A/N: Damn My Muse is on a roll!
Okay MJ, This one's for you. KB writing, I just can't see her getting all in depth like Rick, more observational with a touch of personal but then again Jane is her best friend, her sister. So I'll dial it up a notch. Lemme know how I did. Lemme know on the redo.
Z, The main body moves forward from that point, but the two main flashbacks land right before Jane goes to NYC, The Fight and the airport. Only exception is the two references from LETO and the Diary entries pertain to the story so they're not necessarily in order. LETO takes place within a two week span 2 years before R&I and 1 year before Castle and is used as an establisher for the first year of the Rizzoli Beckett Benson Stabler friendship.
Man the airport scene was rough, I original idea didn't work and since then I rewrote it six times but I think I got it now. I'm not super excited but definitely happy with it.
So here we go.
June of '12
Really, I don't know where to begin with this…
I really don't do the diary thing and haven't since I was twelve but Rick and his stupid diary idea. I can't understand how he irritates me to the point I want to shoot him but somehow makes me love him all that more and I'm going to say it, this thing is the most ridiculous idea he's ever had and the last thing Jane would ever want is a catalogued record of her pain.
I know he means well and I told him I wouldn't help him beyond telling him about Jane when he's not around and yet I got suckered into writing in this stupid book. How you ask, that's easy…
Richard Castle for all his wealth and influence isn't law enforcement so he's not welcome at LETO. The Law Enforcement and Tactical Operations Expo in Springfield, Illinois. So Rick asked me to take the book and put a few things in it about Jane. Sometimes I really hate how much I love him…
…jerk.
…and you're not ruggedly handsome
So this was where I met her for the first time. She was at the end of the bar pissed off over a bad housing situation on post. I went over to try and cheer her up because she was scaring my bartender. Figured out pretty quick that I liked her. Even if she was from Boston.
After I broke through that New England ice I had her join myself, Liv Benson and Elliot Stabler at the table and despite an incident between us over the Yanks losing to the Sox, she fit right in. Even when we headed to the bar and some lowlife prick from LAPD copped a feel of my ass, Jane laid him out before I could react. We were friends from that point on and she always stayed in our building. When our friend Colin, who runs the LETO event every year, came up with an awesome combat simulator, Jane and I teamed up and took on the contest.
We won.
We kept in touch through emails and texts. I started telling her about the annoying author who was following me around and she'd tell me about her genius Medical Examiner best friend. But we always looked forward to June when we'd come back here. Oh sure we met up a few times a year when the Yankees played the Red Sox, in either city. That was always fun because neither of us was the type to hide our loyalties.
Usually someone in the stands wanted to start something over one of our team's apparel. Until they figured out we were cops. If that didn't work, our Glocks definitely kept them away. But Springfield, Fort Justice. That was where we got to hang out for two weeks straight. Colin, Olivia, Elliot until he left, Jane and I. It was a blast.
And this was where we found ourselves again this June. Like every year I rode out on my Softtail but because Jane didn't want to sit bitch for the fifteen hour ride, we went over to the dealer I get my bike serviced at and rented her a black Sportster for the trip. Even though Jane is the one who is into women, I have to admit, she looked sexy as hell on that bike especially after I hooked her up with my old riding leathers. Of course Jane loved the ride even though she had to stop twice as much as I for gas. I've got almost twice the fuel capacity as a Sportster. It took us a little longer than it would by myself but I didn't care. Riding with Jane was fun and I look forward to next year. Jane want's to rent a Softtail like mine but she likes the chrome of the Springer.
We arrived to LETO and for the first time Jane was sporting an NYPD badge. Colin had given her crap about it since he was also from Boston but after a quick talk with him about Jane and Maura he let it go. When we weren't in the CQB (Close Quarters Battle) simulator, Jane spent the majority of her days outside with Colin, learning hand to hand combat techniques. Colin said it's good for her because she seems to have lost some inner balance and that most of these fighting techniques will help her find that again. As a former Spec Ops weaponry and hand to hand combat instructor, Colin would know about balance.
