Note: GUEST reviewers, please have the courtesy to at least make up a name, will you? Just using "Guest" is lazy as fuck.

Note to Mir: I'm glad someone thinks I am good at math. I am really not. If there's one thing I am worse at than spelling (and I am REALLY bad at spelling), it's math; I dread any instance in which I might be called upon to use arithmetic without my phone handy to use the calculator! (As to Baby Neal, don't make assumptions! Just because Prince Dumb and Princess Dumber picked a name doesn't mean it'll stick.)

PART II

CHAPTER THREE

CORONATION BLUES

It was at once a relief for Emma to see her parents' story in The Book unchanged and painful as they announced her brother's name.

Painful and stupid, and quite honestly without a lusty pirate for a distraction, Emma'd had quite enough of it. (Well, Hook was out there lurking, moping, trying to look pathetically in need of affection, but she had no inclination to set that incestuous clusterfuck in motion again.)

"No," she stated as her mother made to hand over the two day old baby.

"You don't want to hold him?" asked Mary Margaret, confused and a little affronted.

If she's affronted now, Emma thought, but she wasn't going to do this. Even her soulless doppleganger had issues with this, and maybe she didn't give enough of a fuck to made a big deal about it, but Emma did - and if neither Gold nor Henry were going to stand up for what was right in the face of her holier-than-thou parents at their coronation party, then she had to be the one to set things straight.

"No," Emma corrected, "I don't want you to name him that."

"You... what?" she sputtered.

David interjected, "We thought you'd be glad that we'd honored Neal. So he wouldn't be forgotten."

Emma tried not to glare as she countered, "You make sure someone isn't forgotten by talking about them, remembering them, not foisting their name off on a baby that was conveniently born at the same time they died.

"And don't try to pretend this is 'honorable'. Neal might still be alive if you both hadn't told him to fuck the hell off, that he basically wasn't considered part of this family and the 'we always find each other' motto when he wanted to get back to me and Henry!"

Both David and Mary Margaret suddenly looked uneasy, obviously caught in their revisionist history - a lot like when the truth came about what they did to Emma before her birth. She was so going to have words with them about that later!

"Wait," Henry spoke up, "you wouldn't help my dad in the Enchanted Forest?"

"Um..."

The pair exchanged a look and David tried to explain, "Henry, you have to understand, we didn't think it was possible to create another portal. We didn't want Neal to get his hopes up."

Eyes narrowing, the tween accused, "I don't need a super power to tell that you're lying! Did you even like my dad? Or did you let him and Belle go off alone because you think that side of my family doesn't matter?"

Wincing, Mary Margaret tried, "Henry that's not-"

"You didn't care about him," Henry cut her off. "And now he's dead. So you think naming my uncle after him will make up for being jerks to him when he was alive? It doesn't! It's just weird and inappropriate!"

That said, Henry got up and rushed off, out the front door. Emma almost went after him, but a nod from Gold said he'd handle it, and she was relieved. She didn't want to dredge up more Neal-related stuff with the kid, and besides, she rather hoped that the pair, in this not fucked up universe, could actually do real grandfather-grandson bonding instead of Henry emotionally blackmailing Gold and Gold responding by using him as a crazy dog woman's pawn and path to becoming the Super Dark One.

When the bell stopped jingling, David let out a sigh and a contrite, "We really do feel bad about not helping him and Belle, Emma. It just... at the time it felt right."

"Yeah, letting him and Belle fight for you to get Regina's castle back, then give them nothing, but Hook wanted nothing to do with any of you without my pants to get in, so you gave him a royal horse and a shitload of supplies," Emma snapped. "Not unlike when you let Regina off with a slap on the wrist and all of her minions, magic, castle, and no restrictions against murdering anyone other than you. Being a hero isn't about letting assholes have a thousand and one second chances - especially not when you act like an asshole to the actual good guys in the story!"

"Emma!" Mary Margaret gasped, trying to shield the baby from the cursing.

"For fuck's sake," Emma groaned, "he's only a day old. He's not going to be tainted for life since you didn't have the opportunity to enact some shitty selfish spell while you were pregnant to ensure you got a prefect kid!"

Okay, so that was out sooner than expected, and just as Regina walked in with Robin in time to hear.

"What spell?" the former Evil Queen asked while the pair looked utterly panicked.

Glaring, Emma stood up and stated, "The spell they had Merlin's apprentice cast when my mother was pregnant, because some dumb magic tree that I'm guessing was some poor chump that a Nimue cursed and didn't actually know shit clued them in that babies are not destined to be good from conception and have the free will to screw up their lives and become villains. My mother couldn't stand that, so they took away my free will with magic by taking away the light potential of another baby, dooming her to a miserable life of constant fuck-ups and me to this magic-I-don't-want-Savior-shit. I could have had a normal life, there wouldn't have been a kid with enough magic for the Dark Curse to be cast and broken, so we all could have been living happily ever after in the Enchanted Forest. But no, Snow White wanted a perfect baby so she wouldn't have to actually try very hard at being a good mother."

Mary Margaret clutched at her son and looked fretfully at her daughter. "Emma..."

"Don't," Emma cut her off. "Don't even try to bullshit your way out of what you did to Maleficent's kid and how you laughed in her face when she pleaded with you and said your unborn kid was worth sacrificing hers."

David blinked uncomfortably at his wife. "You actually told her that?"

"I... I don't recall the exact phrasing..."

"And now," Emma seethed, "my parents think they can make up for sending Henry's father off to his death without even a horse so they get could with making a new baby by naming my brother after my dead lover. Like, 'Oh, this is our peace offering to fate or whatever that this time we really will be kinder people since screwing over that innocent baby didn't quite do it. Look, uh, sorry we didn't want to help him because we're selfish jerks and we couldn't make another baby if we were bothered trying to find the first one. Anyway, we'll have this party and make everyone think we named that new baby after Neal to remind everyone he was really great and stuff so, all's well right?'"

Regina snorted, "I'm guessing that would be a 'no'."

"Damn straight!" snapped Emma and accused her parents, "You didn't even know him. You have no right to use his name without asking the people who did, who are actually mourning him. I have had enough of this disingenuous hypocrisy that you keep trying to pass off as heroism and wisdom, like you know more about being a parent or a good person than I do. You don't.

"So stop patting yourselves on the back and think about the fact that you ruined my life!" she shouted. "And then you followed that up by letting son's father die and my brother get kidnapped and nearly murdered at birth in a plot to erase our family from existence - all because, for some impossible-to-comprehend-reason, you decided not to give birth in the one place in town magically protected against the one person trying to destroy an entire timeline - and instead of sitting here trying to maintain some arcane tradition that has zero meaning in this world, sign up for parenting classes not taught by I-traded-my-baby-for-a-ballgown Cinderella!"

Her hands clenched into fists, Emma gave one last huff and declared, "I'm going to bed. Try not to let any megalomaniacal jerks you screwed over in the past into town, because I am off the Savior clock until further notice!"

AN: It had to be said, didn't it? Snowing are the worst parents. They really should be sterilized. Now, if you have a suggestion for what to re-name Baby Neal, send me your suggestions!

Next up: A pity party is paused.