A Hundred Storms
Chapter Nineteen: Addicted to a Certain Kind of Sadness
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
- Somebody That I Used to Know, by Gotye

She looked at him. She struggled with the words she felt needed to be said and finally asked: "Do you think, at this very second, that what he did was wrong?"

Draco leaned in close and kissed her.

He tasted like whiskey and pepper, and the first coherent thought that ran through her mind was how soft and firm his lips were, and what were they doing pressed against her own? Hermione felt his hand reaching behind her head and tangling itself in her unruly hair, pulling her closer to him. She heard the alarm bells sounding off in the back of her mind, too, but they were nothing compared to the racket her heart was making.

Show her. Show her. Show her. Do you think, at this very second, that what he did was wrong? At that very second he wanted nothing more than to show her what he thought, what he thought of Crabbe and his deranged aunt and incarcerated father and the legacy that he was going to leave behind unless something changed, unless he changed, unless something changed him.

Was it possible to become irreconcilably different but not be aware of it? At what point in his story did he finally, finally come to terms with the fact that there was nothing remotely dirty about Hermione Granger and maybe she was the exact opposite of everything he had ever come to believe in?

He felt her lips part and took the invitation eagerly. His tongue slipped into her mouth and he deepened the kiss with a groan deep in his chest. Hermione made a small sound and brought both hands to rest on either side of his face, securing him in place. Draco's other hand slid to her hip and he pulled her closer until she was nearly on top of him.

Hermione felt something dormant unclench low in her abdomen and she pressed herself closer to him. The physical, the emotional, the whiskey, everything balled into itself and the only thing that could possibly quiet the anguish of the past years was the skin on skin and the hot breath she felt from the boy that made decision after terrible decision. Nothing in the world mattered more than this moment. Nothing in the world mattered more than this heartbreaking and breathtaking reality.

The alarms finally made themselves heard and Hermione broke away from him with a gasp.

"Malfoy?" she breathed.

He looked at her, grey eyes wide and wild.

"Draco?"

Draco's eyes shifted into focus and he finally really, truly looked at her.

"Words have always been my weapon of choice, Granger," Draco said softly. "I don't know how to use them without injuring you."

Hermione turned her head and then back at him.

"Just use them," Hermione pleaded, meeting his gaze again.

Draco realized then how close they were, and he couldn't for all the money in Gringotts pull himself away.

"I think he was wrong," Draco finally said. "At this very second, I think he was wrong. He didn't deserve to die, and what pisses me off the most is that the idiot died for the wrong reasons...I almost died for the wrong reasons."

Hermione dropped her left hand from his face, but left the right hand to trace a scare above his left eye. She didn't know why she never noticed it before. The narrow trail of skin cut through his eyebrow and only ended right below where his eye socket began. She wondered who gave him that scar and mentally filed that question away for another time. Her overactive mind began to wonder at what point in her life had it become necessary to remember to ask people where and when they received various disfiguring injuries.

"Bellatrix," he said softly, somehow understanding what Hermione was thinking. "After the great escape from Malfoy Manor, courtesy of you lot. She screamed and screamed that had I been quicker or recognized Potter faster, he wouldn't have escaped."

"I'm sorry," Hermione murmured, not really sure what she was apologizing for.

"Nothing to be sorry about," Draco replied smoothly. "At least the Dark Lord's anger didn't leave a lasting blemish."

Hermione neither needed nor wanted to ask, so she remained silent and brought both of her hands into her lap and stared at them. Their physical proximity was still bordering on indecent, but neither seemed inclined to move.

Draco stared ahead at the mirror over the dresser, opposite from where they were sitting. He looked at their reflections with morbid bemusement and wondered for the thousandth time what the hell was going on with him, or with her. He saw her head rise up and meet his eyes in the reflection.

"There must be a snowball fight raging in Hell today," she said to Draco's reflection.

"Erm, sorry?" Draco turned to look at her, bewildered.

Hermione flushed and ducked her head. "It's a Muggle turn of words," she replied, not meeting his eyes. "It means that the impossible has happened."

"Impossible..." Draco tried the word out on his tongue. "I don't think this is impossible."

"Well, of course it's not impossible." Hermione sounded exasperated. "I only mean that a friendship with you is not something I saw myself falling into when I decided to come back to Hogwarts."
"You knew I was coming back, too," Draco reminded her. "It was your idea, wasn't it? Making Hogwarts part of my probation?"

Hermione nodded slowly. "Yes," she admitted. "I wanted to, I don't know, give you a piece of your childhood back. I wanted you to have a little normalcy and not be locked up in prison or your home. I think I wanted to punish you a little, too."