Since Elliot quit his job at SVU and disappeared, Liv came alone for the first time since I've known her and I guess her new partner is some young kid that she really didn't care for… Liv isn't really one for change.
Everyone has noticed the changes in Jane and we're all worried about her. She's been spending time with Olivia in her room almost every night since we got here and I've been starting to think there's more than friendship there but Olivia swears there's nothing going on and that Jane wouldn't want her to talk about what does goes on in there. That Jane is in no condition for any type of romance and she had respected Liv when it had happened to her.
I left it alone after that because I trust Liv to take care of Jane and her needs.
Maura sat the book down again. Every time she reads about Jane's time at LETO she always feels a twinge of jealousy at how close Jane and Olivia were becoming. She knew what went on in that room. Olivia Benson was taking care of Jane's hands. It was irrational, she knew, but it was something that only she had been allowed to do. And since Jane had been months without someone there, she also knew it would take Olivia days of nightly contact to soothe that ache.
Of course, Olivia had always taken care of Jane's hands when she went there and Maura was the reason why. The very fight Kate had written of was the reason Maura had pushed Jane to get someone to take care of them. Olivia was the only other person Jane let tend her hands.
Maura also knew from the book that after this LETO, Olivia tended Jane in New York every Thursday.
She stuck the picture of her and Jane back into the page and closed the book before sliding it into her messenger bag. She tried not to dwell on it but she couldn't help herself. Although she had met Detective Beckett on her few visits to Boston for the mentioned baseball games she had never once met Detective Benson. Oh she had heard Jane talk about her, how Jane had said Olivia thought Jane was gay when they first met. At the time the thought was ridiculous. Now, not so much.
Maura could admit to herself that she had fallen for Jane and she was almost certain Jane felt the same way. Her actions in the airport had said something to that affect and once again, Maura was sitting at her desk on her lunch break, in her class room turned morgue, reading about Jane and regretting her actions.
Maura did not like what if conversations but one plagued her every second she wasn't teaching or performing autopsies.
What if I had let her finish talking in that airport. Maura had faced that thought ever since she had calmed down on the flight to Mali. She still didn't have an answer but she knew who could answer it but Jane's actions at NYPD proved that she didn't even want to see Maura.
The thought had brought a tear to her eye as her memories of Logan International airport haunted her.
"I swear, Maura." Ian had said as they stood in line for their boarding passes, "I never understood what you have ever seen in that dreadful woman."
"Ian, you need to stop talking about her like that." She had said sharply.
He had been getting on her nerves with his constant complaints about Jane and her character but Maura had suspected that it had more to do with what little ego Ian had was bruised by the fact he got beat up by a woman half his size and drunk to the point she could barely stand. Maura had tried to be patient but his constant polite berating of Jane had worn it out.
"Honestly, Maura, she had no business coming to your home in such an inebriated state."
She turned on him, "That is my best friend you are talking about Ian and she is a part of my life more so than you are and I've had enough. You won't talk about her in this fashion anymore." Her eyes burned with anger and Ian turned away.
"I am sorry, Maura." He said, "I just want what's… …Awe, bloody hell!"
Ian was staring at the doors that lead to the street curb. Maura turned and gasped as Jane ran through those doors and stopped to look around. It didn't take more than a second for Jane to spot her. Relief washed over the brunettes face as she briskly walked up to her friend.
Jane grabbed Maura's shoulders, "Thank god I caught you before you left."
Maura shook of the gesture. Despite Ian's railings against Jane she had in fact picked a fight with Ian. A fight that ended with Frankie being knocked out, "If you're not apologizing than I don't want to hear it, Jane."
She took a deep breath, "I'm sorry, Maur. I really am. I've been going through some stuff and I need to tell you about it."
"Does any of it have to do with attacking me?" Ian said sharply, "I do believe I am owed an apology too."
Jane's eyes snapped fire at him, "No but if you don't butt out, we're going to go round two and this time I'm sober."
Ian bristled, Maura cut him off.
"JANE! How dare you!" she said indignantly, "This is not acceptable behavior in any sense what so ever!"
