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Two Fridays later Rory went home. She drove directly to Emily and Richard's for dinner and some hours later, after staying for drinks, she and Lorelai drove back to Stars Hollow. Rory leaned out of the window in appreciation.

"Hey now, my friend's cousin lost an arm that way," Lorelai teased, glancing over. "What are you doing?"

"I just like seeing the town," Rory said, retrieving her head and sitting back down. "I've missed it."

"You were here a few weeks ago!"

"That's not the same," Rory said patiently. "I miss seeing it every day. It looks magical, with all the lights."

"I thought I was the one who got goofy over stuff like that," Lorelai said fondly. Rory blushed.

"It's not goofy, it's just...it looks special, you know?"

"Yeah," Lorelai said gently, looking into her daughter's eyes. "I know."

Rory and Lorelai spent Friday night watching movies, eating popcorn and staying up too late. Lane came over on Saturday and she and Rory took a stroll around town before going back to the house and listening to music. Rory had taken most of her clothes and books to New York but her teenage wardrobe and library still filled the shelves and drawers so the bedroom didn't seem bare. She and Lane curled up on the old single bed with a plate of cookies, listening to the Velvet Underground. They both smiled as Nico's namesake sung a solo and Lane remarked,

"When I was a kid I never thought I'd name my kid after her. I guess I thought I'd have kids, someday, but I never thought about what their names would be. It never felt like growing up would actually happen."

"I know what you mean," Rory said. She bit a cookie contemplatively and Lane voiced her thoughts.

"Doesn't it feel like we're sixteen again, practically? This is how we used to spend all our Saturday afternoons."

"I know," Rory said. "I remember you used to come over every weekend and I never thought it would stop. I knew one day we'd stop being kids but it's like what you said – I never figured it'd ever happen. I had this picture in my head of us when we were forty, still sitting here until your mom wanted you to go home for hymn night."

"I'm pretty sure Mama will outlive me," Lane said. "No joke."

They both laughed and Lane added,

"It was what we planned though, remember? Living next door forever? And getting married and having kids all at the same time."

"Yeah," Rory said happily. "I remember."

"That didn't exactly go to plan."

"No," Rory said, sitting back. "This is good, though."

"Yeah," Lane said, smiling. "It's nice."

Rory smiled back but didn't say anything else. It felt a little odd, sitting here with Lane as she had spent so many afternoons, but in a better way than before. It was a good kind of nostalgia, not the dragging, frozen feeling she had felt when she moved home.

Lane laughed suddenly, breaking the silence, and said,

"I remember sitting here with you freaking out about starting Chilton. That seemed scary and grown-up enough."

"Me too," Rory said, the memory suddenly bright in her mind. "God, it feels like a million years ago but at the same time it feels like it was only last week."

"And now you're working in New York and I'm married," Lane said. "I think I'd have fainted if you told me that at sixteen!"

"Me too," Rory admitted. "But some stuff hasn't changed. We're still sitting here, for one."

Lane grinned and said,

"And you're still my best friend."

"And mine," Rory said. They leaned over to hug and Rory caught sight of the time.

"Lane, I have to go," she said ruefully. "I'm sorry to kick you out. I have to go to Hartford."

"That's okay," Lane said, releasing her arms and getting up. "I have to get groceries for dinner. What are you doing in Hartford?"

"I'm seeing Paris and I also have an appointment with Doctor Moran, to tell her how I'm doing."

"Are you nervous?"

"To see who?"

"Paris," Lane teased and they giggled. "There's something else that's stayed the same."

"Sometimes I dream I have to work with her on the Franklin," Rory said. "I still feel worried when I wake up! Come on, I'll walk you to the car."

They hugged goodbye as Lane opened it and Rory waved until she had driven out of sight. She waved a little longer anyway before she too opened her car, got in and started it up. Rory felt the familiar nervousness as she reached the sign for Hartford and took deep breaths after she parked and got out, glad she was a little early. It was strange to be back there.

Paris arrived exactly on time and the two ordered coffee from the same small cafe they had had lunch at many months before. The two exchanged general news about the past couple of weeks and then Paris asked,

"Have you found any cockroaches yet?"

"None so far."

"Because New York is crawling with cockroaches. I read a report that a thousand at least crawl through your food without you even knowing –"

"Gee, thank you," Rory said, pushing her plate away. "That's just what I want to hear while I eat my sandwich."

"Oh, lighten up," Paris said unsympathetically. "You're the one who lives there, you should be aware of what lives there with you, and I don't mean the novelist."

"Jess doesn't live with me."

"The guy who sleeps there, then. I'm just saying it's probably not only a guy who sleeps in your bed. Hundreds of thousands of bugs –"

"I get the picture," Rory said hotly. "And anyway, I'd rather live with bugs and cockroaches than with Logan again."

Paris grinned and Rory's cheeks went red.

"Not that I want to live with bugs and cockroaches, I mean –"

"I know what you mean. You're happy there, huh?"

"Yes," Rory said, relaxing. "I am."

"And the paper's good?"

"The paper's great," Rory told her. "It's not the New York times but I like it."

