The next day was a major day for me. As I woke up I recalled that Clyde had told me to come over to his house today, and Kenny had not texted or spoken to me since I got the pills for him. It was really nice not having to stress out about the horrendous relationship I had developed with Kenny, but part of me was very confused as to why he just dropped everything. The last Time I had seen Kenny he looked very down about something and I had not the faintest idea what. I wondered if it had something to do with me attempting to kill him. I would like to say I could never have gone through with killing Kenny, but I knew that at the time I actually would of went through with it if Kenny had not pushed me off. Thinking about Kenny know filled me with far more regret than it had before. Not only had I allowed Kenny to violate me but now I had attempted to murder him. That is why I pushed Kenny to the back of my mind and decided to forget about him. Clyde and I had a possible future together and I needed to focus on that rather than brooding on past events. I just had to hope Kenny shared my desire to discontinue our interactions.

As I am on my usual morning ride to school I suddenly receive a text message. I feel a bit of fear and discomfort resurging as I realize the message is from Kenny, but when I read it I am surprised and confused by the meaning of the message.

What even are we anymore...

I am extremely confused by Kenny's message and wonder what is going on with him. Maybe he had taken the pills and was tripping right now, but if not then he was clearly wondering about our relationship. It is true we had gone through many changes over the last few months, and especially the last few days, but it was weird seeing Kenny questioning it. He usually went with the flow and did what he wanted but now it appeared as though he was actually deep in thought, drug produced or not, and it made me question his motives behind blackmailing me in the first place. Before I could question this further the Limo pulled up to the school and I got out and my mind immediately drifted back to Clyde. Unlike Kenny, Clyde almost always was at school like a normal student, and I was looking forward to seeing him in gym after what happened yesterday.

I was beginning to come out of the bad mood Kenny had put me in and it was all thanks to Clyde. Wendy had talked to me about signing up with her to be on the Christmas committee and I was likely going to do so. I was also paying more attention in my early classes again. I had pushed Kenny to the back of my mind, and apparently, he also had decided to forget about me. It was so relieving to not have to worry about Kenny, although part of me did kind of miss the sex we had. I knew it was not healthy to obsess over someone like Kenny and I was finally laying those thoughts about him to rest. It was much more positive to think about Clyde than someone like Kenny. Kenny himself had not texted me since this morning which was a great thing, and I considered texting him back just to confirm that we were through, but fear of recapturing his interest kept me from doing so. It did not matter anyways because I was in the class I had before gym when the bell went off. I was now on my way to see Clyde once more.

When I entered the locker room I began scanning the area for Clyde. I did not see him and assumed he was not here yet so I decided to go ahead and get changed. I changed in a hurry wanting to get back out there and look for Clyde again. Once I exited my usual stall I saw Clyde messing around with some other guys like he usually did. I was unsure if I should be jealous of these guys chasing each other around naked while playing smack ass and a variety of other hormone-fueled games. Clyde noticed me as I walked towards the exit and approached me. Once again he was naked but his expression changed from bemusement to slight embarrassment as he got closer to me. He was covering his crotch now instead of letting his pecker dangle freely as he had been doing. I figured he was only shy around me because of our little encounter yesterday. I also felt my cheeks heat up but struggled to keep myself from blushing.

"Hey Kyle, coming by my place today," Clyde asked with a nervous smirk.

"Oh yeah, definitely," I confirmed.

"Good, see ya then," Clyde said.

As I walked off I felt Clyde give my ass a quick smack and I shot him an embarrassed look and he just laughed and shrugged as he went back to his friends. He and his friends just went back to fooling around like they had been. For a moment I considered joining in on the fun, but decided against it because I was unsure if Clyde really wanted me to fool around with his other guy friends, and his friends may not like a gay guy participating in their antics. I walked out of the locker room and waited for gym to start.

Today seemed like it was going to be one of those rare days where the coach let the gym run wild. He was in his office and appeared to be very busy with probably football or basketball team stuff. It was already fifteen minutes after he would usually take roll call, but he still had not left his office. Meanwhile, the gym had gotten a little hectic. Some of the seniors had rolled some basketballs out of storage and everyone was playing freely, but most people were just sitting on the bleachers texting and talking. Stan and his football buddies appeared to be playing some intense game of basketball on the far side of the gymnasium. Clyde and the other guys who fool around way too much in the locker room were running around the top of the bleachers and fucking around like they usually did. Clyde looked to be very engrossed in his fun, but we still occasionally caught glances of each other. He would usually smirk playfully and wink at me and I would just blush and smirk back.

