John Ross and Pamela, Season 1, Episode 5 – Hot and Cold
There was a perceptible chill that came over the room when Emma walked in on breakfast at Southfork. Even though John Ross had not had a formal sit down with the family to explain what things they should talk about with Pamela and what they shouldn't bring up, everyone in the room knew that this was an awkward situation.
Emma most of all. She looked at Pamela with clear apprehension in her eyes. But Pamela's reaction was very warm, she immediately got up from the table and went forward to kiss Emma on the cheek.
"I know it's been a long time since we've seen each other," she said, "But I'm still the same. How are you doing? What's been going on in your life? I've been in a mental institution. Ha ha Ha!"
Then she turned around and looked at it everybody else and said, "Come on everybody, don't worry I'm not going to spaz out."
A ripple of laughter went around the room along with a measurable sigh of relief that Pamela didn't remember what John Ross and Emma had done to her.
John Ross tried to catch Emma's eye, just to shoot her a warning, but she was too busy sitting next to Pamela and talking, like they were old girlfriends.
Uncle Bobby and Christopher were talking to him, trying to get everybody interested in going to see a Cowboys game the next day as a family. Uncle Bobby was forever trying to get them to be a better family.
But John Ross' heartbeat wouldn't settle down. There was something very creepy about seeing your wife buddy buddy with your ex mistress. He didn't trust Emma.
But it was Sue Ellen who put her foot in it. "What now Pamela? What did the doctors say? Are you home for good?" she asked, across the table.
Pamela looked up, wide eyed.
"Not now, Mama," John Ross rescued her. "We're not going to talk about any of that stuff. We're just going to take it one day at a time. And we'd appreciate it if you would all help us with that."
"Of course, of course." everybody seemed to be on board.
"Well if you all don't mind I'm going to show Pamela the new stuff on the ranch," John Ross jumped at the chance to break it up. "How about that darling? Would you like to go for a horseback ride with me?"
"Sure," she answered, as he got her hand and pulled her out of the chair.
"I'll walk down to the stables with you two," Emma said.
John Ross must've looked really taken aback, because Annie jumped in and said "Oh honey, just wait a few minutes, I'd like to talk to you."
"Relax mama," she laughed "It's not like I was about to join them and make it a threesome. I'm just going to practice my dressage," she said.
John Ross could've strangled the little bitch for her using the word threesome like that. But he was more worried about Pamela so he whisked her out of there.
At the stables she said, "John Ross, I don't know if I can drive a horse. I still feel a little shaky."
"It's all right, honey. Samson here can take the both of us." He brought the stallion out of his stall.
"Are you sure he won't mind?"
"Hell no. Samson here is an awesome mighty stud." He patted the black horse on the neck. "He can handle anything."
He climbed atop the horse and held out his hand to her. "Step on my boot there, darling. No, use the other foot."
As he hoisted her body and swung her around to sit in front of him she gasped, "Oh my god, it's so high."
"Don't worry baby, I got you. Trust me." He put one arm around her waist and held the reigns with the other.
Pamela leaned back against John Ross and closed her eyes for a moment. She felt the slow easy pace of the horse walking forward. By and by she opened her eyes and saw that they were in a forest of tall pines and grassy floors. Slowly, he picked up the pace and they climbed a gentle slope. Soon they came out on the ridge, where undulating hills as far the sky stretched before them. The distant herd moved slowly, driven by a handful of cowboys that knew their trade. John Ross guided Samson to flow along side of the heard. Pamela had never been this close to the grandiose spectacle that was the heart and soul of Texas. It was breathtaking.
She had both hands on the pommel. John Ross had let Samson have his head and he had slowly picked up speed to outrun the heard.
"Scared?" John Ross whispered in her ear.
Pamela realized she was thrilled to the core. She felt like she was flying. At a high altitude and without a net. But she wasn't one bit afraid because John Ross was holding her and she trusted his strength, his skill, his sheer masculinity. She felt safer than she had ever felt in her life. It was the kind of feeling she had longed for and that she had never gotten from her father.
