was the twelfth of April two years into college. It was also two years since they had broken up. It was also two years since he started writing. It was also two years since he can't move on.

Two years was a long time but everything seems to be a long time for him every time the clock makes a tick. And he still wrote a letter and by then, all those papers litter every crevices of his room.

Stack high and hidden from everyone's prying eyes, the letters suffocated him with all the memories and emotions he had etched upon every words engraved into every parcel.

It especially left him breathless every time April 12th makes its presence known. It left him haunted with all the things that reminded him of them. It left him even more broken than yesterday.

It left him even more pathetic than before.

OoOoO

It still ached. What should I do, Seijuurou-kun? What should I do to get over you?

OoOoO

April 13th.

It was the day he found himself in front of the mail office, his hand quivering from the tight grip he has on one of the many letters he had written.

He was finally sending a letter again after that one so many moon ago. He does not care anymore if this letter found its way to Akashi or not, he was sending this no matter what.

If he reply… if he took notice… if he read it and decided to answer… then he… then he…

What would he do?

OoOoO

I'm so frustrated, Seijuurou-kun, it's been so long and it's still you that I kept on thinking! Are you happy because of my predicament? Are you glad that your name still affects me so much?

Seijuurou-kun, answer me, please.

OoOoO

September 8 and he counted that it was the 149th letter he had sent. But he smiled bitterly knowing it was also the 149th letter that went by with no reply.

God, he was a pitiful man.

Why can't he just get over the fact that it was over already?

OoOoO

Can you hear me over these words that I wrote? Can you see me over these emotions that clutter all over? Hey, Seijuurou-kun, I'm so tired already.

Not from loving you but from this grief I am feeling.

OoOoO

He thinks that he had already written thousands of letters. He thinks it was enough. But as he put down another one to his rapidly building stacks, he knew it will never be enough.

He had sent thousands of mails too and all of them were not replied. He thinks that was enough but as he laid down in his bed and saw their picture on his drawer, he knew it was not, he knew it will never be enough anymore.

And so, within the silence of his room, the loudness of his tears made his eardrums hurt and his mind ache and his heart break.

"I should stop… my God, Seijuurou-kun… I should stop…"

OoOoO

Seijuurou-kun, it's been half a year since I had sent you letters, when will you be merciful to me?

I'm so sorry for bothering you. I should stop, I know, everybody knows. Everyone keeps telling me to stop. I would. I will.

Just one more letter, just one more.

OoOoO

He had written six thousand and seven hundred thirty eight letters already, a quarter of them was sent abroad; the other quarter was burnt to ashes, what was left was buried under his bed.

And today, he was finally going to stop writing; not because he had move on but because he had promised that it was the last. He was not going to bother Akashi again with his longing and sorrow.

It will all end here today.

OoOoO

As promise, Seijuurou-kun, I will not write to you anymore. I will not bother you with my person anymore. I will stop for your sake and mine.

Hey, Seijuurou-kun, just one last time, I will tell you this, one more time:

I love you, Akashi Seijuurou, I love you so much.

OoOoO

He wrote letter for three years and sent a quarter of them for six months and for the very first time after giving up writing, he felt so relieved.

He felt livelier than he was those past few years. He felt alive and kicking, he felt so happy nowadays.

And it had been a month since he had stopped and everybody seems happier and everyone seems relieved. It seems seeing him smile again woke everybody up from a nightmare that he forced them to be in.

He realized how selfish he was.

Then one calm winter day, Kuroko tapped him on his shoulder and gave him a letter addressed all the way back in Finland. It was from Akashi.

Kuroko smiled kindly at him and gently hand him the envelope and everyone stared at him. It was the reply he was waiting for! It finally came! It was Akashi's answer!

Furihata smiled brightly before tearing the letter into two.

"What are you doing, Kouki-kun?" Kuroko asked in surprise followed by a variety of reactions that question his sanity.

He shook his head and looked away, "I don't wish to be selfish anymore."

OoOoO

How are you? Are you okay? Are you doing well?

OoOoO

The letters came once a week.

He never replied.

OoOoO

Good morning.

Good evening.

Good night and sweet dreams.

OoOoO

Akashi wrote him letters every day now. It came at his doorstep as if distance does not matter anymore, all of them ended up burnt or in the trash can.

As much as he wanted to open them, he remembers the haunted days when his loneliness overwhelmed him so much that he cried every night. He remembered the days when everyone treads in delicate thin ice because of him.

He remembered his pain.

OoOoO

Hi.

Hello.

Good day and goodbye.

OoOoO

He was walking with his friends through the playground that reminds him of so many things when someone approached him with a letter in his hand.

He paused from his conversation and felt his eyes widen at the sight of the man he was so hung up with, "Akashi-san?"

It was not Seijuurou-kun anymore, he has no right to call him that.

Akashi took his hand and gave him the letter gently, "I'm sorry I was late."

He opens the parcel and the six words made everything seem to hurt less.

OoOoO

I still love you too, Kouki.

OoOoO

He waited four years to read what matters the most to him.

"Do you think this will be enough, Akashi-san?" His voice cracked at each word he spoke. Akashi shook his head and only told him once more, "I'm sorry."

"I waited so long, Akashi-san! I waited for four fucking years and you expect me to just fall over your silly games?! I was so fucking lonely all those years! I was so hurt and alone and, goddammit, Akashi-san, why do you still need to come back?"

His voice is getting louder but Akashi's quiet apology seems to be the loudest sound within the playground.

"Hey, Akashi-san?" He all but whispered, "Did you think that you can just waltz in my life again and steal my breath away along with my heart?"

Akashi looked at him and raised his hand to wipe the tears that keep on sliding down his cheeks, "Smile, Kouki, smile more. It suits you more."

"H-how could I smile when you're here? How could I smile when you're not here? You had completely ruined my sanity, Akashi-san…" He laughed though it was haunted by all the bitterness that had built up until this day. "Akashi-san, I wrote you letters every day. I sent you letters every day for the past months I had gotten some form of courage. I waited for you every day… and when I had finally given up, why did you reappear in my life again?"

The redhead never looked away from his sad, sad eyes and it was only a matter of time when he noticed how faded his eyes seem to be, how broken those ruby and golden pools seem to have become, how jaded those pair is now.

"I'm sorry." It should not be enough, his apology should never be enough for him anymore. His voice and his words should not be enough to ease all the pain and all the sufferings he had felt. His very being should not be enough to make him forget everything that he had gone through.

But his "I'm sorry" told him a story that made him cried even more. But his "I'm sorry" made "I still love you too, Kouki" even more real than they should have been. But his "I'm sorry" was the only thing he was waiting for to finally be satisfied with life.

"I'm sorry too."

Akashi did not cry but he had cried enough for them both to last them a last time and Akashi comforted him enough for them both to last them an eternity of solace. But for the very meantime, everything seems to be all right once more for him and the rest of the world.

OoOoO

Hey, Seijuurou-kun, how are you today?

Hey, Kouki, I'm doing well here these days, are you fine by yourself?

OoOoO

I love you.

I love you too.

OoOoO

Good morning

Good night

OoOoO

Hi.

Hello.

OoOoO

Seijuurou-kun…

…Kouki…

OoOoO

Furihata Kouki wrote a letter today again but he's not going to wait for very long anymore. After all, he was not sending letters to the moon anymore.

He was sending them to Akashi Seijuurou.

Fin…

Like, seriously, guys. I am very sorry for falling off the face of the earth. Hahahaha, I am in college now and you know college. *whistle* *whistle*

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