I was upset when gym class ended and I had to go to lunch, but at least I could hang out with Clyde later. I spent my next few classes anticipating my meeting with Clyde later. I felt like a new chapter of my life was just beginning and I honestly felt happy.

I eventually made it to the last class of the day. As usual, the teacher was nowhere to be found, but I had bigger thoughts on my mind rather than wasting a thought on a teacher who almost never shows up to her class. Suddenly I saw something moving towards me to the right of my eyes, and I immediately made out this thing to be Kenny.

I was surprised and extremely confused to see Kenny again. I was so hoping that he would just leave me alone, but guessing from the determined look on his face that was not going to happen. He sat down next to me as I looked away from him in a feign attempt to pretend that he was not there.

"Kyle we need to talk," Kenny said in a demanding voice.

"No Kenny, I am through with you just leave me alone," I say in a harsh whisper.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Kenny said clearly confused.

"I can't fucking do this with you," I whispered bitterly ," I fucking hate you."

Kenny's face looked hurt briefly but immediately switched over to rage.

"Where the fuck is this coming from," Kenny said barely keeping his voice down.

"I can't be around someone like you," I replied.

"It's because of that little prick Clyde isn't it?" Kenny said in an accusing tone.

"Well, at least when I am with him I don't feel like shit afterward," I counter.

"When you're with him," Kenny said bitterly," What the fuck does that mean?"

"Kenny just leave me the fuck alone, please...," I pleaded.

Kenny's rage calms down and I hope that he is finally going to leave when he decides to open his fucking mouth again.

"Kyle... look I know I have been a little forceful but I...," I decide to cut him off before he can continue.

"A little forceful," I say with disgust in my voice," You have made my life hell using my most intimate fucking secret, forced me to come over to your house while you use me as a cock sleeve, and constantly belittle me while doing it and the only thing you can say as an apology is that you are being a little forceful."

It is hard as fuck keeping my voice down so the other students do hear our conversation but I somehow manage.

"First of all, it was not that hard to get you to suck me off and second I would not have to have done any of that if...," I was so done with hearing Kenny's insults and decided to end the conversation there.

"For fuck's sake, Kenny just leave me the hell alone and go back to your little depressing life," I said in a harsh tone.

That is when Kenny suddenly snaps and begins having a small spasm. His face looks full of rage and he is just shaking violently. He suddenly grabs me and pulls me out of the computer chair. That get's all the classes attention as they turn over to see what was going on. I try punching Kenny's ribcage a few times and get up, but Kenny just shrugs it off and throws me on the ground on my back. I try crawling away just to have Kenny step on my stomach. I am afraid of what Kenny is going to do and realize I can no longer see any other students from where I am. Kenny is in front of me, my chair is to my right, and my computer desk is to my left. I hear the kids mumbling and hear some running and hope that some student is going to get help. Kenny approaches me and puts his knees on my shoulder as he rubs the crotch of his jeans over my face teabagging me. I am embarrassed that he is doing this in the middle of class and hopes no one else sees me. I hear some senior girl yell for Kenny to get off of me. I recognize her voice from the Thanksgiving committee and feel somewhat relieved, but Kenny does not budge. He simply leans his head closer to mine.

"You're fucking mine," Kenny said in a shaky voice,"I'm not going to let anyone ruin...," Kenny is interrupted by the teacher who just made it into the classroom with the student who had left right behind her.

"Go to the principal's office," The teacher says in a surprisingly demanding voice," Now!"

