I've had this chapter done for a week but have been too tired to edit until now. Hope it's okay. Thanks for reading! XOXO
Chapter Twenty Three
"Hello" Naomi answered the phone hurriedly.
"Hello sweetheart" Ruth replied in concern, immediately catching her daughter's frantic tone. "What's wrong? You sound out of breath". It was late Saturday night; Naomi should have sounded relaxed, not stressed out.
"I am. I've been chasing after your grandson all day" Naomi explained as she followed a diaper clad Isaiah crawling down the upstairs hallway towards her bedroom. Not only was he refusing to go to sleep, but Naomi was also having the hardest time just getting his pajamas on. She'd turned her back for only a few seconds to answer the phone and he'd bolted from the nursery. "He has got to be the fastest crawler I've ever seen. If I'm having a hard time now, I can't imagine what it's going to be like when he can walk and run".
"Oh, it can't be that bad" Ruth smiled. "I didn't realize it was your weekend with him. Where are Maya and Olivia"?
"Yes it is that bad, mom. Olivia has been with Dink the whole week. She won't be back until tomorrow. And Maya is out with some old high school friends. They planned on being out pretty late so she said she was going to crash over one of her friend's place. It's just me and the energizer bunny tonight".
Ruth laughed nostalgically, remembering running after her own children when they were young. "You'll be fine".
Finally catching up with her son, Naomi picked Isaiah up and walked back towards the nursery. But he fought her the whole way, writhing and twisting in her arms. "No, No, No" Isaiah shouted over and over, wanting to be put down. Naomi exhaled a huge breath. "From your lips to God's ears mom; he's been so grumpy and disagreeable the last few weeks. The only time he's even mildly content with me is when I'm breastfeeding him. I was hoping to avoid the terrible twos but at this rate, it looks like Zay is about to hit them a whole year early".
How could Naomi not see the problem, Ruth wondered. Isaiah's issue was blatantly staring her in the face; his parents were miserable and it was affecting him. Momentarily, Ruth debated on whether to bite her tongue; then she quickly came to the conclusion she'd never been one to keep her opinion to herself. "Well, maybe he's just reacting to his environment. Babies are very intuitive. They can sense when something is wrong".
Naomi silently cursed. Ruth had never needed any incentive to nose around in people's lives; but Naomi had just made it easier by accidentally and stupidly giving Ruth an open invitation; an invitation she had immediately jumped on. Knowing she would save more time and energy by letting her speak her mind, Naomi reluctantly entertained her mother's conspiracy theory. "And what exactly is wrong"?
"You and Sam" Ruth said bluntly.
Naomi paused right at the entrance of the nursery. Immediately feeling defensive, she asked "How so"? Isaiah continued to squirm so she relented and set him down but closed the bedroom door so he couldn't escape.
"Ever since that huge argument you two had, the atmosphere surrounding both of you has been so tense. Babies can feel that negative energy better than anyone. They don't understand it; they just know they don't like it. And because Isaiah doesn't like it, he's acting out. You and Sam are both so unhappy and hostile towards each other, it's making him restless. I bet he's just as uncooperative when he's with Sam".
Sighing, Naomi went to sit down in the rocking chair. "How would you know what anything is like mom? You're not even here" she said smartly.
"Because I'm your mother and if I can hear this much hostility in your voice over the phone, I can only imagine what it's like in person".
"In other words, you and Mama Dee have been pumping Maya for information" Naomi guessed, as she watched Isaiah crawl all over the nursery.
"Dee and I haven't had to pump our granddaughter for anything. She volunteered information on her own" Ruth said candidly. "But even if she hadn't, a mother knows her own child. And it's very clear to Dee and me, our children are unhappy".
"Or maybe you're just hearing what you want to hear as usual" Naomi accused, her annoyance growing with every second. "I can't speak for Sam. Addison broke up with him so he could very well be unhappy. But as for me, I couldn't be happier. I have two beautiful children and the most amazing man in my life. Jake is handsome, sweet, considerate, and he makes me feel good inside and out".
"Oh yes, Jake" Dee said skeptically. She wasn't convinced for a second that her daughter felt anything more for the guy than an easygoing affection. He seemed like a nice man but Naomi rarely mentioned him, unless she was asked about him. "Are you in love with him"?
"Mom, are you serious right now"? Naomi shook her head at her mother's audacity. Isaiah, who had mostly been ignoring her, was now crawling towards her. As soon as she'd uttered Sam's name, he'd regained an interest in her.
