It had been nearly a month since the frat party and Kate couldn't even look at a beer commercial without her stomach churning. It was a night that she would like to say that she wished she could forget, except she really did not remember much of it.
She had woken up at his apartment, dreadfully hungover, an experience she was completely unaccustomed to. She recalled her unsteady feet rising from the strange bed and then surrendering herself to humiliation. She even had to brace herself on the sink's marble countertop when she stared at the mirror above it. Her reflection had taken her aback, she looked so pale and clammy, her head throbbed as she saw double visions of herself. The room spun, and she felt nauseated. She had also sprinted to the toilet bowl and then vomited. Some of it had even gotten on the rim of the bowl and the front of her shirt. She was sick all morning.
Jack had held her hair away from her face and rubbed her back during the long ordeal. He had witnessed all of it, more or less, and the only upside was that he loaned her a clean t-shirt that smelled of him. She still keeps "forgetting" to return it to him. He never judged her, but she knew that her drunkenness had irrevocably ruined her in his eyes. She didn't remember how she ended up in his guest bedroom, but she had recurring visions of kissing him that she assumed were alcohol induced hallucinations. But there were moments when she swore it seemed so real. After that, she would describe her relationship with him as polite and ... tentative. It never reached that level of friendliness that they had experienced a few times, nor was it like those few weeks where they wouldn't even look at one another. But… but there were instances when she felt him looking expectantly at her, as if he were waiting for her to reveal or affirm some unspoken understanding between them.
Jack pulled into the driveway of his childhood home. Christian had recently asked Jack to occasionally check up on Claire and make sure that she was keeping out of trouble after school. Ordinarily, Jack would have refused to spy on his little sister, but this time he complied with his father's request and if he were honest with himself, he would admit that he said yes because he knew there was a likelihood he could find his sister in the company of a petite freckled friend.
Kate's drunken "confession" left him bewildered, he wasn't sure how to interpret it. Part of him had tried to forget about that night and the kiss that he wanted so much more of. He also felt guilty for being so hard on Claire, he couldn't remember the last time he yelled and cursed like that. The last few weeks have been brutal for him. He was more than ready to just finish up the semester, start med school and life anew. But he just couldn't stop thinking about her. He hadn't been with anyone since he broke up with Amy in November and his hormones were in overdrive. Needless to say, and sadly enough, his right hand and dick haven't been on such friendly terms since his high school days. His life was a slow torture.
Jack opened the door to his father's house and called out Claire's name. No one answered him, so he walked up the steps and onto the second floor landing, his steps muffled by the thick oriental rug that ran the length of the long hallway. He approached Claire's bedroom, her door ajar, and was about to announce himself when he heard the outburst of giggling between the girls. He paused and against his considerate nature, he decided to linger for a second…
"So… Kate, we will be graduating in about three months and, ummm, you're still a virgin."
Kate drew a deep sigh, "Jeez, Claire, are we having this conversation again? Between you and Shannon, I can't take it anymore. Really, my sex life is no one's business but my own."
Claire raised her right eyebrow in question.
"Okay, don't think I don't see your expression Claire, let me correct myself then… the non-existence of my sex life is no one's business."
Claire laughed, but she wasn't about to let this subject drop, "Don't you think you should, you know, get on with it before you start college? Kate, I know for a fact that there are at least five boys who want to sleep with you!"
"Well, good for them. It's not gonna happen!" Kate snorted as she rolled her eyes. "I'm not in a rush and how about you? You keep asking about me, but I happen to know you're all talk and no action."
Claire giggled, "Yeah, you're right. Maybe we're both prudes."
Claire took a deep breath and gently added, "I'm serious Kate, there are all these very cute boys that are interested in you and you don't even seem to acknowledge their existence. I understand that you're busy with your studies and getting good marks, but you won't let a single boy even get close to you."
Kate paused to take in Claire's comment, took a deep breath and stated flatly, "I suppose the opportunity with the right man hasn't come up yet."
Claire looked suspiciously at Kate, "I knew it! There's someone isn't there? Is he someone back in Washington? Someone not from school? An older man? Am I close?"
With exasperation, Kate yelled, "Claaaaire! Stop it." After a few beats, tentatively and almost wistfully, Kate told her, "I know this sounds naive and romantic, but I just sort of always pictured my first time being with someone different - experienced. Someone who understands me." Then as if trying to break the awkward solemnity of her comment, Kate quickly added with a wink, "And, hell, let's face it, I have no experience and I'm gonna need all the help and guidance I can get."
Claire shook her head and in an attempt to make light of the moment cracked a joke at her. "You know, if you're interested, I don't think my dad is dating anyone right now…."
"Don't be gross Claire."
Claire paused a second before she threw in "You're right, he may be a little too mature, instead I'll ask Jack to set you up with his friend, Marc. Perhaps he's skillful enough for you!"
"Claire, DON"T YOU DARE say anything to your brother." Kate narrowed her eyes and added with emphasis, "I'm fucking serious, Claire."
Claire laughed, "Ease up, ay! I was just kidding!"