Kenny gives me one last look before he gets off and takes the slip the teacher hands him. He walks out of the classroom not bothering to look at me again. I was extremely confused by the last look Kenny had given me. He looked like he had something extremely important to tell me. I remembered how I kept cutting him off and wondered if I was being unfair. I immediately buried my regret upon remembering all the shit Kenny had put me through in the recent week. The teacher asks if I am alright and I inform her that I am fine. Honestly she probably only got Kenny in trouble because she was afraid of getting in trouble for never being in her classroom. If I would have gotten beaten up while she was out of the classroom that would probably lead to her getting questioned about her etiquette which is a talk I was sure she did not want to have. I see the most delinquent students in class who sit in the far corner of the room give me a quick pissed off look before looking away. They usually hung out with Kenny whenever he showed up to this class so they were probably pissed at me, but honestly, I could give a fuck less about what they thought of me.

I am more than relieved once class lets out. I can't wait to go to Clyde's, but first I have to swing by the offices on the left side of the building and submit my request to be on the Christmass committee. I was still going to be focusing on my schooling of course, but it was nice to have someone like Clyde to look forward to. I saw Wendy turning in a request at the same time I was she just smiled at me and walked off.

I had already informed Stan and Token that I was walking somewhere after school. Token insisted he could drop me off wherever I wanted to go, but I turned him down politely. After all, I did not want to let people know what Clyde and I were going to be doing. As I made my way down the roads heading to Clyde's house I was filled with enthusiasm. I was so happy to be in control of a situation like this for once, instead of being forced to go to his house I was going of my own volition. I did feel a ping of regret, though. Earlier Kenny seemed to be wanting to talk to me rather than fuck with me. My curiosity was mulling over all the things he could have possibly wanted to say to me. Although I hated Kenny for what he had put me through I could not help but wonder what he so eagerly wanted to tell me. I shrugged it off as I put my mind to the task at hand. Getting to Clyde's house and deciding for myself how I was going to have 'fun'.

As I was walking through the central part of South Park I was suddenly grabbed and thrown into an alleyway. At first, I thought I was being mugged, but then I realized it was just Kenny. I was unsure about which of the options would have been preferable at this point. He looked pissed off and I figured he decided just to leave the school rather than go to the principal's office. He looked to be a little unhinged and I was unsure about what exactly was going on inside of his head. I wondered if my murder attempt had driven him batshit insane, but then again maybe I was the crazy one for attempting it in the first place. He looked like he could break down crying or suddenly beat the fuck out of me at any moment so I just stayed on the ground.

"Look you don't even need Clyde," Kenny said frantically out of the blue.

"What are you talking about," I questioned.

"I know you have been torn on things," Kenny stated awkwardly,"But seriously this is the closest we have been in forever."

"What the fuck are you talking about," I said disbelievingly," You have put me through hell in this last week and I don't care if you feel as though we have gotten closer, but I want to actually have a normal relationship."

"Your, not a normal person and neither am I," Kenny objected,"Do you think Clyde can really satisfy you after you have taken me up your ass?"

"Anyway that day we spent together was not so bad," Kenny pointed out," Appart from the fact that you were choking me out the next day."

"Kenny I said I was done with us," I said definitively," and I don't even care about what blackmail you have any more I am sick of feeling guilty about who I really am."

"That's why we need each other," Kenny said abruptly," I finally have my friend back and you are finally behaving like your true self. You would never have been confident enough to start behaving like a slut if I had not gotten involved."

I hated that Kenny had pulled me into this alley, but I hated even more that he was actually speaking the truth. That Saturday was pretty fun with him even though I ended up regretting it the next day, and I seriously doubted I would have been able to get my confidence up in order to start something with Clyde if Kenny had not already made me do things to him. Even though all these things were true it hurt me too much to even be around Kenny. He was a grim reminder of something far deeper than just my slutty side and I needed to cut all ties with him.

"Kenny you don't even need me to get laid just go ask your sister," I stated coldly.

I was unsure how aware I was of the level I had just escalated things too. Maybe I meant to tell him to ask his mother, or maybe I really did mean to remind him of his sister's death. Whatever the case was Kenny was not happy with what I had just told him. I suddenly felt a fist pushing into my stomach as I fell on my back gasping for air. I looked up and expected to see Kenny ready to kill me, but instead, I saw something I had not seen in years, Kenny was crying. I did not know all the details that lead up to Karen's death and I guess I never really asked. Kenny and I had already started to drift apart by the time his sister got sick and at the time I was almost glad that Kenny was out of the picture. This was because at the time I was trying to get into Stan's pants the hardest and saw Kenny as an obstacle. I felt somewhat guilty as Kenny spoke.

