John Ross and Pamela – S2 E1 - Toxic

Pamela was forewarned by John Ross that he'd called Afton to come down and see her in the hospital in Dallas. When she woke up that morning she was prepared.

"Here we are again Pammie. In the hospital. We have to stop meeting like this." Afton wagged her finger, as if Pamela had just been willfully naughty.

"I didn't do it on purpose, Mommy." Pamela let herself be kissed.

"Well, of course not. But you have to make the best of things." She reviewed her daughter from head to foot and then said, "No makeup, I see."

"Does it really matter? I'm in the hospital." Pamela replied.

Afton sighed and then said, "Ah honey, let me tell you, that's no way to keep a man."

"What?"

She rummaged in her purse and came up with assorted items of make up and started working on her daughters face. "Even under the worst of circumstances women gotta look their best. Close your eyes."

Pamela allowed herself to be fussed over for a moment because she knew that's how her mother expressed love, by fixing what was wrong with your face, your hair, your clothes.

"You can never trust that love, it is restless, always looking for a fresher, more lovely model," Afton said.

Pamela's stomach felt queasy now. What did her mother know? Had some gossip reached her about John Ross's infidelity? Did she think it was Pamela's fault? That she had failed to keep her man happy? Oh, she couldn't deal with all this right now. She had to focus on the babies.

Her voice lowered a notch. "Mama, I need my rest now. Come back tomorrow."

"Excuse me?" She put her hand to her bosom and said, "Young lady I'm sure I taught you better manners than that."

Pam didn't apologize as expected.

"Well I never," Afton clicked her tongue. "What am I supposed to do with the rest of my day?" She asked.

"Perhaps you can hang out at that expensive Hotel John Ross put you up in?"

"Yes, maybe I can rub shoulders with somebody who can better appreciate my company." She now retrieved her purse and left.

When she was out of ear range Pam said in the same gruff voice, "Yes, and good riddance. Don't let the door hit you on the way out. The last thing Pamela needs is someone messing with her mind right now. If John Ross knew how you treat your girl, he wouldn't have brought you up here."

She now pushed the button to lower her bed and went to sleep.

Pamela was wondering where John Ross was. When he walked in, it was with the usual offering of flowers. Her hospital room now had six small bouquets in assorted window sills. And no one but Christopher knew they were back.

But the bouquet of flowers did nothing to minimize her irritation. They had been back three weeks now. Pamela was trying as hard as she could to work the internet to get things ready for the babies. But John Ross was absent and uncooperative. She knew it wasn't the company. He'd decided not to go back yet. He'd said he wanted to get them settled before he went back into that toxic environment.

Then why was he being of so little help?

"John Ross? Do you remember Mama Joy's advice to us when we left?"

"Yeah, sure."

"That you should focus on the babies and I should focus on you."

"And if we did that we wouldn't get lost here in Dallas, the frying pan of hell."

"That's right, darling."

"So why are you neglecting me?"

"I…" he looked down and to the side, anywhere but in her eyes. "I'm sorry darling, I'll try to do better."

"Look at me, John Ross."

He looked at her, so seriously.

"Why am I the only one here trying to get things done for the babies? Find a house?"

"Pammie, I thought you were working with the realtor lady I got you."

"I can't find a house from a hospital bed. I need you with me on this."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Just tell me the truth. Why are you so far away? What are you doing out there? You come in here so tired every day, you spend half your time sleeping in my chair." She now gasped, as if it had just occurred to her to ask. "Where do you sleep?"

"Nowhere. In the car. In the waiting room."

"What do you mean? We've been here for weeks. Why haven't you got yourself a hotel room? Are we…are we short on money?"

"No. I just don't want to be in a hotel." He seemed to be stalling. "Without you."

"Baby, come here." She raised her covers in an inviting way.

"Are you sure it's okay? I don't want to hurt the babies."

"Well, take your boots off then," she smiled.

As John Ross got into bed with her and fell asleep almost immediately Pamela reflected on his behavior.

He was hiding something from her. Either something had happened that he felt he couldn't share with her or he had fallen off the wagon.

But no, it couldn't be that. If John Ross had slept with somebody he'd be feeling much worse. He'd be hating on himself.

