John Ross and Pamela - S1 E10 – Flamingo House

Pamela was on the lookout for John Ross when he came into Mama Joy's that morning. When she saw him, she went up to him, took his face and planted a kiss on his lips. John Ross swallowed hard, but outwardly, he didn't let it show, all that desire was under the surface.

"Umm, that was nice," he held her. "Listen baby, can you get away now? I have something I want to show you before we go to our appointment with Gina.

Pamela's heart skipped a beat. "Sure let's go."

He took her to the pink flamingo house, on the street with walled in gardens.

"John Ross, what is this, why do you have a key?"

"Allow me, Mrs. Ewing," he said, scooping her up in his arms and walking into the furnished grand living room.

He put her down, grabbed her hand and took her on a tour from the kitchen to dining room/living room, into the bedroom and out the double doors onto the terrace and the backyard, from which one could see the ocean down below.

"What is this place? It's beautiful."

"It's yours if you want it."

"For how long?" she asked.

"For as long as we're here."

She walked up to him and kissed him full on the mouth, "I want it." She walked back into the house, saying. "Let's go to the hotel and check out right now."

"Woah, we're late for our appointment. We can do that after. "

As he drove the car she said, "I can't wait to cook in my own kitchen. We need to get groceries on the way home."

"Wow, I didn't know my wife had such a domestic side."

"My mother would never let me near the kitchen when I was growing up. She thought it was beneath us. The maid did everything. I was always so envious of the kids who's moms cooked.

She listed the grocery items out loud as she noted them in her cell.

He looked at her profile and a warm feeling invaded him. "You did good John Ross, she's happy," he said to himself.

When she walked in to the doctor's office, the glow was still on her face and became the topic of conversation.

"Well Pamela, you look strong, you look happy," the Dr. said.

"I am," she said, "nothing can bring me down today."

"Do you feel strong enough to tackle some of the things you still don't know?"

Pamela involuntarily reached for John Ross' hand. "Sure," she said. "As long as it's not through hypnosis."

"Okay then, what shall we talk about first?"

John Ross volunteered, "Since you already know about my infidelity, how about we finish that topic."

"What do you mean?" Pamela asked.

"You've never asked who-"

"I don't want to know," she said abruptly.

John Ross tried again, "Pamela, for your protection I think it's important-"

"I don't ever want to know who you slept with or who you're going to sleep with, that's your problem," she replied, savagely.

John Ross was stunned by this Pamela. By her vehemence and her anger. Even her voice was gruff.

"Baby listen to me, I'm never going to cheat on you again, I promise you that."

"Don't make me any promises," she said. "Make them to yourself."

John Ross looked like he was about to argue so Gina jumped in and said "Pamela is right, John Ross, you should do this because you want to do it, for you."

"I have to have someone to believe in me," he said. "Everyone is always telling me that I'm like my father. I need someone to believe I can be different."

A softer spoken Pamela now said "I believe in you. But I won't be your conscience. Be an honorable man because you want to."

He wasn't looking at her when he said, "Just don't stop loving me, baby."

She was also subdued when she answered, "I'll always love you. I'll love you no matter what."

After a long, but not awkward, pause, the doctor said, "So Pamela, what is it that you would like to know?"

She meditated. "I guess I would like to know why the panic attacks."

John Ross jumped up and started pacing. "Now I'm the one who's not sure if I want to go there."

"Why?" Pamela asked.

"Because it's bad, very bad," John Ross answered.

She looked at the doctor. "Brace yourself," the doctor said.

Pamela kept her eyes on her.

"Your doctor, your previous psychiatrist, took advantage of you."

"In what way?"

"In the worst possible way. He forced you to have sex with him."

Pamela just sat there. The impact of what she had heard was slow to penetrate. She looked at John Ross and the pain and distress she saw on his face was what cued her in.

Suddenly, she took in great gasps of air and then started to retch.

"John Ross, the wastebasket quick," the doctor pointed.

John Ross grabbed the basket and held her hair back, while she emptied all the contents of her stomach and more into the container.

When she finished she just sat on the floor. The doctor gave her water and tissues.

"What's being done about it," she asked.

"He's been reported. He's going to jail. He won't be able to hurt any more people," the doctor said.

She looked at John Ross. "Is that true?"

"I'm not sure, Christopher is following up on that," he said.

"Christopher?" She asked.

"I'm sorry Pamela. I needed someone to talk to. He's got your back. He promised to go after the guy. Well get him behind bars. I promise you, darling."

"What did he say?" She asked.

"He was destroyed. And very angry."

"Christopher cares about me." She said, in a little girl voice. "I don't know how, after what I did to him."

"He forgave you a long time ago, darling."

Now the doctor brought their attention back and explored their feelings about the revelation.

After a while, she said. "Well, I think that is enough for one day, don't you? I'll be seeing you in two days."

"Okay," they agreed.

"In the meantime, I want you to try not to talk about this one topic too much. Don't distress yourselves. We will talk about it little by little here, in my office."

Even though the revelations in the doctor's office cast a pall over their move into the flamingo house, John Ross was glad they had something to do to occupy them.

Pamela cooked in silence and they ate on the terrace, as the sun was setting.

"This is outstanding, darling. What kind of fish is this?"

"Grouper," she answered.

Pamela had retreated into the quiet zone, and John Ross was afraid to interfere with her reflection process.

He washed the dishes as she put away the leftovers. "Don't be surprised if they disappear in the middle of the night." He joked.