"Fuck you," Kenny said sobbing,"Don't you dare even mention her."

"I...I'm sorry," I say quietly.

"What the fuck happened to us," Kenny said between sobs,"The four of us used to be close."

"I... guess it is mostly my fault...," I admitted.

"I out of all of us couldn't stand Cartman," I admitted,"and I guess back then I just wanted you out of the way."

It was weird what I was feeling now. I felt unusually calm and regretful as well as honest. I guess seeing Kenny in such a state put me in this mood, but now that I was thinking back on how things went down I realized that I was really the asshole up to the point Kenny started blackmailing me. It was true that he constantly wanted Stan and me to attempt to get laid with him, but the only truly asshole thing he did was call me a fag. I then came to a sudden realization that hit me like a sack of bricks. Ever since Kenny had figured out that I was gay he has not called me a fag a single time. It was so weird but looking back on everything he had said and even texted me he never called me a fag like he used to. Was Kenny no longer calling me a fag because he realized it hurt me? It was crazy that someone who had used me for sex was also thinking about my feelings somewhat. I then remembered the event that permanently fractured our friendship. The party we went to over the summer where I began to realize Stan was never going to love me. When he said only a fag would turn down pussy he was saying it as a jab and probably never realized that I really was gay. It hurt to remember what I said about him and his family. I had been taking out my frustration at being forced into the closet by a bunch of rednecks out on Kenny as though he were guilty by association. In fact, I have been looking down on Kenny for a while now always thinking the worst about him. True in recent events he had done unforgivable things, but I had written him off as some white trash asshole who was no longer my friend long before he ever did anything meriting it. I suddenly felt tears streaming down my face as I realized I was now crying as well and Kenny noticed.

"Damn it," Kenny sobbed,"Why didn't you ever tell anybody."

"I couldn't," I replied through tears," I was too close to Stan and if I could not have him as a lover I at least wanted us to stay as friends."

"What?" Kenny said as he let out a small chuckle," You really think Stan would just abandon you over you being gay?"

"I don't know," I answered.

"You really only do think the worst of people don't you," Kenny said as he wiped the tears from his face.

"I guess I do," I said as I wiped my face on my sleeve,"I always hated myself for being gay, and I guess I just grew paranoid that everyone hated me as much as I hated myself."

"You shouldn't hate yourself," Kenny said,"There are far worst things you could be than gay, especially in this century."

"I know," I said with a little laugh as I started to tear up again,"I guess if I would have just come out things might have gone down differently, but now it is too late."

"Yea," Kenny agreed as he started tearing up again," I have coerced you into doing things you were not ready for... and I still want to, and you want to kill me while I sleep."

"I don't want to kill you," I said as I wiped the new tears from my face.

"What was up with Sunday morning then," Kenny questioned.

"I... don't really... know what came over me," I answered," I was so mad at myself for enjoying myself the night before and I guess I just... snapped."

"Great... just great," Kenny said as he once again wiped his face," I guess I have already driven you crazy."

"Do you think... it is too late for us," Kenny asked.

"What do you mean," I responded.

"Like am I really going to work at that garage the rest of my life, are you really going to continue down your self-destructive path, and are we ever going to go back to the way things were," Kenny questioned.

I was surprised by how Kenny had apparently thought his life over. I always thought he had given up on his life so it made me feel terrible to see that he was still thinking about it. Not only that but he had made a fair observation of me. I really was going down a self-destructive path now that "I thought about it. I had not gotten far with Clyde but whose to say I won't suddenly wake up next to him one morning and be full of regrets and self-hatred like I had done with Kenny. Kenny also brought up things going back to the way they were which was almost laughingly ridiculous. Things had changed too much between the four of us and as much as I hated to admit it, Stan and I were also growing apart. The former friendship that once existed was pretty much gone for good. Still, even though things looked grim I knew we had to move past all of the mistakes we had made.

"No... there are some things you can still do with your life..., and I will have to learn to stop hating myself before I do something that really ruins my life..., but the four of us will probably never be friends again like we were," I responded.

"So what do we do now," Kenny asked.

"I think it's best we go our own ways for a bit," I answered,"Maybe we will be able to see each other in a more healthy way in a month or two."

