Blaine got back to their home but for some reason he couldn't force himself to enter. He tried to walk off his anger but he wasn't ready to face Kurt yet. He glanced across the townhome to the left of theirs. For a moment he debated on visiting with Justin, who always made him feel wanted … needed. He let out a frustrated sigh and walked away from the apartment again, his anger returning. He hated being angry in front of his children; he refused to let them see it.
Justin moved in around the time Oliver was born. They met when Blaine was too exhausted to function and tried to open Justin's house instead of his own. The next day Justin was knocking on his door with a bag of bagels. Soon Blaine somehow became Justin's guide to his newly single gay life in the city away from parents who disagreed with his sexuality. Justin was younger, extremely good looking, worldly, adventurous, rebellious … which is probably why Kurt hates him so much. "He's Sebastian 2.0, how does that not spell trouble?" Kurt's words echoed in his head. It's how the fight escalated in the first place; he doesn't know how it started, over something silly probably like toothpaste in the sink or socks in the bed. But how dare Kurt throw cheating back in his face! Maybe's he mentioned or hinted at the positive attention Justin gave him but he would never cross that line again.
After sitting and drinking a tea at their new coffee place and a long walk in the park Blaine decided he was calm enough to go home. Sophie was probably worried by now anyway and Kurt has been so absent from their family life for a month now that he may not be able to manage an almost two year old who was hitting his terrible two stage a tad bit early.
He barely made it through the door before Sophie was rushing towards him.
"Daddy!" She cried without tears in her eyes as she sprinted at him.
Blaine scooped her up giving her a quick hug and kiss before putting her back down to take off his coat and shoes.
"Where were you?" She asked instantly.
"I just had to go out for a bit, but you were okay with Papa." Blaine answered carefully, knowing too little or too much information will only make her ask a million more questions.
"No" She shook her head crossing her arms. She looked so much like Kurt in these kinds of moments.
"No you weren't okay?" Blaine asked slowly now giving her his full attention.
"Papa's not here" She explained letting her arms fall.
"What do you-" Blaine started but instead looked around the entrance of the apartment for signs of Kurt, noticing his keys were gone.
"Where did Papa go?" Blaine asked trying to keep the worry out of his voice. Kurt left. Did he really leave their kids all alone? No Kurt was smarter than that.
"Sophie, I asked you to let me talk with Daddy first when he got home," Sam said cutting off Sophie's explanation.
"Oops" She whispered slightly embarrassed.
"How about you go put a movie on for you and Oliver so Daddy and I can talk." Sam smiled escorting her into the living room where Oliver was playing quietly with his toys.
"Can't Daddy watch it will us?" Sophie pouted beginning to hang off Blaine.
"No, I already told you we need to have some adult talk." Sam answered as he played the movie for the two kids.
Blaine knew from the tone and word choice whatever it was about wasn't good. Maybe Kurt did leave him.
Sam lead Blaine to guest room, probably too nervous Sophie and Oliver would overhear if they were in the kitchen. Blaine made sure to keep the door cracked just so he could hear if anything went wrong. But Sam just started the movie so they had at least twenty minutes before one or both of them came begging for attention.
"Dude, where they hell have you been?!" Sam hissed they second Blaine turned to face him.
"I-I" Blaine stuttered in shock, before clearing his throat and explaining, "I went to cool off. Kurt and I had a fight and I was really angry so I went out for a bit. I figured everything would be okay if we both cooled off."
"Everything is not okay! Kurt called me in hysterics after he figured out you left without your phone." Sam barked back, struggling to keep his voice down.
"The fight wasn't that big he's just being dramatic," Blaine answered not too worried. Sometimes he and Kurt fought and things have been rough between them for a little while now but it wasn't anything they weren't going to work past … right?
"I can't even believe you right now!" Sam snapped pulling at his hair out of frustration. "Kurt had to take an emergency flight because Burt is in the hospital and you are standing here calling him dramatic! You don't even let me call him dramatic!"
