John Ross and Pamela - E1 S12 - The Renewal

John Ross and Christopher walked up the steps of Mama Joy's restaurant dragging their feet. It had been a long day of trauma, watching Pamela suffer through the loss of her babies. They had taken her to the hospital and seen her settled for the night. But Dr. Gina had insisted tomorrow she might need them and so she didn't allow John Ross to stay by Pamela's bedside. Reluctantly, John Ross left, but then thought of one more thing he had to do for Pamela that night.

"Ah, John Ross, I hate to be a stick in the mud," Christopher said, "but I'm starved."

There was a bit of a commotion going on in the family corner, so John Ross hung back and ordered some food for himself and Christopher. When she spotted John Ross, though, Mama Joy came right over.

After she welcomed Christopher she frowned and said, "And where's your better half at, John Ross?"

"As a matter of fact Mama, she's in the hospital," he answered quietly.

"What's happened to my angel girl?"

John Ross had to swallow hard. Angel girl. He'd always wanted to put his finger on a word that would describe her. "I wanted to ask you if you would go see her. She's had a shock and is feeling very low. Could you?"

"Take me there," she said.

"Ah. I meant, when you can. It doesn't have to be now."

"I can go right now. I will stay the night with her," Mama Joy insisted.

"Just like that, no questions asked?" John Ross' felt he was on the verge of tears. Kindness had a way of overwhelming him. He never expected it.

They decided John Ross would take Mama Joy to the hospital tomorrow at seven in the morning. They stayed to eat their meal, then made their way back to flamingo house.

Christopher walked around, saw the grand room with the kitchen and the soft couches. "This is nice, John Ross, homey," he said.

"She thought we would be happy here," he said, forlorn.

"She'll be back here, cousin," Christopher squeezed his shoulder.

On the terrace, with beers in hand, John Ross confessed, "I've made such horrible mistakes."

"Haven't we all?" Christopher answered.

"Yeah, but mine are what hurt Pamela. All this, it's my fault."

"John Ross that can't possibly be true. You love her, don't you?"

"Oh yes, it can be true, cousin. Because that's exactly what I did," he swallowed another gulp of the cold, numbing liquid and wished he was drinking something harder.

"How?"

"I cheated on her," he said. "With Emma."

"Damn."

"She was so destroyed she tried to take her own life. That's how come she ended up in that hospital for three months under the care of that...that psycho."

Christopher looked out to the sea. "You know, all this time I thought she tried to commit suicide because of the babies, and I've felt really bad about it. That I didn't do more to help her through it, but I thought you had that base covered. I thought you loved her, John Ross."

"I did. I do. I was just an arrogant son of a bitch who thought she would never find out. I was just cooking a deal, using Emma to get the Ryland transportation assets."

Christopher said nothing, so John Ross continued. "You know, Christopher, that's what we do in our family. We scheme and whore for business. And I wanted to be the best one at it. The first one to bring in a deal. I wanted to be my father's son, so badly. I was addicted to power. My mother warned me about it and she was right."

"I don't know, maybe I still am messed up like that, but I finally figured out what's important to me, and it's that woman back there in the hospital." He sighed. "I just don't know if I can fix what I've broken."

"Well, at least you're trying."

"Oh, I'll die trying. And I'll kill the first son of a bitch who tries to hurt her using my dirty dealings to do it. And that's why I got her out of Dallas. Because they were going after her."

"Who was going after her, John Ross?" Christopher frowned, "Emma?"

"Nickolas Trevino. He was the one who originally sent her the video of me and Emma. I know that's what caused her to break, finding out like that."

"That's awful. So they were trying to turn Pamela against us so they could have her shares?"

"Yeah, and they didn't care if they broke her in the process. When she got out of the hospital they were going to go after her again, to try to turn her. He implied as much, the smug son of a bitch. I figured as soon as he realized she didn't remember anything, he would send the tape to her again."

"Why don't you just tell her everything, John Ross? So she won't be this vulnerable."

"I've tried," John Ross answered. "But that is the one thing she says she doesn't want to know about, who I cheated with. You see? That leaves me in one hell of a pickle because I can't protect her from them!"

He took a long pull on his beer. "And there's still this shit about Cliff Barnes and Uncle Bobby framing him for killing JR. And you and I, Christopher, we colluded in it. So that's hanging over my head too. One more lie."

"He deserves what he got," Christopher ground out.

"But he's innocent." John Ross murmured, as he finished his beer.

