Chapter Twenty Five
"Are you sure about this" Jake asked Naomi; her decision mildly surprised him. They were sitting on the couch in her office with the blinds closed. Naomi had just agreed to open their practice as a joint venture with Oceanside Wellness.
Naomi took a deep breath and squeezed Jake's hand for support. "I'm as sure as I can be. Personal feelings aside, this is the right business move. That's what matters. We're a new practice; we need to give ourselves every opportunity to be successful".
Jake nodded his head as he considered her words. "That's a very mature outlook to have" he hedged. "But you do realize you're going to have to deal with those personal feelings, right? Business aside, one of the reasons I suggested we stay here was so you could work through your personal issues with the other doctors. So, how are you going to deal"?
"By pretending they don't exist" Naomi suggested; a mischievous look covered her face.
"Naomi" Jake chastised."You can't…"
"I know, I know" Naomi sighed, interrupting. "I know I have to come to terms with them; especially Amelia, Violet and Addison. And I promise I will. But can't we focus on opening the practice first? After that ambush in my office, we told everyone we would give them our decision after the Thanksgiving holiday. We've made our decision and now it's time to tell them".
Jake smiled. "You're right. I just wanted to make sure it was on your to-do list".
"It is" Naomi assured.
Averting his gaze away from Naomi and looking down, Jake said slyly "I noticed Sam wasn't on your list".
"There's nothing really left to settle with him. We don't have a choice but to put our differences aside for Isaiah's sake. And we're making it an even stronger point of emphasis for the holidays, as you know. It went really well over Thanksgiving and Isaiah really enjoyed himself. He even took his first steps. You should've seen his cute little face. He was beaming up at Sam and I like he'd just found the cure to cancer" Naomi said excitedly, remembering how deep his dimples had shown.
"That's great. I'm really happy for the little guy" Jake said; but the tone of his voice wasn't all that convincing.
"Jake, what's wrong" Naomi asked, confused by his sudden melancholy demeanor.
"Nothing is wrong. I've just been doing some thinking lately".
A sense of dread filled Naomi. She had a sense of where Jake was going and didn't like it; not one little bit. "About what" she asked tentatively.
Jake hesitated. He'd been wrestling back and forth for weeks with what he was about to say. But no matter how hard it might be, he knew he had to have a difficult conversation with Naomi. "About us".
"What about us" Naomi asked, sitting up a little straighter.
Jake took a deep breath. "When I first suggested we start this practice, I remember you stating your concerns about being a couple and business partners simultaneously; how it hadn't exactly worked out for you before. At the time I shrugged it off. I was so excited about the prospect of working with you and being near you all the time that I didn't fully absorb what you were saying. Now that more time has passed, I'm starting to wonder if your point had more validity that I was willing to give it".
Naomi tried to wrap her head around what Jake was saying. "Are…are you…breaking up with me"?
"Not exactly" Jake stated. He hesitated before he continued. "It would be more like a trial separation, just until everything settles. Getting the practice off the ground is already proving to be more challenging than we expected. I just don't want our relationship to become a burden because we're stressed out. Once we've settled in, we can reevaluate and see if we want to continue" he suggested.
Naomi stood up, not believing what she was hearing. She paced in front of the couch. "And what are the rules for this little trial separation Jake, huh" she shouted angrily, pausing midstride to face him. "Are we allowed to date other people or is our relationship just suspended in midair"?!
"Naomi…it's not like…."
"Is this about sex" Naomi questioned, cutting Jake off. "I know you're probably used to getting sex whenever you want. I must be cramping your style. But if you're putting a pause in our relationship just so you can go screw other women, at least be honest about it. I'm a big girl, I can handle the truth".
Now it was Jake's turn to get upset. He stood up, all 6'4 of his frame towering over her. "That's a low and unfair blow, Naomi. You wanted to wait and I've respected your decision. I haven't pressured you in any way. If anything, I've supported you".
"So you don't want to have sex" Naomi asked skeptically.
"Of course I want to have sex" Jake shouted. "But I want to have sex with you. I want you; you're the one I go to bed every night thinking about".