Blaine's mouth went dry. He carefully sat down at the edge of the bed. Kurt needed him and he wasn't there. Kurt tried to call him and he wasn't there like he promised he would always be. … Burt was in the hospital. "Is he okay?" Blaine trembled afraid to hear the answer.
Sam took a deep breath before calmly answering. "All Kurt knew was that he collapsed in the store today. Carole thinks it was another heart attack but she wasn't positive."
Blaine was sure he was going to vomit at any moment. "I yelled at him and called him selfish for not taking a long weekend from work like he said he would. I've felt ignored and alone and oh god … I told him Justin was…" Blaine couldn't finish, not that he was fully aware that he was even speaking aloud.
"Please don't take it offensively but," Sam started gently as he took a seat next to Blaine, "you and Justin aren't? Uh you know?"
Blaine looked horrified at the thought, but he couldn't quite be offended because that is what he hinted at to Kurt.
"I would never make that mistake again," Blaine answered surely.
"I didn't think so but I had to check, for a second you made it sound like you were cheating or something." Sam explained.
"No, I just said that to make him jealous, feel like he was missing out." Blaine gulped, his hands shaking. "He comes over a lot and sometimes joins when the kids and I go out without Kurt. He also talks to me and compliments me a lot more than Kurt does."
"Kurt loves you," Sam started. "You mentioned he was had a lot of stress at work and no offensive but your children are kind of exhausting."
Sam was trying to make him feel better but he didn't want to feel better, he didn't deserve it.
"I should call him," Blaine mumbled stepping out of the guest room and moving into his and Kurt's bedroom making sure to shut the door all the way this time.
The phone rang only twice before Kurt picked up.
"I guess you finally came home," he answered. Blaine couldn't see his face but Kurt sounded so beaten down and exhausted. His voice was small and tired like it normally was after he had been after crying.
"Kurt I am-" he started but was cut off.
"Please don't" he begged his voice becoming wet again, "not now at least."
"Okay." It was a dumb answer, but he didn't know what else to say to that.
"They just started boarding the plane," Kurt explained.
"It's going to be alright, Kurt." Blaine wasn't sure if he was referring to their fight or Burt. He could picture Kurt's eyes closing trying to calm himself, nodding to Blaine's words.
"Do you need me to catch the next flight out?" Blaine asked when Kurt didn't say anything.
"No, the kids you need you and I don't think it would be best if they came right now," Kurt answered, letting out a soft sigh before continuing. "I'll text you when I land and I'll call you when I know more. I need to board now." Kurt said ready to hang up.
"Kurt wait," Blaine rushed afraid he would ignore him and hang up, Blaine deserved that.
"I'm here," he answered.
"I just, I know you don't want me to apologize not … you're not ready and I understand but I need you to know I love you." Blaine begged for Kurt to understand.
"I love you too, Blaine" Kurt answered with no hesitation in his voice. "We'll be alright, and we'll talk as soon as I am home. I promise to call every morning and every night, it will be like I'm not even gone. Okay?"
"Yeah" Blaine breathed in relief. "We'll miss you."
"I'll miss you too." Kurt responded voice sounding like he was crying again. "I'm sorry but I need to go now … they just announced turning off all phones and-"
"Okay, I'll be waiting to hear from you," Blaine answered.
"You will, I love you," Kurt promised.
"I love you too." Blaine replied refusing to say goodbye or be the first to hang up. He didn't need to worry about hanging up though since after that Kurt was gone.
Blaine allowed himself only a few moments to cry before he forced the tears to stop, for now at least. He made sure to carefully wash away all traces of crying before exiting their bedroom to spend time with his kids.
Two hours later he got a text from Kurt saying he landed. Nothing else was written, no reminder of love. Just that he landed. At first Blaine wasn't going to respond, but then he thought about how Kurt explained he felt when Burt had his first heart attack and was in a coma. How scared and alone he was. So Blaine repeated his only words of encouragement he had for Kurt at the moment, without pushing him over the edge. "Courage." He didn't hear from Kurt for the rest of the night. He wasn't terribly concerned or hurt from it. He reminded himself that not getting a call right away was good sign; that Burt wasn't in the worst-case scenario. Kurt was busy at the hospital, he had lots of staff to yell at and control to take over. He was worried Kurt was having one of his OCD attacks, but Carole was with him and she could probably manage them pretty well or at least knew to call Blaine if she couldn't handle it.
