Language note: Couple f bombs but used cleanly.
Definitely adding SVU to the mix, its part of my primary and works really well together. Also I threw in an excerpt from my primary to explain Olivia and Jane and their unique friendship. Look for the *** to begin and end the excerpt.
Z, MJ, Finalized. Let me know if you find any oops.
Later that night,
"YOU ASSHOLE!"
Rick was shoved into the wall in their penthouse,
"How could you do something so ridiculously stupid!" Kate's fists were buried in his sweater as she held him. "Do you have any idea what you've done?! What Maura can do to Jane with that fucking book?"
After they had gotten home, Jane had showered and changed her clothes before she headed out to meet up with Olivia Benson. It was something she did every Thursday but Kate didn't know why. Castle had his own opinion and Kate told him to keep it to himself. Castle had waited until he was sure Jane wouldn't come back early before he had told Kate about the diary. Kate was furious and Rick was trying to explain it when she had shoved him into the wall.
"Kate, I did this for her. They shouldn't be apart and I can't believe that you don't see it." Rick didn't like raising his voice to Kate but he needed her to listen, "She won't hurt Jane. I know it. She was just as torn up as the night Jane came here."
"This isn't one of your books, Castle." Kate shouted as she shoved him again before letting him go, "This is my partner's life you're screwing around with and it's not something you should take lightly. Just imagine what Maura is going to go through when she reads that fucking book."
"You don't think I know what I handed her?" he said indignantly, "All of Jane's pain and I have a good idea what it's going to do to her. I know it'll hurt but it will also show her what she means to Jane."
"Yeah," Kate said sharply. "And when Jane finds out that you gave a record of all of her pain to the woman she loves, the woman who gave her that pain, she's going to kill you slow and painfully."
He scoffed, "One day she'll thank me for it?" he said with his usual cockiness.
"She's lived here all this time and you still don't have a clue, do you?" Kate stared at him with wide eyes, "Did you ever figure out how she got those scars on her hands?"
He tried to hide his enthusiasm at the answer to the question Kate had refused to talk about. His internet searches had come up empty. Kate's eyes narrowed, telling him he failed.
"No." he said taking on a serious note, "I haven't found anything on it."
"That's because Maura paid huge amounts of money to get Jane's name off the web." Kate bit her lower lip before taking a breath, "Those were given to her by a serial killer that had fixated on her and she killed him with his own blade."
"She killed him?" he said, shocked, "With a knife?"
"A scalpel." She said, "She killed him with a goddamn surgical scalpel and I'll bet she didn't lose a second's sleep over it because he cut into Maura. You've seen that scar on Jane's neck. Guess what. Maura has one to match it."
She leaned into him menacingly, "You are never to talk about it, ever, no matter what and I better never find any of this in one of your books."
"Okay" he said, properly cowed by his very protective fiancé, "But this needs to happen for both of them. Why can't you see it?"
"I do see it!" she rebuked, "I know! But I can't just put my partner, my best friend into a place where she can get hurt like that again. God damn it, Rick, This isn't the way."
"Do you have a better idea?" he asked. "Because I've thought about it too and that book was the only option with a real chance of success."
Kate stared at him as she ran the possibilities in her head. Castle liked to act immature but she knew he wasn't putting Jane through this on instinct alone. In addition to observing her for his Nikki Heat series, Kate knew that Rick had studied Jane closely since she had shown up that first night and seen how much Kate really cared for her. Kate had read that stupid diary and although she knew it was a bad idea, she let him keep writing because his insights had been beyond value in dealing with Jane's heart. But she never thought anyone but the two of them would ever read it. Jane would see it as a betrayal, of that Kate was certain.
But as she thought of those remorseful hazel eyes cringing in pain when she said "She hates me" Kate had a revelation of her own. She dared not even let the thought finish lest it somehow jinx what Castle had done.