"You're doing a brilliant job, I must say," Draco smirked. "You're making my sentence truly miserable, I can assure you."

Hermione's head snapped up and she saw the quirk of his lip. She returned the smirk and swatted him on the arm.

"Ow! I don't think you're allowed to beat the prisoners!" Draco protested while theatrically rubbing his upper arm.

"Only if they're asking for it," Hermione replied tartly and crossed her arms over her chest.

Draco looked up and something shifted ever so slightly in his eyes. "Oh, really?" he asked in a low voice. "All I have to do is ask?"

Hermione's jaw dropped slightly before she quickly snapped it shut. An image flitted through her mind that made the butterflies that had begun to settle take flight again. Hermione composed herself and fixed a grin on her face.

"Draco Malfoy," she said sweetly. "I had no idea you were into role-play. Had I known that, I would have packed my riding crop and silk kerchiefs."

Hermione would have given many, many of her possessions to capture the look on Draco's face on film. Lucky for her she had a near-photographic memory and the expression was one she would never forget.

"I'm kidding," Hermione finally said after a pregnant pause.

Draco's eyebrows were still high and hiding behind the hair that fell into his eyes. He cocked his head to the side and assessed her again. "Kidding?" he asked.

"Of course," Hermione said without missing a beat. "Harry would never let me leave Grimmauld Place with my accouterments if he knew what sort of devious plans I had for them."

"I honestly cannot tell if you're joking or not," Draco said with a slight shake of his head. "On the one hand, you're Hermione Granger. On the other hand, it is always the quiet ones, isn't it?"

At that Hermione burst out laughing. She laughed so loud that Draco jumped and continued on laughing while he looked on with some concern. The laugh came from so deep in her belly that her muscles ached after a few seconds...it felt wonderful. Draco couldn't remember the last time he had heard her laugh so joyously before; it was the laugh of someone who didn't know death, a carefree sound of a young woman who was truly enjoying the moment and the company she shared it with.

Draco felt his heart hammer and rise in his chest; the laughter was contagious. While he didn't exactly join her in the merriment, he felt his fixed smirk break into a wide grin, and he wondered if he had ever heard a sound more beautiful in all his life.

Finally Hermione composed herself and sighed happily.

"That felt good," she confessed. "Really good."

"Glad you can get a chuckle at my expense," Draco said without any bite in his words.

"It was just...your face...it was perfect," Hermione giggled. "Words fail me."

"That's a first," Draco said dryly.

Hermione sobered up a bit and then looked at him again.

"I think we've come to a turning point in all this," she said softly.

"This is the last thing I expected," Draco said in an even tone. "This feels very...far...from where we've been."

"Far?" Hermione snorted. "This isn't even the same planet anymore."

"Fair point," Draco replied, smirking once more. "The question is, do we stay on this planet or try to find our way back to Earth?"

"I don't know if there's anything for us back on Earth," Hermione said quietly.

"Meaning?" Draco asked.

"Meaning...I don't know," Hermione was still at a loss for words and grabbed for the ones that could explain this very odd situation. "If we're on a different planet now, how far are you willing to go? How far should we go?"

Draco raised a delicate eyebrow, and Hermione gave him another half-hearted punch on the arm.

"You know what I mean," she said sourly. "Is this a friendship? Is this a romance?"

"Do you need to label it?' Draco asked fairly.

"Yes, I do," Hermione said stiffly. "If there's sneak attack snogging involved, I would very much like to know what to call it."

Draco's smirk grew broader. "Sneak attack? I have to say, Granger, I really prefer this sort of sneak attack to the ones we were used to a year ago."

Hermione lowered her eyes back to her hands in her lap. "Me, too," she replied in barely a whisper.

Draco reached out a hand to cover the ones in her lap. He put his free hand out and lightly touched her chin, gently forcing her eyes to meet his.

"I do not put any sort of faith in fate," he told her evenly. "I don't know what sort of Muggle religion you follow, but I have none. Survival has been my religion for a very long time, and I don't think that's going to ever go away. With that said, what you've done for me...well, Granger, you're one of the good guys. This thing that's after you, or me, or maybe it's after the both of us, I want to help. Maybe after that's all said and done, you won't see a Death Eater anymore when you look at me."

"I don't see a Death Eater," Hermione argued. "I never saw a Death Eater when I looked at you."

Draco turned his face towards the mirror in front of them. "Well, then," he said slowly. "Maybe after all this is said and done, I won't see a Death Eater when I look at myself."