John Ross and Pamela, Season 1, Episode 7 – Haywire

It would have made more sense to have a cab take them to the airport than to take John Ross's car and leave it there. But John Ross didn't want any commotion at Southfork. He wanted them to slip away quietly.

And they did. They boarded the charter plane at 7a.m. and took off.

"Can I know now where we're going?" Pamela asked John Ross.

"First to San Juan, then to St. Kits on another charter."

"Why another charter?"

"Because I'm trying to throw anybody who comes looking off our trail."

"Who would come looking for us?" she asked.

He hesitated to tell her, either about Emma or Trevino. "It's complicated, Pamela."

"Are you being blackmailed, John Ross?"

"Not exactly."

"You said you would try to tell me the truth. Try."

He chose the lesser of two evils. "Nicholas Trevino thinks he can turn you against me. Against the Ewings. He has incriminating evidence of something…something I did. I'm very afraid you're not ready to hear it. That it could send you back to the hospital. I…I'm taking you away to protect you, Pamela. You've gotta believe me." His eyes implored.

He added one last thing, "I'd tell you myself if I thought you could take it. I'm not afraid for myself." That was a complete lie. He was very afraid for himself. "I'm sick of lies. I'm only afraid for your sanity. I don't want to hurt you anymore, baby."

Pamela didn't move. She didn't do anything. She just sat there and mulled it over for an hour. She was trying to gauge how she felt, whether she could take any more. Whether she could handle the truth, the whole truth.

She looked at him, sitting across from her, looking out the window, trying to pretend he was calm. His clenched fists told her he was anything but calm, he was terrified. She remembered that white knuckle fear, the one where you just wanted to burst and tell the damn truth, if only the person on the receiving end would forgive you. If only they didn't stop loving you. He looked like he could explode from the pressure. She had to let him relieve that pressure. It didn't matter how scared she was. Her love for him was strong. It could get her through. She took a deep, deep breath and gripped the arms of her seat.

"Did you cheat on me John Ross?"

He inhaled deeply, tears came into his eyes, and he took some time to be able to get out the words. "I'm very sorry that I did. It meant nothing, I was just trying to get a deal going." He looked her straight in the eye, "I'm so sorry that I hurt you, baby."

She sat there, oddly disembodied, thinking about the thing. Was this the thing she was so afraid of? It didn't feel like it. It was bad, but she could tell he was sorry. She could forgive him.

Pamela had retreated again into quiet. John Ross breathed a sigh of relief that she had not dissolved into a rage. But he was still in a perpetual state of alert. Anything could happen. That Doc had made him believe she was so fragile. But he knew his Pamela was a strong woman. That's what he admired about his wife. Beneath that fragile beauty was a person who had recovered from serious blows and who did not give up.

Except for that one time, that is. That one horrible time. Perhaps all this meditative silence meant she was plotting to do it again.

Yeah, speaking of the Doc, he would be spitting mad when he found out John Ross had taken Pamela out of the country without so much as a "by your leave." He was glad he wouldn't be around to get an earful of that. But he hoped he didn't live to regret it either.

They changed planes in San Juan and landed in the afternoon on the little island of Nevis, and then it's sister island, St. Kitts. The hotel shuttle left them in front of the beautiful five star hotel they had spent their honeymoon in.

It had been an active week when they had been here before, and the hostess was aggressive in trying to get them to sign up for activities once again. John Ross thought Pamela would not be in the mood, but she surprised him by agreeing to kayaking and scuba lessons and beach volleyball.

For the next few days they looked to any outsiders like they were having a second honeymoon.

"What about dinner, darling?" John Ross asked, trying to pick one of the hotel restaurants.

"Why don't we go into town, when we did the sightseeing tour we saw a little place I'd like to try. "

"What was it called?"

"Mama Joy." She smiled.

"Mama Joy! Well, alright darling. I'll try anything once." Especially if she looked at him like that, all fresh and lovely in her tie die halter dress.

When they entered the wooden house painted in bright parrot colors they received a warm greeting from a large black woman who must have been Mama Joy herself. "How y'all doing on this fine evening? Come and sit where u can see the sunset."
She said.

"Thank you," Pamela answered the maternal greeting with equal warmth.

"What will you be having? Do you know creole food?"

"Not too much, can you explain it a little?"

"Everything is very fresh. Full of herbs and spices I grow right out back there in my own garden."

"Awesome."

"Today we have the jerk chicken I recommend for you, the squash soup..." she went on to rattle off a long list of delicacies, all of which sounded good to Pamela. John Ross was simply fascinated by her enthusiasm. Pamela had not been eating much, her appetite seemed to become as subdued as her mood did sometimes.

She had not yet commented on his infidelity. It had been almost a week. He was learning the patience of Job, but sometimes he felt all twisted up inside.

Once Pamela selected her food the woman turned to him. "And you, dear?"

"Oh, I don't know. What was all that again?" he joked.

"Ah, you're a funny one," Mama Joy joked with him.

"Yes. I'm kidding. I'll have what she's having, exactly."

