Note: Fuck, I'm trying to update my other stories... but I like writing this one a lot... so another update, but those who like my other stories worry not for I will update them soon!
Fun Fact: I was actually going to give up on this story around the Phantom Lord Arc... yep, but I'm glad I didn't! It's so fun to just write, ha!
Here are the answer to your questions my amazing readers!
SinOfDisaster: Uh.. well there are no limits to this story and my imagination, as long as there are anime out there to like make a parody and such out of, I'll do! I can come up with all sorts of weird, silly, wacky things that would be fun to write, haha. Although in the future I do plan on making some very very serious arcs, but yeah haha!
TheDemonsRemorse: Gintama. The mountain quote that Naruto said his mother said was actually a Gintama quote, it's very true and inspiring haha! I always put anime references on this story, not every chapter but some. For example a few chapters back I made a Space Dandy reference, ha!
I'm pretty sure those were the only questions that I got last chapter so yeah, and to the reviewer that said you could see Itachi being a bartender... well I was actually going to introduce Itachi in the "Bartenders From Hell" chapter, I was going to have him play Zabuza's role instead but I had the urge to use Zabuza so yeah! Just another Fun Fact!
So yeah, enjoy this chapter!
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Chapter 22: Bubblegum King!
"The Sea is no place for children go back home!" A pirate snapped at Itachi, Naruto and Cana.
You see, The trio were at the port, all they needed was a ship and the journey to finding the One Piece would begin, however no one wanted to let the trio in on their ship, and the last ship was actually a pirate ship!
"Oi, children? We aren't children! We are pirates, have you not heard of me?! I am Donkey D. Luffy, the pirate king!" Naruto told the man in front of him.
"Donkey? Wasn't it Monkey?!" Itachi asked the blonde.
"Oi, what's the difference? Cupcakes and Muffins are pretty much the same thing, same with Donkey and Monkey!" Naruto stated in a matter of fact tone.
"ONE LETTER IS THE DIFFERNCE! IT'S MONKEY D. LUFFY NOT DONKEY D, LUFFY!" Itachi yelled at the blonde.
"Oi, Zoro, calm down!" Naruto told Itachi as he turned back to the pirate, "My friend here Zoro is the best swordsman in the world, so let us in on your ship or he'll cut your nut-sack!"
"Hey! Why do I get to be Zoro?! I want to be Luffy!"
"I'm Luffy!"
"Well, you've been Luffy for 5 minutes now, let me be Luffy now!"
"You have the map to the One Piece so it's only natural I be Luffy!"
"That makes no sense! Since I have the map shouldn't I be Luffy?!"
"You look more like a Zoro!"
Before Itachi could do anything, Cana decided to take matters into her own hands, she walked up to the pirate and seductively said, "Mr Pirate... I'm a huge fan of pirates... how about you lets us on your ship... pretty please for me?" Cana blew a kiss at the pirate and he blushed.
"ARRR! ANYTHING FER A FINE DAMSEL SUCH AS YOURSELF, HOP ON ABOARD MATES!"
Naruto blinked and he pointed at the pirate, "Oi, You're a virgin aren't you? You cherry boy! You got seduced so easily!"
"N-No! I just haven't gotten laid in months!"
"Riiiiighhht!"
"The only woman a man needs is the Sea!"
"Spoken like a true virgin!" Naruto told the man as he entered the ship to see a few people.
Once all three were on the ship, the ship started to take off, and Itachi pulled out the Map to the One Piece, he placed it on the floor, and Naruto and Cana sat down besides Itachi and they stared at the map.
"This map will take us to an Island called: Turtle Island, and in that Island we will find the key to the One Piece, there will be a chest and inside that chest will be another map, we take that map and that map will lead us to the One Piece, got it?!"
"Uh... so a map will take us to a map?" Cana asked as she chugged down on some Sake.
Itachi nodded as he turned to Naruto, "Naru-"
"Bleeeeeurrghhhhh!" Naruto interrupted him when the blonde puked on Itachi and the map. "Ah... I forgot... I... had...motion sickness... kill... me please!"