"What" Ruth asked, feigning innocence. "It's just one little question".
"Yeah right" Naomi muttered under her breath. "If you must know, I'm not in love with him. We're still trying to get to know each other. But I care about him a lot; I can definitely see it heading that way".
"Is the sex good"?
"MOM" Naomi shouted in disbelief. "I can't believe you just asked me that"!
"Why? You're a grown woman Naomi. Last time I checked, you weren't the Virgin Mary. So tell me, is it good"?
Isaiah, who had pulled himself up to a standing position using Naomi's legs, motioned for Naomi to pick him up. Obliging him and placing him on her lap, Naomi continued to talk to her mom. "You've never asked before" she countered.
"I'm asking now".
Deciding that Ruth had completely lost her mind, Naomi ignored her and gave Isaiah her attention. "How's my Zay-Zay" she cooed. "Are you finally ready to let mommy put your pajamas on".
"No" he shouted, as he tried to yank the phone out of Naomi's hand. "Da-da" he yelled.
"Daddy isn't on the phone, it's your grandma. And I think she might be even crazier than the last time you saw her" Naomi teased, ticking his ribcage. But Isaiah was undeterred, still trying to grab the phone.
"You haven't slept with him have you? That's why you're ignoring my question" Ruth surmised with certainty, a small smile spreading across her face. That knowledge felt like a little victory. She wouldn't admit it to anyone except perhaps Dee, but sometimes she did wonder if she were seeing things that weren't there. Sam and Naomi's continued stubbornness was equally frustrating and impressive; it occasionally made her doubt her mother's intuition. Maybe they really had gotten over each other. But learning that Naomi hadn't slept with Jake gave Ruth the needed confidence that she was right; they still loved each other. She knew her daughter; when Naomi felt a connection with someone, she craved to be with that person on a physical and emotional level. Ruth couldn't count how many times she'd witnessed her and Sam with disheveled clothes and guilty looks on their faces. If Naomi hadn't slept with Jake by now, it meant two things. Either she wasn't really attracted to him or her unresolved feelings for Sam were getting in the way. Ruth felt it was the latter; Naomi wasn't one to give a man false hope on purpose. Though her feelings for Jake might be real, they simply weren't strong enough to overcome her feelings for her ex-husband.
"I changed my mind" Naomi said to Isaiah. "I don't think, I know. She's definitely crazier. Are you sure you want to talk to your crazy mentally unstable grandma" Naomi asked, amused at Isaiah's attempts to grab the phone.
"You can name call all you want; it doesn't make me wrong….unless, you'd like to change the conclusion I've come to" Ruth challenged.
Naomi didn't want to answer any questions; she wanted to hang up the phone. As well as Ruth knew her, she knew her mother just as well. Naomi already knew the direction her mother's thoughts were going in. They always headed in the same direction; back to Sam. What was it going to take for that crazy lady to move on? Everyone else had but her. "Mom, if you think this proves your theory about Sam and me getting back together, you're seriously grasping at straws" Naomi retorted, indirectly confirming Ruth's suspicions. "My relationship with Jake has nothing to do with my ex-husband".
"Then why haven't you slept with Jake" Ruth asked, genuinely curious.
"Because… I'm just not ready". Naomi blew out a deep breath.
"Naomi, unless you had a secret boyfriend I know nothing about, it's been over a year since you had sex. You should be climbing the walls by now".
"Now you're keeping track of my sexual activities? Mom, that is beyond inappropriate".
"I'm doing no such thing" Ruth defended. Then taking a softer approach, Ruth continued "But it doesn't take much to put two and two together. If Jake is as great as you claim and you care about him, I don't understand what the problem is. What's holding you back"?
"I…I think…nothing. Nothing is holding me back" Naomi stuttered. A tightening in her chest formed as her anxiety grew. She still couldn't figure out why she wasn't ready; she just new she wasn't. Something deep within Naomi was telling her to wait. "There is no problem; I'm just not ready" she repeated.
Ruth sighed. "I'm going to drop all pretenses and make an admission. If you bring this up later, I'll deny it until I'm blue in the face, but here it is. I know I can be obnoxious sometimes; especially where you and Sam are concerned. I know I get on your nerves and overstep my boundaries. I apologize for that but at the same time, I can't help myself. I love you Naomi; you're my baby girl no matter how old you get. At the end of the day, I just want you to be happy. Personally, I think you would be happiest with Sam. I might be biased but you were never happier than when you were with him. However, if by some chance we're on another planet where I'm capable of being wrong, and Jake is who you really want, who you see yourself building a future with, stop being scared. Stop waiting for the other shoe to drop and go for what you want. You'll never truly live your life unless you stop letting the unknown rule your decision making".