But it was Pamela who got up in the middle of the night to pace in her bare feet, out in the back yard.

He went out, the grass was cold with dew. "What you doing, looking at the stars?" He asked, very softly. He ignored her apparent despair as if it were a normal state. He didn't want to exacerbate it into a panic attack.

"How? How could I have let him?" She asked, in that little girl voice.

"Darling, you did nothing wrong. You hear me, nothing!"

"C'mere." he took her arm and led her. "Come sit on this hammock with me."

"Can u see those stars?" he pointed. "Way up there? Aren't they beautiful? Peaceful? Let yourself drift out there. Do it. I'm here."

It was a breathtaking, jeweled night, with the full complement of stars of a Caribbean sky. As Pamela let go of her anxiety, the tears started to come.

They lay in that hammock, her head on his chest. He held her as she wept, rubbing her back. When she finally exhausted the tears and the hiccup sighs and fell asleep, he picked her up in his arms and carried her back into the house.

Pamela slept in the next morning, and so did John Ross. They were not talkative when they got up but by quiet agreement decided to spend the day together. They rented a small dinghy with a motor and spent the day driving slowly in and out of the mangroves. The water was clear as glass and the sky deep blue and cloudless.

Communing long hours with nature in this way, they found a small measure of healing.

The next morning they had an early appointment with Gina. She asked how they were doing.

John Ross let Pamela take the lead. "Trying to find a way to cope."

"What have you done?" The doctor asked.

Pamela described all the recent changes in their lives; the house, the cooking, the boating, the family they'd become friends with.

"But this is wonderful!" she gushed. "Those are all very concrete steps. You are filling your lives with positive things that will support the changes you are trying to make."

"Now, I need to give you a referral, Pamela. To another physician, she's a friend of mine. She's very good. And I need you to see her right away."

"Why do I need another doctor?" Pamela asked.

"I've been holding off on this since our first session, Pamela. Because you were not ready, but really, we're running out of time. She's a gynecologist, my dear. And she'll take very good care of you."

Again, she spoke. "Pamela, you look blank." She said, very gently. "You need to be tested for STD's."

"And, I need you to think back. When did you have your period last?"

"I don't know. I can't remember. Not since I got out of the clinic..." She took in a great gasp of air.

"Now don't panic. It doesn't mean anything. We're just going to make sure. Do you understand?"

"But what do we do if-"

"We will process. We will explore your options. We will make decisions. But right now all we need you to do is to focus, to take a full battery of tests. Would you rather learn the results here with me so I can help you deal with them?"

"Yes, yes. I'm very afraid to know this."

"Okay, I understand, but I want you to think about it this way: 'I don't need to be worried about something that may not have happened. If and when I have proof that it has happened I will deal with it then.' Ok? How does that sound? Your appointment is for tomorrow."

They left her office and went directly to Mama Joy's. The last thing they wanted was to be alone with the terrible concept that Pamela could be carrying her rapist's child.

When they walked in and sat at a table Mama herself came to take their order.

"My, my. You two have been missed."

"Can I work today?" Pamela asked.

"Sure thing, dear. John Ross?"

"Think I'll go for a jog on the beach." He didn't feel fit to be around company. Not even at the bottom of the garden. He had a lot of thinking to do.

After lunch, when he saw Pamela was in good hands, he left. He had seen Mama say to Pamela, "Who needs a hug today?"

Pamela went into her arms and was squeezed tight. John Ross didn't know if she had ever confided their situation to Mama Joy or how much she knew. Either way, he was glad this woman had come into her lives.

But the jumble of guilt and anger he himself felt, he could not allow anyone to witness. Not even for the price of a much needed hug.

When John Ross got to the beach he took off, jogging past all the tourists and it was many miles later at a deserted beach that he stopped, out of breath. He now walked in circles, the same way his mind was moving.

Because of the time line his actions in Dallas had unleashed, the repercussions to Pamela's ordeal kept unfolding. Would it ever end? What if she was pregnant by that sadistic doctor? Would she have to face a possible abortion? How could she make that choice when she had already lost two babies?

Now he was angry at God. God was supposed to be just. How could an innocent person be made to pay for the sins of a scoundrel?

He whipped his shirt off and ran into the water, swimming out deeper and deeper with angry strokes. This would surely break her. "Dear God," he yelled at the sky, "put it on me. This is on me. Take it out of my hide, not hers."

That same moment a giant wave broke, right on top of his head. It tumbled him and dragged him under till he felt his head hit the rocks below. He had the fleeting thought that this was his answer. And he was okay with this punishment. Let his miserable life end.

Then he thought of her being left alone, to face the future, and suddenly he wanted his life, if only so that he may act as a shield for her, for whatever was to come.

He now swam up desperately, for the surface. When he made it he couldn't see land. He didn't know how far out he had swum in his fury. But he had to make it back to shore. He tried not to get clocked by another breaking wave and to body surf on its back instead. He made it to shore, so tired he barely managed to crawl out of the water before he collapsed.

The overriding thought in his mind now was that it didn't matter what happened about the pregnancy. He had no opinions. He would simply do what Pamela wanted. If she wanted to keep the child, he would raise it as his own.

He tasted blood on his lip and realized he had a gash on his forehead that was oozing blood down the side of his face. He got up and washed his wound and made his way back to the house He cleaned himself up before going to pick up Pamela. No one needed to know he had just had a near death experience that day.