Okay so next installment flows better. As you'll see, one event in Lily's life changes everything. Including her friendship with James. Please review I'm posting another chapter quite quickly because I enjoy writing them, but would really like to know what people think. Whether you hate it or love it.

Lily sat in the car staring out the window. She still didn't know whether she was doing the right thing. On the one hand, her mother had said that she'd be okay and she would cope without her. On the other, Tuney had expressly said that she thought she was acting extremely selfishly by going back to her 'freak' school. Lily herself felt extremely selfish to abandon her mother so soon after her father died. This past summer had been unbearably tough. She honestly doesn't know if she had managed to get through it altogether intact. She looked exhausted, nowhere near the same level as her mother, but as if she hadn't slept for weeks. In most ways, she hadn't. She'd also lost a lot of weight, her cheekbones were very prominent and her eyes looked kind of sunken, a little like Remus just after the full moon. She didn't talk as much, and was pretty rubbish at answering her friend's letters. Mary, Remus and Alice were the only ones who knew of her father's death, asides from the teachers. They had all been sworn to secrecy, at least until term began. Lily had accepted that people would need to know then.

As she said goodbye to her mother on the platform, hugging her tightly and promising to write as often as she could, she wondered how she was going to get through this year. Let alone get through being Head Girl. She also was struggling with the idea that James Potter was Head Boy, though she doubted Dumbledore's reasoning…she knew that James had been quite outspoken about the war and guessed Dumbledore therefore had his reasons. She didn't really care anymore.

Alice and Mary came running up to her at the platform, and she hugged them both weakly.

'Lily, you look so tired. Let us help you with your trunk. We've already got a compartment on the train. We're sharing with Remus and that.' Mary said, carefully avoiding James's name.

Lily hugged her mother one last time, and then trailed after her friends. She followed them down the Hogwarts Express until they came to their compartment, and then took the seat closest to the window. She knew that the Marauders were looking at her, but she did her best to block them out.

'So Lily, did you hear our boy here got Head Boy?' Sirius said, smirking as he playfully hit James in the arm. James, in turn ran his hand through his hair.

'I did. Congratulations.' Lily said, without glancing at them and continuing to stare out the window.

The boys, other than Remus, all looked shocked at her lack of attitude or sarcastic response. They sat in a kind of stunned silence for about five minutes. Lily decided she needed some space, and she had a feeling Alice was about to bring up her father's death.

'I'll see you and James in the Prefects compartment.' Lily said, and then left the compartment.

The others sat there in stunned silence.

'What was that all about?' Sirius asked.

'Well, I guess you can know now. She is aware that you'll find out eventually.' Alice began.

'Know what?' James interrupted, impatiently.

'Her father died over summer. About a week ago actually. He got quite ill just before summer started and has been continually getting worse. Lily's pretty torn up about it, she even wrote to Dumbledore and requested him to be healed magically, seeing as her dad knew about magic anyway. She hasn't said much, but obviously Dumbledore refused to help her. She kind of went in on herself after that.' Alice said, sadly.

'It's like she shut down…I'm really worried. She's lost so much weight.' Mary said.

'Almost looks as bad as you, Remus.' Sirius joked, weakly.

'Not funny, Padfoot.' James snapped.

Sirius looked hurt by his friend's tone, as he knew that James knew he was just trying to lighten the mood. He didn't mean any harm.

'Sorry.' Sirius replied, looking at his hands.

'I think we should go, James. Lily will be waiting for us to start the meeting.' Remus said, quietly. Gathering up his cloak and Prefect's badge and exiting the compartment, closely followed by James.

'Poor Lily.' Peter said.

The others nodded in agreement.

A little later on…

'I think that went as well as it could have done.' James said, when it was just him and Lily and Remus. 'Did you see the looks of the idiot Slytherins Prefect's face's when they saw I was Head Boy?'

'They aren't idiots'. Lily replied, but with nowhere near as much conviction as she used to have when she stuck up for people.

'Sorry.' James responded, awkwardly.

Remus chose this moment to excuse himself, claiming he wanted to go to the toilet before they pulled up to Hogwarts.

'Erm, Lily?' James started, causing Lily to look up at him. He noticed she had lost a lot of weight, but her eyes were still as green as ever. There was a little less life there.

'I wanted to say, erm. I wanted to say that I'm sorry to hear about your father. I-I think that must have been really hard, but erm, if you ever, you know, want to speak…I'm here. I mean, I'm probably not your first choice…but I'm here.' James finished, lamely.

'That's a kind offer. But I really don't want anyone else's pity. No offense, but you had no interest in me before, other than continually asking me out, so I can't say I'm not surprised you're showing interest in me now.' Lily said, sharply.

She pushed past James and went to get her trunk, they were pulling into Hogwarts station. Leaving James as confused as ever as he thoroughly believed he always showed her too much interest.

The feast went without issue, and after the Sorting Hat reminded them to all love each other etc. Lily finally got to leave, having not eaten much.

'First years. Please follow myself, my fellow Head boy or a Prefect. Gryffindor Tower is this way.' She said, her voice raised.

'Yes, follow me first years.' Remus said, attempting to help in the chaos.

After leading the first years, and the rest of Gryffindor house up to the common room. Lily headed straight to her dormitory. However, she couldn't find her stuff by her usual bed. Someone else's name was there instead.

'Where's my stuff?' Lily demanded of Alice, who had followed her into the room.

'Don't you remember?' Alice asked, timidly. 'The Heads of houses has their own living quarters, and seeing as both are from Gryffindor, you'll erm- ', Alice was saying.

'I'll be sharing with James.' Lily finished for her. 'Right okay, that's fine. I'll head there now.'

'Want me and Mary to come with you?' Alice asked.