"HAHAHA!" Cana just began laughing, "I forgot you Dragon Slayers get motion sickness... but how could you forget you have motion sickness?! HAHAHAHA!"
"I...will... BITE YOU TO DEATH!" Itachi just yelled as he grabbed Naruto and threw him out the ship, or well almost threw him out.
Naruto grabbed Itachi by his sleeve, and soon Itachi was falling down along with Naruto, Cana quickly grabbed Itachi by his feet before both could fall into the water.
"Let go of me!" Itachi said as he punched Naruto's face with his free hand.
"Like hell I will, if I go down, I'm taking you with me!"
"You puked on me! Go down alone!"
"Oi, I'm not the type of man willing to go down alone, the least I could do is take you with me!"
"Isn't this the part where a hero usually sacrifices himself and lets go of the man he's holding on to?! WHY DON'T YOU DO THAT?!" Itachi said as he kept punching Naruto's face.
"Oi, this is usually the part where the guy holding on to the guy who's falling to his death says, "I'll never let you go!" You're saying the opposite!" Naruto countered back.
"YOU TWO LADIES BETTER MAKE UP, BEFORE I LET BOTH OF YOU GOOOO!" Cana just yelled as Itachi slipped from her grip.
Itachi looked at Naruto and was about to say something sappy when Cana let go of him.
"Fuck it, I'm going to go drink more, have fun ladies!" Cana said as they both fell down towards the water.
"CAAAANNNAAAAA!" Both Itachi and Naruto yelled as they fell into the cold sea water.
Cana Was leaning against the ship, you know? Chilling as she drank from a barrel of sake, these pirates has tons of barrels of sake to last them for months! If she wasn't a Fairy Tail Mage, Cana would of became a pirate, the pirate life seemed awesome, right?! As the brunette drank two men dripping with water were staring at her.
"Y-You traitor!" Naruto pointed at Cana, he was trying not to puke.
"Huh? You guys were too heavy, I couldn't hold on!"
"Bullshit! You let go of me on purpose!" Itachi looked at her.
"We were in that water for an hour, I'm all cold now!"
Cana smirked seductively at Naruto, "How about we both go to a bed room and share some body heat?!"
Before Naruto could reply the ship stopped all of a sudden causing Cana to go forward and bump into the blonde, both fell to the floor, Cana on top of the blonde, she smirked as she shook her butt against the blonde's Dragon. Naruto looked at her brown eyes as she did this, she was somewhat drunk.
"My tunnel is wet, Naru-chan, and your dragon seems to be raging... how about it comes makes itself at home inside my tunnel?!" Cana smirked as she kept swaying her hips.
Before Naruto could reply Itachi spoke, "We're at Turtle Island!"
"Oi, we are?!" Naruto quickly got up and looked at the beach, "YESSS! LAND! I'VE MISSED YOU BABY!" The blonde quickly jumped off the ship and into the sand.
Cana pouted as she too jumped off the ship, "You're no fun, Naru-chan! I wanted to have some fun!"
"Fun can wait, Cana!" Naruto said as Itachi too jumped off of the ship.
"Hey, we'll wait for you guys for a couple of hours, okay?" The pirate from before yelled as they started walking away.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever old man!" Naruto muttered.
"I HEARD THAT BRAT! I'LL KILL YOU!" The pirate yelled as they disappeared into the trees. "I'M STILL IN MY MID 20'S!"
"Really? You look like a 50 year old man!" The pirate heard Naruto's faint voice.
"THAT'S IT WE'RE LEAVING, MUAHAHA!" Was the last thing Naruto and the others heard as they went deeper into the island.
"Where to Itachi?!" Naruto asked as they walked in silence.
"We keep going forward until we reach a pyramid, inside the pyramid we will find a chest with another map inside."
They walked in silence as Cana and Naruto drank sake, Itachi would of drank too, but he really, really wanted to find the One Piece, after all it was his dream! They kept walking, and it felt like ages since they walked but in reality it was like 20 minutes when they arrived to a huge pyramid.
"Oi, we foounnnd it, Itchy!" Naruto grinned happily, he seemed to be tipsy.