Jane turned to her and realized she was really starting to piss of Maura. "I'm sorry, okay? I am. I know I've been off but you need to understand why?"
"There is no why, Jane!" she said loudly, "You came over to my house completely drunk, attacked Ian, and then knocked your own brother unconscious. There is no excuse what so ever for your behavior."
"I know Maura and I'm sorry!" she said.
A young woman at the ticket counter called out, "Miss, your next in line please."
Maura turned away from Jane and headed to the counter. As she reached into her purse her hand was grabbed firmly. She looked at Jane.
"Please, Maura." her eyes were pleading, "Don't go with him."
Maura jerked her hand out of Jane's and retrieved her passport, "I have to Jane. I made a commitment and I can't just walk away from it."
"You made a commitment to go off into the African jungle with a man who uses you like a sex doll whenever he's in town and I can't let you be hurt by him!"
Maura turned on her, "How dare you!" She was furious now, "How dare you assume you have any say what so ever about what I do!"
"How dare you, Maura." She said with equal anger, "Do you even remember the last time this prick left. All those things you said about why you didn't like me being with Casey were true. Every one of them and you wished I had listened to you and in the end so did I. Now I'm here trying to tell you something, something that can change everything we have for the better and keep you from making the same mistake I did. Everything! Every! Thing! you hated about Casey is standing right there next to you. C'mon Maura, he uses you like his own personal whore!"
SLAP!
Jane's face exploded with pain and she saw stars. She blinked, eyes wide, stunned that Maura had slapped her. Maura was equally stunned and it had brought her out of her anger.
Jane took a step back, tears had started running down both cheeks. "So it's okay if you hit someone but not me." She rubbed her cheek but didn't stop her tears.
Maura regretted her actions, instantly. Never had she thought she would ever slap her best friend.
"Jane." Maura put her hand to her mouth, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…"
"No." Jane said softly in disbelief.
Maura watched in disbelief as Jane's emotions changes so fast.
As second later Jane's voice was louder, cracking with sadness, "No." she took another step back and raw, unfettered despair filled the room as she screamed, "No, goddamn it, NO!"
"Jane," Maura reached for her but Jane frantically took a few more steps away, "Jane, please. Don't!"
"I'm sorry, Maura." She said in sheer agony, "I didn't know. I didn't know I already lost you."
Jane bolted for the doors. She was out before Maura could wrap her head around Jane's words.
Already lost you! The words echoed in her mind.
"Jane! Come back, please!" Maura shouted, "You can't leave me until you tell me what you meant, JANE!"
She dropped her bags and ran out to the curb just in time to see the black Crown Victoria zooming away.
Maura fell to her knees on the sidewalk and softly pleaded to the fading car, "Please don't leave me, Jane."
"Dr. Isles?"
The voice snapped her out of her memories, "Yes?"
It was the schools secretary, Beatrice Dobbs, "Dr. Isles are you alright?"
Maura noted the concern on her face and realized she had been crying again. Ten months later and her heart was every bit as wounded as it was that day, "Yes, Beady, I was just thinking about home."
It was as close to the truth Maura would go.
Beady nodded, "I get that way too sometimes, though I don't seem to miss it as much as you do." She pulled a tissue from the desk and handed it to her.
"I miss the people I new mostly," another half-truth but sufficient to keep away the hives.
"Good people, huh?"
She thought of Jane and a fresh tear rolled out, she dabbed at it, "The best but I really don't want to discuss it."
"Well, sugar, if you change your mind, you know where I'm at."
She nodded slowly, "Is there something I can do for you Beady?"
The older, heavy set black woman handed her a sealed file folder, "Dr. Laiman wanted me to thank you for your assistance on the Baker autopsy and Professor Gregory Stokes from Columbia U wanted me to confirm the dates you offered to fill in for him. Also an FBI Agent Gabriel Dean sent this over, he said he wanted you to go over the medical information for some kind of case he's working on."
