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*grins evilly*
Summary: Kanan sighed, suddenly feeling terrible. He brought Ezra into this mess. Would Ezra have been better off if he had remained on Lothal?
Kanan doesn't need his eyes to see the nightmares. As much as he hated not being able to see, he was relived that he was alive. That Ezra was alive. His nightmares were silent. He would just shoot up, sweat soaked and terrified. Ezra started out that way until they returned. Now, Ezra was screaming and bawling his eyes out until someone came to get him. After the night Ezra crashed, Kanan was certain he would sleep better.
He couldn't have been more wrong.
Kanan had trouble sleeping as well, as if trying to calm Ezra, who now slept on the top bunk in his master's cabin, was hard enough. He too relived the horrors of Malachor. Every time was different. If Kanan could speak to his mind, he would share some choice words.
How many times could he watch Ezra die, relive his master's last moments, or watch the ones he cared about be destroyed until he finally went insane, especially now that that was the only time he saw anything now?
Memories of his master could easily be tamed with a few hours of meditation. A once over with the Force could reassure him that the crew was alive. Ezra, even though he too could be confirmed alive with a quick look with the Force, took a little while longer. Kanan had no idea why. Perhaps it was because Kanan had come to care for Ezra deeply, or because Ezra formed a stronger bond with him than anyone else on the crew. Perhaps it was because of his captivity on the Star Destroyer when the Grand Inquisitor used the Force and made him watch Ezra die in the worst ways possible, or when he almost watched him die for real.
Kanan felt his breath getting shorter. Above him, Ezra, who finally wore himself out crying, stirred, sensing his master's distress. Kanan forced himself to calm down and began sending calming waves to his apprentice.
"I'm fine. Go back to sleep."
Kanan sighed and laid down on the bed. He couldn't let the Empire nor Maul hurt Ezra.
Then, it hit him like a ton of bricks. He was too late.
The Empire took Ezra's freedom before he could have it, taking over the day he was born. They took his parents away and sat by as he struggled with who knows what on the streets. They killed his parents when they tried to escape and tried to kill him multiple times. And this was all by the age of sixteen. And don't even get him started on what Maul did to this child.
Kanan sighed, suddenly feeling terrible. He brought Ezra into this mess. Would Ezra have been better off if he had remained on Lothal? Kanan stood quickly and using the Force, made his way to the door and left the room.
"Everything alright dear?"
Kanan nodded. "I'm alright Hera. Thanks for asking though."
"No you're not." Hera entered the common room, sat down next to Kanan, and wrapped an arm around him. "What's wrong?"
"I... I mean..." Kanan sighed. "Do you think Ezra would be better off if we had...left him on Lothal?"
Hera sighed. "No, Kanan. He's a lot better here, where he's learning to control his abilities." The second those words left her mouth, she knew she had chosen them poorly.
Kanan let out a dry chuckle, his tone holding a sudden bitterness. "Yeah, and we all know where that landed him." He sensed Hera flinch and sighed once more. "I'm sorry. I don't blame him at all and I just...what was I thinking bringing a child into a war?"
"If you're calling yourself a terrible person because of that, then I am just as much to blame as you," Hera said sternly, poking his chest, hard. "I convinced him to join the crew just as much as you did. And you've grown so much as a person because of it. Ezra knew the risks of joining the fight. He knew the risks of becoming a Jedi. All of this is Maul's fault, not yours, not Ezra's."
Kanan sighed. In front of him, he saw the bright green signature of Hera Syndulla. "You always know what to say don't you?" he mumbled.
"If you're calling me right," Hera said with a smirk, "I tend to do that."
Kanan smiled, and using the Force to guide him, leaned forward. Hera's eyes widened as his lips met hers. Kanan's lips were gone as quickly as they had come and the Jedi stood up. "I'm going back to bed. Good night."
He left the room, leaving a wide eyed, blushing Twi'lek. A few seconds later, her face softened and she smiled warmly. "Good night love," she whispered. "You have some nerve."
My first Kanera kiss! Surprise!
This was my very first time writing a kiss so please please give it some love!
Hope you enjoyed! If you did, you know what to do! Leave your ideas and your love down below and vote in my poll! Additionally, I will award a bread point to anyone who can find the reference in here.
Until next time!