She turned a bit in the saddle to smile at him. "No. I'm not scared. It feels wonderful."
John Ross had forgotten all his worries. For him there was nothing but the moment. The past few months, those horrible months when he was afraid she wouldn't recover her sanity, drifted away. He felt her slight body against his, stirring up his pulse. He could have put his lips on her hair, kissed her neck, whispered in her ear. But he held himself in check. He merely reigned in Samson by a creek and dismounted, reaching up to help her down off the horse. Her body brushed his as he slid her down.
Pamela felt warm inside. She was so keyed up and afraid it would show that she wanted him to take her in his arms and make wild love to her in this secluded mossy spot.
"Thank you, John Ross," she whispered.
He looked into her eyes, put her hand on his chest and said, "Feel my heart, darling."
Pamela knew what would happen next and she wanted it. His smoldering eyes were devouring her. He bent his head and took her lips. She felt a visceral thrill and a melting in her core.
And then a horrible panic overcame her. She couldn't breathe almost.
"Pamie?" He tipped his head sideways in that characteristic fashion, as she slipped through his fingers, backing away from him.
When he reached out and pulled her back into his arms he heard a strangled whimper, "Don't touch me!"
He dropped her arms as if they had burned his fingers.
She backed away wildly until she collided with Samson, whose discipline did not allow him to get spooked. So great was Pamela's panic attack that she grabbed the pommel, stuck her foot in the stirrup and hoisted herself upon him.
"Pamela don't!" John Ross moved forward.
But she reeled the horse around and kicked him so hard in the sides that he had to obey and he leapt forward, leaving the scene at a breakneck pace.
"Pamela!" John Ross could only yell, as his wife ran away from him.
It was near sundown when John Ross reached the stables on foot and in a bad mood. He had kicked himself and cursed himself for making a move on Pamela. He had agonized about her safety and jogged home at no mean speed. But they had been nigh on ten miles out when they first dismounted. Even with all the shortcuts it had taken hours for him to get back on foot. He had not called anyone to pick him up because he didn't want to explain why his wife had bolted on him.
Emma emerged from a stall. "What's the matter John Ross? Trouble in paradise?"
Had she been loitering around the stables this late in the hopes of ambushing him? "My only trouble is I've got a serpent in my paradise."
He went to Samson's stall to check that he was alright. He was stomping around with his saddle still on him. Could he have arrived alone or had she just neglected to take the saddle off? Was she laying out there on the range somewhere? He took off running up to the house, his heart in a panic.
He opened the door to their room and at first it seemed empty. "Pamela?"
He saw her then, sitting in the corner of the room, on the floor, her back up against the wall. "Honey? You alright?" he dropped down on his knees, at the same time catching his breath.
She shrunk away from him. It pained him.
"I need to be alone, John Ross," she said, faintly. He had trouble even hearing her.
"Have you eaten anything today, Pamela?" Had she even had some water?
"I need to be alone," she repeated, a little louder.
"Alright, I'll give you your space. But I'll bring you a tray first."
He brought back a tray and set it on the floor in front of her, then he went to the closet to grab some sweats. When he came back she hadn't touched anything so he opened the bottle of water and said, "Drink."
She flinched again. He couldn't take it anymore so he left, closing the door softly behind him.
He was in another bedroom upstairs, but unable to relax. What if she did something to hurt herself? He couldn't push his way in there, what if it caused her to break? He flashed back to the terrible rage episodes, the Pamela that wanted to be dead. He cursed his pigheadedness, his impatience to get her out. What if the Doc was right? She was suffering.
John Ross got up now, and barefoot, he let himself out a window and unto the roof. Very carefully, he walked to one of the skylights to his and Pamela's suite. He got down on his belly and looked in. He saw her, still sitting in the same spot. The tray and even the water, were untouched.
It was the longest night of his life, now exceeding the other vigils he had spent next to Pamela's hospital bed. He nearly froze, but he kept silent watch, hoping she would exhaust herself and climb into the bed. But she didn't move at all.
What hellish labyrinth of the mind was she caught in? What monsters inhabited that space with her? Tomorrow, he would take her back to the Doc.