Maura paused at the name. Dean was the one who nearly got her biological father killed during Maura's second undercover operation. It was only Jane's perfect aim that had not ended Paddy Doyle's life. As for Agent Dean, he had taken a shot in the leg that day and Maura wanted to finish the job her father started.
Maura handed the folder back, "Forward this to the Jeffersonian Institute in Washington DC, care of the Medico Legal Department and should Agent Dean call again, please inform him that I have no intentions of working with him again. Please tell him he knows why and that I suggest he not try to push the issue by visiting in person. Such action would be quite detrimental to his continued health."
Beady gasped as she heard the anger in her voice. Subtle but so was Dr. Isles. "And Professor Stokes?" She said as she wrote on her notepad.
Maura calmed and opened her email and calendar on her I phone. She reviewed the data, "Please confirm all three dates and tell him I'd be delighted to fill in for him, also express my premature congratulations on his first grandchild. And for Dr. Laiman inform him that anytime I can be of assistance, I am not far away."
Beady nodded as she finished making notes. She was not looking forward to telling the FBI Agent what Dr. Isles had said. She wondered what Agent Dean had done to thoroughly make the kindest, most polite person she had ever met speak with such hatred and malice. If Agent Dean did show up, Beady suspected that he would be the next cadaver on Dr. Isles' table.
After finishing her paper on biology, Alexis signed her name as Alexis Rodgers, the name she had used for her entire student career before slipping it back into her messenger bag. She then pulled out an exact duplicate, and began to answer the questions again. She laughed at the simple mistakes she had begun to put on the paper.
Kate came out of the kitchen and leaned over her shoulder, "Hey, didn't you just finish that one?"
"Yeah," she said, "But Jane's going to be home soon and you know how she likes to help me with my homework."
Kate smiled warmly before giving the young Castle a good squeeze of the shoulders, "Yeah, but Jane's doing a lot better now, remember? So you might want to make your mistakes a little less obvious or she'll catch on."
Alexis smiled back at her, "Is she really all better?"
There was a sigh, "She's still not where she was but yeah, she's very much like her old self again. You'll see when she gets in."
The young girl nodded and continued on with her paper. Kate returned to the kitchen.
It was another half hour before Jane and Rick came back from the station. Kate grimaced as their raised voices echoed down the buildings hallways. As the lock tumbled open Jane's voice became clear. As soon as the door was shut she backed him into it, shoving a finger in his chest.
"And I've told you this before. You may not put me into one of your goddamn books. You want to use some of my traits for Nikki Heat that's one thing but I'd better never find anyone even remotely resembling me in one of your books or one of your poker buddies will be writing about your disappearance." She paused as she seen Alexis wide eyes.
Only Kate had been able to back him into a corner like that. Kate was right Jane was different.
Jane looked a bit sheepish as she quickly walked to the young redhead. She hugged her warmly, "Hey Kiddo. Sorry about yelling at your dad."
"No, it's okay." She said, "I know he can get stubborn sometimes."
"Huh." He said, "My own flesh and blood turning against me."
"Dad." Alexis whined in a very Jane like way, "How many times have you asked her about this?"
Rick blinked, "a couple?"
Kate eyed him, "In how many days?"
"A couple?"
Jane rolled her eyes, "I shouldn't have yelled at him." In front of you, she finished in her head.
Alexis turned to her dad, "Dad?"
He stared at them together. Despite his antics, he knew that Jane was a good influence on his only child, every bit as much as Kate was. Both women were strong, independent and driven. Something that he felt Alexis needed in her life. His little girl was as smart as they come but one look at her college curriculum would tell anyone that she lacked a specific direction. He wondered when she would find it and prayed to God that it wasn't joining the Police Department.
"Dad?" She said from Jane's arms, "What are you thinking about?"
He smiled, "How lucky you are to have two amazing women in your life for roll models."
She patted Jane's protective arms and got up to embrace her father, "I think I'm lucky I have you, too?"
He returned her hug, "Damn right! Where else can you get a ruggedly handsome dad like me?"
Jane glanced at Kate who rolled her eyes. Jane smirked as she matched it.