She'd taken her eyes off him for just a little while now, because she was busy with the babies. But John Ross was not the kind of man who could be neglected. He needed reassurance that he was needed all the time. He needed a woman who fully depended on his protection, on his care, on his fighting for her.

She drifted off to sleep with the thought that tomorrow she would figure this out. For now, he was safe in her bed.

John Ross woke up around midnight and looked at his watch. Carefully, he slid out of his wife's hospital bed, grabbed his boots and left.

Once in his car, he checked a GPS location and followed it's instructions. When he arrived at the GPS location he parked quietly and sat looking at the house. The only lights on were in the back, in the den. He had spent several evenings here already, staking out the place, to see if there was any suspicious activity. Nothing ever happened. Only that light in the back, late at night.

He left the car now, closing the door with the utmost care and yet a dog in the neighborhood still barked, setting off a chain reaction. He waited for it to die down before moving carefully towards the house.

When he reached the window of the den he saw him. Sitting in the desk chair, a drink in his hand, looking at the screen. John Ross couldn't see the screen, but Dr. Macnamara was staring at it intently. The sounds his ears could pick up were faint, they could have been those of any porn flick. But John Ross's blood froze. What if he were watching his wife on those videos? He had to know. Somehow, he had to get in there and find out.

He pressed his face with both hands, tried to regulate his breathing, to calm the fury that was threatening to unleash a lawless monster within him. He felt the need to kill. It was so primal he felt he was burning up alive. He fell away to the ground and just lay there. He didn't know for how long. When he came back to himself he saw the lights were already out. He slinked back to his car and took himself out of the neighborhood. Morning came and he still didn't know what he was going to do, what his next step would be. So he went back to the hospital.

He walked in on Pamela having her breakfast. She smiled and said, "Baby, where'd you go? You look…awful."

"Sorry, I'll shave in a minute."

"Close the door, would you? Lock it. I don't want any interruptions."

"O-kay." He raised his eyebrows but then obeyed orders.

"Here, have a bite of my omelet."

"I don't want to steel my children's food," he said. "I'll get something later, in the cafeteria."

"Eat," she commanded.

She had decided that attack mode would be the most effective. "John Ross, are you cheating on me again?"

He choked on his food and nearly spit it out. He grabbed a napkin. "What? No! How can you even—"

"Where have you been all these nights? Where did you go last night? Tell me."

"I…I had something to do. But I swear it had nothing to do with—with what you said."

"Then tell me what you're doing. Tell me now. Right now."

"I…I was on a stakeout."

She didn't react. So he had to explain further. "Since neither Christopher nor Bum have been able to come up with anything to entrap the psycho doc with, I've been staking out the guy's house to see if I can come up with something."

"And why didn't you tell me."

"I didn't want you involved. I didn't want it to touch you and the babies."

"And you think having a distracted husband acting weird doesn't affect me?"

"I'm sorry, Baby."

"John Ross I started to imagine the worst of the worst. That you had gone back to the company and found horrible things, that the family had found out we were here. That Emma—"

"Shsh, baby. I'm not going to let anyone, not anyone hurt you or come between us. I swear—"

"But you have already let someone come between us. That doctor. John Ross, I'm willing to forget about him. We have much more important things to focus on right now. We almost lost our babies. We have to focus on getting them born, safely. Having a home for them when they come. All that is up in the air. And I have to get that settled. Every hormone in my body is telling me to get settled."

"Babe, we're not homeless. There's always Southfork."

"I'm not going back to Southfork! Not ever. That place is toxic for us."

"Okay, okay. Don't upset yourself." He remembered horrible panic attacks. She was right, he had to focus on what she needed, not what he himself needed. He'd done it again. His selfishness knew no bounds.

"You're right Pammie. I've been selfish. I've been focusing on what I needed, to get this son of a bitch behind bars. Not on what you need. Which is calm, and security, and peace. I'm soo sorry, baby. I'll do better. I promise."

He took her in his arms and held her. It was like finding the compass needle. He knew his purpose, he had his north again.

