A/N: Before I forget or get really busy I will be answering some of your questions or comments, you guys can skip this part if you want :) so here goes!
Gamma: lol Naruto would probably end up dying before reaching old age... asshole or hero, I see him dying doing something heroic. Though, as chapters go on by he will develop, and not be as much as an asshole, etc.
Flying Raijin: Thank you! I sometimes re-read my chapters and find a fuck load of error's and mistakes and it annoys me . I will be fixing these errors whenever I have the chance.
Xenter: nah, he does not have chakra he has magic, and yeah some jutsu I have converted into like magic, so instead of Naruto saying "Rasengan" he'll say something like "Fire Dragon's Rasengan" or something, yeah!
Cerulean Knight: Man, I love your reviews :) and uh yeah in reply to your chapter 3 comment, yeah he's strong... but I won't make him god-like, that's too boring for my tastes!
Ryuzaki-XJ-9: Hmm... right now I would probably ruin the story for ya if I replied lol... hmm but I'll say this: as time passes Naruto won't that much like an asshole, he'll be nicer, etc.
Mas2009: Sorry? What for? Anyways, the way he's acting is not supposed to be funny, MAYBE amusing, but funny nah, I plan on making humorous arc's in future chapters or add some humor here and there hence why I put this story under humor, but his attitude isn't really supposed to make you go HAHAHAHAHA! Ya know? If it does make you laugh then good, I have no problem with it.
Hail Emperor Naruto: Man, Hmm, just keep reading xD haha!
Morgan AMV: Maybe he does? Lol you'll just have to keep reading, thoughts/questions/etc like this will be answered as chapters pass.
Cerulean Knight: In reply to chapter 4, Hiraishin, yeah. Though, I might make it a little bit different than the Naruto Anime, you may see this as the story goes on. Second question about his parents and stuff … you will have to read the story ;) I don't wanna spoil it. About his life? IT REALLY was a great life, I did not want to give him a bad life like a lot of people do... because I find it too cliché and annoying that people give an exaggerating bad life to character... then the character just seems to brag about a bad life, and because In my opinion it's amusing... though the way he acts... could be due to him meeting people who colored and stained him when he was younger, ya know? How kids can be influenced deeply. You will see in flash-backs.
So, that is all for now, if I did not reply to a question or comment that is because, that will explained or answered in a chapter. But what I want to talk about now is Naruto, well the Naruto in my story. Some of you like him and some of you don't, I understand. No big deal. Do you know why I made Naruto like this? BECAUSE I AM FUCKING TIRED OF PEOPLE IN FAN-FICTION WHO MAKE NARUTO PERFECT! YES PERFECT! I MEAN I LOVE IT YET HATE IT! They make him into the perfect/cliche fucking hero, like he'll be like "ILL PROTECT YOU EVEN IF I DIE BLAH!" I rather have the Naruto in my story say , "BITCH PLEASE, I WON'T DIE PROTECTING YOU – YOU SHOULD DIE FOR ME!" You can't also develop a hero any further once you make him perfect... I mean you can develop him to turn evil.. but I think that will ruin the story. So instead I had him be not so perfect, with not so hero-like qualities, instead of him saying this to someone "Here... you're hungry, I'll give you my food, don't worry I'm not hungry" and starving himself I can make him be like "FUCK YOU! GO EAT LEAVES BITCH, THIS IS MY FOOD!" While he eats it selfishly. I know messed up! Right? But I can develop Naruto to be more hero-like later, not a PERFECT HERO...ya know?!
So uh, yeah that's all for now! I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything!
Chapter 5: One Scheming Mother Fucker!
Happy was flying in the forest toward Magnolia not far away from the town, his friends had gotten defeated, and maybe well kidnapped. As Happy flew, he saw Naruto leaning back on a tree, he was reading a Manga, and somehow he had food around him, Happy smelled fish and he drooled before flying off towards Naruto who smirked.
I knew this cat would come for the fish! Naruto thought as he pretended he didn't see Happy.
