A/N Aye! Sorry for the wait! I forgot to put a disclaimer on all my other chapters so I DONT OWN THG OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS (IF I DID HAYFFIE WOULD BE CANON AND PEETA WOULD BE MARRIED TO ME) Also thank you sooooo much for reviews! Seriously they are awesome! So please review if you read this story! Or maybe even Fav :D

And I wonder if I'm just built this way...

Effie's POV

The familiar sound of the interview show rang in my ears as I prepared Katniss and Peeta for the interviews ahead of them. There had already been shouting, fake crying and a love poem, they were going to have to do something impressive.

"Have you planned out your interview?" I asked them.

"Absolutely." Replied Peeta. I hoped he was right.

I felt like I was about to blackout, I hadn't even touched food since yesterday. But that wasn't a bad thing, the pain was worth it in the end. If I reach perfection.

Finally it was time for Katniss's interview.

"You would've made the most beautiful bride." I told her.

"Thank you." She replied.

"Let's go show them what real beauty looks like." I smiled through my tears.

I had resisted the urge to cut myself all day. Something I'm not usually able to do. But now I was getting it again and the voices in my head were telling me how worthless and pathetic I was, how I should just give up on life. I had nothing to live for.

*After interviews*

Katniss was pregnant. And she was going into the games. I couldn't believe she hadn't told me already...! Yet they were still forcing her to go and fight till her death.

"Effie are you gonna go and slit your wrists again?" Asked Haymitch as I started to leave the room. He was obviously drunk, but that comment surprised me. Maybe the tiniest part of me thought he cared... I felt tears well up in my eyes.

"I was just going out of the room." I said.

"Course you were, you self-centred bitch! It's all about you isn't it? Well maybe some people have real problems!" He snapped.

"You... D-don't know anything!" I stuttered.

"Oh yeah? You just want attention! That's it..." He said. I couldn't believe the words were coming out of his mouth. I thought he understood how I felt... I guess not... I guess I'm just nothing to him. I wouldn't be surprised, who wouldn't hate me?

I walked into the bathroom, quickly grabbing my razor and slashing it across my arms, legs and stomach, deeper than I ever had before. My vision became blurry. This is it.. I finally get what I deserve.. Death.

Haymitch's POV

I regret everything I said. Knowing the state that Effie is in, she was probably harming herself in some way now... Or maybe even dead. Why the fuck did I say all that? Why didn't I say anything earlier? All these years she's been falling apart and I never blinked an eyelid. I could've helped her through this. But I missed my chance and she was probably not even here anymore.

I rushed into the bathroom, fortunately the door was unlocked.

She was dead.

I ran over to check her pulse and breathed a sigh of relief. She was still there. Her wrists and legs were covered in deep gashes. I couldn't believe I let this happen. I couldn't believe I let this happen. It was all my fault. It was like when I was in the games with Maysilee, I missed my chance to save her.

Effie's POV

I woke up, my wrists sore and aching. I thought I had died, I guess not. I looked around to find I was still in the bathroom.

"You're alive?" Gasped an familiar voice.

"Wha-what happened?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.

"You tried to kill yourself... I think... After I said some stupid shit. I'm sorry Effie, I didn't mean it. And I understand if you never want to talk to me again." It was Haymitch. The harsh words sprang back to my mind, but I was going to forgive him. I guess he might've tried to save my life.

"The things you said were true. You should've let me die. I deserved it... I'm the reason all those innocent kids have died." I told him, blinking back tears.

"That's not your fault. It's the Capitol's fault." He assured me "It may seem like I hate you and I'm blaming you.. But I'm not."

"It's okay. You don't have to like me. I don't deserve it." I said.

"Why do you always think so badly of yourself, Effie? I hate to see you fall apart like this!" He said.

"Well first of all, I'm a stupid, worthless, fat, ugly Capitol freak. I have always been told I'm trying too hard, always had my flaws pointed out, always been told I'm not pretty enough, skinny enough or good enough. I am the reason for so many people's deaths and so many people's losses. I guess hurting myself is the only way to escape the pain... It's become an addiction and I can't stop now. But I thought ending my life would be the only way to end all the suffering." I explained, tears rolling down my cheeks.

"I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've treated you so badly all these years. I think you can guess I haven't had the best experience with the Capitol, seeing as I lost my family." Haymitch said.

"I know, you have it a lot worse than me. But I deserve the pain and you don't." I cried.

"Come here, princess." He said pulling me closer. Then the unexpected happened.. He began to kiss me.

We eventually pulled away at the same time. I walked out of the room without saying a word... Did I have feelings for him? Did he really have feelings for me? So many questions ran through my mind. I needed to lie down for a moment.

*Later*

I woke up, expecting the whole situation to be a dream. But it wasn't. It was reality.

You don't deserve him! You deserve to die! Said the voices in my head. Cutting was the only thing that would stop them, but I had a feeling Haymitch was keeping an eye out for me.

It was lucky he didn't know that I wasn't eating. I was fat, there was no denying it. There was only one way I could reach the Capitol standard of perfection, even if it meant starving and purging myself to death. It was for the best, I reminded myself. I wanted more comments about how skinny I was and how much weight I had lost..

Katniss and Peeta entered the room. They were going into the arena tomorrow. I plastered a fake smile on my face. I didn't want them seeing me this broken and weak.

"Hello!" I greeted them, as Haymitch also came in.

"Hey Effie." Said Peeta.

"I have some things for you. Remember I said I would get you something gold? Well I have now." I told Peeta and Haymitch. I had managed to get Peeta a gold necklace and Haymitch a gold bangle.

I handed them their gifts and they thanked me.

"You both deserved so much better." I said to Katniss and Peeta, tears falling down my cheeks.

"Thank you Effie." They Replied.

I gave them both a hug and remembered that this may be the last time I see them.