Chapter Twenty Four
"This has to be the worst Thanksgiving dinner I've ever had the displeasure of attending" Ruth complained, sitting her silverware down on the table.
Looking up from spoon feeding Isaiah mashed sweet potatoes, Naomi was confused. "Excuse me? Mom, what are you talking about"? Naomi looked around at all the faces seated at the table. On one side, Maya sat with Olivia. She and Sam sat on the other side with Isaiah's highchair placed strategically between them; and on the two ends, sat Ruth and Dee. With the exception of her mother, no one had a sour expression on their face; nor did they appear to have any complaints about the food Naomi and Ruth had stayed up half the night cooking as evidenced by the nearly empty plates. By all indications, it was a completely civil and peaceful Thanksgiving. Isaiah tugged at Naomi's hand, distracting her. She looked down and grinned at the sight of his mouth open wide. Gathering another spoonful of sweet potatoes, she led the food to his hungry mouth.
"Yeah, Mama Ruth" Sam agreed, smiling at Isaiah's antics as well. "The food is good and everyone seems to be enjoying themselves. I don't see a problem".
"You don't see a problem" Ruth exclaimed. "This is not a normal Thanksgiving; everything is too quiet, too tame. Where's the lively conversation with everyone talking over each other? Where's the laughter? Where's the noisy football game playing in the background? Where's the constant flow of friends and family dropping in to say hello"?
"Ruth" Dee sighed. She loved her friend dearly, but often times she didn't have one subtle bone in her body. Dee wanted their kids back together just as badly, but Ruth being so obvious and forcing the issue wasn't going to help. If anything, it only encouraged Naomi and Sam to be more stubborn just so they could prove her wrong. The only way their children were going to find their way back to each other is without any interference from anyone. "This is the first time we've all been together for the holidays in at least five years; so much has happened in that span of time. Did you really expect it to be exactly the same"?
"No, but…"
"Mom, you know we decided to keep this small on purpose" Naomi interrupted, a little frustrated. That's why Jake wasn't there or anyone who wasn't immediate family. More than anything, this holiday season was about showing Isaiah that his family loved him; that even if they were in separate houses or on opposite sides of the world, every member of his family would always be there for him.
"Yeah Grandma" Maya said, jumping into the conversation. "The fact that we're all sitting here together and mom and dad are even speaking to each other is something to be happy about. So, can't we just appreciate the holiday and be thankful for what we do have? It is Thanksgiving after all. We can go back to complaining tomorrow".
"I'm not complaining" Ruth defended herself, feeling like everyone was ganging up on her. Suddenly, she felt like she was all alone in the world. The feeling struck her deeply and swiftly, sinking her mood into an even more depressing state. "I'm just… excuse me for a moment" she stuttered, standing up briskly from the table and walking out of the dining room.
"Na-Na" Isaiah shouted with a mouthful of sweet potatoes as he pointed in Ruth's direction.
"What was that about" Maya asked quietly, staring after her.
"I don't Maya, but she doesn't seem quite herself, does she" Dee observed, slightly worried.
Naomi was about to launch into a long list about how her mother was overly dramatic and stubborn when a thought flickered around the edges of her mind. "What is today" she asked.
"Thanksgiving" Sam said playfully, trying to keep a straight face.
"Thank you captain obvious" Naomi said rolling her eyes and biting her cheek to keep from grinning. The comfort and ease in which she could still slip into playful banter with Sam was disconcerting. How was it so hard to be around him in one moment and as natural as breathing in the next. Naomi shook her head to refocus her thoughts back to her mother. "I meant what is today's date"?
"You know I was only joking. It's November 28th" Sam corrected himself as he reached over and took the spoon out of Naomi's hand. Isaiah's mouth was hanging wide open again and he was getting too impatient to wait on his mother. "I gotcha buddy" Sam said, giving him another spoonful. "You know things would go a lot faster if you held this spoon yourself". Sam smiled, feeling relaxed. Ironically, Ruth storming out of the room had loosened him up. Sure, he was worried about her; and it wasn't like he hadn't been having a good time before; but he'd been so worried about making one false step that he couldn't truly enjoy their family dinner. Now that the idea of a perfect dinner had been thrown out the window, it didn't matter anymore. And the fact that Naomi was actually engaging in easy conversation with him, that wasn't riddled with angst, was a bonus.
"And a lot messier" Naomi said, shaking her head as Isaiah continued to gobble down spoonfuls like it was his last meal. "Wait...did you say November 28th" she asked, suddenly tensing up, her back going stiff".