Kate stood and gathered the dishes and sandwich leftovers, "Good, so now we can get back to studying chapter 31. While you finish reading it, I'll take this tray of dishes down to the kitchen."
Jack quietly made his way down the flight of stairs before they had a chance to notice his presence. Part of him felt guilty for eavesdropping on an obvious personal conversation, yet this new information echoed in his brain. Somehow, her innocence made her all the more perfect. He had become accustomed to being the target of sexually aggressive females. Some of his students would even shamelessly try to flirt with him. But he knew she was different all along. It wasn't just her physical beauty that nearly knocked him over when he first laid his eyes on her, there was always more to her than that.
Kate entered the large sunlit and spotless kitchen. She opened the dishwasher and noticed that it was already full with clean dishes and decided to head over to the sink instead. Not wanting to mar the tidiness of the kitchen by leaving dirty ones in the sink, she opted to wash them by hand. She turned on the faucet and didn't hear him enter until she felt the heavy thud of the stainless steel refrigerator door shut behind her.
"Hey."
Startled, Kate jumped and turned around, instinctively moving her small left hand over her stomach, "Hey. Ummmm, you startled me."
"Sorry."
Jack stood there, taking her in for a moment while mentally replaying the conversation he had just overheard. "I was just grabbing a snack." He lifted the apple, proof to her that he wasn't just there for her.
"Oh…. I, I mean we, we didn't even know you were in the house…." Kate managed to utter before drifting into awkward silence.
Jack tensed, steadily rubbing the back of his neck up to the base of his skull. "Yeah, my dad asked me to drop by and take care of something for him. I… I took care of it."
Kate nodded, "Good." The word just hung out there, she had no idea what else to say. The silence and tension finally forcing Kate to break away from his gaze.
She turned around to resume the task of washing the glasses. The heat of his stare was making her sweat. Something was different. It took all her composure to not drop the glass, the same glass that she already washed.
He studied her slight frame, noticing how gracefully it moved while performing the most mundane of tasks. She was barefoot, wearing form fitting jeans and a navy tank top and, to him, it was the perfect image of understated sexiness. He also noticed that she had been blushing seconds ago and, as if that could be possible, she managed to look more stunning. He was flooded with wild thoughts and emotions. He could feel himself tensely flexing his arm muscles under the weight of it all.
Jack was unable to discern whether it was with much resistance or inevitable surrender when he took those hesitant steps in her direction and stopped right behind her. Close enough that she instantly felt his very tall frame standing within an inch of her, his raw masculine scent permeating through her nostrils. She immediately froze and all she could hear was her heart beating wildly and the pulsing sound reverberating in her ears. Heat climbed from her center to her cheeks and then she felt him shift so that he was now pressed slightly against her as he placed each hand deliberately and flatly on either side of the sink. Right then, she actually believed it was possible she would die from a heart attack.
He slowly bent his head to her right ear, his lips touching the tendrils of her curly hair and with a slightly hoarse voice he whispered, "Just so you know Kate, if that opportunity is still available… I want to be that man."
And no sooner had he said it did he straighten up, grab the apple from the counter and walk towards the kitchen exit. Kate turned her head, and with a look of disbelief, she stared at his broad shouldered form saunter out the door without so much as giving her a backward glance. Aside from the beating of her heart, all she could hear was a loud chomp.
Jack groped for his car keys, his fingers were almost numb. He left the house without even bothering to say bye to Claire.
He pulled out of the u-shaped driveway, his panicked state such that he didn't notice the usual hard dips and bumps of cobblestone beneath the tires. He didn't drive more than three blocks before he forced himself to pull over. He let out a low groan in pure disbelief.
What the hell just happened in there? He could shoot himself for choosing this opportunity to try experimenting with sexual spontaneity and bravado. Stupidity was more like it. She is an eighteen year old girl, his student- for fuck's sake.
What possessed him to proposition her? Was it the unassuming way she stood in the kitchen, with her jeans rolled up exposing her little ankles. No, he knew it was the grueling long months of seeing her in his classroom day in and day out. She was always close enough to touch, the ultimate temptation.
Jesus, if only he could take it back.
Did he just manage to ruin his life? He couldn't shake the feeling that he just traded a lifetime of hard work and academic achievement for the momentary thrill of a sleazy come-on. Tomorrow, would he be called before a disciplinary committee to face charges of sexual misconduct? Would he have to deal with the humiliation of facing Mr. Austen and having to explain why he offered to sleep with his teenage daughter? Would UCLA rescind his placement on ethical grounds? Every horrible scenario flooded his brain. He looked into the rearview mirror and didn't recognize the person staring back at him. He squeezed his eyes shut in a desperate attempt to erase the last fifteen minutes of his life.
This was nothing short of a catastrophe.
He could hear his father now and his words never rung more true, 'It may be okay for some people, Jack. But not for you.'
But... despite the enormity of his colossal fuck-up, he still couldn't stifle that small voice in his head - what if his instincts were right and she really wanted him too?
By Friday afternoon, his worst fear was confirmed. For the first time, she had skipped his class. Kate wanted nothing to do with him.