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"He told you he loved you?" Lorelai exclaimed. "And then he walked away?"

"He didn't walk away," Rory said. She was carrying the last of the boxes of party food into the kitchen. "It wasn't like before."

"But he didn't stay."

"Mom, we've been through this," Rory said in a tired voice. Her back was aching from cleaning up, her shoulders sore. "He didn't say it and then just walk off. He had to go. He waited for a reaction."

"And your reaction was to say nothing?"

"I didn't say nothing, I said I couldn't say it back."

"So..." Lorelai paused from putting away the party favours, her tiara crooked on her head. "You don't love him?"

"I don't know."

Lorelai nodded, silently waited and Rory sighed.

"I don't not love him," she said eventually. "I just – I can't say it. I don't know."

She stared down at the food and Lorelai looked at her sympathetically.

"Honey."

"He didn't expect me to say it."

"Was he mad?"

"Of course he wasn't mad," Rory said defensively. "He's not – he knew it was big."

"Really big. Are you going to go see him?"

"He's back in Philadelphia. I don't know what I'd say...what can I say?"

"I don't know, sweets."

"Well, I can't think about it now anyway," Rory said firmly. "We're both busy."

Lorelai nodded and for a while the two worked in silence until her mother said,

"Maybe, when you do see him, you'll have the words. When I'd think about getting back with Luke it felt crazy but when I did...it was just natural. I didn't have to worry at all."

"Do you think that'll happen with Jess?"

"I don't know. It might."

Lorelai smiled and Rory swallowed. Her mother picked up a tiara from the box and settled it on her daughter's head.

"There," she said, smiling. "You're a queen."

The following few weeks were busy. Rory applied for several jobs, failed three interviews and resolved not to lose hope. Doggedly, she applied again and again and, while it was frustrating, it kept her mind off other things. She went into Luke's a few times, who passed on well-wishes from Jess, and she shyly returned them, but Jess himself never called. Rory thought about calling him but every time her courage would falter and as she lay on the bed, cellphone in the hand, she felt horribly adolescent, caught in a quintessential teenage pose. It reminded Rory of when she was eighteen, wondering if she should dial his number and hours would tick by as she hoped he would call her. She wasn't eighteen now and Rory forced herself to get off the bed and do something, ignoring the advice in her ear that perhaps she should call him.

One afternoon Rory got a call about an interview. She'd applied for a job in New York, a small arts paper that had only just come out, and had almost forgotten about it. Rory had trained herself to do so after frequently failing to get any kind of response and, hands trembling, she arranged to go up the following Friday. Rory wandered in a daze into the kitchen where Lorelai was making coffee.

"Just in time! I was thinking we could have poptarts."

Rory didn't reply and Lorelai added,

"Pop the poptarts in Poppy, the toaster!"

Rory stared at her and Lorelai exclaimed,

"Okay, it's not the funniest joke but it's cute, right? Give me something here!"

"Mom," Rory said, her tone stopping her. "I've got an interview."

"You have? For what?"

"An arts paper in New York," Rory said, trying to smile. "I applied last week.

"But that's great, hon!" Lorelai exclaimed, going to her and hugging her. "Congratulations!"

"I probably won't even get it."

"Nice attitude!" Lorelai said, making Rory blush. "Of course you can. I can't promise you will but you can still hope for the best, right?"

"I don't want to feel let down."

"Don't be so pessimistic," Lorelai said. "You've got an interview, that's great just on its own, and you know what I think? I think this calls for a celebratory lunch at Luke's! Grab your jacket!"

Rory put it on, picked up her purse and followed her mother. The weather was warming up again yet Rory still felt a little chilled. Lorelai put an arm around her.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Rory said. "Just nervous."

"I just know you'll do great."

Rory nodded, smiled and thought about what kind of burger would be best.

Time sped uncannily by the next week. One moment Rory was wrapping her head around the fact that she actually had an interview and the next she was packing her bag for New York, setting her alarm for six. As she brushed her teeth, looking at her frothy mouth in the mirror, Rory wished there was some way to pause time for a few hours longer. She still didn't feel ready, despite spending most of last week preparing notes, and wished she had gone to talk to Doctor Moran about it. She'd decided not to, that she hadn't had a session in months after all and it was only for an interview, but now Rory longed for some of her help. She was terribly nervous and, inexplicably, the only advice Rory could remember was her grandfather saying, Did anyone tell you to picture the audience in their underwear? Don't...I had nightmares for weeks.