"I can't imagine you at the New York times."

"Wow, thanks!"

"I don't mean –" Paris paused and then said, "It just looks kind of cutthroat there and you're the kind of person who looks like they hang out with Bambi. I figure you'd be better working somewhere small where you sing together at lunch breaks and know everyone's first name, last name and nickname at high school."

"Okay, no one has a nickname and we have never sung together. When have I ever displayed a passion for singing?"

"I don't know but I remember some scathing reviews you wrote about concerts in freshman year."

"And you say I can't handle a cutthroat environment," Rory retorted. She said it lightly but felt a little hurt and Paris appeared to notice as she said,

"I just mean that maybe it's better you start someplace small. You had a really rough year, Rory, more than that, and you went a while without a job."

Rory nodded, her throat strangely tight, and Paris added,

"I didn't mean that it was too hard for you. You write great articles."

"The kind for Bambi?" Rory asked and, before Paris could reply, she said,

"Paris, I have to go. I have an appointment with Doctor Moran."

Paris nodded, picked up her purse and said,

"Am I still coming to stay?"

"Of course you are," Rory said, relieved that her voice sounded normal again. "I need you to analyse how bad the bug situation is."

They both laughed and hugged goodbye before Paris got into her car. Rory watched her drive away and then she got into her own car and drove back to the building she knew so well. It felt a little peculiar walking back in and Rory felt slightly awkward as she shook Doctor Moran's hand.

"Rory, it's great to see you," Doctor Moran said warmly. "Take a seat."

Rory sat and said,

"Thanks for replying to my emails."

"It's what I'm here for. Tell me, how are you? How's the new job going?"

"Great," Rory said. "I love it."

She smiled as she said it but there was a trace of doubt in her voice. Doctor Moran cocked her eyebrow and said,

"Is something wrong?"

"No, really, it's fine."

"Are you finding it hard?"

"No, the work's great, it's..." Rory's words trickled in her throat and she found herself saying,

"Paris thinks it's writing for Bambi."

The doctor frowned in confusion and Rory elaborated,

"She said I wouldn't be able to handle it somewhere bigger like the New York times, not because I couldn't write for them but because it would be too much for me. I'm too soft and I had too hard a year."

"You're hurt by this. Do you think she's wrong?"

"No – yes – I don't know," Rory said unhappily. "It's not that she's wrong, I did have a bad year, I just hate that that's how everyone sees me. Someone with a failed marriage."

"Are you ashamed to have a divorce?"

"No, I'm not ashamed," Rory said. "I just hate that everyone sees me as someone who used to be married to Logan and fell apart."

"Rory, I don't think that's how they see you entirely."

"They feel sorry for me," Rory said, ignoring her. "I don't want everyone feeling sorry for me. It was like when I started at Chilton and everyone saw me as a weirdo from a backward town with no money, and then when I started Yale people thought I was a freshfaced kid who'd never done anything exciting in her life."

"Did anyone say that to you?"

"The kids at Chilton did. I could hear them whispering it behind my back and Paris said it loudly."

"At Yale?"

Rory opened and closed her mouth, hesitating.

"I guess I thought it about myself a lot," she said. "When I felt overwhelmed in my first year and when I started at the paper and didn't get my articles printed. I felt like I had a balance by my second year and then Logan told me I needed to have some fun, that I hid in my shell too much."

"In those words?"

"He said I needed to take more risks. He obviously thought I was too mouse-like. I think he got a kick out of getting me to try doing stupid stuff."

The doctor nodded and Rory burst out angrily,

"Why does it all come back to him? I was looking forward to this weekend so much and now I feel like whenever I come home people are going to see me as someone getting over a marriage. I was so happy, moving to New York and starting my job, and now I feel like it's too easy. Like if I tried anything bigger I'd fall apart."

"Rory."

"And now I sound ungrateful," Rory sniffled. "And I love my job."

"Rory, look at me," the doctor said and Rory unwillingly reached her eyes. "People do see you as someone who had a failed marriage. They always will, but it doesn't mean they don't see other things. They see a daughter, a friend and someone who made it out of the marriage and moved to a new city by herself. There's more than one part to you."

"I know I took it too personally," Rory said, "but when Paris said I couldn't handle the New York times it felt like she was saying I'm incompetent. That I'm weak."

"Do you think there's truth in finding it hard working in such a high-power environment?"

"Yes," Rory admitted. "That's why it felt so bad."

"Rory, you did have a hard year and you are still moving on," the doctor said. "That doesn't make you weak or incompetent. You have a new job and you're living by yourself. That's a great accomplishment."

"I know," Rory said quietly, "but I feel sometimes that I'll never move on, never be completely okay. A few weeks ago I went for a walk and thought I saw Logan. It wasn't, but I completely freaked out. I don't know what I would have done if it was him, and I really thought I was okay. I went to see him in California and handled it. I thought I'd stopped feeling that way."

"Rory, there's never going to be one exact point where you are over it, to use your words," Doctor Moran said. "You will cope with it, move on with your life, but there will still be times and moments where you feel anxious, even if it's just to think about him. Some days you may not feel that way at all. It doesn't mean you've taken a step back if you feel anxious about him."