Itachi nodded as they walked inside, and once all three walked inside, the entrance behind them closed, leaving them trapped inside the pyramid.
"We're going to die aren't we?" Naruto just said as he drank more sake.
"We should go out with a bang, and bang!" Cana smirked as she kissed Naruto's neck.
"If... I die... I want to be reincarnated as a clam.. oi no, maybe a dragon? Or maybe a pair of boobs?! Nah, a clam... yes a clam, that way I can be free within the sea!" Naruto nodded to himself.
"Uh... Naruto... Cana... behind you..." Itachi just said as he walked slowly away from them.
"There's something behind us isn't there?" Cana sighed as she and Naruto turned slowly, and their eyes widened.
In the wall behind them, there was a ton of dog sized spiders looking at them.
"OKAY NO ONE PANIC, I'LL TELL YOU WHEN TO PANIC!" Naruto yelled as he slowly walked away from the wall.
"EEEEEEEEEEKKKKKK!" Cana just shrieked as she began running away.
"OKAY! NOW WE PANIC!" Naruto yelled as he ran after her.
"WAIT FOR MEEE!" Itachi yelled as he ran after them.
They started to run towards a hall within the pyramid, Itachi turned his head slightly to see the dog sized spiders running after him.
"WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T LOOK BACK!" Itachi yelled as they kept running.
"WHEN YOU SAY NOT TO LOOK BACK IT MAKES ME WANT TO LOOK BACK SO SHUT UP!" Cana yelled as she tried not to look back.
"Oi, Oi, don't tell me you're scared?!" Naruto smirked at Cana.
"You're the one who's scared, you ran like a little girl!" Cana yelled at the blonde as she ran.
"WELL YOU SCREAMED!"
Cana turned her head slightly to look at the blonde, only to freeze a bit, Naruto looked at her eyes, and he saw fear in them, her eyes were looking at the top of his head, and the blonde gulped now that he thought about it, his head did seemed a lot heavier than before.
"Oi, tell me I have a halo over my head! Yes! It must be a halo that's over my head, gods have blessed me with a halo, yes a halo!" Naruto told himself as he brought his hands to his head, he grabbed whatever was on top of his head and he brought it down to look at it.
He blinked It was a spider.. uh IT WAS A SPIDER, "EEEEEEEEEKKKKKK!" Naruto screamed as he handed the spider to Cana, "CANA HERE A PRESENT FOR BEING A GOOD FRIEND!"
"UH, I don't want this!" Cana snapped as she handed the spider to Itachi.
"Uh, I'm allergic to spiders!" Itachi handed it to Naruto.
"Oi, really! I want to you have it, Cana, I insist!" Naruto handed it to her again.
She handed it back to Naruto, "W-Well thank you, but I'm more of a dog person!"
Naruto had enough he threw the spider, "DIE SPIDER!" he yelled as he threw it at a wall.
The three after that stopped when they turned a corner and saw no spiders after them, the three sighed as they caught their breath.
"That was close, haha!" Naruto laughed as he scratched his hair.
"Too close... I'm never ever going inside a pyramid again!" Cana shuddered at the thought of more spiders.
"This Pyramid probably has a ton of traps, those spiders were probably poisonous, so we have to be careful!" Itachi said as he took a step, only to have stepped on something.
"YOU STEPPED ON SOMETHING!" Naruto yelled at Itachi, "BE CAREFUL? YEAH RIGHT! MY ASSS!"
"I didn't step on anything!"
"Bullshit!"
"You want to die, blondie?!"
"Bring it, Itachi!"
"Is that a rock?" Cana stopped them from arguing when a huge rock now headed towards them.
"OI, THAT'S THE MOST CLICHE TRAP IN THE BOOK!" Naruto yelled as he began running, "I don't know about you guys but, I don't want plan on becoming a pancake!"
"Mhm, pancakes don't sound bad!" Cana said as she began running.
Itachi followed after them as the huge rock picked up pace behind them, there was no way to go as they were in a hall, and the hall had no doors, their only option was to keep running ahead. They continued running until there was a corner, yes! All they had to do was turn and they wouldn't have no worry about the rock.
As they arrived to the turn, Cana managed to trip, and she growled as the huge rock was feet away from her.