Naomi didn't have an immediate response for that. The underlying guilt that was never too far away surfaced. No matter how hard she or Jake had tried to convince her otherwise, she'd felt like she'd been squandering Jake's time during their entire relationship. Her inability to fully let go and forget the past was proving to be a bigger obstacle than she'd anticipated; and she still hadn't overcome it. Yet, at the first sign of Jake showing disinterest, she'd thrown a temper tantrum like a spoiled little child. After her outburst, she could now add 'selfish' to her list of deficits. After brooding over Sam and swearing off men for two years, the thought of being alone again frightened Naomi. The single life no longer appealed to her. But she couldn't and wouldn't force Jake to stay with her, especially when she wasn't in a place to commit as fully as he was. "I'm sorry Jake. You're right; I hit way below the belt" she said regretfully, reaching out for his hand. "You are the sweetest and most supportive person I've ever met and you didn't deserve that. I'm truly sorry. I just feel a little blind sighted. What brought this on Jake, truly? It has to be more than opening up the practice. You're not the type to shy away from difficult situations. That's my area of expertise" Naomi teased lightly.
Jake squeezed Naomi's hand and paused to form the right words. How could he tell her that he had finally come to the conclusion that she would never truly be ready to move on; that though he would never willingly give up on having a future with her, he knew it was time to cut his losses. And that if their relationship progressed any further, he knew he would be too brokenhearted when it ended to preserve the deep friendship they had cultivated. "If we were to keep dating, how long do you think it would take for us to reach the next level" Jake asked, flipping the conversation back onto her.
Naomi broke eye contact. "Jake...I'm trying. I'm really trying to get there" was all she could say.
"I know you are Nae" Jake said softly. "I see you struggling everyday to get there. And I'm appreciative and grateful that you've been honest instead of leading me on or giving false expectations. But Naomi...I'm ready to go to the next level now. I've been ready. And I'm not talking about the next level physically; I'm talking about emotionally. Though I see you trying, part of you is still holding back, I can feel it; whether it's out of fear or something else, I don't know. I'm a patient guy and I'm willing to wait for you, but I need something more than you trying. I need a timetable or some type of sign that you'll eventually get to where I am. Right now, I don't see it. That's why I think a break would be good for us".
Naomi couldn't be upset or argue with Jake's words. He was right and she knew it. It was time to accept her guilt for what it really was; the truth. No matter how hard Jake would protect her and deny it, she really had been wasting his time. It was only fair now that she right her wrong. Pulling Jake closer, Naomi reached up on her tip toes and kissed Jake softly on the cheek. "You don't know how much I wish I was ready to take that next step with you; but unfortunately, I'm nowhere near close and I can't give you a timetable or the sign that you need. I think you already knew that but were still kind enough to give me the benefit of the doubt. I'm thankful for that Jake and I'm thankful for you. And because I care about you more than I'm capable of showing right now, let me be the bad guy. Let me say it's officially over between us; because we both know calling this break a trial separation would be delaying the inevitable. Even after we get the practice up and running, we won't be getting back together. You and I both know that".
Jake nodded his head in silent agreement. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around Naomi and embraced her in a tight, long hug. Mixed emotions were swirling around in his head. He was sad because his hopes of being with Naomi were over but relieved because he hadn't wanted to cause her any more pain than she'd already endured. "Do you still promise we'll be good friends and not just business partners" he asked.
"You still want to be friends with me" Naomi asked surprised, looking up at Jake. "After all the nonsense I've put you through, all the time I've wasted, you wouldn't mind"?
"Naomi, how many times have I told you what a great person you are? Lovers or not, we agreed from the beginning that we would keep our friendship. I'm keeping my end of the bargain; I hope you'll do the same".
"Of course I'll keep my end of the bargain. I'm just in utter disbelief that you'd still want to be friends with me. It makes me wish even more I could get over my issues already so we could stand a fair chance. You really are the perfect man, Jake. The woman who finally gets you will be one of the luckiest women in the world" Naomi said, embracing him. She kissed Jake softly on the cheek again. She honestly and genuinely wanted him to be happy, wanted him to find someone to settle down and share his life with.
"And I hope you know that you won't be stuck in limbo forever Naomi. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will reach it; I have no doubt about that. Part of me will always wish that it was me waiting for you at the end. But whoever that man is, I hope he doesn't take you for granted.
I hope he appreciates and thanks God everyday for you" Jake responded, equally hoping for her happiness. Jake had an inkling Sam would be the lucky bastard and couldn't help but feel a little angry. He didn't deserve her. But despite their up and down relationship, it was clear that Naomi and Sam would never get past each other. It was that simple realization in itself that forced Jake to move on. Waiting on Naomi to get over Sam had been and would continue to be a wasted effort. But because Naomi was still his friend, Jake was still going to look out for her. If and when she gave Sam a second chance, Jake would see to it that he didn't break her heart again.
