A/N: Just a quick throw down of an update here.
"SHIT!"
It came from Jane's room on Saturday afternoon. All eyes turned to the hallway as more cussing came from Jane's room. Kate glanced at Rick before she got up from the couch and headed in.
What she found shocked her. Jane's room was torn apart. A year ago that wouldn't be surprising but over the last year, Jane had become a neat freak to try to distract herself from Maura. Ironic, really because Maura was a neat freak who constantly badgered Jane about cleanliness.
"Jane?" she said watching Jane toss her things from her dresser onto the blanket she had torn from her bed.
"Where is it?" her voice was teaming with worry. "Shit!"
"Jane? What are you looking for?" she said as she took a cautious step into the disaster area.
"I lost something important." She shouted. "A business card."
Kate was going to make a crack about having a hundred of them but thought better of it when Jane knocked over Pictures from her night stand in her desperate search.
Kate came in and took Jane by the shoulders, "Okay, first, calm down. Second where was the last place you know you had it?"
Jane took a deep breath to calm herself before she replied, "I had it on my night stand last night before bed. Now it's gone and I can't replace it." Kate stared at her a second.
Jane was really upset over this business card. She wanted to ask but knew better, since Jane had found herself again she had started to withdraw from their codependent relationship, settling into a more familial one. Kate knew that Jane was starting to keep secrets but she trusted the ebony haired woman to tell her if it was important. Kate sighed and started looking around the room.
It only took her a second to see a picture frame sticking out from one of Jane's pillows which was caught under the bed. Kate let her go and bent over to retrieve it. Jane turned away to continue her search. As Kate picked up the frame, she noticed a white card came with it. She pulled the card and was going to ask Jane if this was the right one when she caught sight of the picture.
It was of Jane and Maura, snuggled into each other at the dirty robber, happily sloshed and laughing. Kate knew the picture because she had taken it for them on her first visit to Boston.
Kate smiled at the memory. At the time it was clear to her how much Jane and Maura loved each other, though both of them were oblivious to each other's affection. Kate had come up to see the Yankee's victory over the Red Sox and to spend time with her friend Jane. Kate unhooked the business card from the back tab that held the picture in place and flipped it over. As soon as she had seen the name, she knew this was what Jane had torn her bedroom apart for.
"I found it." She simply said.
Jane froze in place and turned her head slowly to stare at Kate. She had seen the picture in one hand and the card in the other. Kate stared at her.
"How long have you had it?" she asked.
Jane straightened and rubbed at her scarred hands, "A little over a week."
Kate set the picture down on the bedside table and held up the card. "Have you gone to see her yet?"
Jane lurched forward and snatched Maura's card back, "No."
Kate frowned at her in puzzlement, "you found her but you haven't gone to see her yet?"
"I didn't find her." Jane said, "She filled in for one of Alexis's teachers last week. Alexis says Maura knows who she is and that she considers me her aunt. Hell, she even laid in to Maura verbally before apologizing."
Kate was floored, not only that Alexis had found Maura Isles by accident but also that she hadn't said anything about it to anyone other than Jane. But then again, she had told the one person who needed to know.
"So why haven't you gone to her, you've been looking for her for months?"
Jane took the picture from Kate and set them both on the dresser before starting to pick up her room, "A whole bunch of reasons. Highest up on the list is that I don't know if I should. Alexis said that she wants to apologies but that doesn't mean she wants me. All the time I have known her, she's been with men. Last thing she needs is a scarred, broken, homicide cop who runs away from her problems."
"Jane. That's not your choice to make. Your choice is do you present yourself as available to her or not. She chooses whether or not she wants you."
"Right." Jane said sarcastically, "She's been here since before September. If she wanted me she would have come."
"She did Jane." Kate said and then hesitated. "Remember?"
She thought of the consequences of her next few words. Kate had not told Jane what Maura had said that day she came to the 12th. Only that Maura had come looking for her and that she wanted to apologize and make amends. She hadn't told her what Maura had said about loving Jane and not wanting to be with anyone else. She hadn't told Jane about Maura being depressed.
At first it was to protect Jane. She had been in no condition to consider such things but Jane was better now and had been for weeks. Kate had kept it to herself out of selfishness. She loved Jane, not like Maura but like a sister and she was afraid that if Jane and Maura got together, they'd be on a plane back to Boston and Kate would lose her partner and friend.
"She came to you at the 12th." Kate sighed and rubbed her hand over her brow, "She came to get you, to take you back to Boston or to get you to let her stay in New York."
Jane stopped picking up and stared, "What?"
"She wanted you then, Jane." Kate said as she ran her hand through her own hair, "She'd been depressed without you and said she couldn't function without you."
