A/N - Hey! Thanks for more reviews! :D Everyone who reviews this story is awesome so ya better review now.. Well after you read this chapter of course! Hope you like it :3

Did you ever think it might not be me?

Effie's POV

I felt someone shake me as I began to open my eyes.

"Effie! Wake up!" Yelled Haymitch. Well I think it was him. All I could remember was that I blacked out while we were eating dinner... They were eating dinner.

"W-where am I?" I managed to say.

"Does that really matter right now?" Haymitch said "What the fuck happened? Why did you pass out?"

"I can't remember." I replied. I knew it was obviously because I hadn't eaten without throwing up for at least two weeks but I couldn't just admit it to him like that...

"Effie I'm starting to worry about you. Please tell me what's going on.." He said.

"Some things have nothing to do with you!" I snapped back at him.

"I don't want you hurting yourself like this. You don't deserve it!"

"I... Don't..." Maybe I should just admit it to him. But would he try to get me to stop? At this point I couldn't go a day without cutting and it was the only way I could handle my pain.

"You are cutting yourself." Haymitch spoke.

"It's none of your business if I am!" I cried, letting the tears roll down my cheeks.

He doesn't care.

He wants you dead.

Just go cut yourself now. It's your fault and you deserve it.

I began to leave the room but Haymitch held the door shut.

"I know where you're going. Just don't."

"You have no idea!" I said. He knew.. Why didn't I just wear long sleeves? Or at least more makeup to cover it up..

"You need help." Haymitch said. For once he wasn't actually drunk, and wasn't making sarcastic remarks.

"I don't need help! I'm perfectly fine how I am!" I lied. Did I really need help? Of course I didn't! I wasn't going to let anyone stop me from reaching perfection.

"Then why do you cut yourself?" He asked.

"Maybe you don't know anything about my life.. I don't have a 'perfect' life like you think I do!" I said, breaking down in tears "I'm going to bed."

"Please.. Just tell me. I won't mention anything to Katniss and Peeta, I know they won't react well."

"No. You don't need to know." I told him. Did I really just admit to him that I cut myself? I thought. Couldn't I ever say anything right? Why did I have to be such a failure...?

"Now I know it's true." Said Haymitch "I'll try to help you through it.. If you let me."

"There's nothing to help me through! I deserve all I get!"

"What? Of course you don't Effie! You don't deserve any of this pain! The games have affected us all. I don't know why I always assumed you were okay." He said.

"I need to..." I sighed.

"You're gonna end up killing yourself! Just stop!" He shouted.

"That's exactly what I want. The world would be better without me.. This is all my fault. And I can't just 'stop'."

"You don't deserve to die. I probably deserve to die more than you.. None of this is your fault." Haymitch said.

He's lying. He hates you and wants you to cut. I dragged my long, sharp nails down my arm.

Haymitch's POV

I wish I didn't care so much about Effie. I don't know why it was suddenly so important to me that Effie was alright... But telling her to stop hurting herself wasn't going to get her to stop. Just like her telling me to stop drinking. It would take time, but I didn't want her to end her life this quickly, she was a nice person beneath the makeup and manners. She thought she deserved it but she didn't deserve any of it.

Effie's POV

"I'm going to bed." I told Haymitch as I left the room.

Everything was different now that he knew.. I wasn't convinced he actually cared, in his eyes I probably had nothing to be unhappy about.

I walked into the bathroom and reached out to grab my toothbrush and stuck it down my throat. I had eaten one cupcake today, and even that seemed like too much. Any food would make me fat. Yesterday I had been watching another modelling show, and all of them were tiny compared to me... I was too fat to have an eating disorder, if I told anyone they would never believe me. I guess I would have to keep on starving, at least it felt better than eating.

I picked up a new razor out of a box I found on a shelf. Just do it, you deserve it. I dragged the blade across my arms, legs and stomach. I wasn't going to stop anytime soon, not until I reached perfect.

I started to cry, not because of the cuts I had just given myself, but because of what I had become.

Why couldn't you just be one of those other perfect Capitol girls? Why do you have to be so fat? I just wanted the voices to stop, but I knew it was true. So I scratched a few more times with my nails.

I wonder how Katniss and Peeta will react when they find out? If they did find out. It was my fault they were going back into the arena. It was all my fault.

I left the bathroom and headed towards my bedroom. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep because of the nightmares I get every night. The closer it got to the games, the more nightmares I got.

I sat myself down on my bed. I wish Haymitch was here with me, I wish I had let him help me. Do you like him? I thought to myself. Of course I liked him. But in that way? Maybe.. I wasn't sure. I just needed someone.

I needed help. But I couldn't just stop that easily. It was an addiction now and it was only way of coping with the pain.

*Next morning*

"It's time to get up now! You've got training! But first you have to have breakfast." I knocked on the doors of the two victors, a huge smile on my face like nothing had ever happened last night.

I walked up to the table and took a seat, I was the only one there at the moment so I guess I was able to use the 'I already ate' excuse when they finally arrived.

Katniss and Peeta entered the room. They knew I had passed out yesterday, but they were under the impression it was because I felt ill from the train journey.

"You alright now, Effie?" Asked Peeta.

"Yes, I am, thank you!" I smiled. Yeah.. Alright.

"Now as you both know it's a big day today, you will be starting your training in half an hour and I will walk you down to the training centre." I explained.

"Sure." Replied Katniss.

"Don't you want some food?" Peeta asked me.

"Oh, I just ate something! But thanks for the offer."

Eventually Haymitch walked in but it was now time for us to go to the training centre. We took the elevator and arrived at the centre. It was completely different from last year, and there were many more things to help you train.

"Good luck!" I told them as they opened the door.

I hopped on the elevator and pressed the button to go back to our floor.

"Effie. You were back quickly." Said Haymitch as I arrived back in the main room.

"I guess I'm not wanted here." I sighed, about to leave.

"Nah I wasn't saying that. I was just pointing it out." He told me.

"Oh right."