She backed him into the wall again and let the coldness in her voice and the fire in her eyes show him exactly how serious she was, "You better pray this works out better than some of your other idiotic ideas because if it doesn't, I'm going to be there to help Jane bury your body."
With her eyes closed, Jane's head lolled back onto the couch as her skin tingled all over. Without meaning to she let out a throaty moan of contentment at the very talented fingers of Olivia Benson. From the floor in front of her there was a soft chuckle.
"I take it you needed this?" said the throaty voice.
"Mm Hmm." She murmured. When the fingers hesitated Jane protested, "Please, don't stop."
Again with the light chuckle as fingers pressed a little harder into her flesh. Jane's eyes rolled with pleasure and she let out a small gasp.
"At least you stopped calling me by the wrong name." it was barely more than a whisper, but Jane caught it.
With her eyes still closed she reached out and ran one of her hands through the brownish red hair centered over her lap to reassure her friend. "I know it's you, Liv. Thank you for doing this."
"Well," Olivia said, "I like making you feel better and it helps me too."
Jane let her hand drop and relaxed, soaking up the other woman's touch.
It was a love hate thing she and Olivia shared. She loved the way Liv made her feel but hated using her like she was right now.
It's all Maura's fault. Jane thought, She should be here doing this for me.
She pushed the thought away so it wouldn't distract her from the intimate contact she had with Liv. It was so rare for her to get this kind of pleasure from someone else so she always tried hardest to focus on Olivia, to keep Maura off her mind because she knew it had to bother Liv. Even though Liv had been the one to suggest Jane should keep Maura in her mind while she relieved her friend.
Jane moaned softly, followed by a husky "oh yeah."
That was when they heard the crashing of plastic and the thud of a glass bottle at the door.
Jane spun her head around as Olivia jumped up from between Jane's knees to see ADA Alex Cabot standing in the door.
"Jesus, Alex!" Liv shouted, "You scared the hell out of me."
Alex covered her mouth with her hand, "You and Jane?" She turned to leave as the tears started.
Liv stood frozen. Mouth moving but no sounds came out.
"Aren't you going to go after her?" Jane said, astonished that Liv hadn't moved.
Jane rolled off the couch and bolted for Liv's front door. She ran down the steps as quickly as her long legs would carry her and out to the street. On the sidewalk she caught sight of the sexy blond in the black trench coat running down the opposite side of the street. Jane took off after her.
Since Alex had worn a fashionable dress with four inch heels Jane had no trouble catching up to her.
"Alex wait!" she said as she ran across the street to get to the young woman. "Stop!"
The taxi cab she had cut off screeched to a stop and the driver blared his horn, Jane flipped him of without breaking her pace. She ran passed Alex and spun around with her hands out, "God damn it, Alex, STOP!"
The blond tried to go around her but Jane caught her. Alex tried to slap her but Jane caught that too.
"Stop it!" Jane said sharply, "We weren't having sex, Alex."
"Liar!" she shouted in Jane's face, "I heard you moaning and I seen her come up from between your legs. Don't tell me what I saw."
"Alex, look at me." She shouted, "I'm fully dressed, in pants and so is she." Jane pointed to the figure looking up and down the street from a block away.
Alex stopped for a second to take in Jane's clothing. A button down shirt that was neatly tucked in, black slacks with a belt that was fully fastened and as Jane pulled the legs up on her pants, black tactical boots completely laced up to her calves.
"I wasn't having sex with Olivia." She said firmly, "I may be a lesbian but I haven't slept with a woman yet."
Alex snorted, "Bullshit! How can you be a lesbian if you haven't slept with a woman?"
"Because I'm in love with a woman and it's not Olivia," it was her eyes that spoke to Alex.
"If you weren't having sex," Alex challenged, "Then why all the huffing and puffing on the couch?"
Jane looked own at her feet before meeting Alex's gaze, "Because she's the only one I can let take the pain away."