In a second she had Kate against the wall, fists buried in her shirt, "You're just now telling me this?"
"I didn't know how, Jane." She said honestly, "You weren't ready, you said that yourself. I wanted to tell you but I'm your friend and I couldn't let you get hurt."
Jane shoved her again and anger filled her eyes, "So you kept it to yourself. Why didn't you tell me this a few weeks ago?"
Kate bowed her head, "Because I was afraid?"
She leaned in close, "Of what, my darker side?"
Kate eyes met her and they stood as equals, "No I was afraid I'd lose you. That I've become so attached to you in my life that I can't imagine it without you in it."
Jane took a step back, "But you and Rick."
"Not like that, Jane." She said, "I love you like family and losing you to her would be like burying my own twin."
Jane shook her head, "You selfish bitch!"
"Yeah, I guess I am." Kate said quietly.
Jane didn't say anything as she went to her closet and pulled out her gym bag. She opened her mouth to say something but closed it before she did. She glared at Kate as she walked out and grabbed the keys to her Crown Vic before slamming the door on her way out of the apartment.
Frankie dropped his fork loudly on the dinner plate, shocked to his core at what he had just heard. "You wanna run that by me again, Ma? I think I had to have heard that wrong."
"Francesco…" she started but he cut her off.
"Don't do it, Ma! I ain't Janie and I'll just leave." He wiped his mouth and glared at his brother Tommy. "What do you think of this?"
Tommy passed a look to Lydia before forking another helping of pasta onto his plate. "It's Ma's call and to be honest, I kinda agree with her."
Tommy's eyes went wide, "She's your sister, Tommy! I can't believe you!"
Angela passed a look to her fiancé, Sean Cavanaugh, "It's my choice Frankie. Janie isn't coming home until she brings Maura with her."
Cavanagh had the good graces to be engrossed in his dinner. Since his position in the family was still new and since he didn't like to get in between family members during discussions he kept his opinion to himself.
Frankie tossed down his napkin, "Tommy, tell me one thing."
Tommy lifted his head in mid chew, "what?"
"Just tell me this ain't about Janie's… preferences for dates." His eyes narrowed as Tommy visibly swallowed. "It is, isn't it?"
Tommy looked around as he swallowed his food, "Look Frankie, we were all raised Catholic and being gay is a sin so yeah, I gotta problem with that."
"So is killin'." Frankie continued despite his mother's gasp, "Janie and I have both killed bad guys and so has Cavanagh. You gonna hold that against all of us next."
Cavanaugh raised his head at that one and looked to Tommy. He wanted an answer but remained quiet.
"No, 'cause you guys all repent when it happens. You can't repent a continuous act." He said indignantly.
"Oh, so it's okay to kill someone as long as you repent, but falling in love oh such an unforgiveable sin." Frankie stood up and took his plate to the sink.
"Frankie." Angela said, "It's not like that."
"No, Ma. For him it is like that!" he set his plate in the sink and started for the door.
Angela jumped up to catch him, "Frankie, I DON'T have a problem with it."
"No, you just won't let your only daughter, who you haven't seen in a year, come home for Thanksgivin' because she and her best friend, a lady that she's in love with, aren't speakin'."
He opened the door and headed out to his car.
"Frankie, where are you going?" she shouted as she ran outside after him.
He yanked the door open on his unmarked. "I'm going back to my place that's really my sister's apartment, to pack a bag and buy a train ticket south for next weekend. I'm goin' to spend Thanksgivin' with my sister because family shouldn't be alone on holidays." He slammed the car door shut and drove off.
A tear slid down Angela's cheek as the tail lights faded into the snow. Sean came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders.
"He's just angry." He said softly, "You know how he's always looked up to Jane."
"I already lost two daughters, Sean." She said, "Now I feel like I just lost one of my sons."
"I know," he said, "Let him go Angie, because he's right. Family shouldn't be alone on holidays."
She nodded and leaned back into him. She hoped she had made the right decision for Jane and Maura but after watching Frankie leave, she wasn't so sure.
"I've never seen her so mad." Rick said as he rubbed Kate's shoulders. He knew that she needed comfort right now after telling Jane the truth and losing the trust of the second most important part of her life. Kate had needed him more than ever tonight. So he had been holding her for hours by the fire. Sometimes it scared her little to know how much she depended on the people in her life. Rick for his love and strength. Alexis for making her think, And Jane who pushed her every day and who had her back all the time.
As he realized what he had said he quickly added, "But I'm sure she'll be back to her old self after she calms down."
"Maybe," she said, "But will she ever trust me again?"
