John Ross and Pamela, Season 2, Episode 10 – The Whole Truth

Regine and Christopher found no trace of John Ross having left the island on a fishing or transport boat. Regine's uncle asked around, made calls and nothing seemed to stand out. Of course, there were any number of private yachts, but on these it was hard to get information.

But it turned out the Carnival Freedom ship, from Carnival Cruise Lines, had docked in St. Kitts the day John Ross had disappeared. Christopher went online that night to find it's itinerary. From St. Kitts it had gone on to San Juan and to Grand Turk. Tomorrow the cruise itinerary said it would be at sea, docking day after tomorrow in Fort Lauderdale. If he knew John Ross, he would stay on board till the end, and would make his connections from there to wherever it was he was headed.

If he had any chance at all of catching him he had to get to Ft. Lauderdale before the ship docked day after tomorrow. But before that he had to tell Regine that he was leaving. He kept putting it off.

In the mental hospital Gina had been working with the multiples, trying to integrate them and bring Pamela back. This morning she tried a different tack.

"Do you care about the babies?" she asked Pam.

"Of course I do, but they're not mine, they're Pamela's."

"How can you say that, if you've already admitted that you and Pamela inhabit the same…body?

"Well, hell. We're not in agreement on everything. And she does shit that I don't agree with. And so does Pammie. And I get left holding the bag, mostly."

"Wouldn't you like to be a part of the decision making process?"

"Hell, yes."

"Well, then we should all talk about it, together."

"Pamela can't handle Pammie. Not right now."

"Well. Okay, we can start with you two having a sitdown." Gina said, "Listen, you know, and I know, that Pamela needs you. But there's no reason you two can't get to know each other, is there?"

"Except that she's not going to like me very much," Pam admitted, thoughtfull.

"Why do you say that, Pam. She hasn't met you yet."

"Because I hate him."

"Oh." So that was the difference between them. "You must not hate him so much if you were willing to sleep with him."

"Well, that's just sex. I can appreciate his talents." She got up and paced. "But I hate his guts for all the shenanigans he's pulled on her. And she's all forgiving and shit."

Gina decided to see if she could bypass this divergence just to get in contact with Pamela. "Well, he's gone now. So, it's a mute point. Are you afraid of her? Of her reaction to what you've done?"

"Give me a break. I'm the strong one. I'm not afraid of her." Pam shrugged.

"Okay, so how can I contact her? Hypnosis?"

"Gina, I'm here, but I'm not feeling well. I…I really don't know if I can stay awake."

"I understand, Pamela. I just have two quick little things I need to tell you. Okay? Stay with me. First, John Ross is suffering from PTSD, he's sick. He wouldn't have left for any other reason. Do you understand me?"

"Where are the boys?" she asked, as if she hadn't heard the first thing.

"Christopher and Regine are taking care of them."

"Okay, that's good."

"Pamela? Pamela, please stay."

Pam looked back at her and made a motion with both hands, indicating a bubble bursting. Pamela had split.

Gina was very frustrated. It was the first time in three days she'd been able to talk to Pamela. Pam had provided a continual wall.

The next day, the foursome went to the family volleyball game on the beach. Mama Joy kept the strollers near her, while both Christopher and Regine joined the game.

Unfortunately for Christopher, Regine was on the opposing side. He had to tamp down on his competitiveness, a quality his cousin had always exacerbated in him. He was afraid of crushing Regine and didn't block her ball too seriously when she came up to spike against him. He came away with a mouthful of ball.

"Don't hold back much do you?" he accused.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want the little girl spike?"

"Not at all." Why did she always seem to challenge his manhood? As if she were too much woman for him to handle. It made it impossible to ignore her. She was not a boring, mealy mouthed girl. She was just, so kickass.

And that made things seem dull when she was not around. She had decided to take a break to check on the babies, and his eyes involuntarily followed her.

Regine approached her mother from behind her chair and hugged her. "Mama dear, what you know about that young man and Pamela."

"Leave it be. That's none of your concern. Why you want to know that anyway?"

"Just curiosity."

"It killed a cat, don't you know."

"Aw." She clicked her tongue in frustration. Her mother did not like gossip. To her, it was one of the deadly sins. It caused disunity, she said.

On this day Gina was very direct with Pam when she was ushered into her office.