Rory spat out the toothpaste and rinsed her mouth. She dried her face, took some deep breaths and headed to bed. She crawled under the covers, read some more of the paper she was applying for and finally switched out the light. Rory lay on her back, turned to her right, her left, her back again and finally sat up. She switched the lamp back on, blinking in the sudden light, and reached for her cellphone. Rory punched in some numbers and waited.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Hey," Jess said, his voice slightly husky. "What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?" Jess asked. "You're calling late."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Didn't say I minded," Jess said, making Rory smile. "Everything okay?"

"I have a job interview in the morning, for a paper in New York."

"That's great."

"Yeah."

Rory paused and Jess said knowingly,

"You're nervous."

"Actually, I'm terrified."

"You're scared you won't get it?"

"I'm scared of making an idiot out of myself."

Jess paused this time and Rory took the time to sit up straighter, waiting anxiously.

"That's not going to happen," he said eventually. "I know you, Rory. You've prepared a binder, probably three, of facts and answers and your own portfolio and you've practised talking to the mirror."

Rory couldn't help laughing, it was true, and Jess said,

"I knew it."

"I'm still scared."

"I know."

There was another pause and Rory said,

"What if I mess it up? What if I forget everything?"

"Impossible."

"Very possible," Rory argued. "I've messed up before. I only handed in half a paper once."

"That was different. Your Yale funk, right? It was because you wanted a break, not because you couldn't do it."

"I felt like I couldn't do it. I feel like I can't do this."

"Rory," Jess said, his voice serious. "You can do this. Even if you don't get it, you won't forget everything. Remember all those speeches you did at Chilton? You never screwed up."

"That was in high school."

"You're still you. Look, tell me about the paper. Don't look at your notes, just talk to me."

Rory swallowed, closed her eyes and talked to Jess about all she could remember. Finally she stopped for breath and Jess laughed.

"Wow. You really don't have to worry about not knowing anything."

"I'm talking to you," Rory said. "You're not a panel of people in a big, scary office."

"I know."

"I lost my last few interviews."

"Rory," Jess said as Rory bit her lip, "I can't tell you you'll definitely get this. They might choose someone else, maybe you'll screw up a question, but you'll have done it. That's what's important. And maybe they'll choose you. That's a possibility. Remember when you were applying for all those colleges? You never thought anywhere would turn you down, and they didn't."

"That was a while ago."

"You can still do it, I know you can. You just talked to me for ten minutes about the place you're going to tomorrow. I think you know it better than they do."

Rory laughed and Jess said,

"Anyone who knows all that isn't going to screw up."

Rory held the phone to her ear, sitting silently, and finally said,

"I don't want to think this way. I don't want to be pessimistic. I wish I could think the way I used to, when I was at Chilton. It's hard. I haven't worked on a paper for over a year. My last jobs...they didn't work out and I didn't even get feedback from my last interview. What if I get laughed out?"

"Rory, you will not get laughed out," Jess said firmly. "I promise, no matter what happens, they won't laugh at you. They're just people. I know it's intense but really, they're like characters in novels. You don't have to be scared of them."

Rory smiled and said,

"Thanks, Jess."

"You're welcome."

"I keep trying to think of ways to stop feeling nervous," Rory said, curling her legs up. "And all I can think about is when I gave my speech at the Chilton Bicentennial and my grandfather told me not to picture the audience in their underwear."

Jess laughed out loud and Rory did too, cradling the phone to her cheek.

"I wish I could give you some better advice than that."

"I think you did," Rory said. "I don't feel so freaked out."

"I'm glad."

They paused and Jess said,

"I'm sorry I haven't called."

"It's okay."

"I didn't know if –" Jess stopped abruptly and said, "I'm sorry."

"Jess, it's okay," Rory said, tracing her fingers over the quilt. "I never asked you to."

Jess sighed down the line.

"I figured you might want space," he said. "But I know I should have."

"I'm not mad."

"I'm sorry I said it to you, like that," Jess said, not needing to clarify. "I didn't mean to dump it on you."

