"This feels really weird," Nikki said to Annabelle and Simone when they eventually caught up with their friends from out of the mental fog they'd been immersed in after they'd played their gig."Helen and I are flying back to London on Sunday."
"Oh," said Annabelle, feeling as if she'd suddenly lost a limb, their British friends having become so much part of their own lives and the whole local lesbian scene. Nikki knew exactly what the other woman was thinking.
"We feel the same. Our job and friends are back home but we feel like we're stuck in another place and time only we don't know whether or not we even want to get out of it. Going back to England feels unreal."
"You have to do what's right," Simone put in, duty calling in her own scheme of things. It immediately resonated with Helen and Nikki reluctantly saw the point of view. It didn't make them feel any better especially when they knew that both dear friends of theirs would like nothing more than them settling down to live and work here.
"We meant what we said about you coming over to London. We don't believe in disposable friendships as good friendships last," Helen said emphatically.
"We'll sort something out," Annabelle said instantly, the very next moment feeling that her words were lame.
"We know you're bitten by the rock and roll disease. We know you'll work really hard getting your group well known. Just tell us that when you can spare the time, you'll phone us. We'll make arrangements and we'll stick by them,"Nikki asked with her very real intensity of feeling.
The two women breathed in and out to grab some thinking time. This kind of introspection after their gig somehow wasn't easy. Gradually they realised these two smart women were spot on.
"We've got your mobile numbers which we won't lose. We will call you up when we can grab some spare time if it suits you. We give our word on it," Simone said earnestly.
"Then that's good enough for us," Helen answered with her direct, level gaze.
"We're going back to Jane's place, Miss Bradley. Her parents have gone away for the weekend," Colins said with shining eyes and a self confidence that was new. She and Jane had wrapped their arms lovingly round each others waists.
"Simone," the fair haired woman laughed gently."We're all out of school now. You go and have a wonderful night together. Annabelle and I know how that feels."
Colins gazed up into this very kind-hearted woman and savoured the total blessing she bestowed on them. Impulsively, she kissed the other woman on the cheek and Jane followed her lover's hasty exit, shooting a grateful look at Simone whose brief experience of her impressed her greatly.
Jane and Colins stumbled into the cab, feeling giggly and on top of the world. They looked fondly back at the dark shape of Chico's bar which had been instrumental in changing their lives and they looked fondly at each other. They felt transformed.
They padded lightly upstairs and headed straight for Jane's bedroom. Once inside, they looked around. Everything felt familiar, perfectly normal, the normal pink colour scheme and fluffy toys.
"I can't believe we're home at last," Colins breathed. She was on the point of saying that she had spent many sleepovers in this bed, snuggled down in their nighties. Those were innocent times and she wasn't in the mood for nostalgia and neither was Jane. It wasn't till she realised that she would be getting undressed that her body froze.
"Darling, if you're more comfortable getting undressed in the dark, that's fine," Jane said tenderly, laying her hand protectively on her friend's forearm. The other woman nodded dumbly.
"I know how self- conscious you are about your body. I want you to feel comfortable and happy. Just give me a hand with my zip first."
Colins gingerly eased her friend's zip down revealing smooth golden skin and the light clicked out. Presently, she felt caring hands remove her top and unbutton her own skirt, felt herself being led by her hand and slip into bed. Colins reached out and hugged her tightly to herself as they pressed into each other. The feel of their skin against each other was exquisite.
"You make a woman feel loved," Jane whispered into Colins ear. They kissed hungrily , eager for the taste of each other before Jane's soft lips started travelling down to her neck and shoulders. The habitually cautious girl became more confident as every fresh move felt so good.
"God you feel gorgeous. I want you so much," Colins whispered as she caressed her lover, desires rising up in her.
"And I want you. You feel so good," Jane whispered back, feeling on fire inside as her lips slipped around Colins' hard nipples. Colins gasped as intense pleasures ran through her and she whispered sweet endearments while Jane's hand started to move purposefully down the dark-haired woman's body.
"I love you Colins. I love you so much," Jane said passionately as her hand stroked Colins flat stomach to enhance the anticipated pleasure. Finally, Jane's two fingers slipped inside her lover whose mind exploded and body moved every which way.
As soon as Colins recovered her breath, she slid on top of her lover, wanting so much for the dearest woman on earth to be happy.
Several hours later, Colins lay curled up next to Jane. The taste in her mouth felt good. She had never known she could give her lover so much pleasure even after she'd been shown the way in the first place. It struck her that after all this physical and emotional intimacy, her friend was a dark shadow in the gloom. Impulse drove her to lean over Jane and reach for the switch of the bedside light and click it on. Old memories taught her where it would be. Jane lay suddenly revealed, eyes blinking but smiling and looking beautiful in her nakedness. She looked at herself and for the first time in her life, felt truly great about herself.
"Just wanted to see what you looked like," she explained with an impish grin, adding without trace of hesitation."That's the last time we get undressed in the dark."
"I can't believe what a natural lover you are. My mother always said it's the quiet ones you have to watch."
In this moment of naked truth where everything was revealed, Colins couldn't help asking a question that had nagged at her unconscious.
"How did you get to be such a confident lover? Don't get me wrong..."
"Miranda. She picked me up and threw me aside for the next victim. At least I got something out of it I could pass on to you. And you?"
"I went out with a boy who only did it as his friends dared him. He wasn't very considerate. It happened a year ago. I never told anyone about it ..."