Sophie didn't ask too many questions about Kurt leaving; he probably explained it to her before he left. She only asked when he would return. She did ask to sleep in his room that night though. Blaine almost said no because they were trying to get her off the habit of placing herself between Kurt and Blaine after they had fallen asleep. But he understood how worried and afraid she was so he allowed it.
A little after one thirty in the morning Oliver cried about missing Kurt and he had no choice but to allow him to join in the bed as well.
Kurt called around nine the next morning.
"How is he?" Blaine asked without any sort of greeting.
"It's hard to tell all they keep telling is that it can go either way." Kurt answered, his voice filled with exhaustion and worry. "How are the kids?"
"They both slept in our bed. I know we are trying to keep Sophie from that habit but she looked so scared and Oliver wouldn't stop crying for you." Blaine explained quietly knowing they were both listening to him closely.
"Kurt I-" Blaine started but was interrupted from Sophoe yelling and Oliver crying. He had to bite down on his lip to keep himself from groaning out loud, but couldn't stop himself from smiling when he heard Kurt laugh on the other end obviously hearing what was happening.
"I never thought I would miss hearing that" Kurt confessed with a wet chuckle. "Let me talk to Sophie while you get Oliver."
Blaine smiled at his request handing over the phone to Sophie explaining who it was.
"Papa!" she squealed with delight, her face instantly brightening up from her pouting.
He turned his attention to Oliver who was no longer screaming but tears were still there. He was clutching onto Sophie's beloved doll his mom had gotten her for her last birthday. "Oh Ollie, you know you're not allowed to play with that. Now give it to me." Blaine commanded reaching for the doll.
"No!" He screamed clutching the doll closer if that was even possible. Blaine needed to be careful with these situations or he could have a tantrum so epic the neighbors will be considering calling the cops.
"Ollie want to color with Daddy and Sophie?" Blaine asked trying to keep his voice positive.
"Kay!" he nodded.
"Then give daddy Sophie's dolly." Blaine instructed watching carefully as Oliver sat there debating on what to do.
"Papa when are you coming home!" He heard Sophie whine into the phone, he wasn't the only one who missed Kurt. "Yeah, but Papa Ollie took Madison and Daddy can't get her back and what if he hurts her?"
"Sophie don't tattle on your brother" Blaine sighed; it was going to one of those days. "Say goodbye and give the phone back I need to talk to Papa about something," He instructed as he quickly pulled out the drawing pad and the crayons to drastic Oliver into giving up the doll.
"I'm sorry you didn't need that right now, just pretend everything is actually under control and the children aren't running the house" Blaine joked when he got the phone back.
"He's not having a melt down is he?" Kurt asked.
"No he is coloring-" Blaine turned his heard back to Oliver to make sure he was still coloring "Ollie don't put those in your mouth!" He shouted causing him to thrown the crayon at Blaine and cry. "Now he is having a melt down, because I wouldn't let him eat the crayons."
"I like hearing these things," Kurt comment absent-mindedly. "I miss some of it with work and I know you just want to make everything perfect but I like hearing those things too."
"I just don't want to stress you out more with complaining about how the kids were acting," Blaine explained, honestly surprised Kurt was bringing it up over the phone. Maybe now he needed the distraction from the hospital.
"It's called venting not complaining, I vent to you about work all the time." Kurt answered. He was right, he was always right. "Uh Blaine, I need to go. One of the doctors needs to speak with me."
"I love you. Please don't forget to keep me updated." Blaine responded worried about how Burt was.
"I will call you whenever I get the chance." He promised, "and I love you too."
Kurt calls again that night. He explains there isn't any improvement with Kurt's health but he needs to be back to work in a week or he'll have to be replaced. According to Kurt they were sympathetic and that there wasn't anything else they could do. In his industry they were easily replaced. Blaine apologizes for Kurt's work and wans to apologize for fighting with Kurt when he was stressed but something stops him.