"Sure." he said as he squeezed her tight, "Especially after I tell her about the Diary."
Kate turned on him, "You can't!"
"I have to." He said sharply, "She'll find out sooner or later and I don't want you to tell her. Let her hate me for a while plus it will take the attention off of you."
Kate thought about that for a minute. Jane did like Castle but not that much and it wouldn't take a best-selling author to realize that it would severely damage Jane and Castle's relationship. Since Jane had come back to herself Kate had realized a distance growing between her friend and her fiancé. Jane had eventually confided in her that she couldn't stand Rick or any other man seeing her so weakened. Kate knew that Rick's diary was going to be an issue, more after that confession than anything else.
In the beginning she had worried that Maura could do something with the book to harm Jane, but know she realized that it wasn't Maura and Jane she had to worry about. Fate seemed to be adding its own hand into Jane and Maura's future. The greatest threat to Jane was her own reaction to Rick's documentation of her life. Kate had never thought that book was a good idea but she allowed Rick to continue, mostly because if she tried to stop it, he'd just hide his efforts. He was that stubborn. Her mother's case was proof of that. And this way she could keep tabs on what was in it and it had been invaluable to her as an outside opinion when she was in too deep with Jane to see clearly.
Before Kate could tell Castle to keep quiet, Alexis came into the room carrying the phone, "Kate? Mickey O'Reilly is on the phone and wants to talk to you."
Castle looked at Kate, "Why is the owner of your gym calling at this hour?"
Kate shook her head and took the phone.
It had been more than a week since Maura had talked with the young Alexis Castle. More than a week since the pretty genius had asked Maura for one of her cards. More than a week since she promised to give it to her Aunt Jane. And it had been more than a week since Maura had begun keeping her phone on her at all times again.
She hadn't done this since she turned in her resignation in Boston. As time had gone by Maura had feared the worst. That she had been too late but an email from Alexis had told her that it wasn't true. That Aunt Jane had been grateful to have it and that they had pigged out on Chunky Monkey ice cream in celebration.
When Maura returned the email, Alexis was equally surprised that Jane hadn't called her. So tonight she had sat down with a glass of wine and for the first time in months, the Diary of Jane was still sitting in her messenger bag. Maura had her laptop out and was writing a new article she intended to submit to the Medical journal. It wasn't long after she had finished and was proof reading her work when her phone rang.
Dr. Gregory Nelson.
Please, let this somehow be work related, she picked up her phone and pressed answer.
"Dr. Isles." She said calmly.
"Ah, Maura there you are." He said, his speech slightly slurred from drink.
"Hello, Dr. Nelson." She said politely through gritted teeth. Jane, where are you when I need you to save me from this dreadful man.
"Maura please, call me Greg." There were voices in the background, "A few of us from the hospital are down here at Joey's and I was hoping I could convince you to come out with us."
Maura cringed at the invitation and Dr. Nelson's insistent attempts to court her. Despite multiple refusals and even one heartfelt I'm not available he still continued to pursue her. She doubted even coming out of the closet would stop him.
"I am terribly sorry, Dr. Nelson but I don't believe that would be appropriate."
"Appropriate," he laughed a little too hard, "Maura dear, I am trying to invite you out for a few drinks not ask you to cover a mistake in surgery."
Maura took in a deep breath and sighed audibly, Jane always said I needed to learn how to hedge the truth. "Dr. Nelson, Please understand that I am not available for a few drinks with you. I am a private woman and I am in love with someone and that person would be quite upset at your actions. Honestly, I am unsure what would happen should" pause over she "hear of this and I do not intend to find out. Good night Dr. Nelson." She hung up and pulled her shirt down to reveal her chest above her cleavage. No red bumps, no hives.
She smiled to herself. Every single word was true just presented so he would draw the wrong conclusion. Even when you're not here, you still save me Jane.
Maura smiled grew wide at what Jane would have said to that.
"See Maur, it's not so hard. Just tell them the truth but in a way where they think something totally different. I knew you could do it!"
She imagined the brunette's two strong arms surrounding her in a hug. The same kind of warm embrace Maura had memorized every second of when they happened and sorely missed over the last eleven months. Maura sighed as she saved her article and turned off the laptop. She knew what would happen tonight, the same thing that happened every night in New York. She would go to bed dreaming of a fiery Italian holding her tightly and wake up feeling alone.
She looked out her bedroom window and at seeing the moon rising over the New York skyline fell to her knees and did something she had never done before….
Maura Isles prayed.
A/N: I know there's a lot of catholic overtones in this one, and no I'm not overly religious, but it is a part of Jane and her family and I think at some point we all turn to someone and beg them to help us. This was to show Maura's love and desperation.