John Ross and Pamela – Season 2, Episode 4 – Life Force

It can happen, though not every day, that one person's life force is so strong as to literally keep another person in this world. When that silver ribbon that connects the soul and the body threatens to break, leaving the soul to float away like a gas balloon, another can entangle itself with it and reel it back in.

Such was the action of John Ross Ewing upon the soul of his wife. His intention was pure, inasmuch as he bargained for her life with his own, and intended to make a trade.

Another view is that science triumphed over medical trauma, and that the surgeon's actions on that day staunched the ebb of Pamela Barnes' blood and thus, of her life.

But the entire operating room crew witnessed the moment when, from oblivion, Mrs. Ewing opened her eyes and came back to this life. And most believed, that it was thru the desperate, forceful and impassioned threats of her husband. No one recalled, later, the substance of his threats or the crudeness of his words. They only remembered the imprint of that disturbing, volcanic love.

In due course, Mr. and Mrs. Ewing took home their two boys, named by their mother in that fateful moment, and started their family life. None disputed that they had earned it.

"I'm up." John Ross rolled out of bed without hesitation, as if he had not been asleep. The sound of the baby coming over the monitor was distinctive to his ears. He knew it was Ross Junior. He was awake and yet he wasn't crying. John Ross got to him and whisked him out of his crib so he wouldn't wake up his brother. He took him to the master bedroom's bathroom and laid him on a towel, pulled off his clothes and diaper, rinsed off his butt in warm water, holding him face down over his arm. "There you go, you little monkey, you're all clean. Forget those stupid wipes. Warm water is what you want. It feels better, doesn't it?"

He talked to him the whole time he was drying him and putting on his diaper and clean jamies. The baby responded by kicking his feet with lust and energy and making gurgling sounds, his eyes riveted on his father. "Who's a big boy, huh? Who's a big boy?" John Ross relished this moment, and often ended up laughing, because he thought that Ross Jr. would actually be talking to him a mile a minute if he could. Hell, he might even be cracking jokes.

"John Ross." He heard Pamela's drowsy voice calling from the bedroom.

"Yeah, darling, we're coming," he answered. But then he delayed a little longer, using his palms as a wall for Ross's strong legs to push off of. "That's it! That's it. You're a strong little guy aren't you?"

"John Ross. Don't wake him up so much, he won't go back to sleep." Pamela complained, though she loved the bonding between father and son.

John Ross whisked the baby up this time, and brought him to his mother to nurse.

"Oh baby, how's my little guy, huh?" she talked to him in soothing terms of endearment while he latched on with gusto.

John Ross couldn't help laughing at him. "This guy's smart. He knows that if he doesn't wake up his brother, he'll get fed first, there'll be more for him. That's strategic thinking. That's real smart right there."

As if Ross Jr. agreed with him, he stopped what he was doing for a second, and looked in the direction of his father's voice.

John Ross let out a laugh, "You see that? You see that? It's like he's letting me know he understood me. He's a cunning little sun of a gun."

"Don't distract him, John Ross," Pamela laughed. "Shsh. Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Ross, carry on." It was okay for his father to talk a mile a minute, but if she took her attention off of him to talk to someone else, he immediately reminded her to focus back on him. After all, she was his.

By and by, when John Ross was almost catching some shut eye again, a startling sound came over the monitor, of a baby's cry. "Oh, oh. I'm up."

He got to the nursery in a flash. "I'm here little man, don't take on so much. We're gonna feed you." He also talked to him while he changed his diaper, this time at the changing table.

But nothing seemed to soothe John Robert. He was angry from the moment he became conscious. "Hey, hey, I'm working as fast as I can, buster. I'm gonna take you to your mama. I promise. Trust me. We're going, now."

Pamela rolled over in the bed and took him, while a groggy Ross Jr. was now whisked away and put back in his crib.

Meanwhile, John Robert quieted immediately he was in his mother's arms and being soothed by her.

Back in bed, watching his son nurse, John Ross now spoke in whispers, "Hey, this little guy's got some will power. He knows what he wants and he won't stop till he gets it. And you better not get in his way. He'll let you know what he thinks of you."

"Don't take it personal," Pamela whispered back.

"I don't. I understand him. I think he's like me."

She laughed.

From watching the baby nurse and enjoying that, he suddenly fell into staring at her.

"What?" she asked.

"You're the most beautiful woman on this earth," he said.

She scoffed, "It's the middle of the night. I'm nursing a baby, all disheveled and you think I'm beautiful. Baby, now I know you've gone stark raving mad."

"Mad about you," he whispered, turning on his stomach and threatening to fall back to sleep. "Wake me up when he's done, I'll take him back."

But she didn't. She cuddled John Robert up into a bundle and walked back to the nursery with him still attached to her breast. Contrary to his brother, if he woke up he would be too angry to go back to sleep. So she sat in the rocker and finished nursing until he could be tricked back into his crib.

When she got back into bed she wanted to throw her arms around John Ross. A fierce surge of love assailed her. But she snuggled up to John Ross without touching him. She knew her husband, or rather, remembered. One touch would ignite a flame within him that would be hard to put out. He needed his sleep, and she needed hers to get through the demands of her day with twins. It was a lucky thing Suelen was coming by in the morning to lend her a hand.

"Suelen are you sure you can afford the time out of the office?" She asked, as she let her in the door.

"I don't care. These are my grand babies and I'm going to enjoy them while they're growing up."

"Well here, enjoy him." She handed her a child. "I think he needs a change."