Even though she was nineteen, Alexis looked forward to her Aunt Jane checking in on her before bed. Sure it was childish but it was a secret they kept to themselves. Of course, Kate knew too but Rick was oblivious most days, preferring to stay out of what he called the "girl's wing". Gram was in Florida with her latest beau. She had said that it was time she moved out to someplace warmer given her age but Alexis suspected that it had more to do with Jane's arrival. That Gram had either somehow resented Kate coddling the other woman while her son slept alone or couldn't stand to hear Jane suffering. Either way, she had moved on without a single negative word about it.
Alexis had just sat on her bed and was looking at the picture of Gram when Jane came in.
"Hey, kiddo." She spotted the picture, "You missing your Gram again?"
"Yeah." She said softly, "But she'll be back for thanksgiving."
Jane sat next to her and slipped an arm over her shoulder before kissing her temple, "Yeah."
The air in the room was heavy with tension, Jane had the same suspicions Alexis did, but hers came with guilt.
Alexis broke that tension effortlessly, "So, are you going to Boston for Thanksgiving now that you made up with Frankie and your mom?"
"I thought about it," she said enthusiastically, "but who's going to keep an eye on you? Keep you from getting bored with all those high end snobs your dad hangs out with."
Light laughter erupted from both of them. They knew that a turkey dinner together as a family was more than adequate. Rick, Kate, Gram, Alexis and Jane, that was a family.
"If you don't go, I think you should invite Olivia. She's always nice and I know that with Alex in Africa and the Stablers gone. She could use a good family to spend Thanksgiving with."
"You're not trying to hook us up are you?" with her tone low, Jane eyed the girl seriously.
Alexis blushed.
"Lex we've been through this." Jane whined, "Yeah I love Liv, the same way I love Kate, like a sister."
"But you loved Maura like a sister, too."
"No, I thought I did." She sucked in a deep breath and released it quickly, "But it was never like that and I know that now. I couldn't face it then, being gay I mean. That was one of the hardest things I had to accept about myself. 'Hi I'm Jane Rizzoli, I'm a lesbian and I'm in love with my best friend.' Besides, even if I was open to the idea, Liv needs someone who's can give her their whole heart, everything they have. Liv taught me that and she's just as fractured as I am."
Alexis gave her a duh stare.
"Okay, she's not as fractured as I am." Jane huffed.
"That's not what I was implying,"
"That's not the point, kiddo." Jane said, "Neither of us is ready to move on and if we don't respect that we'll just end up hurting each other more. She taught me that lesson and I remind her of it too."
Alexis nodded as she thought about it and Jane was right. Olivia was just as broken over Alex as Jane was of Maura.
"I'm sorry, Aunt Jane." she said hugging the Italian tightly, "I just wish I could find a way to take the sadness away."
Jane squeezed her back, "I know, girl, but I'm not ready and really, I don't know if I'll ever be again."
Alexis looked up into Jane's chocolate eyes, staring off in the distance with a twinge of sadness.
"You should still invite her."
Jane blinked and the sadness was concealed again, "If I stay, I'll ask her, okay. Anything else your royal pain in my ass wants?" Jane said sarcastically.
As Alexis slid under the covers she smiled, "Sure." She ran her fingers through Jane's long curly locks. "Could you teach me to curl my hair like yours?"
Jane tilted her head to stare down at her, "Little girl, my hair does this naturally. You'd spend days trying to duplicate it." She smirked. She kissed Alexis on the forehead again and stood to leave.
"No, promises but I'll see if I can arrange it with Kate. She knows more about hair than I do. Probably have to take you to that fancy boutique she goes to."
Alexis chuckled as Jane flipped the switch and walked out. As she drifted off to sleep she heard Jane asking Kate how many curling irons she owns.
A/N: I know that I kind of made Alexis a little childish in this but that's kind of how I can see her, since she and Jane are that close, she'd let her hair down for Jane just as she has helped take care of Jane. So for Jane she can be not the uber-responsible Alexis Castle and kind of take a step back to a young girl with her favorite aunt. Wait till you see what fun traits she got from her Aunt Jane.