A/N - Okay sooo.. People have been following/fav-ing this story without reviewing and I just would really like it if people left a review. You don't have to say that much, I just like to know that people are actually reading my story :)

No it was always me.

Effie's POV

I always had to be left alone with Haymitch, didn't I? I knew more questions about my 'problems' would be coming, so I began to leave the room.

"Come over here..." Haymitch said. I walked over to the couch where he was singing.

"What do you want now?" I asked "I need space, you know..."

"You didn't cut yourself anymore last night, did you?"

"No. Who cares if I did or didn't anyway?" I replied. No one cares, you ugly pathetic bitch. You deserve to die.

"I care, sweetheart.." Haymitch told me, sighing. No he doesn't.

"Really? You always tell me how ugly, stupid and worthless I am.." I said.

"You know I don't mean it. I always thought you were happy anyway..." Yes, I was so happy.. Of course. But no one ever bothered to ask me if I was okay. They all just think I'm another Capitol clone.

"I have to go." I told him, leaving the room. I felt the urge to throw up yet again. I knew he would think I was cutting myself but it didn't matter anymore... If I just killed myself he would get over it in a day or two.

I grabbed a toothbrush and stuck it down my throat causing me to throw up until blood started to show. This was obviously a good thing.. I guess. I knew I was losing weight, and whenever someone complimented it, it made me happier but it encouraged me to starve more. I knew it was working but I still was huge and disgusting. I had to reach perfect and even if I didn't reach perfect at least I could say I died trying.

I picked up my razor from the shelf and left a small cut on my arm. I sometimes wish I didn't have all these ugly scars, but I deserve them.. I don't know if I will ever win this battle.

*Two days later*

When Katniss and Peeta had told me about their private sessions, I had tried to kill myself by overdosing, but nothing happened except I went to sleep for five hours. Why did they have to keep putting their lives in danger? They don't deserve any of this... It was all my fault. I want to die.

Today it was the interviews and tomorrow Katniss and Peeta would be going into the arena. And it's all your fault.

"Hey Effie." Said Peeta.

"Hello Peeta!" I gave him a smile. He didn't know about what I had tried to do, and that was probably best.

"Where's Haymitch?" I asked.

"Err.. I don't know." He replied. I needed to talk to him. I just needed someone.

"Okay. I guess I'll have to go look for him!" I said.

I guess I wouldn't have to look for him any longer, as he just walked in the room at that moment.

"We need to talk." I told Haymitch. I didn't think he was drunk today..

"Okay, okay!" He said back. You're nothing to him, said the voices in my head.

I felt the urge to cut but resisted it. I didn't know I could resist it... Maybe I was getting better. No. I wasn't getting better.. There's nothing wrong with you! You deserve to suffer. I held back tears as I walked into my room.

"What did you want to say to me, anyway?" Haymitch asked. He obviously didn't care about what I had to say and had much better things to do..

"I.. Need.. Help." I said, on the verge of tears.

"With what?"

"You know.." I replied. No one can help you... Cutting myself was my only way of stopping the voices and numbing the pain, but I couldn't right now, not in front of him, so I scratched my arm lightly.

"I don't know I can help you.. Just stop hurting yourself! It's not helping you in any way!" He obviously didn't understand what it was like to feel as if you didn't belong here, you deserved to die...

"Do you even know what it's like for me? I am the reason that people die every year. I have ruined so many people's lives... You hate me, Katniss and Peeta hate me. I've been forced to fake a smile and put on an act my whole life. Everyone expects me to be perfect and this is the only way I can cope with the pain! I can't just stop.. I just want it to be alright." I explained, sobbing. I couldn't believe I just admitted that all to him.

"I-I didn't know.." Haymitch seemed lost for words "I just don't want you to end your life this way. It's not your fault, Effie. None of it is your fault."

"It is my fault.." I cried "I can't do anything right."

"I'm sorry for how I treated you... I guess..." He apologised.

"I know you're not.. I just wanted to let you know. You can't save me." I told him.

"I'll try." He said "Anyway, it's dinner now."

We both left the room and I walked into the bathroom to reapply my makeup.

Whenever I looked in the mirror I hated the reflection staring back at me. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I cut just once... Or twice. I picked up the razor and pulled it across my wrist and repeated it two more times. When will all this pain end?

I was so hungry, but I had to ignore the feeling. I couldn't risk getting fat, and starving felt good, at least I wasn't gaining any more weight. Maybe I wasn't losing weight in the most 'healthy' way. But I didn't care, if it helped me become perfect then it didn't matter whether it was healthy or not.

I eventually left the bathroom, walked over to the table and took a seat. How was I going to get away with skipping this meal today? Haymitch would suspect something was going on, especially after what I had told him. I guess I could just eat something tiny and throw up after.

"Effie! We were wondering where you had been." Exclaimed Peeta. I doubt that was true, they probably couldn't care less where I was.

"Yeah.." Said Katniss.

Haymitch's POV

Maybe what Peeta said was right. Effie was starving herself. It wouldn't be surprising at all considering what else she had done to herself. And I know about the impossible standards set for people like her. She was a lot skinnier than she used to be... I don't know why she thought she deserved all this. She was a nice person, and wasn't the slightest bit fat (not that it mattered if she was). Why did she have to do this?

Effie's POV

I picked at the one leaf of lettuce on my plate. The fact that it was 'healthy' made me feel a tiny bit less guilty, but I knew it would still make me fat.

"I will be back in a minute." I told the others after I had finished, and rushed to the bathroom.

I forced myself to throw up, as usual. It used to be hard when I first did it, but now it was easy, after I had practiced so much. Haymitch could never find out about this, I wouldn't let him, or anyone else get in the way of my goal. Just keep on starving, who cares if you die? Just cut yourself. Now. My nails dragged down my wrist to stop the voices.

"It's time for you two to get ready the interviews now!" A grin appeared on my face. Katniss, Peeta and Haymitch got up from their chairs and we entered the elevator.

"Do you have anything planned out?" I asked them.

"Just don't make yourself look stupid, okay?" Haymitch said with a smirk.

"Don't worry, we have it all planned out!" Peeta assured me.

"Good, good."