"W-Why? W-Why d-did you leave Natsu and the others behind... isn't Natsu your brother?!" Happy yelled at Naruto, who continued reading the Manga.
"Fur-ball, I have this fish right here, I didn't want it – so do you want it?!"
"Aye!" Happy, happily took the fish and began eating it while Naruto just looked at him.
"Oh, wait... why are you being nice?" Happy suddenly asked, "There must be a catch!"
"Uh oh, you caught me!" Naruto told the cat, "I want you to help me save the others."
"REALLY?!" Happy's eyes lit up, and Naruto nodded but Happy spoke, "But Gray said... to bring Fairy Tail Mages..."
"They wouldn't last, this is a bandit group of around 1000 bandits, they use their weak to tire out Mages then, they bring out their top dogs to finish them off, they'd meet the same fate, but if you help me... I can help you free them!"
Happy thought about it before he nodded, "Aye!"
Naruto just grinned and said, "Well let's go... first we need to talk to some of the villagers!"
Happy nodded and both started walking back towards the town/village ninja style. They walked around the town carefully until Naruto forcefully opened a door and went inside, Happy followed as he closed the door behind him. Once in the house, they were greeted by a man, his daughter, and possibly his daughter's son. They carried pitchforks, and guns, and they were pointed at them.
"W-What! D-Do you w-want?!" The old man asked.
Naruto showed him his guild mark and said, "Information, I am Naruto Uzumaki of the Phantom Lord guild, and I have come here to free this town.."
The man sighed happily alongside his daughter and the boy and the man spoke, "Very well.."
Naruto nodded and asked, "Why are these bandits here?" he already knew why but he wanted to know if they knew.
The old man looked thoughtful before speaking, "This small village... was created over a lake... years many years ago this was all covered in water, myths have it dragons used to drink from the water, legend has it a Golden Dragon that crapped gold, he made this area his home... but then the lake dried so the dragon left... they say he left gold crap everywhere, along with golden Lacrima, the gold and Lacrima must be buried underneath this village, recently... these bandits came and started questioning us all...and before we knew it... they took over, eating our food, taking our supplies and everything... no one is allowed to leave, or even come in this town... but thank goodness... we sent requests to many different guilds, thank god you're here to help us!"
"Yeahh... whatever!" Naruto shook his shoulders, he was after the gold now, screw the shitty request pay! "You say the gold and Lacrima are all underneath this village... they had to dig and make an entrance, to get underneath right?"
The old man nodded and Naruto asked, "Do you know where that entrance is?!"
"I am sorry. But I don't know!"
"Oh, grandpa! I know! I know! I sneaked into the forest the other day when I saw it!"
Naruto grinned and said, "Very well, we will wait until nightfall to make our move."
"Oh, that's a bad idea... since the bandits don't want to attract that many attention during the day, they all come out at night..."
Naruto's grin got even bigger, "That's even better!" they looked confused before nodding, this blondie was just weird.
Nightfall...
Naruto and Happy looked outside the window to see that many Bandits had come out, they were walking around freely, drinking, dancing, having a good time.
"Okay, before we leave I have to take a piss, be right back!" Naruto said as he dashed off to the bathroom.
Happy wait for a few minutes before Naruto came out grinning evilly, Happy was starting to get a bad feeling about this... a real bad one.
"Ready, fur-ball?" Naruto said without looking at Happy, "No going back now, we will face them head-on! just stay on my head!"
"Aye!" Happy nodded, and Naruto opened the door and walked outside.
"Hey! Bastard what are you doing? Get back in there!" One of the bandits noticed Naruto and snapped at him while he walked closer to the blonde.
"Haha! No worries, our toilet broke so I'm just gonna pee than head back inside!" Naruto said as he unzipped his pants and whipped out his male organ.
The man laughed, "Hahaha! Too bad! Get inside before I kill – WAIT WHAT THE FUCK YOUR PISSING ON ME?!"
"Y-You're just that scary! I couldn't help it!" Naruto said sarcastically while rolling his eyes. The man growled and swung his fist, only to have Naruto grab his fist and kick him in the stomach, the man flew backwards and everyone stared at the blonde, and their eyes widened it was the blonde from earlier!