"Oh my, yes he does. He smells…like heaven," she laughed. "Helooo, J.R! Is R.J. still sleeping?"

"Ladies." John Ross tried to get by them in his hurry to get out the door.

"Wait! Where's my kiss?" Pamela yelled after him.

He came back and kissed her and was leaving again when Suellen said, jokingly, "And how about me?"

He came back again and gave her a silent kiss on the cheek.

When Pamela closed the door behind him Suelen said, "He's still mad at me isn't he?"

Over tea later, she brought it up again. "Imagine how much worse his grudge would be if Dr. McNamara wasn't back behind bars."

"He's probably mad at me too. But he won't ever show it," Pamela said.

"At you? Never. He worships the ground you walk on." Suelen smiled. "And he's ashamed to let anyone know how vulnerable he feels," she added, under her breath.

Her son puzzled her. He was the first to admit he was the luckiest man in the world, that he had everything. At times he seemed blissfully happy. And then at others, when he was alone and didn't know he was being watched, he seemed dark and brooding. Her little boy had a hole in his soul.

Pamela had said to John Ross as he was pulling the car out of the driveway, "Don't forget about tomorrow."

"What's tomorrow?" He frowned.

"I told you. We're taking the babies back to the hospital to show them off to the staff."

"I forgot about that," John Ross answered.

If it was up to him he would never set foot in that hospital again. Desperation took hold of him every time he remembered... Man, he couldn't even go there. The pain was so deep, the fear so great. He had come so close to losing her that day. And the complete impossibility of an emotional underachiever like himself being left in this world to raise two children alone had seemed like a cruel cosmic threat. It was a scenario not to be contemplated. Not ever.

He pulled the car over when he realized he was so deep in the grips of the memory that his reaction time and his driving were compromised.

He pounded the steering wheel. "Uhh! Shake it off John Ross. You escaped, damn it! Enough!" He loosened his tie, rubbed his eyes. Why was this happening? She was the one who had suffered thru it all, not him.

He breathed deep. She was alright. The boys were alright. Why did he feel like someone had opened up a wide gash in his psyche that just wouldn't heal? If he didn't hate booze so much, for what it had done to his mother, he would be drinking every day now, just to keep this cloud off of him. God, how he longed for the company they'd kept in St. Kitts. For Mama Joy's no-nonsense cure. Maybe that's what he needed, to dig a hole in the ground, or to move some rocks. Or to hit a ball so hard it exploded. He'd get Christopher to go shoot some hoops with him, he told himself, as he pulled back into traffic. What he really wished though, is that he could be in Alaska, looking for oil in the frozen tundra. "Ha! That'll be the day."

The next afternoon, when they went to the hospital, there wasn't a trace of it left in his demeanor, he was social and charming to all the nurses, while introducing them to a smiling Ross Jr.

Pamela knew John Robert didn't mind being passed around when he wasn't hungry. He knew he could find her when he needed her. All he had to do was call out, in his imperial voice. She kept a close eye, as he charmed the nurses with his good looks. Pamela did notice a peculiar dynamic going on, though. There were whispers and covert glances directed at John Ross. In fact, the women seemed to be drooling.

"What is going on around here?" She asked the one nurse behind the station.

"What do you mean?"

"Why is my husband so popular around here?" Did he sleep with a whole bunch of y'all? Her jealousy was baring its teeth.

The nurse looked decidedly uncomfortable. "Oh. It's because of this video that's been circulating."

Pamela's face must have given away her shock because the nurse said, "Oh, it's nothing bad...it's just your birth tape."

"My what?"

"Well your husband didn't want it, but they had taped it already, they always do..." Her voice petered out in uncertainty.

"So apparently the technician thought it was something special and he showed it to another person on the staff, and then it got...posted."

The girl now broke out into full explanations. "I'm so sorry Mrs. Ewing but you two are a legend, your story's so beautiful and he's like a star on a Mexican soap opera or something."

Pamela now raised an eyebrow. "Really? Well, I want a copy of it, can you get me one? I barely remember the birth."

Every time she asked for details about the birth John Ross was very vague and refused to go there. Now she would get to see what it was he was so reluctant to tell her.

Even though she left the hospital with a copy of the video, it was several days before she had a quiet moment to see it. The babies were both asleep and instead of taking advantage of the time to nap, she put on the video.

She cried her heart out.

She was so profoundly affected that when her husband walked in the door that evening she looked at him with whole new eyes. She was pensive thru out dinner and while they put the babies down.

"Something on your mind, darling?" he asked, as they were getting ready for bed.

She sat still now, and said, "I got a copy of our birth video and watched it today."

"Oh," he turned his back to her, "Well, don't show it to me. Because I never want to see it." He now opened the French doors and stepped out onto the terrace.

She approached him, and when she touched his back he jerked, like someone who had been poked unexpectedly. "I'm never going to leave you," she said, wrapping her arms around his waist.

He spoke, quietly, out into the night. "Yeah? Well, you almost did."

"I'm never going to leave you," she repeated. "You don't have to be afraid."

He inhaled, as if he'd been hit. Instead of soothing him, it seemed her words made him angry. "John Ross…"

"I can't do this right now." He tried to detach her hands from around his waist.

She just came in front of him now and kissed him, with all the force of her soul. If he wouldn't listen to her, she would show him.

By and by, he seemed to let go of everything and let the passion take over, like the volcano that it was.

When they lay together after, satiated, she tried again. "Baby, there's a bond between us, it can't be broken. Not in life. Not by death," she whispered.

But John Ross had already drifted off to sleep.