Kurt keeps his promise and calls as much as he can. He even reads Oliver and Sophie a bedtime story over Skype. Blaine would be lying if he didn't admit he kind of resents how Kurt is becoming super-dad because he isn't there to punish or yell at Sophie and Oliver like Blaine is. But Blaine can't say anything about that because he was the one wanted to give up his career to be a stay-at-home father. Kurt never asked him to, he offered. It was what he wanted, so he shouldn't resent Kurt for it.
Mostly Blaine just wants his husband back. Kurt has been a wonderful father even while he has been busy with taking on a new project that has a lot of potential for great success. It takes a lot of his extra time and he even gets called in when he was promised off, but Kurt always makes time to get the kids up and ready for the day when Blaine wants to sleep in and on his days off he makes sure to spend extra time with both of them to make up for missing dinners and bedtimes. He just put being Blaine's husband on the backburner, making Blaine feel ignored and unwanted. Blaine used to try and wait up for Kurt to come home, hoping they would get time together but Kurt always came home and collapsed in bed exhausted from work. Blaine would try to offer to get a babysitter for one Kurt's nights off so they could have date night again but Kurt would say he missed the kids and wants to relax. Which is probably the reason why he wanted Kurt to be jealous of Justin and why he didn't do more than discourage Justin from complimenting him. It's been a long time since anyone has complimented him, much less hit on him. It was never more than that, but it was still wrong.
Kurt ended up coming home two days earlier, unannounced. He probably decided that he wanted more time to settle back into routine before work started again. Though Blaine was ecstatic that Kurt was home again he knew he was caught in a compromising position. Nothing was happening. Justin just came over for advice about dealing with his ex-girlfriend and when he found Kurt was out of state he was a little more foreword than he had been before. Only enough to place a gentle, but unwanted hand onto Blaine's hand. That's what Kurt walked into, them sitting at the dining room table drinking coffee and Justin's hand placed on top of Blaine's. It also didn't help the situation that Justin was drinking out of one of Kurt's mugs.
Everyone seemed to be frozen in their place until Kurt made a sharp pivot for the door, suitcase still in his hand.
"Kurt wait!" Blaine rushed over grabbing Kurt's sleeve just as he opened the front door. " This is not what it looks like," he pleads shoving his way in-between Kurt and the door
Kurt laughs at his cliché and not in a good way, but he stands waiting. He crosses his arms in an angry manor but still he is waiting.
"Kurt please believe me, it really isn't what it looks like" he begs trying to get him to at least be willing to listen.
"Then what is it?" Kurt snaps.
"Justin was just-" Blaine starts but is cut off.
"I don't care what Justin was doing, what were you doing?" He bellows.
"He needed advice about something," Blaine tries.
"It's like I came home and entered a different time zone where we're back in high school, it's the Sebastian conversation all over again!" Kurt ranted throwing his arms up and trying to storm past Blaine again.
"Maybe it is" Blaine hisses, refusing to allow Kurt to escape or runaway. "It's not any different because Sebastian didn't mean anything to me and neither does Justin!"
"I can't believe you still don't get it" Kurt shouts, tears now in his eyes.
"Then explain it to me so I do get it," Blaine begged trying to make his voice calmer in hopes to calm Kurt down.
"Both of them want you and they don't know when to stop. They aren't afraid to cross lines to get you. And not only are you too kind to tell them to stop but you're also curious what it's like to have someone who isn't me, someone who is more daring and who has been more places and experienced more things than I am!" Kurt ranted loudly; he was almost to the point of sobbing.
"Kurt that's not-"Blaine started no longer angry but shocked that Kurt believed it.
"I can't believe I am saying this but I should have listened to Rachel," he snaps through his tears.
"What?" Blaine stammers hoping it doesn't sound like what it means.
Kurt doesn't respond. He doesn't move either he just stands there crying unable to look at Blaine. Blaine reaches a hand towards Kurt but he moves back a step and hisses a "don't" at him. So Blaine gives him his space.