'No, no. It's okay. I'm going to have to get used to James being around.'

Lily walked a little further up and the stairs, and down a little hallway. A small flight of stairs led up to a door, and Lily knew on the other side of the living space there would be a little flight of stairs for James. That way the Head would be between the two so they could keep the peace if the Prefects couldn't handle it. She walked in to find a little area with a sofa and a small coffee table in front of it. On one side of the room, there was two doors which obviously led to Lily and James's bedrooms. At the edge of the room there was a few kitchen appliances, and a counter so she (and James) could have breakfast there if it was called for. Lily also discovered a small fridge which was stocked with food.

'Guess I won't be needing this then.' James said, making Lily jump.

'Sorry.' He hurried on, before Lily had a chance to scold him. 'I noticed you didn't eat much at dinner, so bought you some food up'.

James produced some brownies, a few sandwiches and some Pumpkin Juice. He'd obviously made a trip to the kitchens before coming up here.

'That was nice of you. I ate enough though.' Lily said, making her way to her room.

'Don't lie.' James said. He reached out to catch her arm, and then quickly dropped it. 'You just pushed food around your plate.'

'I did not.' Lily started, indignantly.

'Look, I know what I saw. I'm worried about you. Please…eat a little. Just a little.' James pleaded.

Lily could see from his expression that he was actually worried, and rather than start a fight she didn't have the energy to continue. She grabbed his offering and sat down on the sofa.

'Join me then.' Lily said.

'Excuse me?' James questioned.

Lily motioned to the seat beside her on the sofa, and James slowly lowered himself into it…ready to move if she changed her mind.

'I'm sorry.' Lily muttered.

'What?' James said, thinking he'd misheard her.

'I said I'm sorry. It was nice of you to offer to talk earlier and I'm sorry I was blunt with you. I don't really know how to act. But I definitely don't like the pity.' Lily said.

James moved uncomfortably in his chair and then adjusted himself to look at her.

'I don't think it's pity. I think people just want you to know that they're here if you need them to be.' James replied.

'I know you're right, but I don't want them to be. It's hard. I miss my father every damn day but I can't make him come back to me. Neither can anyone else, and the pity I see in their faces just reminds me they can't give me what I want. They can't give me my dad.'

James thought about this for a second, his face looked truly sad. Lily noticed that it wasn't pity she saw, but sincere pain.

'I think people are struggling to see their friend who is usually so strong, in so much pain. I can't sit here and claim that you and I have always got on. I know how you feel about me and I know it isn't great. I'm not going to force you to change your mind. I look at Remus, and I watch him looking at you. I think he just wants to talk. You don't have to talk about your dad's death. Or about anything like that, but I think he definitely misses you. He doesn't have many people who know exactly who and what he is. I think he's scared he'll lose you. I think Alice and Mary feel the same. I can't claim to know them well, and I'm at fault there. But you can tell their scared. You've lost a lot of weight. You don't look happy; you just look tired.' James looked like he wanted to say more, but wasn't sure what.

Lily considered his words.

'I tried to talk to them for a while, but it made me angry. If their parents had what my dad had, they would get magical treatment because at least one of their parents is magical…it makes them entitled somehow. Just because my parents aren't, they don't deserve magical help? Dad needed my world, and I couldn't give it to them. Why should I get my world, where if I break my arm magic can fix it in a second, when he can't have it? I didn't want to not talk to them, I love them. But I'm angry at everyone.' Lily replied.

'I can see why. I'd be angry too.' James said, lamely.

'I wrote to Dumbledore. Told him how sick my father was, begged and pleaded for his help. He didn't respond for a week and Dad was just getting more and more ill so I wrote again and told him he was useless. That I didn't need him and I didn't need Hogwarts and I wouldn't be returning.' Lily told James, who looked appalled to hear that someone like Lily had spoken to Dumbledore like that.

Lily smiled a little at his expression and continued.

'He wrote back then. Told me he's set up meetings. That he's tried but unfortunately it's against every magical law to heal a terminally ill patient. He told me he pushed and pushed, but they can't spare the resources. It would take too much of a cover-up to explain how my dad 'magically' got better. He explained that he would not accept my resignation from magical life. That I was to continue here, and then maybe fight for the muggles this side of things. He told me I was strong, and the magical community need me in the coming war. That my friends needed me, so not to abandon them for not knowing how to help. I don't know how he knew I wasn't responding to their letters. He told me that I was Head Girl, informed me not to tell anyone but he felt I should be allowed to tell my father. Just in case my letter didn't arrive in time. He told me I was a true Gryffindor, and I would get through this. My father died two days after that. Dumbledore's letter was the reason I decided to answer my friends. To tell them I was returning. It was hard. It is hard. I can't just be the person I was before summer; I think I've changed too much. But I also think you're right James…I need to try harder with my friends.' Lily finished, looking relieved to have finally said everything out loud.

James smiled then. He was happy, because even though it was just a little bit, Lily looked happier.

'Thank you for telling me that. I'll be here whenever you need to talk. I promise.' James said.

It was Lily's go again to smile, and it warmed James's heart.

'Maybe you aren't a big a dick as I had thought you were.' She said.

'Don't say that.' James said, trying to look serious. 'You might ruin my reputation.'

Lily actually laughed then.

'Ah yes, can't have that.'

'My fans would be so disappointed.'

'One more thing', Lily said as James turned towards his door. 'You said the way I feel about you 'isn't great'? I'm not sure that's true. I think I get why Dumbledore made you Head Boy. I think you're needed in the war as well. I also think you've changed over the summer, maybe for the better.'

After a few more words, they bid each other goodnight. Both equally wondering how much that conversation meant to the other. Whatever it meant, that was the very beginning of their friendship.