"I can't stand this anymore," Kenny blurted out," I want at least you to hang out with me like we used to... like we did on Saturday."

"Kenny we need some space," I retaliated,"We are driving each other crazy."

"Ok...," Kenny finally conceited,"but I don't want you going to Clyde's."

"What, why not," I asked.

"Because I don't want you getting fucked by other guys," Kenny said in an unusually pouty voice.

I was very confused by Kenny's objection to me going to Clyde's. I was unsure if Kenny was just doing this because he did not want anyone else intruding on his territory or if he had actually developed feelings for me somewhere along the way. It was likely an unhealthy mixture of both that Kenny did not want to admit to. Whatever the case was I had to explain to Kenny that Clyde deserved a chance at least.

"Kenny please just let me give a relationship with Clyde a chance," I pleaded," I seriously just want a normal relationship."

Kenny looked to be lost in thought and to be having an internal debate.

"Fine," Kenny said,"but no anal."

"What," I objected.

"Please don't make me repeat myself," Kenny said a little embarrassed.

"Ok fine," I conceited.

"I really wanted to continue doing what we have been doing," Kenny said honestly,"it was not all bad was it?"

"No," I answered honestly," I actually did enjoy some of the things we did, and it only made me hate myself for enjoying it. Right now though we should focus on fixing on friendship first before even considering giving what we had another chance."

"Yea... your right," Kenny said as he pulled out his phone.

I see him scroll through the pictures and video he had taken and he deleted all of them.

"I should never have invaded your privacy to start with," Kenny said,"for now on I'll let you choose what you want to do."

"I'm sorry for everything Kyle," Kenny said in a depressed tone," Hopefully I haven't fucked up everything."

"There is some hope for fixing things," I say,"or at least I feel like there is."

I begin to walk off only to be stopped by Kenny.

"Oh yea I'm clean by the way," Kenny said.

"What," I asked in confusion.

"I don't have any diseases," Kenny deliberated.

"Oh that's good," I say with a chuckle as I leave the alleyway.

I am once again on my way to Clyde's. It is going to be really hard not to let Clyde fuck me, but I had made a deal with Kenny. I would eventually have to tell Kenny that I would not be able to honor that deal, but for now, I could manage. It felt so good to have made amends with Kenny. I no longer was as pissed at him as I was, and more importantly, I was far last mad at myself. Kenny seemed to be far more damaged than me and I had to start realizing I was not the only person who goes through shit. I think Craig had told me that once. I wondered briefly what he was up to when I received a text from Stan.

Hey, Kyle, I notice you've been kind of distant lately

Sorry I respond

Are you seeing anyone or something lol Stand responded

I thought a moment before texting back, but eventually, I gathered my courage and responded.

Yea I kind of am seeing someone

Really? Good job I am happy for ya... Stan responded

I can't give you any details I respond

Yea, Kyle I uh... Stan responds

What is it? I respond

Nothing important just thinking... go have fun and I hope you can tell me about it later Stan responded

I knew I was definitely not going to tell Stan about Clyde later on, but maybe I would be able to talk to him one day. It was also weird that Stan seemed to want to have said something else but had decided not to. I wondered what he would have said. Maybe I was more transparent than I thought and even Stan had realized I was gay. Kenny was right when he said I needed to be more trusting of others, and that especially goes for Stan.

All in all, I do not know what the future may have in store for me. Maybe this thing that started won't work out between Clyde and me. Maybe Kenny will somehow coerce me back into the thing I had with him. Some others may one day show up and start a whole new thing with me. I just had to be mentally prepared to deal with relationships and drama if I ever wanted to get my shit together. At this point, there was hardly a point in staying in the closet, and I guess Clyde will determine if I stay in or go out. Clyde may not want to be seen around someone who was outed ,and maybe I should just come out and if he does not like it then that's too bad. People will probably ridicule me and call me bad names, but then again that already did happen. Everyone gets some teasing at our high school and I guess what made me so uncomfortable about my orientation was people specifically calling me a fag. I guess I just needed to shrug it off like I did with the 'girly' insult. There were so many branching possibilities laid out in front of me, and for once instead of being afraid of them I was instead excited and curious about what would happen next in my life.