Jane raised her hands to shoulder level, her palms faced away from Alex then she flipped them, displaying the puckered scars on both of her hands.
Alex gasped as she took one of Jane's hands into her own.
Jane forced herself to keep still, "Please don't touch the scars." She said, "I hate having them touched."
Alex stopped herself in mid motion from running her fingers over the raised skin, "What happened?"
"Something bad," more than a hint of sadness in her voice, "I don't like to talk about it."
She let Jane's hand go, "They must hurt badly for you to sound like you did in Liv's."
"Sometimes," she said as she stared at them, "When the weather gets cold or a bad storm moves in or when I go to a different climate."
She looked into Jane's eyes, "How long has she been taking care of them?"
Jane shrugged and turned toward the street, she didn't want to look at Alex while she told her this, "Every year since '08. I met her at LETO in Springfield, Illinois along with Elliot and Kate, You had broken up with her that year and she wasn't taking it well. We'd been there a few days and my hands had been hurting since I arrived. I was talking to Maura on the phone and I guess she could hear it in my voice. She pleaded for me to get someone to do it, and Liv didn't want to talk about you and I didn't want to talk about them. " She began worrying her hands as she spoke.
*** Liv had already showered and changed into her sweat pants and NYPD athletics t-shirt by the time Jane had knocked on her door. She sat on the small couch as she awaited Jane's visit.
"Come in." she said.
Jane entered cautiously; her eyes met Liv's immediately, "Hey. Colin asked me to check up on you, you okay?"
"Come on in and shut the door please." Liv said.
Jane's trepidation tripling as she did so. Liv offered her hand, silently. Jane winced.
"I'm asking no questions. I will make no judgments or speculations. My only desire is to help a friend who helped me. Will you let me?"
Jane wanted to leave, she wanted to run but Maura's words hung in her mind and her palms did hurt. She had been rubbing at them all day. Although she was certain that her friends had seen her, they had not said anything to her about it. Liv had overheard her and Maura on the phone so it was obvious she felt that she had to step up, to offer. Jane instinctively worried her hands, then caught herself and stared at Liv.
"You don't have to." She said with a shaky breath, "In fact I don't want you to."
"Okay." Liv said, lowering her offered hand.
Jane forced herself to sit next to her friend, "I'm sorry I just hate this."
Liv nodded, "I know that now. I shouldn't have offered."
Jane put her hand over Liv's. The contact sent a shiver through her, "No, like Maura, you just want to help. It's not something I just do, but…" Jane closed her eyes, not wanting the other woman to see her as she spoke, "I have a hard time saying no to her."
Liv smiled warmly, understanding embracing her mind, Its Maura! Maura is the one who was there for her when she needed it. "Keep your eyes closed," she said quickly as she slowly rolled her hand over, taking Jane's into hers. She felt Jane stiffen.
She rested her other hand on top, "Imagine that its Maura sitting here with you."
Jane cracked an eye at her before she closed her eye and braced herself. Trust was always something she had a hard time with but she wanted to make Maura happy and she knew that her hands were something the blond woman fussed over, but she also made a commitment to help Liv and she hoped this would. So with an image of Maura deeply rooted in her mind, she nodded subtly.
Liv's touch turned soft, almost intimate as she slowly began to work over Jane's hand. Easing her blood into all the places it had a hard time reaching, the relief was more welcomed than Jane had expected. She leaned back into the couch and a soft groan escaped. Liv took that as a good sign and continued kneading the flesh in her hands. A while later she patted the hand that no longer hurt. Jane gently replaced it with her other one.
Liv kept a tight lid on her voice and her breathing. Jane was slipping into the fantasy and it was allowing Liv to see a glimpse of the Italian when she was with her Maura. The relief on Jane's face was breathtaking. The thin line of her brow eased as did the subtle lines near her eyes. As she relaxed, Liv couldn't help but stare. Jane was breathtaking as she was laid back on the couch. Her head leaned back and her breasts poised as if on display, it was subtle and she doubted Jane even realized the seductive image she was casting.
