A/N - Keep on reviewing! I appreciate every single one :D I just like to know people are reading my story :3

Did you ever really think of me when I walked away?

Effie's POV

I feel like I can't trust Haymitch anymore. One minute he's so thoughtful and kind and the next minute he's insulting me. I'm tired of being called names by him and it hurts because I know it's true, I am ugly, I am worthless.

I feel like I want to die and I'm not overreacting. When I visited District 10 a man tried to hit me and told me it was my fault his son had died. Haymitch stopped him but I knew deep down that I deserved it really. We had just left District 11 yesterday and I had been having worse nightmares than usual. I just want to put an end to it.

"Effie!" I heard a voice call from behind me.

"Yes?" I turned my head. It was Peeta, I hope he wasn't going to try to force me to eat again. I was sure they knew something was up, but they obviously didn't care enough to ask me. I needed to cut. Now.

"We're having dinner.." He told me.

"I'll be there in a minute!" I said quickly as I walked into the bathroom.

I found a razor and pulled it across my makeup covered skin. I couldn't feel the pain, I had done it so many times before that I had become used to it. I cut a few more times and left the room. I couldn't be too long as I knew they would get suspicious and start asking questions again. At least I was wearing long sleeves today.

"Wow! How long do you have to be!" Laughed Haymitch, taking a sip of his drink as I entered the cabin. How clueless could he be?

"Manners!" I snapped in my usual way.

"I'm not really that hungry.." I said.

"Are you sure? You haven't eaten anything all day.." Peeta asked. I couldn't deal with this. I got up and left the room as they started to call after me. I didn't care anymore.

I opened the door to my bedroom and sat down. I felt the urge to cut again and I tried hard to resist it but I couldn't.

Katniss's POV

"There is obviously something going on with her!" Peeta announced.

"You don't say." Haymitch sighed. Maybe Peeta was right all along, she did need help.

"She needs help..." I said, looking out the window of the fast moving train.

"You don't know there's anything wrong with her! She probably is just upset because... She ran out of makeup or something." Haymitch said.

"Don't lie to yourself. If she needs our help then she needs our help. She may be from the Capitol but that doesn't mean she doesn't feel pain or have emotions. I'm pretty sure you've noticed what's going on with her anyway." Peeta said.

"He's right you know. I know you may hate Effie but do you really want her to hurt herself like this?" I asked.

"Okay, okay. I've noticed. I don't want her to have to go through this, she doesn't deserve it. But she's just so happy and over the top about everything it seems so unlikely." Haymitch said.

"Ever heard of putting on an act? She probably just does this to cover up how sad she is and she doesn't want us to worry!" Peeta spoke.

"Now you're just jumping to conclusions. We don't know for sure about anything..." Haymitch told him.

"You're right. Nothing is definite." I said.

"Hello everyone!" Effie greeted us with a huge smile on her face. It looked as if nothing had just happened.

Effie's POV

I entered the room with at least twenty new cuts. I couldn't help it. I wish someone was there to help me through it but in a way I'm glad there isn't. I'm not ready to stop now, and I possibly never will be.

"We've still got some food for you." Said Peeta.

"Thank you.." It was only salad, I could just throw it up after and no one would suspect anything. Last night I was watching some Capitol modelling show and they were all so much skinnier than me, it made me feel more insecure than ever but it also made me feel more motivated to lose weight. I was fat and disgusting, whenever I looked in the mirror I just wanted to change everything. I knew everyone was silently judging me, but not always silently. When it was my first year as an escort my stylist told me I had to lose some weight if I ever wanted to be accepted in the Capitol, and of course I had been called a 'fat freak'.

"You're actually eating something!" Haymitch faked surprise.

"I eat all the time.." I lied. I didn't want other people concerned, it was my 'problem' that I was fat.

"Of course you do Effie." Haymitch said with a sarcastic tone.

"I have to go. I'll be back in a minute." I told the three of them as I left the room.

I felt sick already as I grabbed my toothbrush and stuck it down my throat causing my self to throw up. I was very practiced at it, seeing I had done it nearly everyday of my time as an escort. I peered into the tall bathroom mirror and all I could see was fatness and ugliness. It was horrible, I'm surprised no one had told me yet, but I guess they were just being polite.

Just kill yourself now, the voices in my head told me The others will get over it, you are only Effie Trinket, the dumb escort.

I felt a sob escape my mouth as I broke down in tears. Yeah just go cry about it, you deserve to die, you send all those kids to their deaths. I reached for the razor blade again as I dragged it across my arms, legs and stomach. I didn't care if I passed out because of blood loss, I didn't care if I died, this was my punishment for being such a worthless, stupid person.

I stood up and reapplied my makeup. You could still see that I'd been crying but I could just pretend it was allergies.

I walked back into the cabin with a smile on my face like nothing ever happened. I would have to keep up this act, not matter what.

"Effie are you alright?" Asked Haymitch "You look like you've been crying..."

"Oh no.. It's just allergies." I pretended. I sometimes feel as if I should just tell him everything, but would he judge about it? He doesn't even care, the voices began again, he wants you to hurt yourself. I just wanted it to stop and I found it hard not to break down in tears on the spot.

"Effie, it's alright.. You can't be strong all the time." Haymitch tried to comfort me. Katniss and Peeta had probably gone to bed.

"I'm fine. Trust me!" I told him as I left the cabin once again.