"Pam, I'm going to give it to you straight. I want you to talk to Pamela. I wan't you to convince her to fight for her sanity, for the sake of her babies."

"Difficult, my dear doctor. She's at a place where the shit has hit. As they used to say in my college days. Did you know I used to cover for Pamela back in college, when she'd puke her brains out one too many and couldn't study for her finals, Pam came to the rescue."

"Why did you have to cover for her? Why couldn't you just let her go to the hospital and get the help she needed?"

"Because, you see, Daddy was expecting good grades from Pamela. Nothing less than an A minus for a Barnes who was expected to take over the company some day. She was a girl, she had to prove herself twice as good as any boy."

"Was Pammie around in those days too?"

"Oh yeah, Pammie dealt with Afton. She made sure Pamela had her nails done, her hair highlighted and her five inch heels on."

"So, you both ran interference for her."

"Yep."

"Neither her father nor her mother are here right now. Why do you all have to be here?"

"Cause Pamela got in the habit, it's like a drug, you see, to have somebody you can use to deal with shit you don't want to."

"I see. Pamela doesn't like pain. Is that it?"

"You got it doc! Hit the nail on the head."

"Well, she's also missing all the fun."

"What fun?" Pam played with a paper clip, but Gina could tell she'd gotten her attention.

"Those two little boys, they're growing up without her. By the time she gets back they'll be big toddlers. I heard they learned to swim yesterday."

"What?"

"Yeah. Yeah. Christopher told me. He and the nanny took them to the beach, and had the greatest time showing them the fish and splashing around. Then, the nanny decides to dunk them in the water—

"My God, isn't that dangerous?"

At this point Gina couldn't tell whether she was talking to Pam or to Pamela.

"No. They teach babies how to hold their breath and how to float real early here. Anyhow…" she continued to tell the story, with the minutest details she could remember.

The eyes looking back at her were straight. "You know, you should tell Pamela that Christopher is leaving, and the babies are going to be on their own just with a nanny. They're abandoned, just because their mother can't face a little pain."

"A little pain? That's what you call it? Being abandoned by your husband?"

"Well, she has to decide who she loves more, her children or John Ross."

Pamela paused. "I can't decide between them."

"If he were dead would you follow him into the grave or stay here to raise your children?"

"I…I…"

"Make up your mind. These are high stakes. Feel that pain, it won't kill you. You're not a little girl anymore. The abandonment, the rejection, the loss, the loneliness, the fear," she paused after each, so that Pamela could find them, and taste them. "None of it will kill you."

After a few minutes, she said, "What do you want now, Pamela?"

"I wan't my boys not to feel that. Not to be abandoned by their father."

"What about by their mother?"

"Their mother is here. I'm not going anywhere."

"Are you back, then?"

"Yes. I'm back for good."

"I'm glad, Pamela. What do you want to do?"

"I want to go home to flamingo house and be with my boys."

"Can you take care of them without John Ross?"

"I can. I had once decided that I would if I had to. Can I go home now?"

"We have a lot to talk about. You have a habit of dissociating into multiple personalities, when you can't deal with things."

She didn't seem surprised. She just took it in stride.

"I wan't you to come see me every day. Little by little, we'll have to work on integrating them."

After they got home and put the babies down Christopher said, "Regine, I have something to tell you."

"Okay, spit it out. Give us the whole truth."

"I have to leave tomorrow morning, to get to Fort Lauderdale before the cruise ship comes into port, so I can find John Ross.

"Okay, I can hold down the fort for a few days, until you guys get back."

"Look, I have to lay the cards out on the table. I hope I find him. But even if I don't, I can't come back. I have to…to get back to work."

"What do you mean? Pamela's in the hospital. These are your nephews, this is your family. Is…is someone else coming?"

"It…it doesn't look like it. Not right now. Not just right now. Look, it's complicated."

She stood there and didn't say anything. She seemed to be computing a sum.

"Look. We trust you—"

"No, no. This is too much responsibility—"

"You're right, we can get someone else in here to help you. To take shifts—"

"No. You're crazy. That's not what I'm talking about. I can handle the boys. And if I can't I would ask my family for help. The last thing I need is some other person under foot. What I mean is that your sister in law is sick. You can't leave her here. What…what kind of people are you?" She ran out of steam, speechless.

