Author: I haven't posted anything in two weeks because I've been on holiday in Italy! I'm upoloading a few now because I have enjoyed writing them – please, please, please let me know if you enjoy reading them! I'm open to suggestions on what kind of scenes you want to see next etc! Literally, feel free to say anything
Continued straight from last...
'The Order of what? Of Fawkes?' Lily asked, getting more confused.
Dumbledore chuckled softly at that.
'No. Nothing to do with Fawkes. Though I did name it after him. Enormously strong and loyal Phoenix's are, and that's what this war needs...strength and loyalty.'
Dumbledore said thoughtfully.
'Professor, I still don't understand. What's the war got to do with your Phoenix?'
Dumbledore walked away from Fawkes and back to his seat. He took a sherbet lemon from the bowl in front of him, and gestured for Lily to take one as well. She reached for one, unwrapped it and popped it in her mouth, relishing in the sweet flavour and the reminder of Muggle sweets. She smiled softly as she remembered how her father would always let her spend 50p down the village shop every Friday after school, and she would always buy the sherbet lemons. He used to tease her for not trying new things, but Lily always knew what she liked and what she didn't. Dumbledore chuckled softly as the smile on Lily's face.
'Yes, I've always found myself very partial to these particular Muggle sweets. I find them to not be as risky as some of the magical ones.' Dumbledore said, shuddering slightly. 'Anyway, I must stay on subject. Lily, the Order of the Phoenix is an organisation I've founded in the war against Lord Voldemort. It is made up of the most willing and courageous wizards and witches, whose job it is to acquire as much information on Voldemort's movements as possible. It is a risky organisation, as if one was to be caught...I do not believe Voldemort or his followers would be kind. This organisation it outside of the Ministry but contains many powerful wizards and witches. Miss Evans, the reason I am telling you this is because I feel like you have a place among the ranks of the members of the Order of the Phoenix, should you want it.' Dumbledore held his hand up as Lily has started to nod and opened her mouth to speak.
'Miss Evans. Lily. This is not a decision for you to rush into, it is not a decision to make without thought. You have a high chance of being hurt in this war, and you will most likely risk your life constantly. The members of the Order of the Phoenix have accepted they may die fighting for this cause.' Dumbledore said gently.
'Dumbledore, I know that this war will be dangerous and I'll be putting myself in danger. My dads death taught me I wouldn't be able to stand losing anyone else, so I have to fight. I think I'm strong enough.' Lily responded.
'Lily, I have watched you for six years and am now watching you flourish in your seventh year despite your own personal loss. You are more than capable of fighting in this war, and as much as I want to say that I can accept you now...I must tell you that I cannot. You are my student, and until you graduate I must try and protect you as such. Whilst I am at Hogwarts, you are under my protection. However, you will have a place in the Order as soon as you graduate from Hogwarts.' Dumbledore said.
There was a tense silence as Lily considered his words. As much as she wanted to help now, to protect Muggles and Muggleborns. Her family and her friends, she also knew that without a complete education she may not know how. Lily was still learning so much that she did not know, and developing her skills.
'I think you may be right, there is so much still to learn in terms of magic. Transfiguration is so advanced now, and I'm in even slightly struggling in Potions which has always been my easier subject. I will finish my time at Hogwarts, but you will allow me to join after?' Lily asked.
'That's not what Professor Slughorn has been telling me.' Dumbledore said, chuckling softly. 'He believes that you, and Mr Snape, are the strongest students he has seen in all his years. To answer your question however, I think you should pursue a career in the Auror department as well, as you've always wished but yes, I believe you will also be a strong member of the Order of the Phoenix, when the time is right.'
'But not now?' She asked, one last time.
'No. I also believe we have now said enough on the subject. You will complete our studies and get good grades, because to quote Horace Slughorn once again; 'That Gryffindor girl and my Slytherin boy are the best this school has had and will achieve greatness.'
'Professor Slughorn really said that? That me and Sev, I mean Snape, were the best he's seen?' Lily asked.
'He did indeed. He also said that it is a shame you and Mr Snape are no longer on speaking terms, he believed you two often complimented each other's work.' Dumbledore replied knowingly.