Naruto saw this and he grabbed her, he quickly threw her towards the other hall, and Cana watched as the heavy, huge rock hit the blonde.
Crack!
"NARUTO!" Cana yelled as she heard cracks, "A-Are you okay?!" she fell to the floor on her knees, "T-This is... my fault."
Itachi stayed silent as he sighed.
The rock began moving and they looked at it, and then the rock cracked in half as Naruto appeared leaning against the wall.
"Oi, why so sad bitches? I wouldn't die from a fucking rock! That's so uncool!" Naruto said as he walked towards Itachi and Cana.
"Miss me Cana?" He smirked as Cana wiped tears from her eyes and got up.
"I was happy, happy I finally got rid of you, you're annoying!" Cana said in a prideful manner.
"Oi, that's heartless!" Naruto said as they continued walking.
After dodging many traps, avoiding from having a date with death, the trio made it to the top of the pyramid, on top there was wooden chest and Itachi opened it, and there was the map, the map that would lead to the One Piece.
"OI! WE CAME HERE FOR A FUCKING MAP?!"
"Yes, this map leads to the One Piece!"
"WE RISKED OUR LIVES FOR A MAP?!"
"Yes, a map that will take us to the One Piece!"
"Oi, the One Piece better be awesome!" Naruto said as they walked back to the ship..
[Scene Change]
At freaking Last... they were on the Island where the One Piece was supposed to be buried: the island known as: Dragon's Island. Itachi was fucking happy. Naruto was grinning, a last, the title of the pirate king would be given to him, and well Cana was quiet, she was eyeing the grinning blonde.
What... is this feeling? Ever since he saved me from the pyramid... when I look at him... I feel warm...Cana thought as Naruto faced and looked at her.
Cana felt her face heat-up. "Oi Cana, what are you going to do with you share of the One Piece?!"
"Huh? I get a share?!"
"Oi, of course! I Get 90 percent, you get 9 percent and Itachi get's 1 percent!"
"1 PERCENT? WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY DO YOU GET THE MOST?!"
"I'm Luffy!"
"SCREW YOU! I GET 90 PERCENT! YOU GET 1 AND CANA 9!"
"Oi, you want to die?!"
"Muahah! Kill me if you can!"
"Hmph, I don't want any, you guys can have it, I only came with you guys because I was bored!" Cana stated as she drank some Sake, she was trying not to look at Naruto.
"Oi! Then I get 100 percent! Sweet!" Naruto grinned,
Itachi sweat-dropped, "You're the champion at pissing people off, bastard!"
They continued walking until at last they arrived to an X made out of rocks. Naruto and Itachi grinned as Itachi grabbed a shovel and began digging, the blonde too grabbed a shovel and didn't began digging, he would just pretend he was digging while Itachi did all the work, hehehe!
Bump!
As Itachi dug, his shovel hit something, he started digging faster and around the chest that he had hit, and soon he and Naruto pulled out a huge chest..
"Ah, nothing like a reward once you're done digging!" Naruto nodded happily.
"You didn't even help!"
"Oi, I dug more than you!"
"Bullshit! Asshole!"
They placed the chest besides Cana who was still oddly quiet, more quiet than usual.
"Okay, at the count of 3 we open it together!" Itachi stated as Naruto nodded.
"1..." Started counting, and Naruto just opened the chest to reveal a golden light.
"I told you we'd open at 3!"
"I don't know how to count!"
"Grr!"
"This light is so fucking pretty! There's probably gold, money and jewels in this! We're rich!"
The golden light vanished... and to their confusion there was no gold, or jewels or anything in the box but a fucking book and a piece of gum, well the book looked like a diary so Itachi opened it and they read it:
Arr, mates! If you're readin this it means you found the One Piece... the One Piece of bubblegum I've been saving, this piece of gum is the last of it's kind, arr! I would of chewed it but I lost my taste buds a long time ago, so I saved this here... and one day a man will find it and he will be granted the title of the Bubblegum King, arrr!
PS: IF YOU READ THIS YOUR MOTHER IS A DIRTY WHORE!
