A/N - Hope you enjoy this new chapter :)xx

Do you ever feel like you wanna see through another pair of eyes?

Effie's POV

"Today is a big, big day!" I told Katniss and Peeta with a huge fake grin on my face. Nearly every smile was fake, I had nothing to smile about anyway. The two victors still probably thought I was another brainwashed Capitol citizen who worshipped President Snow and enjoyed the games. If only they knew...

"That's great Effie.." Peeta tried to appear happy. I could tell he was not interested and didn't care about any of the Capitol parties we were invited to.

Yesterday I had to eat something because Katniss and Peeta kept offering me food and I didn't want to seem suspicious. Of course I threw it back up after. I can't even stop myself anymore, it's not something I control.

We had been invited to the presidential party at Snow's mansion. I had to keep up the act that I was 'excited' about it, when in reality I was probably dreading it as much as Peeta and Katniss.

Katniss got out of her chair and left the room followed by Peeta, leaving me alone with Haymitch yet again. I was ninety-nine percent sure that Haymitch hated me and thought I was a stuck-up snob who only cares about manners and fashion. But that is who I am, a pathetic, ugly and disgusting person who deserved to die. I had many death threats from parent's whose kids names I had reaped every time I visited District 12. It wasn't my fault. I didn't ask to have this job, and I would change it if I had the chance. But I couldn't. If I defied the Capitol in anyway my family would be killed, Katniss, Peeta and Haymitch would be killed, I couldn't live with that, I can hardly live with my current job.

"It's a 'big, big day' again is it?" Haymitch smirked, mocking my Capitol accent.

"Yes.. I guess so.." I sighed.

"Aw have you lost your enthusiasm?" He asked jokingly. I didn't lose it. I never had it in the first place.

"No! Of course not!" I put on my act again.

I liked Haymitch. Maybe not in that way, but maybe in that way... Who knows? But he spent all his time with me making fun of me or complaining about things I couldn't change. I would be surprised if he had any feelings for a useless person like me anyway.

Katniss and Peeta returned from their cabins and sat back down in their chairs. I felt sorry for them, having to tour the districts and see the families of the people they'd fought against. I don't think I'd be able to handle it, they are a lot stronger than me.

*Later that day*

"Hi Effie!" My stylist, Portia and the rest of my prep team greeted me. I had to have my makeup done especially for the occasion.

"Hello, hello!" I smiled back.

"You look so beautiful today! Your dress is gorgeous!" Portia told me. Of course none of it was true, I looked horrible and fat like normal.

"Why thank you!" I replied. However many compliments I got, it never made up for 'at least our escort isn't a fat freak like 12' or 'She's never gonna look like the rest of them'. Any compliment would be forgotten two seconds after, but even just one insult scarred me.

"What happened to your arms?" She asked. I couldn't breathe for a second, I didn't know it was that visible! I had used makeup to cover up the scars covering my arms, wrists, legs and stomach, and I convinced myself that it didn't show.

"Ohh... That's just my cat!" I lied. It was obvious the cuts were in no way accidental, they were too straight and perfectly in line, but my stylists seemed to go along with it.

"I didn't know you had a cat!" Portia said. That's because I don't.

After an hour of hair and makeup I was finally ready to leave for the party along with Katniss and Peeta.

*The party*

"Eyes bright! Chins up! Smiles on!" I advised the victors. I sometimes feel like I need the advice more than them. I found it hard to fake a smile all the time when really I wanted to break down in tears.

The mansion in front of us was gigantic. I had no nice words to say about it, however. I was wearing a lilac puffy dress with a huge collar and my wig was blue. My natural hair was horrible dirty blonde color, but wearing wigs didn't do my face justice either. I haven't had surgery, unlike a lot of the people in the Capitol. I was terrified at the thought of having someone chop up my face with a knife, but I guess it's no worse than what I already do.

"Effie... What's that on your arm?" Peeta questioned me. I guess I hadn't applied the makeup very well today.

"I fell over and scraped my arms.." I made up another excuse. Peeta and Katniss would never believe me if I told them I had a cat.

"Well I hope it heals quickly." Peeta gave me a smile. I knew he wasn't falling for it.

As we reached the entrance of the garden I could see a ton of skinny Capitol girls. I knew I would never look like that, no matter how many times I threw up or how,long I didn't eat. I would do anything just to be that small, and I'm trying as hard as I can.

"Well I'm going to talk to some people, feel free to do whatever you want as long as it's safe!" I tell them as I walk over to the right side of the garden.

Peeta's POV

You have no idea what I would give to get out of this, I thought to myself, sighing as I turned my head to check Katniss was still by my side. She was too focused on everything else in the world that she never seemed to notice how much I cared for her.

I'm seriously worried about Effie. First not eating for days, and now all this on her arms. I don't think Effie Trinket would be the kind to hurt herself, but what do I know? I don't know what kind of pain she's dealing with. I just want to help.

Effie's POV

When I'm with these people, I feel more insecure than ever. Everyone in the Capitol seems to have the perfect body, perfect personality, perfect life. Why couldn't I be included in this? They are all so friendly to me but that doesn't stop me feeling bad about my appearance.

I walk over to the food buffet and grab a glass of the drink that makes you vomit. I had only had one tiny cake, and yet I felt the need for it. I ran to the bathroom and swallow the purple liquid. It may taste disgusting but it's definitely nothing new to me. I deserve it. I am fat, worthless and ugly.

*Later*

It was finally time for the party to finish. I was relieved, to say the least, as we entered the train.

"Have a good time a the party?" Asked Haymitch.

"Oh yes! It was fabulous!"

More coming soon :)