'Sev...Snape is different now. I'm different now. We chose different paths, and it seems neither of us can get past that. There are different sides to every war, and he picked a different side to me.' Lily said shyly.
'I'm fully aware of where Mr Snape believes his loyalty lie.' Dumbledore commented. 'Though I've often found myself thinking, that wars may not be necessary if everyone was able to accept themselves as equal and get along. Mr Snape seems to care for you very deeply, Lily...as I'm sure you're aware.'
'I'm aware of his feelings, though mine are not the same. They never were. He can't be angry at me for not feeling the same as him...he was my best friend. He insulted me very deeply. He's also not approached me once about my fathers death, even though he knew how much I loved him. My loyalties were with him for years. I was on his side for years, sir. I respected him, even as a Slytherin. I defended him. He's abandoned me just as much as I've abandoned him...he's chosen them, not us.' Lily said extremely defensively.
She found herself thinking about her own words as Dumbledore also seemingly considered them. Had he abandoned her? He'd called her a mudblood, but he had apologised hadn't he? Yet she still rejected him. She stopped sticking up for him, basically allowing him to be bullied. She'd even started to become friends with his old bullies. That's not how best friends were supposed to act and Dumbledore seemed to think this as well.
'Are you sure he's chosen them? Or did he just have no one else to chose?' He asked.
'Sev had me.' She replied sadly. 'I was never able to convince him before that the people he was hanging out with weren't good for him, that he needs to be with people who care for him and he cares for back.'
'Hm. I ask you to do me one favour, though it is not really mine to ask. Try and talk to Mr Snape one last time and perhaps suggest that you are still there. Loyalty is sometimes a fickle thing, when someone seems committed on the surface...it may not run too deep.' Dumbledore pondered.
'If it's too late?' Lily questioned slowly.
'Then as you said, he will have picked his side. Him and the rest of his friends may rely on Hogwarts, and to a certain extent myself, for now but when they leave they are on their own. I, and the teachers of this school, cannot always be here to protect them from the influences of others.' He said gravely. 'Now, it seems we have been talking for quite a while, Miss Evans, but be rest assured...though we have missed dinner, I will make sure there is plenty of food in your private fridge.'
'Sir? May I ask just one thing?' Lily questioned.
'Some would argue you just did.' He replied, his eyes twinkling. 'However, I will allow another.'
'Have you approached anyone else about the Order of the Phoenix?'
'As it happens, I haven't. Not quite yet. Though I feel I will be chatting to a few more students before this term is out.'
'Sir...may I ask who?' She asked.
'It seems we have decided against the one more question rule, so instead I shall ask you one. Who would you chose?' Dumbledore asked.
They sat in silence for a few moments as Lily considered his words.
'If you had asked me a few months ago, my answer would have been extremely different. Now though, I would have to say James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Alice Fortescue and Mary MacDonald. I know you'll think it's because they're all my friends, but that wouldn't be true. James, Sirius and Peter have only recently become people I talk to, and although I've been considering that I judged them too quickly, I do also believe that they have changed. Whilst they are still pranksters, evident by the fact that two days ago they turned the second floor corridor into a swamp, they have always been clever and know what side of the war they should be on. They're loyal, especially to each other. Alice and Mary have been my friends since the moment I arrived at Hogwarts, despite me being Muggleborn and they'll be my friends for years to come. They would fight with me, and they would fight with you. I know it.' Lily concluded.
'Perhaps you're right. So it won't be a shock to you that I will be speaking to each and every one of them, and soon, though I ask you not to mention it to them right now as I believe it should come from me. I also believe that I may be talking to Frank Longbottom, just so you are aware.' Dumbledore said.
'You should. I don't know him well on a personal level, but he gets on very well with my friend Alice, and he seems to be an incredible wizard.'
'I agree. Now, we must end this meeting or we shall both be in trouble with Professor McGonagall.' He said, his blue eyes twinkling again behind his half-moon spectacles.