"Thank you Jake" Naomi whispered in a melancholy tone, resting her head against his chest. The sound of his steady heartbeat calmed her.
"Hey, don't sound so sad" Jake teased, trying to lighten the mood; though deep inside, he felt just as depressed. "We're just closing the page on one chapter and opening another. Friends, remember"?
Naomi took a step back, collected herself, and put on her best smile. "Right; and we're also business partners. So, when do we break the news to the other doctors"?
"There's no time like the present".
…
With Jake by her side, Naomi stared at all the doctors sitting around the large table in the conference room. After she and Jake had regained some sense of composure, they had called an impromptu meeting. Jake was right. The sooner they made their announcement, the better. "Thank you for meeting with us on such short notice. As you know, Jake and I have been considering your proposal to open up our practice in the unused office space. We promised we would give our decision after the Thanksgiving holiday". Naomi took a deep breath and grabbed Jake's hand. "With that said, if the offer still stands, we'd like to accept. We're willing to open up our new practice as a joint venture with Oceanside Wellness. We'd like to operate as a separate practice but still work closely with you, especially regarding mutual patients, to ensure our clients are getting the best care from both practices". Naomi stopped talking, not sure what else to say and afraid that if she kept going, she would begin to nervously ramble on and on.
Jake, sensing her nerves, picked up where she left off. "So what do you guys think" he asked, throwing the ball in their court.
Pete and Charlotte were the first ones to react. "I think that's great" Pete exclaimed, truly happy that Naomi had decided to stay. Standing up, he wrapped Naomi up in a tight hug that was so enthusiastic, Naomi's feet left the ground.
"Pete, put me down" Naomi laughed, hugging him back. She was grateful for his uncanny ability to ease tension out of any room.
"Sorry" he said, putting her down. Looking over at Jake, he reached out his hand. "Welcome aboard Jake".
"Thanks man" Jake responded, reaching out to shake Pete's hand.
"I can't believe you're staying" Charlotte cheered, hugging Naomi. "I'm so happy". Charlotte blinked to keep her happy tears from falling. Though she was sure they would've maintained their new friendship regardless, Charlotte was ecstatic Naomi wasn't leaving. She would've missed her too much.
Sam sat at the table in a mild stupor as Cooper and Sheldon got up to congratulate Naomi and Jake. Secretly, he'd hoped and prayed Naomi would stay but never in his wildest dreams did he think it would come true. His ex-wife could be stubborn to a fault and she had seemingly dug her heels in about leaving. He couldn't imagine what had compelled her to stay, nor did he care. As long as Naomi stayed, that's all he cared about. The pressure that had been building in his chest for weeks suddenly lifted. Sam wanted to wrap Naomi up and hug her just like Pete had done, but he knew he couldn't. Their relationship had new rules and firmly established boundaries. "Congratulations Naomi. That's great news" Sam said softly as he got out of his seat and rounded the table.
The smile on Naomi's face slipped a little as she looked at Sam. She'd told Jake there was nothing left to settle between them. But lately, every time she saw Sam, a knot formed in the pit of her stomach. Considering she saw him frequently due to Isaiah, Naomi's stomach had formed plenty of knots. "Thank you Sam" she said timidly.
Amelia, Violet, and Addison were the last to approach Naomi and Jake. "Thank you for staying Naomi. Thank you so much" Addison said sincerely.
"Jake and I both thought about it. It was the right business move" Naomi said.
"Whatever the reason, we're still glad you're staying" Violet said. Hesitantly, she continued. "Does that mean… is there any chance…maybe… could we be friends again" Violet finally spit out; she was so nervous, she began to wring her hands.
The room fell silent and everyone waited for Naomi to respond. Naomi took a deep breath. As she'd told Jake earlier, she didn't want to deal with the state of her friendships; however, she could see the wisdom in addressing the matter sooner rather than later. But that didn't mean Naomi wanted to do it in front of a crowd. She'd had enough of that. Looking around the conference room, she asked "Can Addison, Amelia, Violet and I have some privacy please"?
Once the room cleared, Naomi turned around. "Look…" she started. "At the end of the day, this is a place of business. Even though we're going to be running separate practices, I realize that we're still in tight quarters and will have to consult each other. For that reason alone, I'm willing to be civil".
"But we're still not friends" Violet questioned, her small hope for reconciliation dimming.