Christopher knew how bad it looked. But he said, "Look, any amount of money—"

"Stop trying to throw money at me! I've told you, I don't need any more money for the job I'm doing—

He laughed, wiping his mouth.

"Something about this is funny to you?"

"Yeah. What kind of people are you? You don't want more money? I thought you were trying to get thru medical school."

"And I will. But I don't have to sell my soul to the devil to do it."

That stopped him clear in his tracks. He sat on the couch and covered his face with his hands. He was going to have to tell her. There was no other way. She was too intelligent to be fooled.

"Look Regine, I know this is…it's terrible. But I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. The reason John Ross brought his family here…is so that they would be safe."

"Safe from what?"

"From a drug cartel that's infiltrated our company."

She now sat down too, putting her beautiful long fingers to her neck.

"If I don't get back there, they are liable to get suspicious that we know they are in…in bed with us. We're trying to work with the authorities to entrap them. But it's very complex. If they thought they were at all threatened, then blackmail, kidnappings, and threats would become part of their modus operandi."

There was a huge gasp now, as she jumped up and said, "You want me to take care of two little boys that could be in danger of getting kidnapped…and you weren't even going to tell me?"

He got up now too and faced her, saying, "NO! I would never. There is no danger to them. Listen to me. We have kept this place secret. We've taken every precaution—"

"Can you guarantee that? How can you be one hundred percent sure of that?"

"You don't know John Ross. He's extremely thorough—"

"He's not here!"

He sat down again, head in his hands, thinking. "I will hire security." He looked at her with an imploring look, afraid she was on the verge of quitting on him.

"Christopher, look, I…I can see you're under enough stress. I guess what we have to do is hope for the best. I can promise you this, I'll take care of those little guys." She pointed towards the nursery. "If there's a security problem I have enough big cousins I can get one of them to stay overnight. But as for Pamela. I know my limitations. I cannot take care of her too. Maybe my mother can keep an eye on her but you should ask her yourself."

The doorbell rang at that moment and they looked at each other.

"I'm not expecting anyone," she shrugged.

Christopher got up and went to the door.

"Pamela! What a surprise. Dr. Gina?" He hugged Pamela and raised an eyebrow at the doctor, silently asking what was going on.

Pamela went straight to the nursery.

"This is the best place for her to be," the doctor said to Christopher and Regine. "She is not a danger to herself or anyone else. Neither are either of her multiple personalities, Pam and Pammie. I will be seeing her every day and we will continue to try to integrate. Okay?"

Christopher said, "Dr. I have to leave, and try to find John Ross. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, I think so. She'll be okay with you here to help," she said to Regine. "I hope you can find him, Christopher."

Pamela came out of the nursery after a good long while. And asked, "Is there anything to eat, I'm starved."

"Yeah, there's lots of Mama Joy's food in the fridge."

She was eating and thanking Christopher at the same time, saying, "I have something to show you, let me get my tablet."

She put on a video and placed it in front of him. It was the birth video. When he was done watching it he had tears in his eyes and said, "Wow."

"Listen to me, Christopher. What John Ross wrote in your note—"

"Oh. No. Don't worry—"

"It can never be. I wanted you to understand why. That's why I showed you that. That man, he kept me in this world when I didn't have the will. Do you understand?"

"I do."

"I love him with all my heart and soul. And I want him back. No matter how long it takes, I'll wait for him. So you and I, I'm sorry, I don't mean to hurt your feelings. But there is no chance of an 'us'. Not ever."

Christopher kept quiet out of chivalry, because he was more convinced than she was even, that there would never be anything else between them than a deep, abiding friendship. And what he had seen on that video, had given him a new respect for his cousin.

Unseen by either Christopher or Pamela, was Regine's paralyzed figure, a silent witness to Pamela's last words. She was left to wonder why Pamela had felt it necessary to make her rejection so clear. Had Christopher made some declaration? How crushed was he by Pamela's words?

When Christopher left the following day, he went with a feeling of indebtedness. There was no way he could ever repay Regine for her willingness to keep an eye on Pamela and on the security of his nephews, and report to him. The only words he could say that didn't sound hollow were, "I'll be back just as soon as I possibly can."

"Okay. God speed." She reached up and gave him a quick hug, then got back in the car with the two car seats in back and drove away.

Why did he feel so empty going back?