Lily thought about his words as she walked back to the common room. Particularly the parts concerning Snape. Had she not made enough of an effort? Perhaps not, perhaps she should have been there for him more. Lily was aware of how rare it was for a Gryffindor to be friends with a Slytherin, but her and Snape had been friends before Hogwarts and she never realised it mattered. She still didn't understand why it mattered.
That night she laid awake for hours, tossing and turning, as she considered whether she should approach Snape. Let him know that if he changed his mind, she would still be there for him...not in the way he wanted, but as she always was. He would remain as one of her best friends even if they couldn't be friends anymore. It was time she presented him for the proper, real choice.
Three weeks later...
Lily still hadn't approached Snape. She saw him constantly, and he was often alone so she had a lot of opportunity to do so but she could never bring herself to do it. Instead, she found herself hanging out a lot more with the Marauders and Alice and Mary - all of whom had become a big group. She had been on three more patrols with James, which had all gone well as she found herself talking more about herself and her childhood and also, learning about him and his parents. She was glad that they were able to be friends, and even often found him to be quite funny as a person and with his pranks. Though she sometimes found herself missing the old James, because he never pulled pranks on her anymore and always spoke quite tentatively around her so it wouldn't piss her off. Although she did appreciate it, it was also beginning to wear a little thin. Especially as she was able to function through the day without drifting off into her own world. Lily still thought of her dad constantly, but it didn't wear her out anymore. She had taken Dumbledore's words to heart and allowed herself to be sad and to cry. She had allowed her friends to comfort her, at least Alice and Mary anyway, and to wipe away her tears and be her strength - and now she was returning to her normal self (slowly, but she was getting there) - so she really wished James would stop treating her like a victim.
Lily also knew that she would have to talk to Snape and soon, to have any kind of impact with her words. Though she was very unclear of what to say, she knew she'd have to say something because as Dumbledore said, he may not think he has anyone there for him.
Potions
'Afternoon.' Lily said slowly, taking a seat next to Snape who usually sat alone at the back of the class.
Snape didn't even lift his eyes up to look at her and continued to scribble in his potions textbook instead.
'Good afternoon, Sev.' Lily tried again.
His head snapped up at the sound of her old nickname for him. Lily saw surprise flash through his eyes and was hurt to see that he could be so shocked she'd speak to him. They used to be best friends after all.
'Sorry?' He said.
'I said 'good afternoon'. Usually you'd say something back and maybe ask how I am. That's how conversations usually get started anyway.' She replied sarcastically.
'You have barely spoken to me for two years. You don't even meet my eye anymore.' Snape said sadly. Lily saw real pain behind his eyes and wondered how true that was. She did usually avoid looking at him but that was only because it was too painful to. Lily saw how tired Snape was looking, how the bags under his eyes were a deep blue like he'd been given two black eyes. She saw his clothes were nearly as ragged as Remus's, and his hair was even more greasy and long then usual. He looked like an abandoned puppy.
'You called me a mudblood. Then you had the audacity to say it was an accident. You sneer at every girl and boy of my blood and criticise them for it and then pretended like I was different. I was really, really angry.'
'And you aren't now? You can forgive me?' Snape said quietly as Slughorn has started his lesson. As usual, he told them to pair up and work together. She could see Mary and the Marauders all staring at her curiously and she was having her whispered conversation. James particularly was staring at them, but he looked more annoyed than curious.
'I'm not sure. I'm still angry about what you said, and what you have kept saying to others. But I also want to help you.'
'Help me?' He asked.
'Yes, help you. You don't have to be who you're trying to become. Sev...you have a choice.' Lily said softly.
His eyes flashed then and she saw immediate anger.
'And how would you know who I'm trying to be? You haven't exactly been paying attention.' Snape snapped.
'Of course I've been paying attention. Don't insult my intelligence by acting like we don't all know what you and all your little friends plan to do as soon as your out of Hogwarts.' Lily said, her voice slightly shaking as her quick temper flared up.
'You don't know anything, Lils. Nothing.'
'So you're denying that you plan to become a Death Eater?' She said shortly.
Snape met her eyes quickly and then looked down at the empty cauldron sitting in front of them. He began to cut up some ingredients and throw them into the cauldron without even checking the textbook.