"Violet" Naomi blew out on an exasperating sigh. "You act like I'm some robot who can flip a switch on and off. Do I still care about you? Yes. Do I still love you? Yes. But the rift in our relationship didn't occur overnight and it won't be mended overnight, if it can be mended. In the back of my head, I would love to think that your anger towards me over Isaiah would have eventually subsided; that we would've eventually laid all our cards on the table and cried and hugged and made up. But that moment never came. Instead you learned my dirty little secret and suddenly it was okay to be friends again. Suddenly you were at my door begging for something you weren't willing to give me. That will always be something that sticks with me, even if we get past this rift".
"I'm sorry Naomi, I really am" Violet pleaded, her lips trembling.
Naomi ignored the apology; she couldn't process it. To process it, she would have to think of why Violet was apologizing, of how much her so called friend had hurt her. "Violet" Naomi said slowly. "The last few years have taught me that anything is possible. So I won't tell you that our friendship can never be fixed. But civility is all I can offer you right now. That's where we have to start".
Violet sniffled and nodded her head. "I understand. I just want you to know Naomi that whatever happens between us, I love you. And if you need me for anything, I'm here".
"Thank you Violet" Naomi said.
"So…." Amelia hedged, seeing an opening in the conversation. "Why am I here? I understand you needing to sort out issues with Violet and Addison, but why me? We've always been acquaintances but we've never been friends".
"Since we've all had conflict in the recent past, I wanted to set the record straight with all of you. I wanted to prevent any further miscommunication or disputes. But, if you don't feel the need to be here, you can leave at any time Amelia. With you being a neurosurgeon, we probably won't have any interaction anyway" Naomi said bluntly, refusing to entertain Amelia's alleged naiveté. She didn't have the time or energy. Was this the same woman who, a few weeks ago, had offered to leave the practice?
"I….okay" Amelia stuttered, taken aback by Naomi's directness. She turned to leave.
"Wait" Addison said, grabbing Amelia's hand to stop her. "She didn't mean it Naomi. Amelia feels awful about how she's behaved towards you. I know she does, she told me. She just doesn't know how to express her feelings and so she deflected it back on you. That's why she hasn't tried to reach out to you like the rest of us".
Naomi studied Amelia's uneasy body language. "Is that true"?
Reluctantly, Amelia nodded.
"Are you sure" Naomi asked. "Because you have every right to feel the way you do and say what you said. You all do. If you meant what you said, own it. Don't feel bad for speaking your truth. If I'm a slutty backstabbing bitch and whore in your eyes, so be it. I think everyone assumes I want an apology from the world and that's not the case. Apologies don't change what happened; they don't erase the past. The only way to move forward is to deal with the cards I've been dealt the best way I can. Whether you hate me or not is of no consequence to me. I'm just tired of all the confrontation; it has to stop. I want to be able to sleep at night with peace of mind. So, if we were never friends and you don't care about how all this shakes out Amelia, you can stay in your corner and I'll stay in mine. We don't ever have to disturb each other again".
"No…wait….stop" Amelia stuttered, her tongue tripping over words. "Naomi, I do care. Why do you think I offered to leave the practice? It is true that we've never been extremely close, but I've always admired you. It's just that…with Addison, she's been in my corner for so long. She had my back when my own brother and sisters didn't. She was the only one who didn't abandon me when I relapsed. She was the one who sat by my hospital bed every night while I was recovering from an overdose. And she was the one who made sure my surgical career and my reputation didn't suffer because of my addiction. So, when everything went down with Sam, I didn't think. I just automatically took Addison's side. I felt it was only fair I show her the same loyalty she showed me through the years. Now I understand that the whole situation was more complicated and I only made things worse. I know you don't want an apology, but I'm sorry Naomi; not for the things I said. Well I am, but I I'm sorrier for ruining any potential friendship we could have had. Because before everything happened, I felt like we were moving towards a friendship, a long lasting one. It's in my nature to self-destruct and I've learned to live with that lesser personality trait; but destroying any friendship we had…that's something I really wish I could take back".
"Wow" Naomi whispered. "That makes a lot of sense and it really clears some things up. Thank you for being so candid" she said earnestly. In many ways, Naomi could accept Amelia's words much better than Violet's or Addison's. Maybe because as Amelia had stated, they'd never been close. While her actions had hurt, Naomi didn't feel the same overwhelming sense of hurt and betrayal she had from the other ladies. The history wasn't there to remind her of better times. She and Amelia were still at ground zero and could tip either way. They could go their separate ways or start over and try to build a friendship again; a real one this time. "I wish you would've told me this sooner" Naomi said, as she mused over her thoughts.