"Not of killing our babies," Christopher ended.

The next morning John Ross and Christopher picked up Mama Joy. When they arrived at the hospital Gina was already there.

"How is she?" John Ross asked.

"Quiet. She's not talking."

"Now, if there is anybody who could get her to talk, it's this lady right here," He introduced Mama.

Pamela was feeling a great anguish; the kind that makes you numb and tired. If she could just curl up in a ball and go to sleep, things would pass. When she saw Mama Joy's face though, she felt something flood her, and she sat up to be hugged.

"Tell me what this is all about now." Mama Joy said in a mock stern voice.

"Who let you in here?" Pamela responded in the same vein.

"That no good husband of yours."

"Ah. That figures." Pamela now remembered him fetching Afton when...when she was in another hospital.

"Well, tell me straight, what the trouble is. I left the beans a'soaking, but I'm not going back there till we lick this."

"It's a long story."

"I got the patience of Job and you're not going to scare me."

Pamela told her everything, in a surprisingly short time. What helped was the fact that mama Joy didn't interrupt. Neither did she utter clucking sounds of great pity. She merely took it all in, nodding at times and wagging her head at others.

At the end of it all she said, "Darling, I'm heart sore that you've had all this trouble. You certainly didn't deserve it. But there it is. And you have to think about what you're going to do now."

"I don't know what to do now." Pamela said. "Tell me what to do."

"Honey child," she said, "You're not the first woman to be faced with bearing the child of her rapist."

"Thousands and thousands of women have borne children of soldiers coming through. Or, of slave masters. You see?" She turned Pamela's hand over in her brown worn hands and patted it. "Even today, some places in the world they still use rape as a weapon of war. You're not the first one and you won't be the last."

"Now. All you have to decide is if you can do this, if you can give this child life. Life itself is a gift. If you can't raise it yourself you give it to somebody else who can love it. And then you've given a double gift."

Pamela knew the tears were dripping down her face and she didn't even try to wipe them.

Mama Joy went on, saying all the things that needed to be said. "But if you can't do that, you give it back to God. And since he is a just God he has a recompense for the innocent who don't get to live this life."

"You believe that, Mama Joy?"

"Yes, I do, my lamb. It's simple. A woman does what she can bear to do in this circumstance."

Pamela thought about that, later. Not about the unborn child but about the twins. Was there a recompense for them?

Were her babies actually safe and well cared for, and happy? Did she believe that?

She found that she did. That she wanted to and so she would. She didn't care what everyone else thought. This was sufficient for her to find some peace. She took it in with her breathing, and the weight on her chest slowly lifted.

Later that day, she shared this new found belief with Christopher, before he left for Dallas. They cried together and hugged each other.

Christopher had an odd thought when he left. How could he have let a woman like that go? He had not recognized her for what she was, a deeply loving and sensitive woman who had been misguided for a time by loyalty to her father. They could have been happy if only he had been able to forgive her. Instead, he had taken up with Elena. And that had ended up in nothing.

While John Ross went to take Christopher to the airport Pamela had some time to reflect.

How could she ask him to do this? The thing that she was thinking about doing. She would have to choose between him and the baby, because no man would agree to raise his wife's rapist child. And this was an innocent child, of that she was certain. Her talk with Mama Joy this morning had only served to confirm it. She decided she was its mother, no matter what. She would raise it on her own if need be. But she would wait to know for sure whose child it was before she told John Ross of her decision.

John Ross was able to bring Pamela home the following day as Gina thought she was stable enough.

"Shall I order something for dinner, Baby?" he asked, as he drove her across the island.

"No, stop at the market. I want to cook." She took a while choosing her carrots, and cucumbers, and celery.

After dinner they wandered out to the hammock and Pamela asked for a foot rub.

"For real?" John Ross said. "You're going to start playing the pregnant woman card so soon?"

"Oh yes, I'm going to play it to the hilt." Pamela answered.

Through out the foot rub she moaned and sighed so much he distracted himself by tickling her. She ended on his lap, like a cuddly kitten and he could no longer restrain himself. He stole a quick hard kiss from her lips.

"Sorry," he said, after.

"Why are you sorry?" she asked, sliding a hand inside his shirt, her blue eyes focused on his, her lips moist and parted.

"Okay then, I'm not sorry." He held her body close and kissed her again.

Then he nibbled her ear. He ran his fingers through her hair and massaged her head and she moaned again. He found he was in a fever to make love to her.