"Get him!" One shouted as they all charged at him. Naruto charged at them as well, and he punched a a few while kicking a few, the blonde then started running away.
"Catch me if you can bastard!" Naruto laughed and flipped them off as he ran.
Happy looked at Naruto and thought: W-What is he doing?! I thought he would take them all on... but he's running... was this a bad idea?!
Naruto on the other hand had re-equipped his Katana and he had a lit up cigarette that was hanging in between his lips, and now he was running away while trying to see if he could pick up Natsu's scent or something. He continued running around the town, until at last he picked up the other Dragon Slayer's scent! He grinned evilly while thinking: Ha! I have 1000 bandits chasing my ass, this makes a lovely present for Fairy Tail!
Meanwhile...
Team Natsu were all in abandoned farm that had hay all over the place, their bodies were wrapped around with anti magic chains that electrified you to death if you tried using magic, so they were pretty screwed.
"Dammit! This is all my fault!" Erza growled, "If only I had been more careful! Forgive me Lucy! You may hit me!"
"Uh.. it's okay! Don't beat yourself up... we're all in this mess together!" Lucy smiled brightly, "ACTUALLY THIS IS GRAY AND NATSU'S FAULT! IF ONLY THEY HAD LISTENED!"
"It's Natsu's!"
"NO SNOWBALL! IT'S YOURS!"
"YOU FOLLOWED NARUTO, AND I FOLLOWED YOU TO STOP YOU!"
"BULLSHIT!" Natsu snapped at Gray, "It's actually Naruto's fault! He ditched us too! I am so gonna kick his ass!"
"Your brother is a scum-bag!"
"He's not my brother, snowball!"
"I know! But he's sorta like your brother!"
They continued arguing while Erza glared at them, and Lucy sighed. This situation seemed so hopeless. Their only hope was well Happy. A few minutes passed when the farms doors burst opened to reveal Naruto and Happy, their eyes widened had Naruto come to save them? The blonde was no in front of Natsu.
"N-Naruto!" Natsu growled at him, "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! YOU BASTARD!"
Naruto looked at Natsu with a cold look on his eyes and he tightly gripped his Katana, he aimed it Natsu, and Natsu's eyes widened.
"I-I WAS KIDDING! DON'T KILL ME!" Natsu then yelled, Naruto swung his blade and Natsu closed his eyes, and waited for death, but all he heard were the sounds of chains breaking, and he opened his eyes to see the chains that were once on him, cut and on the floor, he then saw as Naruto freed them all, Happy on the blonde's head.
"T-Thanks!" Lucy thanked the blonde, and Naruto just laughed. She wouldn't be thanking him in a minute.
Before anything could be done or said a crap load of bandits entered the farm and surrounded them. "Ha! So you came to save them?!" one of the bandits laughed, "Well, you came to your death, because we have most if not all bandits surrounding you all, you're fucking dead!"
"BASTARD! YOU BROUGHT THEM HERE?!" Natsu growled at Naruto.
Naruto ignored them and he took the cigarette that was in his mouth, and he threw it away he turned around and looked at Fairy Tail.
"Have fun bitches!" Naruto smirked darkly at them before he disappeared in a puff of smoke, Happy who was on his head, fell to the floor.
"W-What happened?!" Happy asked confused.
Erza clenched her fist before saying, "T-That bastard! He used Mimic Make: Shadow Clone, it's a magic spell that allows you to make copies of yourself!"
Happy's eyes widened, he didn't see Naruto use any spells... so how? Then he realized it. The blonde probably used the spell when he went to the bathroom.
"I-I'm sorry..." Happy looked at the floor sadly, they were now surrounded by a lot of bandits, because of his fault.
"Don't worry Happy!" Natsu smiled at Happy, "This is all Naruto's fault, I'll kick his ass later... but for now lets kick these bandits ass!" Natsu charged at them, and the rest did the same...
Lucy just thought: I can't believe I freaking thought he saved us – he just brought us a even bigger problem!