"You didn't."

"Yes, I did."

"Well, maybe," Rory agreed. "But I'm not mad."

"Good," Jess said quietly. "I'm glad."

They lapsed into silence and Rory looked at the clock.

"It's late," she said eventually. "I should go to sleep."

"What time's the interview?"

"Eleven, but I'm getting up at six."

"Wow, go to sleep!"

"I will," Rory grinned. "I'm sorry I called so late."

"Don't be," Jess said simply. "I liked talking."

"Me too."

They paused again. Rory was opening her mouth to say goodbye when Jess said,

"Call me tomorrow, after the interview. Tell me how it went."

"Okay," Rory said, heart beating, and Jess added,

"If you want, I mean."

"I do," Rory told him. "I do want. Goodnight, Jess."

"Night, Rory."

The ghost of his other words hung above them like mist. Rory switched off the phone, dissolving them, turned the light back off and went promptly to sleep.

"It's a very interesting resume."

Rory smiled in her seat. She was sitting at the end of a long, glass table with three suited men and women in front of her. The room was much smaller than she had imagined but it was still daunting.

"Thank you."

"You worked on your school paper," the man said, adjusting his glasses, "and the Yale Daily News, as Editor, no less."

"Yes, sir."

"Interned for Mitchum Huntzberger, worked at the Stamford Gazette...there's a bit of a break in the last couple of years. Can you expand on that?"

Rory swallowed. Sitting in front of them, hands folded, she suddenly felt sixteen and sat in Headmaster Charleston's office as he told her Chilton had no room for failure. Rory remembered the awkward fear and, in the end, proving herself capable. She wasn't sixteen, she was ten years older and Rory sat up straight.

"I lived in another part of the country for a while," she told him. "I worked on some papers there, which gave me some valuable skills, but unfortunately the economic climate didn't allow me to keep the positions. I moved back to where I grew up, travelled for a while and I'm eager to use the skills I have and gain more."

"Why did you travel?"

"I wanted to see more of the world," Rory said. "I think it's important to expose yourself to as many new ways of life as possible. I felt it was important to step out of my comfort zone and I wrote down everything I saw."

The panel nodded and, encouraged, Rory went on,

"That's what I can bring to this paper. I'm confident about writing and accepting new challenges and ideas. I'm excited to write for you."

The panel smiled and Rory smiled back, hoping she hadn't been too enthusiastic. The man handed Rory's file to the woman beside him, who scanned it over. She shot some questions at Rory about handling challenges, using her experience and Rory felt her shyness disappear as she replied. As they finished talking to her, conferring quietly, Rory allowed herself to take a breath. It was like Jess had said, they were simply people. Simply the characters one experienced in novels and life every day and she started as the man asked,

"When could you start?"

"Excuse me?"

"We'd be excited to have you, Ms Gilmore," the woman said, smiling. "We're a young paper, as you know, and willing to take young people with interesting experience. You are willing, experienced and seem capable. We'd like to hire you."

Rory stared at her in blank disbelief before noticing what she was doing. The panel would reevaluate her competence if she looked at them like a goldfish and she said,

"I could start as soon as possible."

"Wonderful," the other woman said. "We'll email you some information later today. Congratulations. We're thrilled to have you on board."

Rory got slowly to her feet, stopping her legs from shaking. She shook each of the panel's hands, thanked them and it was only when she had gone out the door and exited the building that Rory ran and ran, stopping in Washington Square Park. She sank down on a bench and dialled a number, still out of breath when Jess picked up the phone.

"How did it go?"

"Jess," Rory panted. "I got the job!"

"You did?" Jess exclaimed. "Rory, that's awesome! I knew you could do it!"

"Thanks."

Rory sat back on the bench, smiling and closing her eyes. She breathed in the city air and Jess said,

"So what now? Are you driving back for your Stars Hollow celebration?"

"Jess," Rory said, slowly sitting up, "can I come see you?"

"What?"

"I know it's out of the blue," Rory said. "But can I?"

"Of course you can," Jess said. "I'll be waiting."

"I'm coming."

Rory hung up and stared around her. The trees sang above her, reminding her of a day long ago and Rory sat for a moment, remembering the boy reading on the bench. She got to her feet, still dazed, and went to seek him out.