"It doesn't?" Rory asked, almost in disbelief, and Doctor Moran shook her head.

"I promise."

Rory released a breath and Doctor Moran said,

"So tell me more about your life in New York. Are you still having those dreams about California?"

Rory told her all about the last few weeks and, as she finished, the doctor asked,

"And are you still with your new partner?"

Rory smiled and nodded, an adolescent blush colouring her cheeks.

"Yes. I'm in love with him."

The doctor nodded and Rory mused,

"I'm trying not to think about the future. People keep asking what's going on with us, if he'll move in with me or if I'll move in with him, but for now I just want to take it day by day. I'm happy where we are."

"And I'm happy to hear it," Doctor Moran said, getting up to shake her hand. "It was good seeing you, Rory. Email me whenever you like."

"Thank you," Rory said sincerely. "It really does help."

"Enjoy the rest of your trip home."

After vacating the office Rory went for a walk. She had planned on driving straight back to Stars Hollow but bought a coffee and wandered around the old streets which she had only partly got to know. Rory walked past her old apartment and stopped and stared up. The window was blank, hiding any information about anyone living there or not. Rory hoped they were happy, if they did. She remembered living there, barely a year ago, and took a deep breath, imagining Logan appearing. He didn't materialise on the street, did not walk up and call her Ace and Rory turned to go back to the car. She had gone, too. They had both made their own lives.

That evening she and Lorelai went to Luke's for dinner. Rory was used to her mother and Luke being together but it still felt slightly strange to see them kiss and Rory felt a little awkward as they greeted each other. Luke made them two cheeseburgers and hugged Rory tightly, asking how work was and the big city.

"It's big," Rory told him and they both laughed. "It's good."

"How's my nephew?"

"Jess is fine. He came to stay last weekend."

"And the weekend before that, and the weekend before that," Lorelai teased, nudging her. "Hate to think what he spends on gas."

"How romantic," Rory said and Lorelai laughed.

"Well, he's clearly in love."

"I'll say," Luke said. "He called me last night to ask if you'd come in."

"He did?" Rory asked, surprised. "Why didn't he just call me?"

"I guess he felt shy about calling," Luke said. "He said he had to go when I told him he was like cartoons where the kids have hearts in their eyes."

"Oh, Luke, you embarrassed him," Lorelai admonished with a grin. "Good work."

"Mom!"

"He obviously misses you," Lorelai said, putting an arm around her. "And that's great."

Rory went pink and smiled.

"You're worse than the kid in the cartoon," Lorelai sighed. "Luke, I'm worried about my daughter's irises. Do they look heart-shaped to you?"

"Be quiet and eat your burger," Rory said firmly, hiding her blush in her bun. "We aren't teenagers anymore."

"No, you're worse!" Lorelai exclaimed. Rory glared and Lorelai busied herself with her burger, the three trying and failing not to laugh.

Before she went to bed that night Rory called Jess.

"Hey," he said sleepily. "How's home?"

"Good," Rory said. "Did you call Luke to see how I was?"

Jess groaned.

"I told Luke not to say anything."

"Why?" Rory asked. "And why didn't you just call me?"

"I didn't want to look desperate," Jess said. "Like I can't breathe without my girlfriend."

"Jess."

"And I don't want to be the kind of guy who constantly calls," Jess said. "I thought it was too soon."

"Jess, it wouldn't have been like that," Rory said. "Maybe if you called every hour or something, but it was just one phonecall. I like talking to you. I miss you."

"I miss you too," Jess said, sounding a little sheepish. "So how's it going?"

"Good," Rory said. She told him about Lane coming over and they both laughed over Paris, but Rory didn't tell him about seeing Doctor Moran. She decided to wait until she saw him, if she decided to talk about it at all.

"It sounds like you're having a great time," Jess said. "Are you still coming back at seven?"

"Right in time for dinner."

"Is that a hint?"

"Possibly."

"It's a hint," Jess said. Rory could tell he was grinning. "Goodnight, Rory."

"Night, Jess. I love you."

"I love you too. See you tomorrow."

They hung up and Rory blinked in the sudden light. Lorelai had opened the door and light from the hall was spilling in.

"Talking to your boyfriend?"

"Maybe."

"Rory's in love," Lorelai teased, putting on a funny voice. "I swear I never saw a girl so keen!"

"Wow, is that the time? It's late. Goodnight."

"You're going home tomorrow," Lorelai said, seriously this time. "You'll see him then."

"I know. Goodnight, Mom."

"Goodnight, sweets."

Lorelai went out, closing the door and it was only when Rory had lain down and closed her eyes that she remembered her mother's words. She was going home tomorrow. It no longer felt strange to call New York that, yet Stars Hollow felt like home too. It was, Rory supposed, how Doctor Moran had said - there was more than one part to it. She could have a failed marriage and still be starting a new life, and she could have her home here as well as in her apartment. They could all coexist. Rory rolled over and fell into a comfortable sleep.