"Wow…thank you mom; I love you too". Naomi felt her emotions beginning to get the best of her. She appreciated her mother's honesty. She also wanted to tell her mother she wasn't scared, but was she? What other explanation could there be for her continued hesitation where Jake was concerned?
Before Naomi could dig any deeper into her thoughts, Isaiah's frustration at not being able to reach the phone hit its peak. "Mine" he shouted, as he kicked and stomped. Using all the strength his small body could muster, he tried to yank Naomi's arm down.
"Isaiah! What has gotten into you" Naomi exclaimed.
Ruth, who had been listening to Isaiah's ongoing temper tantrum through the phone, said "put me on speakerphone. Let me talk to my grandson".
"Fine" Naomi consented. Pressing the speaker button on the phone, Naomi spoke back to Isaiah. "Say hi to grandma" she encouraged.
"No" Isaiah said mischievously, his eyes lighting up at finally getting near the phone.
"Isaiah" Ruth cooed. "Why are you being such a naughty boy this evening? You're not being very nice to mommy".
Isaiah laughed.
"I don't see what's so funny about this situation, little man" Ruth reprimanded, her concern for Isaiah's behavior growing.
"Mom, could you sing to him" Naomi sighed, weariness lacing her voice. She knew without being face to face, her mother's admonishing words would wash right over Isaiah. "I don't think he's in the mood to listen to anyone right now. Besides, he's always loved the sound of your voice".
"What do you want me to sing"?
"I don't care; just anything to make him calm down" Naomi pleaded.
"Okay sweetie, okay" Ruth said, gathering her thoughts. Taking a deep breath, she began singing the first song that came to her mind; a slow jazzy version of "Summertime".
From the first note, Isaiah responded. He went completely still and stared at the phone in a trancelike state, amazed at the sound he heard coming from it. By the end of the song, he had nestled into Naomi's torso and was pulling at her shirt. Without being told, Ruth immediately began the song again. Slowly rocking back and forth in the rocking chair, Naomi lifted her shirt and let Isaiah nurse. She looked down at him as he suckled her breast and her heart flooded with emotion. No matter how irritable Isaiah had been in recent history, it was times like this where she knew he truly loved her. Naomi gently stroked his face with one finger, as her mother continued to sing, and Isaiah's eyes grew heavy with sleep. By the time Ruth had finished the song for the fifth time, he was fast asleep in Naomi's arms. Instinctively, Ruth stopped singing. "He's asleep; thank you mom" Naomi said quietly.
"No problem baby. He's my grandson; I love him just as much as l love you".
"I know but still; thank you".
Ruth sighed. "You have got to work things out with Sam".
"Mom…" Naomi started, feeling exasperated.
"Just listen to me for a minute" Ruth interrupted. "This isn't about the two of you; this is about my grandson. Normally, Isaiah is the sweetest most easygoing baby and now he's turning into a terror. I don't think I truly believed how badly you said he was behaving until I just heard it for myself. If you and Sam don't want to get back together, fine; if you don't even want to be friends, that's fine too. But you two have got to come to some resolution on being civil. I know you're angry, embarrassed, and your feelings are hurt but something has got to give Naomi. You and Sam were doing so good raising Isaiah until that argument; you need to find a way to get back in that groove before it affects Isaiah permanently. It would make you feel better too. Trust me Naomi; it takes too much energy to carry around all those negative feelings".
Tears flowed down Naomi's cheeks as she rocked Isaiah and listened to her mother's words. "I know, I know mom" she whispered.
"Good" Ruth said, pausing for a moment. But worried about her daughter's emotional stability, she added "Are you okay Naomi? I know I've been full of lectures tonight. I didn't mean to be hard on you; I was trying to help you".
"I know you mean well mom. And I'll be fine eventually. It's just that I'm ready to move on with my life. Every time I feel like I make a step in right direction, I get dragged back five steps. I'm just ready to be on the other side of all this drama".
"It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you're right in the thick of it, but you'll get there. It'll happen when you least expect it. In the meantime, why don't you try getting some sleep and waking up with a fresh start in the morning" Ruth suggested. "And never forget, I love you".