"Yeah, why" Sam asked, automatically noticing the shift in Naomi's voice.
Tears welled up in the corners of Naomi's eyes, spilling over before she could push them back. "How could I have forgotten" she whispered to herself.
"What does that date mean Naomi" Dee asked, worry and concern etched all over her face.
"My father died seven years ago on the exact dame date" Naomi answered robotically, staring off into space. "In the back of my head, I always knew this time of year always made her a little sad but I didn't realize just how much it affected her. We haven't been together on Thanksgiving in a few years. And I think this is the first time Thanksgiving has actually landed on the 28th since he died" she rambled on. Then sucking in a breath, Naomi covered her face. "Oh my God" she moaned. "I'm the world's worst daughter".
Sam reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. "No, you're not Naomi. You're human; we all forget things sometimes. None of us remembered".
"But he's my dad. You know how close we were. How could I have forgotten" Naomi chastised herself.
"Mommy, what's wrong" Olivia asked, confused as to why all the adults had grown sad all of a sudden.
"Nothing is wrong sweetheart" Maya said as she guided Olivia into her lap and rocked her. "We're just remembering a very special person who can't be with us today. You know how you miss your daddy or me sometimes when we're not with you"?
Olivia nodded.
"It's the same thing. But everyone will be fine soon, I promise" Maya reassured, kissing Olivia on the forehead. Maya wasn't sure that was true though. Over her daughter's head, she looked at her own mother in concern. Naomi's head was still buried in her hands and her shoulders were shaking as she wept.
"Mama" Isaiah cried, suddenly not interested in eating anymore. He reached for Naomi but she was too distraught to notice.
Sam put down the spoon and lifted Isaiah out of his highchair. Wiping Isaiah's face, he said in a low voice, "Mommy is alright, she's just a little sad. You want to give her a kiss? It will make her feel better". Isaiah nodded. Sliding the highchair away from the table, Sam scooted his chair closer so Isaiah could reach Naomi. Grabbing her forearm, he yanked and yelled "Mama".
Reluctantly, Naomi let her arm down. "Yes, Zay-Zay" she answered.
Isaiah leaned over further and gave her a big sloppy kiss on the cheek.
Naomi smiled through her sadness to appease Isaiah. "Thank you baby; mommy feels much better" she lied.
Isaiah smiled back at her but kept touching her arm, not convinced. Sam wasn't convinced either; he knew better. "Naomi, look at me" he said softly. When she didn't respond, Sam pulled his chair closer until their knees were touching. "Look at me" he urged again.
Slowly, Naomi took a deep breath and looked up at him. "What, Sam".
"I remember how heartbroken you were when your father died; you were nearly inconsolable. No one can ever doubt how much you loved your father. The fact that you didn't remember the day he died this year doesn't take away from that. This has been a crazy year; the fact that we can even sit down today and enjoy a meal together is a small miracle in itself. Instead of feeling sad or guilty, we should do what the holiday was intended for and be thankful. We should celebrate his life and be thankful for the years we did have him, thankful for the memories he left behind, and thankful that through all the drama, we still have each other. No matter what form it takes, we'll be family forever and I'm grateful for that Naomi; I'm grateful for you". Slowly, Sam reached over and wiped Naomi's tears from her face; his hand lingered on her cheek.
Naomi felt like she had been hypnotized. Even when their indefinable relationship was on shaky ground, Sam never failed to console her. Was it the words themselves or his delivery? Was it his strong eye contact or the reassuring pats on her knee; or the fact that their knees were touching? Or was it his hand on her face? She didn't know, but Sam was right; they should be celebrating her father's life instead of mourning his loss.
Maya choked back tears as she watched her dad comfort her mother; as she watched the way Naomi responded to Sam's words. These were the moments Maya least understood why her parents weren't together. They had the uncanny ability to soothe and calm each other when no one else could.
"He's right Naomi" Dee said softly. "We all love and miss your father. Stanley was a great man; so warm, caring, and generous. But time has a way of healing or lessening the pain. Forgetting the day he died isn't a sign of disrespect. It means life goes on and your dad would be happy you're living your life instead of staying stuck in the past. Sam's not the only person grateful to have you in his life; we all are. Especially your mom; I think she needs you right now more than anyone".
Naomi glanced over at Dee, the trance suddenly broken. "Oh my God, you're right" she exclaimed. Rubbing her hands against her thighs, she abruptly stood up, instantly missing the heat from Sam's warm hand on her face. "Excuse me. I'm just going to go check on her. Please don't let this stop you from eating. I'm sure me and mom will be back soon".