PSS: I also made a deal with a dragon living on the island, so if you manged to make it this far, you will probably be dinner: Kuku!
PSSS: SUCKER!
"OI! WE RISKED OUR LIVES FOR A ONE PIECE OF BUBBLGUM!"
"It seems so!" Itachi said disappointed.
Cana was just laughing, "HAHAHAHAHAHAH!"
"HOW THE FUCK CAN WE EVEN SPLIT THIS?!" Naruto said as he examined the One Piece Of Bubblegum. "Oi, I'm going to kill the fucker who did this!"
"He's probably dead now."
"I DON'T CARE KUKU, I'LL LEARN DARK MAGIC, AND REVIVE HIM, THEN KILL HIM KUKUKU, ILL KEEP DOING IT UNTIL IM SATISFIED!" Naruto laughed sadistically.
Before anyone could say anything a big shadow appeared over them and it seemed the sun was being covered by the thing producing the big shadow.
"I haven't eaten a human in years, kuku, I'll enjoy eating you all!" The giant thing that made the shadow was a dragon.
"Uh, in times like this... a smart man knows how to run like a little bitch... so ruuuun!" Naruto yelled as he started running, Itachi and Cana didn't need to be told twice as they all headed towards the beach where the ship was at.
"A DRAGON!" The pirates in the ship yelled scared as they saw the trio running towards them.
"GET THE WEAPONS READY!"
"WE DON'T HAVE ANY!"
"Awww shit!"
"W-What are we going to do?!"
"Men... get the booze! We'll use the booze!"
"No... not the booze, anything but the BOOOOZE!"
"PIRATE! MAN UP! IT'S EITHER OUR LIVES OR THE BOOZE!"
"HEY! YOU HEARD THE BOSS! GET THOSE BOOZE AND THROW IT AT THE DRAGON!"
He changed his mind quickly! Everyone thought as they began throwing the booze at the dragon.
The dragon was about to eat Cana when a barrel of booze landed in his mouth, he munched down on it and to his surprise there was something odd inside, it was odd and it tasted good. The dragon then began to catch the barrels of booze with it's mouth and he began drinking the liquid inside the barrels, god was he in heaven!
"HEY WE RAN OUT OF BOOZE!"
"LET'S GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE THEN!"
"YEAH WHILE ITS DRUNK!"
"I beliieeeeve I can flyyyyy!" The drunken dragon sang as he started flying around. "Weeeeeeeeeee! Flying is sooo much funnnn!"
The dragon then flew up towards Naruto and grabbed him.
"Oi! Lemme go!" Naruto said as the Dragon's grip got tighter.
"Giiiirllll I'll never let chuuu gooooo!" The dragon sang at Naruto.
"I'M A FUCKING DUDE, YOU IDIOT DRAGON!"
The dragon opened his mouth and Naruto expected to be eaten when the dragon just kissed him, he kissed the blonde before he placed the blonde on his back.
"Lettttss elope babbbyyy!" The dragon said as he took off flying at a fast space.
"HEY! FOLLOW THAT DRAGON!" Itachi yelled as he pointed at the dragon.
"Ayee!"
Naruto sighed as he sat on the dragons back, they were far away from the ship Naruto was once in, the dragon was here on babbling about a bunch of nonsense, so Naruto just decided to zone him out, after what seemed for ages Naruto's eyes widened when not far from them he saw a tower... a tower of what seemed to be made of Lacrima.
"T-That's... the tower of heaven!" Naruto told himself, "That bastard Jellal finished it then, huh?!"
"NOOO THAT'S THE TOWER OF LOOOOVE, THE TOWER WHERE WE WILL LIVE FROM NOWW ON BABBBY!"
Before Naruto could say anything the dragon sped up, and Naruto gulped when the dragon wasn't slowing down.
"THATTT TOWER IS SOOOO PRETTYYYY SO DAMNNNN PREETTTY!"
The blonde before he knew it, the drunken dragon had crashed into the Tower OF Heaven, causing Lacrima to go all over the place...
Note: Heyaa what did you guys think? Lol good? Bad? Ehhh?!
Well I hope you enjoyed!
Stay Dandy!