"You're right; I think that's just what I need. Thank you for helping with Isaiah; I'll talk to you later mom. I love you too".
"I love you more baby. Bye-bye" Ruth said before hanging up the phone.
Naomi hung up the phone and stared down at Isaiah sleeping again. She knew she should put his pajamas on and put him in his crib; but she needed him tonight. She needed his warmth and his closeness. She wanted Isaiah to feel just how much she loved him, how willing she was to sacrifice her life for him. Holding him close to her body, Naomi stood up and walked to her bedroom. Getting into bed, she pulled the covers up around them and held Isaiah snugly in her arms, next to her heart as she drifted off to sleep.
…
When Naomi heard the knock on her office door, she knew who it was before she even looked up. "Come in" she said apprehensively.
"Hello Naomi" Sam said cautiously as he stepped into the office.
Naomi felt her heart flutter. Was it nervousness or something else? She wasn't sure. "Hi Sam" she reciprocated quietly.
Sam didn't know where to start. He just knew that they had to have a very important conversation. Not knowing what to do with his hands, he shoved them in his pockets. Unable to look directly at her, he stared past her out the window. "Look Naomi, I don't want to start another argument with you, but we need to talk".
"I know" Naomi exhaled and stood up from her desk. Walking around, she perched herself on the mahogany furniture directly in front of Sam. "I imagine you got an earful from your mother over the weekend just like I did".
Sam let a small grin appear on his face. "Those women are impossible. How we came to be as normal as we are is a small miracle".
Naomi couldn't help but smile herself. "I know what you mean" she said; but her smile disappeared as she remembered portions of the conversation with Ruth. "But sometimes they are right. I don't know what all you and Dee discussed but I'm sure Isaiah was brought up, which is why I'm assuming you're here. He hasn't been himself lately".
"No, he hasn't. He's been cranky and temperamental. He's not listening and when he doesn't get his way, he's developed a nasty habit of hitting and kicking. As much as I hate to admit it, I agree. Our mothers might be right about this". Sam paused, finally looking straight at Naomi. "Isaiah is acting out because of us; because he can sense we haven't been getting along lately".
"You know what the crazy part is" Naomi asked rhetorically. "I was stupid enough to actually believe we were hiding our strained relationship from him. By not arguing in front of him, I thought he wouldn't notice. But when your parents go from friendly greetings and speaking openly to zero verbal communication, I guess that's a major sign. Our silence told on us".
Sam nodded his head in agreement. "How do you suppose we fix this" he asked, staring at Naomi deeply, like he could see through to her soul.
Naomi looked away. The way Sam was staring at her was too much to handle. She took a deep shaky breath and tried to think straight. Naomi knew the ball was in her court; how their relationship progressed going forward was completely in her control. If it was only about her, she would completely wash her hands of Sam. Not because she hated him or didn't care; Naomi would always care about him. But being forced to confess her secret feelings in such a public setting had unlocked a vault inside her full of pain that couldn't be resealed. Now, sometimes the very memory of Sam was painful, let alone being in his presence. Unfortunately, Naomi's relationship with Sam wasn't just about her; it was about Isaiah and Maya and Olivia. So, she would have to suck it up and just keep dealing. Looking back up at Sam, she finally answered. "I know I've been the uncooperative one in this scenario and I apologize for that. But, I meant it when I said I can't be your friend anymore. It's just not good for me. However, just because we're not friends anymore doesn't mean we can't still be civil. For Isaiah's sake, I will make more of a concerted effort to be cordial and keep our lines of communication open. I'll do anything for our little boy's wellbeing".
"Nae…" Sam started then stopped. There were so many things he wanted to say, to ask, to…he didn't know. Naomi wasn't the only one struggling with their current situation. It pained him that the mother of his child, of his children, wanted nothing to do with him. How could they have the two most beautiful kids in the world and not be getting along? Sam wiped his hands down his face, sighed, and started again. "That sounds like a good plan. Isaiah comes first and he needs both of us, which means we both have to put our issues aside and be one cohesive parental unit" Sam said diplomatically, following Naomi's example. In reality, he felt just as, if not more unsettled than when he had walked into Naomi's office. They were saying all the right things, but Sam couldn't help feeling like they were using a Band-Aid on a cut that required stitches. They weren't fixing their problems as much as they were overlooking them.
