A/N - Hey! So this is going to be movie canon, because I wanted to write about effie in district 13. Sorry I haven't updated for ages! Anyway please, please, please REVIEW! It really means a lot to me. Also thank you for the reviews so far, hope you enjoy this chapter! :)))))

"Just eat, Trinket." Haymitch told me as he pushed my plate of food closer to me. If it was that simple, I would do it. It's obvious he didn't understand.

I shook my head and moved the plate away. I was in District 13 now. Everything that was going on was so confusing to me, I was having more panic attacks and nightmares than ever. Peeta was in the Capitol, most likely being tortured, Katniss was expected to lead the rebellion, I was in a terrible state of mind. I wanted to help, but I couldn't.. I was just the weak, stupid escort who knew nothing about fighting and only cared about looks. To most of the people here my life was worth nothing, and 'most of the people' included me.

"Do you really think starving yourself is gonna help anything? Do you really think being skinny is more important than everything that's going on around us...?" Haymitch whisper-shouted. I knew it really wasn't, but was eating going to help either. I've had so much taken away from me, I was barely recognisable. There was no longer a fake smile on my face, or layers of makeup, and my hair was not covered by a wig. I was even more disgusting.

"I'm not starving myself. I'm just not hungry." I hissed. That excuse was hardly believable, I'd been using it all my time as an escort. I'm surprised he didn't see right through it, but then again he didn't care did he?

"Then someone else can eat your food can't they?" He asked, anger in his voice.

Stop being so selfish,

maybe killing yourself would help?

I wished there was something I could do to stop the voices. Even hurting myself would only numb the pain for a while.

"I.. Have to go.." I murmured. I needed to go to my room, I had been struggling to fight through this. My depression, or whatever was wrong with me had been affecting me more than ever. I felt the urge to cut myself more and more.

As I started to walk towards the corridor that led me to my room, I caught sight of my reflection. With no access to makeup or clothes, I look terrible. Not that I didn't already. All my life I had tried to be beautiful, if only I could achieve that.

"Not good enough." I whispered under my breath, not realising I had said it out loud.

"Effie?" A puzzled sounding voice behind asked. I turned around to see Katniss, I hadn't actually talked to her while in District 13, let alone bump into her. She had a lot more important things to do. I found it hard to believe that she actually recognised me. I was almost a different person beneath the mask of Capitol makeup.

"Katniss!" I exclaimed, embracing her in a hug.

"You... You look so different.." She said.

"Yes. I guess I'll just have to deal with it." I replied.

"I know it must be hard for you, it's hard for everyone though.."

"Thank you. I guess." I said, as I saw her catch a glimpse at my arms. Not as if it matters, she won't know what it's from and if she did why would she care?

I continued to make my way to my room.

When I reached the room, I sat down on my bed and pulled open the drawer to find my tiny blade. I was so selfish, attention seeking. The world would be better if I didn't exist.

At this point it didn't matter if my cuts were visible or not, so I dragged the blade across my wrist.

If only I still had all my makeup, I felt so ugly without it. But I was ugly inside and out with or without it, it made no difference whether I had it on or not.

Luckily, my room had a mirror, even if it was small.

You are so vain, just die already.

I had hoped not eating properly for at least two weeks would've been noticeable, but I was still fat as ever. My natural hair was covered by a scarf, I was insecure too about it to show it off, and I was stuck in the simple, gray clothes they had given me, although I still had my jewellery and shoes.

I heard a knock at the door.

"Come in." I called, almost sighing. It was physically impossible to keep up the cheerful act. It was Haymitch.. What did he want? Make comments about how disgusting I looked?

"What do you want now..?" I asked.

"Well.. I wouldn't usually say this, but I'm sorry for earlier. I don't really know how I can make up to you."

"I deserved it." I told him. It was true, though. Why should he be nice to me? What had I ever done?

"Nah. Even you don't deserve that, Trinket."

"So what were you going to say...?" I asked.

"Plutarch said that you can take the place of his assistance, seeing as your always so organised and you're practiced at that kind of stuff."

"Well. Give me time. I'm still confused about everything." I answered him. What exactly would I be doing?

"But I stick to what I said before, I don't know why you keep on starving yourself. Like being skinny is going to help you survive this." Said Haymitch.

"I'm not starving myself!" I said. Maybe I don't want to survive. Maybe I want to reach perfect.

"And by the way, you look ten times better without all that Capitol crap on." He laughed, leaving the room. Did I really? The makeup was always a mask, that hid my real emotions and sadness. It hid who I really was. That was the good thing. I hated myself.

I don't know why Haymitch even bothered talking to be. It was obvious even he was better off without me, annoying him and getting on his nerves all day. I was probably better off without me too.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror.

You're still fat.

Will you ever be skinny?

You have too many flaws.

Just die.

I couldn't fight the urge anymore as I grabbed my blade and cut my pale skin.

Yes, you deserve it.

I didn't want to pass out again. I wasn't going to end my life just yet. I knew there was something stopping me, but I had no idea what it was. I reached over to the drawer and put my blade back inside. Yes, I would probably be taking it out later. But for now I just nended time to think.

Would I really be able to make it through this rebellion?