Leaving the room, Naomi wiped her eyes to make sure all of the moisture from her tears were gone. Slowly, she approached the entrance to the den. Ruth was sitting on the couch staring off into space. As Naomi entered the room, she didn't even notice her daughter's presence until Naomi sat down beside her. "I'm sorry mommy".
"For what sweetie" Ruth replied, sounding emotionally detached.
"For not remembering what today was. But that still doesn't take away from how much I loved him. I know it must be worse for you than it is for me… but I miss dad too….so much." Naomi's voice cracked.
The tears Ruth had been trying to hold back finally broke through and flooded her face. She crumpled into a ball and collapsed into Naomi's lap. Naomi froze for a moment, not knowing what to do. She had never seen her mother become so unraveled before. But after a few moments, instinct took over. She wrapped her arms around Ruth and held her while her mother cried her heart out. Naomi held her until her mother couldn't cry anymore. When Ruth finally calmed down and became silent again, Naomi wiped the tears from her face. "Better" she asked softly.
Ruth sat up and looked at her daughter. "I don't know baby. I don't know if anything will ever make me feel better. Most days I'm fine and then some days…it hits me. This is the worst day of every year. He's really gone; I'm never going to see him again. Even after seven years, that reality still hasn't quite sunken in for me". Ruth's lip trembled as she tried to keep the tears from starting again.
Naomi grabbed her mother's hand. "Mom…I had no idea you were still having such a hard time. You always seem so put together. Why didn't you confide in me about this sooner"?
"Like I said, most of the time, I'm fine. Besides, you have your own life and problems to deal with; I know the last few years haven't been easy for you either. Between Sam and the divorce, Maya getting pregnant, and Isaiah….adding my burdens to your plate would have been selfish and inconsiderate".
"You're my mother" Naomi exclaimed. "It doesn't matter what I have going on in my life; I'll always be here for you, just like you are for me. I love you and I'm here anytime you need me. Please don't shut me out. Talk to me".
"I wasn't trying to sweetheart, honestly. Maybe another reason I didn't say anything is because I thought that if I just ignored the pain, it would eventually go away. But it's not Naomi; the pain is just as fresh as ever. I miss him so much; especially during the holidays. Not just because he died around this time but because he loved this time of year more than anyone". A lone tear escaped Ruth's eye and slowly rolled down her cheek.
"I know…that's how I remembered. I can't believe I forgot in the first place. Mom…can you ever forgive me" Naomi croaked, her throat feeling constricted. She looked down, afraid to look at her mother.
"Oh baby". Ruth reached up and touched Naomi's face, lifting her chin. "There's nothing to forgive. I know how much you loved your father. The fact that you forgot is a good thing; it means you're still trying to live your life. If only I could forget; I feel stuck in a time warp. I can't forget; I can only distract myself."
"Is that why you've been concentrating on me and Sam more than usual lately" Naomi asked carefully.
Ruth sighed but couldn't help but smile a little. "Maybe a little; but today, remembering your father just made me nostalgic. You and Sam used to have the best Thanksgivings. I just wanted something familiar and comfortable on a day usually filled with so much sadness for me" Ruth explained. She wanted to say more, but refrained. After their conversation several weeks ago, Ruth decided to take a page out of Dee's book and silently vowed never to bring up Naomi and Sam's relationship again. She'd indirectly regressed today but still planned to keep her promise. However, remembering her late husband and their marriage was making it hard to keep her opinions to herself. Ruth wished she could explain to Naomi how Stanley had been the love of her life; how even though they'd spent almost forty years together, it still felt like they didn't have enough time. Ruth wanted her daughter to know that even if she managed to find another companion, she would never love that person like she did Stanley. What she had with Naomi's father was real. And because Ruth had experienced the real thing, she knew what it looked like. That's how she knew what Naomi and Sam had was the real thing too; and if they could get past their hard feelings, they would both find the love was still there. But Ruth couldn't tell her daughter that. Neither Naomi nor Sam was ready to accept the truth, not yet.
"I can understand that. But mom, you know everyone in that room loves you, right. The dynamic of our family may have changed but that doesn't mean we still can't enjoy each other's company and have a really great Thanksgiving".
"I know baby, but when you're sad, you tend to cling to what you already know".
"Well, cling to me. You know me and I know you. And I love you mom….so much" Naomi croaked.
"Oh Naomi….I love you too" Ruth answered instantly, wrapping her arms around Naomi and embracing her in a tight hug.