Naomi felt her heart strings tug in reaction to Sam's body language. She started to ask Sam what was wrong, why he looked so haggard. But that was the type of question only a friend would ask. Instead, she pretended she hadn't noticed his tired expression. "Exactly" Naomi agreed. "Which is why I think we should spend the holidays together" she added hesitantly.
Sam looked up surprised, his head completely spinning. "What" he exclaimed. "Not that I mind, but being civil and spending the holidays together aren't exactly in the same wheelhouse. I'm getting mixed signals over here".
Letting out a genuine chuckle at Sam's adorable confused face, Naomi explained. "Normally, I wouldn't suggest it but we can't ease into this Sam. We have to get Isaiah's behavior under control. If that means spending Thanksgiving, his birthday, and Christmas with both his parents, so be it. Once he's assured that we both still love him and will be there for him not matter what, then we can go back to separate holidays. But right now, that's not going to work".
"Why do I have the feeling that this is more your mother's idea than yours" Sam asked perceptively. Naomi's little speech sounded exactly like something Ruth would say.
Naomi blushed at being so obvious. "Because it is. The woman has the annoying talent of being right most of the time. If you have any better ideas, I'll all ears".
Sam shook his head quickly. "No, I'm not saying it's a bad idea at all. I'm just surprised you suggested it, that's all. Holidays for us used to be…." Sam let his words trail off. The holiday season had always been a magical time of year for them; special and near and dear to their hearts. Images filled his head with the memories of their families coming together for Thanksgiving, of making love by a roaring fire on Christmas Eve, of helping Maya open her presents on Christmas morning.
"I know" Naomi said softly, trying to ignore the same images from flooding through her mind; "Which is all the more reason why Isaiah needs us together during that time".
"You're right" Sam reluctantly agreed. "And I'm guessing after New Year's, things will go back to normal; us just being civil" he said, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice.
"That's the plan".
"Okay".
"Okay" Naomi repeated, not sure what else to say. An awkward silence filled the room as they stared at each other uncomfortably. "Well, I have to get back to work now" Naomi said, breaking the quiet, standing up from the edge of her desk, and walking around it.
"Yeah, me too. See you later Naomi" Sam said briskly as he turned to leave the office. However, when he reached the threshold, he found he couldn't cross over it. He and Naomi had come up with a plan to help Isaiah but there was still so much left unsaid, unfinished between them. Facing her again, he softly called her name. "Naomi".
Slowly, Naomi looked up, her heart pounding. "Yes, Sam"?
"I…I…" Sam had no idea where to start. "I'm sorry" he finally blurted out.
"For what" Naomi asked, confused and a little deflated. She didn't know what she had expected him to say but it wasn't that.
For a lot of things Sam thought in his head. "For the last time I was in your office" he said out loud. "I didn't mean to be cruel and insensitive; I was just frustrated. Everyone was practically on their hands and knees begging you to stay and you weren't budging an inch. That day, you couldn't see past your own emotions to realize how sorry everyone else was; to see how much pain they were in too. And you had every right to be that way; it was justified yet for some reason it just sent me into a rage. I felt desperate and wanted you to stay just as badly other doctors, but I knew it would be impossible for you to see reason in your state of mind. I was also angry; while I realize I can't possibly begin to imagine what you've endured, it hasn't been a cake walk for me either. It's been hard looking in the mirror knowing how much pain I've caused you. It's been hard not being able to turn to you when I needed someone to talk to, to listen. And I still haven't accepted the fact that we'll never have that type of relationship again. I know you don't want to be friends and I'll respect your wishes but Nae…I miss you. And I'm sorry. And if I could erase all the pain, I would in a heartbeat". Sam took a deep breath. What he'd said was just the tip of the iceberg; there were so many thoughts floating around in his head.
Naomi gripped the edge of the desk in front of her. "Sam" she said on a gust of air. Not trusting herself to meet his gaze, she added. "I miss you too and I know you didn't mean to hurt me. But I can't…we can't be friends anymore. Too much has happened".
Sam swallowed the lump in his throat. "I know but I just couldn't leave without saying something, without letting you know how much you mean to me".
Coughing to keep her suffocating emotions at bay, Naomi nodded. "Thank you, Sam. I appreciate it".
"You're welcome Naomi" Sam said, before finally crossing over the threshold into the halls of the practice.
Naomi took a chance and looked up, catching Sam's back as he walked towards his office. A huge breath she didn't even know she'd been holding burst through her parted lips. "See you at Thanksgiving" she whispered to herself, wondering how it would go.