A/N - Thank you to RonaldGarcia91 and two anons for the reviews! :D Like I said before, all reviews are awesome so thank you guys! :)

Did you ever feel like you should've said something smarter at the time?

Effie's POV

We were on our way back to District 12. The last few days had been some of the hardest days of my life, especially yesterday. I almost killed myself and Haymitch and the others had no idea. I had cut myself so much I eventually passed out and noone even suspected a thing. I wish I was as happy as I made myself seem. I wish my life was as simple and easy as a Capitol person's life was meant to be.

I knew if I got up Peeta and Katniss would try to get me to eat again. They should be helping me to stop eating, but no... And Haymitch would be criticising every thing I did.

Why don't you just die? Or at least cut some more.. The voices started again. It was so hard to cope with so I grabbed my razor and pulled it across my arm. I didn't even wince in pain, it was nothing new, what I go through everyday hurts more.

I covered my wrist in a bandage I found in the bathroom. They would obviously notice but I didn't care. I could come up with an excuse, I always did.

I faked my usual grin as I entered the main cabin. I didn't want to go back to the Capitol, I only got judged and insulted. Everyone was much skinnier than me, too and I knew I would never look anything like them. I wasn't sure I would be able to make it through a day back there.

"Effie! I was just going to go and find you." Haymitch said. Why would he care where I was? Why would anyone care?

"Oh.. Well I'm here now." I replied.

"What happened?!" He asked pointing to my bandage.

"I.. Uh.." I stuttered, trying to think of a believable answer "Fell over."

"That must've hurt." He gave me an look as if to say 'of course that didn't happen'. If he knew you were hurting yourself he would've said something. It's obvious he couldn't care less. I felt tears spring to my eyes as I looked out the window to distract myself. I had been strong for so long now, maybe it's time I gave up. I couldn't let them see me weak like this, though. Effie the clueless escort doesn't have feelings.

"I just want to make sure you're okay, Sweetheart." Haymitch said.

"I am okay? Who said I wasn't."

"Look Effie, you can't be happy all the time. I don't know how to put this but I'm worried about you at the moment." He told me.

"I know I can't. But I'm fine right now..." I lied. I was far from fine. I was broken.

Haymitch's POV

Effie may hate me, and she may think that I hate her too, but I wouldn't wish what I think she is going through on anyone, even Effie Trinket. I used to think all she cared about was manners, fashion and parties and supported the games like everyone else in the Capitol, but I know she's different. When Katniss and Peeta had been reaped I heard her crying, which proved she actually had emotions underneath the ten layers of makeup. I just couldn't let her fall apart like this.

I was pretty sure she was starving herself but I wasn't sure how to talk to her about it. It would hurt her feelings if she was or if she wasn't and I know she would deny it either way.

She needed help, but how was I supposed to help her?

*1 week later*

Effie's POV

Katniss and Peeta are getting married! I was actually happy for once when I found out. Today I would be visiting Katniss's house for a wedding photoshoot...

My arms and legs were covered in even more scars than before, so I guess I would have to wear tights and gloves. Yes, the others were obviously going to notice but there was nothing I could do. Besides, they didn't care anyway.

I had been having nightmares every night for the last week, I'm surprised I hadn't just killed myself already... The voices kept coming back telling me that no one cares and that I needed to cut and die.

Now it was time to fake enthusiasm and happiness and hope that no one would see straight through it. Maybe I should be taking my own advice, 'Chins up, smiles on'.

I finally arrived at Katniss's house and entered the building.

"Hello, hello! Today is a big, big day!" I put on my usual act.

"Hi Effie.." Said Katniss.

I gave her a hug as the prep team arrived and greeted us.

"Effie you have lost so much weight!" Smiled Octavia, one of Katniss's prep team. It was working! I was on my way to perfection!

"Why, thank you! Someone finally noticed!" I giggled.

"Yeah Effie, you look nice." Katniss smiled.

"And she didn't before?" Joked Haymitch, who I didn't realise was here.

"Of course she did." Katniss replied. I was obviously too fat..

I rushed to the bathroom and grabbed my toothbrush out of my bag, forcing myself to throw up. Keep on starving, you are disgusting the voices began again. I didn't know what was wrong with me and just wanted it to stop.

Haymitch's POV

I know I wasn't meant to care about Effie, but seeing her suffer like this still hurt. I was almost positive she was cutting herself and starving herself now. I just wanted to a talk to her about it and help her through it but I knew there was nothing I could do. She could be dead already.

Effie's POV

I left the bathroom. I didn't want people to know I had been crying, but my eyes were red and puffy. There was always the allergies excuse.

"Effie, are you alright? You look like you've been crying.." Asked Cinna.

"Of course I'm alright!" I smiled "It's just allergies.."

Katniss's wedding dress was so beautiful, but she didn't deserve what she was going through. I, on the other hand, deserved all the pain and suffering. I was the one who pulled her name from the bowl. I was the one who deserved to die. I felt the urge to cut again but I knew I couldn't, people would definitely guess what was up (And I was sure Haymitch already knew) so I scratched my arm with my fake nails.

"Effie your dress is so pretty!" Flavius, another member of the prep team told me. Yes, the dress was pretty but not on me. I was way too fat to pull it off.

"Thank you, thank you!" Why did everything I say have to come out so fake-sounding? I couldn't do anything right.

"Effie, come in here a minute." I heard Haymitch's voice from behind me.

"Okay!" I said, walking in and closing the door behind me.

"Have you been crying?" He questioned me. Was it that obvious?

"N-no.. It was allergies.." I answered.

"If there's something wrong, feel free to tell me."

"There is nothing wrong!" I lied yet again. I could never convince him...

"Well that's good, Effie." Haymitch said "I'll see you later."