For the next month he worked as hard as he could on finding and buying a house. Pamela said she wanted it to be as close as possible to flamingo house in layout and feel. She worked online and ordered furnishings and baby things and he executed all her directions and wishes. He kept his focus on pleasing her and she swamped him with things to do. It was almost enough. Only his nightmares gave evidence that his mind was deranged with an obsession.

Pamela knew a man like John Ross, restless and borderline hyperactive, had to be kept busy. When his mind began to chafe and flounder she encouraged him to pursue his trading again. But it wasn't enough. She knew it only occupied a portion of his gargantuan energies.

Pamela soon realized that he had been telling a fundamental truth when he'd said he needed Macnamara to be put behind bars. She didn't remember his sexual assault, and she hoped she never would. She could, in a sense, put it aside, in lieu of more important things. But she began to see John Ross never would. It was a debt unpaid, a grievance unavenged. It affected his very core, his manhood, his need to eviscerate any threat to her.

She called Suellen one day, to come and visit her for the first time.

"Hello? Who's this?" Suelen answered her phone.

"It's me. Are you alone?"

Suelen walked outside the Southfork kitchen, saying to Annie, "I'm sorry, I have to get this."

Outside she took a quick look around and said, "Pamela! How wonderful to talk to you. How are you darling?" Now she whispered, "How are my grand babies? How much longer do I have to keep this a secret? Surely the danger must be over by now, I'm sure you're three months along already. I want to shout this from the rooftops. I'm going to be a grandmother! "

"Suelen, wait."

"Yes darling. I'm sorry, what can I do for you? It's just that it's been so long since we've talked. I'm very excited."

"I want you to come see me."

Suellen nearly jumped for joy now. "You want me to come and see you? Where darling? Pamela, I'll catch the first plane out."

She ran back inside to get her purse and say a hurried goodbye to Annie. She failed to notice Emma coming to an abrupt halt and then hastily hiding in the shrubbery behind her.

She was never conscious of the car that followed her as she left the Southfork ranch.

Suellen entered Pamela's room, hugged her, and pulled up a chair. "Pamela, my dear, I'm in shock. What is this, what's happened."

"Well, it's a long story Suellen." Pam was sober. "First, have you seen your son?"

"No. Should I have? How long have you been back?"

"Almost two months."

Suellen was speechless for a moment. Then she frowned and said, "Darling, how far along are you?"

Pam lifted up the covers now and showed her belly, "Thirty two weeks."

"Oh my God! They're almost here."

Suellen had a lot to say, in fact, one could say she was almost babbling, her delight was obvious. She was, in fact, trying to cover up the fact that she wanted Pamela's forgiveness. Abruptly, she started crying, first of happiness but then of sorrow and regret. "Oh Pammie, if you knew, how bad I feel for what you went through. For my part in it. For not telling you what John Ross was up to. I'm so sorry."

"Shsh, Suellen. It doesn't matter now. None of that matters. Listen, dry your eyes, because I need you. I need your help. That's why I called you. I need to get a lawyer."

"Oh no, what has he done. What has John Ross done now?" She looked as if her heart could break. "I thought…, on the phone…he begged my forgiveness."

"John Ross is fine. This has nothing to do with him. Please, let me explain."

Suellen wiped her tears and blew her nose. Then she smiled and said, "I'm ready."

Pamela had serious misgivings now as to how much she should tell her. She seemed emotionally frail. Almost unstable.

"Your son is a good man. He's changed a lot. We're alright, Suellen. Our marriage is alright. Don't worry about that."

Suellen bit her lip and nodded her head.

"But he is in a bit of danger, and that's why I need your help. You see, I'm afraid he might commit…he might go after somebody. Somebody that hurt me. And I have to do something about it. Before he does."

Again, Suellen nodded, her big eyes full of understanding.

"So, if you can find me a criminal lawyer I can trust. One that deals with…rape."

Suellen didn't even flinch. "I have a very good one. I'll bring her here tomorrow. What time?"

"Call me beforehand, and I'll make sure he's out of here."

"Allright."

Like the folding of a dove's tail, their timing was perfect, because John Ross walked in at that precise moment.

He stopped in his tracks and said, "Mama."

Suellen gave nothing away, "Hello, son." She smiled from ear to ear as she got up to hug him.

He held her longer that he ever had in his life. And of the three people in that room, he was the most surprised.