But he denied himself, with severe discipline, because he was taking no chances that Pamela would end up back in the hospital that night. She didn't seem to remember she was playing with fire. Only he knew how horrifying her panic attacks were and he'd be damned if he'd provoke one.

Pamela went back to her cooking classes after that and John Ross fell into the habit of trading in the stock market during the morning. He had needed a business challenge and found he was sort of good at it. He usually picked Pamela up and had lunch at Mama Joy's. From there, they would go for long walks on the beach in the afternoon or play in a local volleyball game. If there was a local baseball game in the evenings, where Godwin or one of the cousins were playing, they would go and watch with Mama Joy's family. Pamela would invariably end up with a baby on her lap.

Their lives took on a beautiful rhythm, and their unconsummated love affair seemed to strain only John Ross. Even so, every day he counted himself as the luckiest man on earth.

One day, he caught Mama Joy when Pamela was engaged elsewhere and asked her if she knew a priest that would do a renewal of vows ceremony. She was very pleased to conspire with him to set up the ceremony during a "fake" family beach gathering. Pamela was kept totally in the dark.

John Ross invited Drs. Gina and Anika to this event, telling a puzzled Pamela when they arrived, "Ah darling, it's a special occasion, you'll see."

When the group was gathered on the beach and the matrons duly seated on beach chairs John Ross had purchased (along with a grill he was going to baptize with a real Texas barbecue later) he called on everyone to give him their attention.

"Uh, excuse me everyone, if you could all please give me your full attention, especially that beautiful lady over there, holding the beautiful baby, so beautifully. Yeah, Godwin, my official photographer, take a picture of her, just like that. Now, if someone could relieve her of that baby, thank you. Pamela Barnes Ewing, inasmuch as I love you with all my heart, darling, and want to spend all the remaining days of our lives together, would you consent darling," he was walking across the circle towards her, "to have the honorable Rev. Elias Hosannah here renew our wedding vows for us?"

At this point, when he reached her and took her hand, she whispered, "John Ross, I haven't talked to you about the baby yet."

He took both her hands and said, in a private voice, "There's nothing to say darling, this is our baby, and we're going to raise it together."

Then in a public voice he said, "How about it?"

A teary eyed Pamela said, "Alright. Do it."

He then opened a box Godwin handed to him and pulled out a bridal bouquet of white orchids, which he placed in her hands. Then he pinned a half veil on her head with clumsy fingers and slipped her hand through his arm to face the preacher.

The Reverend gave an impassioned speech, on the importance of the institution of marriage, and what it took to keep it running. The gathered family participated often, with "Amen to that," and "Here, here, hallelujah."

Next, he asked each if they took the other. John Ross wondered whether he had paid any attention at all to his first wedding ceremony, because the words "keeping only unto each other" and "in sickness or in health," and "so long as ye both shall live" had so much more meaning for him now. He realized they were the clauses of the contract, the instructions for the recipe, the qualities that insured it's success or failure.

His bride was smiling through her tears, all signs of the regal and distant Pamela had vanished. She was radiant and all present.

John Ross took a sapphire band from a small box in his pocket and slid it onto Pamela's finger. He then kissed her so hard she threw her arms around his neck and crushed him too. The whooping and clapping went on for long minutes and then they were engulfed in hugs and congratulations from all sides.

Later, as John Ross and the men were grilling and joking around Mama Joy said to Pamela, "Tell me what more you've wished for, dear."

Pamela looked across the way, at a jubilant John Ross and said, "Nothing. I have it all."

"Yes, hang on to that."

That week Dr. Anika scheduled an ultrasound to determine the age of the baby. The results were surprising.

She moved the detector around on Pamela's belly and pointed to the cursor on the screen and said, "Well, my friends, look at that, you have one heartbeat there and another one over here."

"W-what?" John Ross was totally paralyzed.

"We have twins." Pamela said, a look of compassion on her face. She kissed his hand, which was squeezing hers.

"Now, according to these measurements, it puts the age of the babies..."

Both of them held their breath.

"Well inside the margin. Yes, it's no older than the date you arrived in Saint Kits."

Now it was John Ross who kissed the hand he was holding and then the lips of the mother of his children. "We're batting a thousand, baby," he said, looking in her misty, smiling eyes.

They left the doctor's and went straight to tell Mama Joy. They sat at the big family table in the corner and celebrated the news of twins as if they had already been carried to term.