Elsewhere...
Naruto was laughing evilly as he followed Inari the little boy who knew where the entrance that lead to all the gold underground.
"MUAHAHAH! I AM A GENIUS!" Naruto laughed as he followed Inari, "My plan went just as I planned: get those fairies to take care of those 1000 or so bandits, while I go get all the gold and Lacrima... though I will probably end up fighting the strong ranked Mages... the closer we get to the entrance, the more magical power I feel, hehe, just as planned!"
"You're evil!" Inari said as he looked at Naruto, "Don't you care for your friends?"
"They aren't my friends, kid."
"Still... my mom always told me to be nice, you're not being nice!"
Naruto ignored him, the kid just didn't understand. Who could blame him?
They continued walking, until at last they arrived to a Well, Inari pointed at it and Naruto spoke, "Go home now kid, you'll only get in the way if you stay!"
Inari just glared at him before leaving. Naruto walked over to the Well, and looked down, all he saw was darkness, it must have been a deep Well. The blonde shrugged his shoulders and jumped inside... the blonde saw complete darkness, he was about to light his fist with fire, when the place began to light up... Light up with golden Lacrima, the blonde looked surprised, but grinned and continued walking, he was in a tunnel. The blonde followed the tunnel until at last he arrived to a huge open space, he looked up and noticed the ceiling made of ground/rocks/ etc was wayyyyy up.
But what shocked Naruto was that there was a fucking Golden Dragon... a dragon that was caged, and in front of the cage was Zabuza, the black haired boy in a mask, and 4 others, he could sense evil magic coming from them, and he knew they were powerful. Naruto also noticed gold piled up besides the cage along with Lacrima.
"Kuku, like what you see?!" Zabuza noticed Naruto had entered the scene.
Naruto walked towards Zabuza and his comrades and as he got closer his eyes widened, he was screwed! The 4 others besides Zabuza and Haku were Sakon,Ukon, Tayuya, and lastly Jirobo... these four were killer mercenary's that formed a group known as The Sound Four, rumors had it they each were S-Ranked Mage.
Naruto just stayed silent and Zabuza said, "When we came here we dug and we dug, and before we knew it we found this extremely open space, and before us stood all this gold, and all these Lacrima... and this Golden Dragon... I thought we were dead, but it turns out this Dragon is a old fucking Dragon, so I fought it until it was in a near death state, and we caged it... kuku, and now it will crap out gold, and give us Lacrima, until it dies!"
Naruto looked at the Golden Dragon, the dragon was really made of gold, and it's eyes, well the Dragon was struggling to keep it's eyes opened, no doubt this dragon was going to kick the bucket soon. Naruto then looked at Zabuza and the scent coming off of him was the scent of a Dragon Slayer, no doubt Zabuza was a Dragon Slayer.
"Hmph, I don't give a shit – I just want the gold and the Lacrima, and now that I see this Dragon, I want him too, he'll make a great pet!" Naruto said while looking at Zabuza, "So I'll give you all a chance to run away, now."
"HAHAHAHA!" The Sound Four members were laughing.
"Are you fucking stupid, shit-head?!" Tayuya questioned Naruto, "You are surrounded by 5 S-Classed Mages, and one is a fucking Dragon Slayer, while the dude in the mask is like a ninja, he'll kill you and you won't even know it, you're fucked, so don't go on acting tough!"
"Tayuya, ladies shouldn't talk like that!" Jirobo told her.
Tayuya glared at him and snapped, "Shut the fuck up, fat-ass!"
"Well, whatever, we'll leave blondie to Zabuza, and the rest of us can go play with some tired Fairies!" Ukon smirked evilly as he began walking, only to stop when Naruto threw his Katana at him,Ukon quickly dodged and stared at Naruto.
"Hey, your battle is with me, so don't walk away like the bitches you are!" Naruto said, "I don't like the look on your faces!"
"Oh, this is interesting!" Zabuza said while looking at Naruto, "You left those fairies to fight the 1000 weak bandits, of course those bandits would be no match for them... but after those pathetic fairies are done them, the Sound Four could easily take them and kill them... but you don't want them going, hmm could it be you're protecting those Fairies?"