'Well...you not going going to even dignify my question with an answer?'
'It's clear you've already decided who I am.' Snape said coldly.
'Not who you are. I know who you want to be, but that's not who you are. You're my childhood best friend. The boy who told me I was a wizard. My best friend throughout five years of Hogwarts, despite our differences. The boy I stood up to against bullies, and who occasionally stood up for me in return. You're a boy who grew into a man, who turned his back on our entire friendship. Just because I'm a Gryffindor and you're a Slytherin, doesn't mean we can't be friends.' Lily said passionately, resting her hand on top of his.
'I want to be our friend. But don't you see? You're on the wrong side, Lil. He will win this war, and not because he's evil but because he's powerful. This war isn't about good and bad, or right and wrong. It's about power, and whose willing to seek it out.' Snape was started to speak very fast, and with more life in his voice than before. 'You're a powerful witch, and I'm a powerful wizard. We could help win this war and be respected by so many.' He rested his other hand on top of hers and looked into her eyes, leaning closer in as he seemed to will her to agree with him.
Lily withdrew her hands from his and busied them with the potion as she tried to calmly think through her answer.
'Voldemort kills innocent people. Peoples families and friends. He kills them in cold blood.' Lily said quietly, but not softly.
'Only people who try to prevent him achieving greatness. Don't you see how strong this world would be if everyone was magical. Equal.' Snape said, almost dreamily.
Lily could almost feel her anger now, like her blood was boiling.
'What about the people he doesn't consider equal? People without magic. Muggles..?' She questioned, avoiding his earnest eyes.
'They're only Muggles. They don't deserve to be equal. You can see that, can't you? How much your life would have been more miserable of you didn't have magic?' Snape said.
Thats when it happened. Lily stood up, knocking the cauldron to the floor with a clang as she did so. Snape visibly leant back as he realised he'd been missing the signs. The quietness and the slow answers all indicated Lily's temper was about to boil over. She saw that his excitement for her listening to his side of the argument blocked him from realising how quickly she was becoming angry. Everyone in class had turned to look their way as Lily rose from her chair, her red hair looking like it was crackling with the intensity of her rage.
'Now, now Miss Evans.' Slughorn said, rising quickly. 'Don't make a scene in my class.'
'Sorry Professor, but this has to be said. Severus Snape, do you not hear yourself? Acting as if you are above everyone because you seek power? Not just power, but power over others. I suppose you wouldn't care if you had to kill a few people, a few Muggles. What about Muggleborns? Kill them as well, I guess?' She spat.
'N-no...I didn't mean that.' Snape said quickly.
'Ah, no of course. Your deluded little mind forgot I was muggleborn? That my family were Muggles? Didn't think it would matter to me if they were killed, as long as they didn't get in the way of the great Lord Voldemort?' She said sarcastically. 'Suppose that's why I haven't received your heartfelt condolences about my dad dying? Too much of a Muggle for it to matter to a great wizard like you.' Lily shouted, everyone had class were watching them now with great interest. Slughorn looked as if he was struggling to find a way to intercede.
'No. That's not why. I didn't think you'd want me too!' Snape whimpered.
'Want my old best friend to comfort me? You probably were one of the only ones to have met my dad, it would have been nice. Probably didn't think much of him though. You should know that he was twice the man you are. You disgust me. You low-life, despicable, coward! You're a coward!' She screeched.
'Enough!' Slughorn boomed, finally finding his voice. 'This is not the manner I expect my two best students to behave. Especially not the Head Girl. You will both immediately go to the Headmasters office.'
Lily turned her glare on him, and he actually recoiled under it.
'Why, sir? You can't possible agree with him? That this war is right? If you do, then you're just as much of a coward as him.'
'I will not be spoken to like this, not even by you. Gather your things and get out.' Slughorn stammered. 'And you Snape! Headmaster - now.'
'With pleasure.' With one last glower at Slughorn and Snape, she gathered her things and left.
Lily saw Snape follow her out, but did not slow down for him to catch up - not even when he called her name.