"Of course you will. You will follow her to the ends of the earth, won't you?" she kidded again, not knowing how close to the mark she was.

John Ross broke out in a broad smile. "You've got my number there," he said.

"Just focus on that and you'll be alright," she said to him, and it was as if someone had walked on his grave. How could she know he needed to hear that right at that moment?

Pamela jumped in to what she thought was a game. "But how can he do that, when I don't know where I'm going?" she asked.

"This man has the patience of Job," she said, as John Ross caught his breath.

"Let me get to your food," she said. "So you can get the party started."

They both had grins on their faces when she left. They felt completely at home. The fruit juices were fresh and light when they arrived. The dip for the chips had them fighting each other for the last bite.

"You owe me, John Ross. Don't you dare touch that last bite."

"Ah ha! Now it comes out," he said. "Now you're going to charge me." He relinquished the salsa dip and got serious for one second. "How can you charge me so little?" He said.

"Because I love you," she said, being serious for a moment also.

He took a deep breath and looked straight in her eyes. "You should hate me," he whispered.

"I know what it's like to make mistakes and to really regret them."

"Can I ask…," he tried to be cautious. "You don't really remember finding it out, do you?"

"No, I don't," she answered.

"When you do, you may not want to stay with me, Pamie. I want you to know I'll understand it if you don't. I just want to get you through to the other side. I want you to be alright."

"I know you do, John Ross." She put her hand on his. "I'm thinking we should trust our love for each other."

Their food came and they ate in peace. John Ross was so happy he was cracking jokes. And she was happy to laugh at every one of them. The food, according to John Ross, was so good it was a nearly orgasmic experience. When Mama Joy came by again to check on them and see how they liked her food they both broke out laughing because they couldn't tell her exactly how good it was.

"Ah, I see it made you happy. That is the best reason for cooking."

"I wish I could cook food like this," Pamela said. "I think it would be awesome."

"Using your hands is always a blessing. It has a healing power."

"Oh?"

"Yes, it's true, dear. It soothes the spirit."

Pamela seemed to think on this. "Would you… Would it be too much to ask, would you teach me how to cook? I would be willing to pay for classes."

"Darling, you don't have to pay me. I'll teach you anytime. Just come in the mornings."

At that moment some folks arrived and started gathering at the biggest table in the back corner. They seemed more informal than the rest of the guests, which were thinning out. Mama Joy had hugs for all of them. She called Pamela and John Ross over and introduced her tall son, Godwin and his wife Lotta and baby.

Pamela's eyes were riveted on the boy, a smiling chocolate baby. "Who's this, huh? Who's this?" she asked, pinching the baby's toe.

The child went into a fit of chuckles.

Everyone cracked up in surprise. When Pamela repeated her action, she got the same reaction. And again and again until Pamela was the one now holding the baby and he was touching her lips and nose and hair.

John Ross started taking pictures of the two and of the group and of Pamela and the baby and Mama Joy together. He had to do something to keep busy otherwise he would have just stared. She was dazzling and full of joy in that moment. He worshipped at her feet.

They stayed with the family a long time and went home close to midnight. As they got into their room Pamela said, "I want to see those pictures you took. Can I have your phone?"

"Sure thing."

They lay on the bed looking at all the pictures and laughing, both of them surprised they had found such warmth in so little time among Mama Joy's special family.

"It was a grand night," Pamela said.

"Were those people real?" John Ross asked. "It's hard to believe they were real. I mean, we're total strangers and they just took us in. Just like that."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Pamela answered, looking at John Ross. It was like they had found a vision of what they wanted in their life, love that was pure, simple and true.

Their eyes locked and after a moment Pamela leaned over and began kissing him. He responded, but only with his lips, letting her take the lead. As things got more heated and it was clear where they were headed he asked, "Darling, are you sure you want this?"

"Uh-hum," she answered.

He still made no move to bring her beneath him, letting all of it happen on her terms. He touched her only lightly on the arms and hands and face. When they climaxed it was an explosion of feeling for both of them and he thought it was the perfect ending to the perfect night.

But he was wrong. Not long after, Pamela started to breathe deeply, in gasps. She started panicking, saying the words, "No, no, no."

Before long she was raging, saying, "Don't touch me, I don't want you to touch me. Oh, I feel so awful. I want to vomit."

She got up and ran to the bathroom and did just that, retching and purging like a bulimic. John Ross was horrified and unsure of what to do. If he had not seen her in a rage before he would have taken it personal, that his lovemaking could make her feel so bad. But he knew there was something more going on, that made her go haywire like this.

He called the hotel desk and asked for a house doctor. Half an hour later, a physician showed up to see Pamela pacing in circles and talking to herself. He gave her a sedative and referred John Ross to a psychiatrist for the next day.

As he cradled his sleeping wife in his arms John Ross slowly let go of all the tears he had pent up in his heart. Clearly, Pamela was deeply torn between loving him and hating him. He wondered what would win out in the end. He was a man in purgatory, who had no knowledge of his own end, whether it would be heaven or hell.