"Maura," Jane's raspy voice snapped them both out of the moment. Liv's eyes landed straight on the hand she had been working over. She kept her gaze away from the other woman for Jane's comfort as well as her own.
Jane gently pulled her hand away from Liv. "Um, thanks," she said as she shook out her hand, "They feel a lot better." Did I really say that out loud? Jane took a deep breath. She didn't want anyone to know how deeply she fell into that place in her mind she refused to look at although she felt certain that Olivia Benson had just seen part of that place.
"You're welcome, Jane." She said as she patted Jane's knee before getting up, "Now I'm going to bed." She said as she slipped off her pants and climbed in to bed in her t-shirt and panties. "If anyone asks, I'm going to say you just made sure I hadn't passed out on my couch again."
Jane headed to the bed and picked up the sweats from the floor. She tossed them on the couch and pulled the blanket up to Liv's chin. Deep chocolate eyes met mocha colored eyes as Jane tucked in Liv. She used a finger to tuck away a loose strand of Liv's hair.
"Thank you." Jane said softly, "For not asking."
"Any time you need it." She smiled, "I can substitute." ***
Jane finally stopped rubbing her hands and let them fall to her sides, Maura would be proud that I showed them, let someone touch them.
"Then you two weren't…" her voice trailed off as Jane's head drooped.
She shook her head. "No. I've never been with Liv, never been with any woman because all I want is my Maura."
Alex reached out to hug Jane, both in her own relief and to try to take some of the pain from Jane's voice.
Jane took two steps back, her eyes burning with anger. She knew she hadn't wanted to share such an intimate story with her. Alex who continuously ran Liv through the wringer, didn't want to see the pity in the young woman's eyes. Why did I share that, why did I trust her? But she knew she put herself out there for Olivia, to protect her. Jane's anger mounted at Alex's attempt to hug her. Jane balled it up and fired it at Alex.
"You're a fool, Alex. There stands a woman who trusts you with her heart, something she trusts no one with. She would die to save your life and would kill for you to live. You have no idea how precious a gift that is."
Alex gasped at Jane's tirade, One minute she's ready to cry, the next she's screaming at me. Is she crazy?
Jane continued on in her righteous indignation, "I've seen you leave her broken and crying too many times because you've gone to DC for a job or you won't acknowledge your relationship because you want the DA's chair. Hell, you haven't even told your parents! You're killing her, Alex. Every time you break up it gets harder on her. You need to butch up and take care of her or get the hell out of her life, forever. I don't want her to be a shattered woman like me. "
Alex's anger boiled over at Jane's words. It wasn't that Jane dared give her crap about Olivia, but because Jane was right. She hadn't been fair with Olivia. She hadn't even had the courage to tell her the real reason she kept moving and breaking up with her. Alex was afraid of how much she loved Liv, enough to give up her dream of being the DA. And she would have to because no one would vote for a lesbian District Attorney. Politics sucked. But the part that really pissed her off was that Jane would call out Alex for screwing up her love life when Jane's was just as bad if not worse.
"Well, you would know about forever, wouldn't you? Who the hell are you to lecture me about relationships when you run away and hide from your problems? 'I only want my Maura'. But I don't see you picking up a phone or hopping on a plane to go tell her all about your unrequited love. Hell last I heard you haven't even called your own family to let them know where you're at or to let them know your even still alive. Then you have the nerve to chew me out about my love life? Fuck you, Jane!"
Alex started walking away but as she passed Jane she turned her head to the side, "Since were passing out unwanted advice, here's some for you. Before you start sticking your face in everyone else's business maybe you should take care of your own first."
Alex turned and kept walking away from the older Italian. She hated that Jane was right but she'd never say that to her. But Jane was right, she had seen how Liv got more and more upset every time Alex lost her nerve and ran away. I need to make a change. For both of us.