Naruto didn't look surprised or anything but he did say, "Like I'd protect any fairies, I just wanted those 1000 bandits off my back, while I steal the gold!"
"You're a Dragon Slayer, your senses are far greater than a human's... you already knew what awaited you here, so don't act surprised!" Zabuza stated with a smirk, "Your plan went just as planned, but too bad you'll DIE!" Zabuza charged at Naruto while he swung his huge blade at the blonde. Naruto dodged the blade, only to have Zabuza kick him in the stomach, the blonde flew backwards, but landed on both feet.
"Eh, let's just kill this punk, and then take care of those fairies!" Sakon said as the other members of the Sound Four grinned evilly.
Naruto looked at them as black magic burst out of them, and before the blonde knew it, their bodies started transforming into more demotic like appearances. Their grins turned more sinister looking. The blonde didn't seem scared or anything he just blinked, and in a flash the Sound 4 plus Zabuza now stood before Naruto, the blonde noticed Haku had stayed back to watch.
Naruto jumped back and yelled, "Fire Dragon's Roar!" as a beam of black fire headed towards the Sound 4 and Zabuza. The blast hit them and they all flew back in a scattered manner.
The first to recover was Zabuza as he got up and yelled, "Water Dragon's Roar!" a beam of water headed towards Naruto but he dodged it with ease, but to his surprise Zabuza had thrown his blade at Naruto now, the blonde jumped and kicked the handle from the end. The blade flew towards Zabuza and he was prepared to dodge but to his surprise the blade flew past him, the Water Dragon Slayer turned around and to see that the blade had pierced Tayuya's stomach as she got up from the attack from earlier.
Zabuza turned back to face Naruto only to see Naruto right in front of him, Naruto's right hand was blazed with his black flames, the blonde grabbed Zabuza by his face with his left hand, and Zabuza could feel his face burning up. Naruto then yelled, "Fire Dragon's Blast!" as black flames blasted from Naruto's mouth to Zabuza's chest. The man flew backwards and crashed against the Golden Dragon's cage.
Naruto then faced the current standing Sound 4 members and he smirked, "Come at me, bitches!"
"Fuck you, bastard! Don't get cocky, trash!" Sakon yelled as he charged at the blonde. He was fast because he appeared in front of Naruto in the blink of a eye. He punched Naruto's face and the blonde flew backwards, before he could land on the floor, Ukon appeared behind him and heel-kicked the back of his head. The blonde crashed down on the floor as he now stared up at them.
"NOW DIE!" Sakon yelled as Naruto noticed both Sakon and Ukon had now merged into one person, "Multiple Connected Fist!" Ukon swung his right hand and aimed for Naruto's head. The blonde noticed a second hand sprouted from Ukon's punch, and before the blonde knew it his face was punched and it was a powerful punch at that!
"KUKUKU! HE'S DEAD NOW!" Ukon laughed evilly, "His head must of snapped! That punch is strong enough to break solid rock!"
"Really?" Ukon's eyes widened when he heard Naruto, the blonde grabbed Ukon's face all of a sudden and spoke, "My old grandma punches harder than that, so get the fuck out of here!" Naruto threw him and he flew, the blonde then charged at him and yelled, "Fire Dragon's Kick!" as his right foot blazed with black fire and kicked Ukon's head. The man flew back and crashed on the floor knocked out.
The blonde felt blood dripping from his head to his cheeks and mouth as he faced Jirobo who was frozen, he stared at his teammates, Tayuya was trying to pull a blade out of her stomach, Ukon and Sakon were now split and both seemed to be knocked down on the floor, Zabuza was trying to get up but seemed a bit dazzled.
"Damn you!" Jirobo yelled as he charged at the blonde. Naruto stood and watched as Jirobo swung his fist, the blonde grabbed his fist, but to his surprise Jirobo smirked and before Naruto could realize it, Jirobo was sucking/absorbing his magic, and Naruto noticed the flames on his hands were dwindling down.