"Kurt," he begins forcing himself to be calm, "you know I will always choose you. No one will ever compare to how amazing you are at everything and how much I love you."
"Do I know that?" He snaps again and Blaine kind of wishes he would go back to looking at the floor because Kurt's eyes are filled with so much hurt and anger. More than has ever been directly towards him before.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Blaine hisses, and immediately regrets saying it.
"It means that during our last fight about Justin you hinted at cheating on me again and now you want me to believe you would never do that?!" Kurt demands.
Blaine is filled with so much hate towards himself that he doubts Kurt hates him as much as he hates himself at this moment.
"I only said that because you been neglecting me again. I've missed you and needed you and you pushed me aside and ignored me." Blaine explains the fury gone towards Kurt but anger still in his voice from his own hate for himself. "Do you really think I would cheat on you again?"
"No I didn't. If I had I would have never married you or even have gotten back together with you" Kurt explains.
"Then tell me what I need to do to make you believe that I still wouldn't do that!" Blaine partly demands and partly begs.
"Give me time and space to think!" He yelled before stomping off and slamming their bedroom door.
Blaine was grateful the kids were spending the day with Sam, who liked to spend time with just them at least twice a month. He let out a breath trying not to cry.
"Looks like the princess is actually a drama queen" Justin laughed.
Blaine kind of forgot he was there. He looked over shocked at Justin's words.
"What?" he breathed.
"It's just like you said Blaine. Nothing happened, you weren't doing anything wrong. He clearly over reacted" Justin explained with a smirk.
"Get out!" Blaine demanded cutting him off.
"Excuse me?" Justin asked clearly thrown off by Blaine's anger.
"I am lucky to be married to someone as wonderful as Kurt is. He is the most kind and passionate and loyal person I have ever met. I love him and I can't believe he would even consider staying with someone who would hurt him like I did. He was right about you and us. What I did could be considered cheating. I let you hit on me and compliment me. I should have never allowed that. Kurt deserves better." Blaine ranted, yelling at both Justin and himself.
"You deserve to be appreciated and if he can't-"
"I want you to leave. I never want you near me again and I will get a restraining order if I have to" Blaine threatened not giving him a chance to finish that sentence before shoving him out the door and slamming it behind him.
Blaine was taking deep breaths, trying to stop shaking and to keep himself from collapsing to the floor in tears.
"Blaine…" Kurt's voice was quiet and shaky.
He looked at the hallway where Kurt had been standing, wondering how much he heard and saw.
"I'm still really upset and hurt right now but..." he swallowed loudly, "thank you for saying that stuff about me and kicking him out." It looked like those were the words Kurt was settling with and not actually wanting to say.
"I meant it Kurt I love you and letting that happen because I feel lonely or neglected isn't right." Blaine answered slowly walking over to wanting to hold him and kiss but stopping himself, not sure if it was okay.
"I love you too, Blaine." Kurt reassured not taking his eyes away from Blaine's. "Maybe we can see if Sam can have the kids sleepover tonight? As much as I miss them I think it would be better if we start talking things out."
Blaine nodded in shock getting ready to give Sam a call but stopping to ask; "Are we going to be okay?" and maybe it wasn't right to ask Kurt that right now, but he couldn't help it. He didn't want to go in hopeful if there wasn't anything to hope for.
"Oh Blaine," Kurt sigh pulling him in for a tight hug, allowing Blaine to cling onto him. "Of course we're going to be okay. When I said I needed to think I didn't mean-" he cut off taking a deep breath, "I just wanted to think about how we will fix this. I love you and I can't stand to not be with you. It's just 'bad times' instead of 'good times now'. We both have stuff to apologize for and work out. Okay?"
Blaine nodded not trusting his voice and still clinging to Kurt.
"You call Sam and I'll order us some pizza," Kurt carefully suggested pulling away to go look at the menu.
For the first time in a while Blaine didn't feel like he was going to shatter. He could breathe again. It was all going to be okay.