Jane shuddered inwardly, knowing her friend of old. She interrupted Colins by laying a long soft kiss on her lips. The dark-haired woman smiled under it.
"Let's put all unpleasant experiences behind us. I think we can do it. They don't matter," Jane said, stroking her lover's forehead."Nothing matters except our love for each other."
"You're my girlfriend and I'm yours. We'll be happily ever after..." Colins proclaimed
"Forever and ever. Amen,"Jane giggled, joking like in the old days with an undertone of seriousness that was new. Colins kissed her back eagerly.
When Colins finally woke up to next day's glorious sunshine, she knew three incredibly joyful facts about her lips rested against the smooth skin of her lover's back She was a lesbian- before she'd reconnected with Jane she didn't think she was anything. Her best friend Jane was also her lover. The stressful feelings that normally haunted her had miraculously disappeared into thin air.
Come Saturday early afternoon, "The Creation" consisting of four happy women who felt pleasantly wiped out beyond their imaginings, were hanging out at Simone and Annabelle's place. They had crashed out like a light at their respective houses but knew they had to gather to celebrate the knockout success of their first gig. The brilliant Californian sun bathed them all in a luminous feeling of glowing joy and needed to talk in tired spasms to internalise the overload of sensations of last night while a succession of images, jerking forward from one frame to the next like an old fashioned film, replayed themselves inside their minds.
"Last night was just too much," sighed Diane, splayed out on the armchair with Erin wrapped around her."I was getting off on watching you guys as much as I was playing my ass off- even on the quiet numbers."
"It was so weird. I thought I was watching this fantasy dream of everything we ever wanted and, there it was, we were in it," Simone added in a dreamy, spaced out manner. Annabelle smiled slightly, remembering the precise phrasing and articulation of her one time teacher, but agreed with the sentiment.
"You mean we should take the group onto the next stage, Simone. More gigs?" questioned Annabelle.
"That's exactly what I do mean. We've got great songs, our own or someone else's. We can sing and play. We can perform great and we believe in ourselves," Simone pronounced with firm conviction.
"And Erin's a great businesswoman. Just see the cheque Miranda wrote for us," Diane said, proud of her lover and musical partner.
"I had some hassle getting as much as I did so she wrote it out to Simone."
"Which means we need a group bank account," Simone put in.
"Sadie will help," Annabelle suggested.
"But how do we get more gigs?" questioned Simone.
"We'll work on it. The idea will come," Annabelle lazily assured them all.
A silence fell on them all on this dreamily wonderful day. They were conscious that, even in their overloaded state, the ideas were pulled enticingly into the centre of a centrifuge at a dizzying pace. Simone suggested a cup of tea which the others chuckled appreciatively at, being willing to listen to ideas from everyone and it sounded like the perfect chill-out drink.
Nikki looked with visible distaste at the wardrobe where their they'd carelessly stashed their suitcases a lifetime ago. By the rules of calendar time, it had been eleven days ago but it didn't feel that way. Their hotel room had been only a base for them while they travelled through space, time and fantastic conversations but it had grown on them and felt like home. They'd already hugged and kissed their friends goodbye at Chico's and that was emotional enough. Now, everything was due to be disassembled and packed away and their room would become just another hotel room for others to occupy. She sighed over the impossibility of the situation and knew that, while Helen would go into organising mode, felt the same as she did. Time was running out on them, the airline ticket was stashed away ready and their passports would transport their identities back to England.
"Oh shit," Nikki sighed wearily."I know we've got to get packing."
"But?" Helen inquired with raised eyebrows.
"We're leaving a lot behind us like the friends met, the sights we've seen, the experiences we've gone through, everything I've ever dreamed of."
There was a long silence which Nikki respected before Helen answered at last.
"I can't disagree with you," Helen said gently.
"I know. I want all our friends I've ever known to be just down the road so we can hang out together. I know and you know it can't happen. OK, let's get going," Nikki said softly, tenderly kissing the smaller woman on her lips.
As they left their smartly furnished but featureless apartment behind, they took their luggage down to reception desk. The cases were bulging at the seams with all their acquisitions. The woman behind the desk was very friendly to the two high spirited women who had been so polite and friendly and their stylish accents really knocked them out. She was used to seeing residents come and go and could sense their disconsolate manner underneath their bright surface manner and was especially sympathetic. She looked on as they stepped out from the subdued lighting into the brilliant sunshine outside. The two women looked at the very same view of city streets they'd first seen. Were the colours suddenly more vivid than they'd experienced the last few days or was it just their imaginations?
Helen slid automatically into the driver's seat on the left hand side and their convertible slid easily down the road. One time more, the wind ruffled their hair while the sunlight bathed their skin and their eyes- all the way to the hire car company. Their hearts sank while their faces smiled as they turned over the car without so much as a mark on it to the guy in charge who signed for its return. They got a lift back to the hotel so that was another part of their holiday disassembled. All that was left was the hour of head time before their taxi was due to take them back to the airport.
They were swept back into the airport lounge and through passport control just as their arrival at the hotel was a cine film that was run in reverse. It depressed them.
"Hey, remember all the guys at Chix. We'll be seeing them again soon," Helen said in an unconvincing display of forced brightness. Nikki smiled wanly in reply. Finally, strapped in by their seat belts, the engines of the jumbo jet gave out a shattering roar and the wheels that bumped along the runway lost contact with the ground and they soared up into the air. This severed their last ties with California- except the memories and friendships.