"HAHA! I AM ABSORIBING YOUR MAGIC, AND NOW I'LL KILL YOU!" Jirobo laughed before he yelled, "Earth Make: Bullets!" Naruto's eyes widened when out of Jirobo's mouth came out earth made bullets, the bullets pierced his shoulders, stomach, and thighs, they enter and exited his back, Naruto dropped to the floor on his knees, as he tasted blood on his mouth.
Jirobo smirked and he kicked the blonde, it was a powerful kick because the blonde flew backwards and crashed against the cage where the Golden Dragon was caged. Naruto just groaned as he slid down and now he was sitting against the cage. The blonde then noticed Tayuya in front of him and she smirked, "Paybacks a bitch!" she grabbed Zabuza's blade and stabbed his stomach, she twisted the blade while smirking sadistically. The blonde froze..
Poof!
Tayuya stopped smirking and Jirobo's eyes widened when Naruto poof-ed out of existence! It was a freaking shadow clone, so where was the real one?! They stayed silent until they heard something moving besides the cage, right where the gold was, they walked to the side of the cage and their eyes widened when they saw Naruto... and he was reading a Manga on top of a pile of dragon crap gold!
"ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME?" Tayuya yelled pissed, "THAT WAS A SHADOW CLONE?!"
Naruto ignored her while she babbled, "HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET THERE ANYWAYS WITHOUT US NOTICING?!"
At last the blonde spoke, "You're one sadistic bitch, you know that?!" he looked at Tayuya before sighing, "I was hoping my clone took you all on while I finished this chapter of One Piece, oh well, time to kick ass!"
Tayuya growled, she was pissed! So it was a clone? A freaking clone?! Dammit! They got all worked up for a clone! Damn the blonde to hell!
Naruto laughed at her pissed off facial expressions, "HAHAH! BITCH! TAKE THAT!" Naruto mocked her.
Tayuya was about to charge at him but fell to the floor, she still had a huge wound on her stomach, it was healing but not that fast.
Naruto just grinned and faced the Golden Dragon, "Yo, dragon, I don't feel like fighting, so how about I set you free and you eat them as a snack, deal?!"
The Golden Dragon eyed the blonde, he had sensed the boy's presence since he arrived to the town, and from what the Dragon could see he came to one conclusion...
"You got yourself a deal!" The Dragon roared, it was old and it was weak, and it didn't want to die in a cage, he'd rather die in battle!
Naruto grabbed on to the bars in the cage, and he blazed his hands on fire...
Zabuza had been dazzled for a while now, when he stood up his eyes widened when he saw Naruto... Naruto was on top of the Golden Dragon's head, he had set the Dragon free. The Golden Dragon spread it's wings and It flew up, while Tayuya and Jirobo ran towards Ukon and Sakon...
"HAHAHA THAT'S RIGHT RUN BITCHES! RUN!" Naruto laughed evilly on top of the Dragon.
ROARRRRRRRRRRRRR!
The Dragon roared causing everything to shake, and also caused everyone within radius to cover their ears.
"Say hello to my little pet, Zabuza, now come at us!" Naruto said as he noticed Zabuza looking at him and the Dragon, Zabuza growled as he charged at the Dragon.
The Dragon eyed Naruto and he knew what the blonde was doing... and he had come to the conclusion... the conclusion...
This kid is one scheming mother fucker! The Golden Dragon Concluded in his mind as he flew right at Zabuza.
Note: Okaii... I was going to keep going and I wanted to finish this mini arc but... I am gonna sleep soon. I will ALSO BE MOVING SO I WON'T BE UPDATING LIKE EVERYDAY... SO YEAH! JUST A HEADS UP ON THAT! AND GUYS! I HAVE ONE QUESTION AND PLEASE ANSWER I REALLY WANNA KNOW: HOW WAS THIS CHAPTER? TBH I think I sucked at the mini battle or whatever... oh wells next chapter will be a bit more action and I am hoping to end this mini arc next chapter so yeah :) I really hope you guys enjoyed!