Naomi hugged Ruth back just as tightly. "Please talk to me whenever you need. You always listen to me when I need an ear. You always give me advice even when I don't ask for it. Let me do the same for you. After dad and James…we're all each other have; we have to depend on each other".
Ruth's eyes popped in surprise. They never discussed James. For Naomi to even mention his name spoke volumes. Ruth had to do a better job of communicating her own struggles with Naomi. "I will, I promise" she whispered, choking back more tears. They sat there held each other for what seemed like eternity; so long that eventually the rest of the family came looking for them.
"Isaiah was starting to worry about you guys" Sam said as he walked into the room holding his son. Dee, Maya, and Olivia were not too far behind.
Ruth and Naomi untangled themselves from each other. Sniffling, Ruth wiped her eyes. "We're fine; just having a little mother daughter time. Right, Naomi"?
Naomi managed to muster a small but genuine smile as she straightened out her clothes. "Right. Have we really been gone that long"?
"Long enough for Zay to get restless" Sam smiled as Isaiah tried to wiggle out of his arms. Obliging him, Sam set Isaiah down on the floor but held his hands so that he was standing. But Isaiah still wasn't content. He tried to pull his hands away from Sam. "If I let you go, you'll fall buddy" Sam cautioned. Isaiah ignored the warning and doubled his efforts to be free. "Alright, have it your way" Sam said, releasing his hands.
As soon Sam let go, the most amazing thing happened. Isaiah stumbled a few feet forward but he didn't fall. Thrusting his hands out to regain his balance, he held still for a few moments, and then began taking tiny wobbly steps forward.
"ISAIAH" Naomi shouted in glee. "Mommy is so proud, come to mommy" she encouraged, as Isaiah stumbled towards her.
"He...he's walking" Sam stuttered in shock. "He's walking" he said more firmly, getting excited as the reality of his son taking his first steps set in.
Halfway between his parents, Isaiah began to lose his balance. Afraid he would hurt himself by falling, Naomi and Sam instinctively started moving towards him. Isaiah's body never got a chance to hit the ground. Reaching him at the exact same time, they picked him up simultaneously so that Isaiah was sandwiched between them.
Naomi hugged Isaiah tight against her body. "I can't believe my baby boy is getting so big" she cooed. "It seems like just yesterday when I brought you home from the hospital. Now you'll be turning one in three weeks". Naomi couldn't help but get a little misty-eyed about how quickly time had flown.
Sam felt a slight twinge of pain and longing. Though he and Naomi had worked past it, missing the first six months of Isaiah's life would always be a sensitive subject for him. But the pride he felt at Isaiah walking overrode any lingering negative emotions. "Daddy is so proud of you too, buddy". Unconsciously, Sam wrapped an arm around Isaiah and Naomi, pulling them both closer to him. His hand rested at the small of her back as he reached down to kiss his son.
Too overjoyed, Naomi didn't register the intimate position she and Sam stood in, how close their bodies were, or how close their faces were as she leaned in to kiss him at the same time. They both were completely obliviously to almost anything and anyone in the room. The only thing Naomi and Sam noticed was the absolutely giddy expression on Isaiah's face as he got attention from both of his parents.
Dee, Maya, and Olivia went to join Ruth on the couch. Sitting next to her, Dee grasped Ruth's hand. "Are you alright friend"?
"I will be" Ruth said. "I think I'm more embarrassed than anything for having a meltdown".
"You have nothing to be embarrassed about. If I'd had a man even half the man Stanley was in my life, I don't know how I would've survived if I lost him. You're doing fine and only time is what will truly help. You're entitled to a little breakdown every now and then".
"Thanks Dee" Ruth said, smiling. She glanced over at Naomi and Sam, seeing what they were too blind and stubborn to see. "Maybe my little tantrum was a blessing in disguise. I could have one every day if it causes scenes like this".
Dee looked over at her son and Naomi too. "I know what you mean. It's amazing that they still can't see it or admit it to themselves" she said quietly, Ruth nodding in agreement.
Maya sat back, rocking Olivia to sleep as she listened to her grandmothers' conversation and watched her parents with Isaiah. This was her family; her beautiful dysfunctional family. They were all together on one of the most important days of the year, the day to be thankful. And as Maya watched her parents and listened to her grandmothers, the one thing she was most thankful for flooded her brain; hope. The hope that had dimmed in her heart had returned to full force. Not only did she hope, but Maya truly believed that her family was well on its way to repairing itself. And for that, she couldn't help but smile.