"People who self destruct don't tend to think rationally" Amelia quipped.
Naomi sighed. "Amelia, you're no more self destructive than the rest of us. What you're going through is called life. We all go through growing pains. I just wish you hadn't gone through yours at my expense".
Chastened and not having anything else left to say, Amelia simply nodded.
"Please don't be too hard on her" Addison interjected. "I'm partially to blame for how she reacted to this whole situation".
Naomi immediately turned and glared at Addison. "Not that it's any of your business, but I'm not being hard on her. I was giving her some real life truths. It's not like I called her names and turned my back on her. It's not like I chose a man over her. If anything, Amelia's honesty has convinced me to rethink my stance on our relationship".
Addison squeezed her hands tightly together, feeling every verbal blow Naomi threw at her. Speaking through gritted teeth, to keep her voice from shaking, she said "Could you please excuse us Violet and Amelia"?
Without hesitation, they left the room. The silence in the room grew louder once Addison was left alone with her former best friend. She swallowed thickly. "I deserved that. But, with all due respect, Amelia is my business. She's my family and I'll always be there for her when needs me".
Naomi chuckled bitterly. What Addison had just said hurt more deeply than anything else she could have said. "I must admit I'm a little jealous Addison. There was a time I thought we were family; a time where I thought we'd do anything for each other. But after listening to Amelia, I know that's not true. You've never had my back like you had hers. Listening to her describe how you stuck by her side through thick and thin showed me we were never sisters. Because I 've needed you too but instead of being there for me, you were the source of my misery".
"That's not true Naomi; we are family. I know I hurt you but it was never intentional. You have to believe me. You're my family too; you've been my sister for over twenty years. And I love you dearly." Addison pleaded.
"Then why did you steal the love of my life" Naomi shouted before she could think better of it. Her chest hurt from spewing the words so forcefully.
"I….Naomi…." Addison's voice cracked.
Naomi held up her hand and shook her head to stop Addison. "Don't. Forget I asked. It doesn't matter anymore. The past can't be changed and I've moved on". Suddenly, Naomi felt exhausted. This day was supposed to be exciting. She and Jake should've been celebrating officially beginning their new practice. Instead, she was trying to ignore the hurt and disappointment over their recent break up; and now she was trying to navigate through how she was going to work with people she no longer trusted. Briefly closing her eyes, Naomi pinched the bridge of her nose as she tried to calm down. "All that matters is us remaining civil for the sake of our mutual patients. What goes on in our personal lives doesn't matter anymore. Hell, you could marry Sam for all I care. I'm sure you could go ask him right now and he'd say yes".
"I don't think he would" Addison said quietly, studying Naomi. If she wasn't before, she was undoubtedly sure now that Naomi was still in love with Sam. Addison silently wondered how long it would take for Naomi to recognize it. "Even if I knew he would say yes, I wouldn't ask. Sam and I should have never happened. It took me a long time to finally understand that; but now that I have, I could never ignore that fact ever again".
"Like I said, it doesn't matter".
"Maybe not, but Naomi…how you feel matters to me. I know I haven't acted like that over the last couple of years, but I do. I won't be naïve like Violet and assume we can be friends again. I also know the damage done to our friendship is far more devastating. I haven't been the friend you wanted or needed in a very long time. But regardless of my recent actions, I love you and I still consider you my sister, my family. So, I'll put the ball in your court. I'll let you tell me where we go from here. If there's any possibility of even partially healing the gashes in our relationship, I'll let you take the lead. We'll go at your pace".
Naomi had to fight the urge to reach out and hug Addison. How many years had that woman been her confidant, her shoulder to lean on? It almost felt unnatural to not go to her. For a moment, Naomi let down her guard. "I honestly don't know where to go from here Addison. And for the record, I know I'm not innocent in all of this. I'm not trying to stand here and act like a saint. I know I've done things to hurt you too. I'm not proud of it and I regret some of my actions. But Addison, what you did…." Naomi paused. She didn't want to bring up Sam again. Sam was no longer the source of their issues. It went deeper than Sam. Yet, the memories of feeling utterly devastated from not being able to be with the man she loved kept invading her mind. "Let's just concentrate on patient care to start, okay" Naomi said, completely shutting down.
It was a start; it was better than nothing. "Okay" Addison said.