Chapter Twenty
The small grains of earth swam playfully around the rosette's hand. A small sigh escaped her while she watched the sand dance around her fingertips and wrist.
"Why does Gaara keep sending you?"
Though the sand had no voice, or opinion, Sakura couldn't help but ask the small pile that question. It was a curious sight, she had to admit, as the dirt danced around her like it had a mind of its own. It greatly reminded her of a pet of sorts, following her every step before seeking some sort of play. It was odd to her that the small pile of sand loved to swim around her so carefree. At the same time, she also took light offense to its presence. Why did Gaara think that she needed his protection from the world all of sudden? His absolute defense was probably almost every ninja's dream to have, yes, but she didn't want him to think so little of her as a weak human.
She was born, raised, and trained to go against the world. She had her smarts, fists, and techniques to get her through this dangerous universe, it irked her that Gaara didn't think that was enough for her. Just like the training with Temari earlier, it bothered her that his sand had shielded her from his sister's punch.
"Go away." Sakura said to the grains.
Its response was to continue swimming at Sakura's outstretched hand. To its dance, she sighed again, this was just another question she'd have to ask Gaara later on. Since returning home, she had hoped she could take a long nap in preparations to tonight's session with the young lord. However, the minute she had found time to herself, a hundred questions filled her mind. She could never find sleep with a full head, and thus sat in her room contemplating what sort of relationship she now had with Gaara. In time, the small pile of sand had made its presence known to her, and she reluctantly studied the grains while trying to fathom old, and new, questions.
She had grown anxious to see Gaara so she could finally get her answers. She was mostly wondering what this all meant for him, and what the future held. What was she to him now, a girlfriend? Or just an experiment? Could she walk down the streets of Suna boasting of their relationship, or would Gaara ask to hide their intimacy? What would they do when her work here was done and she return to Konoha? Would that be the end to whatever this was, or would they try to work something out?
There was also one more question that bother her above all the others, but one she felt so guilty of thinking that she did her best to bury it into the deep depths of her mind. The young ninja hoped that inquiry plaguing her would disappear, and soon. However, deep down in her heart, she knew it would never vanish as long as she lived and breathed.
'What about Sasuke-kun?'
When that question appeared again, Sakura tightened her fists and grounded her teeth.
'No!' She thought.
'Not again.'
It just wouldn't be fair to Gaara, she had decided. It wouldn't be right to have such passionate moments with the young lord, and afterward dwell on the lingering affections she still held for her lost comrade. When Gaara was near her, all her attention on him, Sasuke did not come to mind. So, she hoped in time such emotions she held for the Uchiha would disappear completely the more she spent with Gaara. However, it made her sick to think that she may never get over Sasuke. It made her feel even worse when she couldn't decide whether she wanted that devotion, she had for the raven-haired man, to be gone.
'You'll never be able to love one of them if you continue to like them both.' Inner Sakura spoke.
Sakura cursed her mind again. She should be happy with these new-found feelings, and she knew she would be just that when Gaara appeared. Yet, when she was alone like now, her mind drove her mad. She had come here with her team to help rescue Gaarra from Akatsuki, at what point did it turn into all of this? She knew at some point she needed to explain Sasuke to Gaara, and to have some of her other questions answered by him.
"Not tonight though." Sakura whispered while she watched the grains swim around her hand still.
"Not tonight."
It wouldn't be fair to him, she finally decided, if she put her selfish needs before him. Their nightly sessions needed to be purely focused around Gaara. She had made a promise to a lot of people to help with his insomnia, to make sure he would be alright when the sun sank and moon rose. To show, and make him understand, the benefits of resting.
She was a ninja.
She was put here for work, and work would have to come first. Gaara would have to come first. Her relationship, and feelings, would have to be second.
"I can do this." She reassured herself.
Sakura's eyes widened when the levitating sand took a moment to swim around her wrist more vigorously. She watched it curiously, wondering what this motion meant before it slowed back to the pace it had before as it shifted back and forth on her hands. To this, Sakura chuckled.
"What was that?" She asked, knowing she would get no answer.
"It's like you have a mind of your own."
Sakura smiled warmly, grateful she had some distraction from her afflicting thoughts. The sand was also a small reminder to her of the happiness Gaara had brought her. Because of him, she could boast what a lot of woman would brag to her.
"I must be the luckiest woman in the world."
Sakura's head tilted when the sand in front of her suddenly stifled its movements. It simply floated above her palm before racing to her door, where it lingered there. As Sakura stared at it, she was confused at what this antic meant. She knew it was just chakra infused earth, yet it reminded her of pet she needed to tend to. She tried to figure out what it wanted as if it had been a puppy racing to the door.
"D-Do you want to go outside?" She asked, scolding herself afterward for her idiocy at talking to the voiceless object.
Regardless, Sakura stood herself and paced to the door. She decided a little fresh air would do her good since she couldn't find rest in her room. Plus, she was curious to see if going outside was really the sand's intention. She just didn't understand it at all. However, a knock presented itself before she could even reach the door. She stood frozen, about to ask who it was, when she stopped herself as she saw the small sand at the door begin to ripple.
'What's it doing?' Sakura thought as she stared at the grains.
Shaking her head, the rosette suddenly remembered the person on the other side of the doorway.
"Come in." She said.
Gaara's appearance came forward into her room, and as her eyes met his, a giant grin spread across her face. Again, a question came to her mind.
'What had made it come to this point?'
She didn't let her smile grow for anyone else but him, and he hadn't even said hi to her yet. However, as his gaze met with hers, she could see his eyes light up too. He still looked as passive as ever, and he didn't crack a smile like Sakura had. However, his eyes sparkled when he met her grin, and she knew mentally he was feeling the same warm, fuzzy feelings as her.
His look however didn't linger too long on her as the sand that had been floating by the door sprang lightly in front of him, his attention now on it. Sakura watched as Gaara tilted his body slightly back from the grains, confusion riddled on his face while he studied the object. From his scrutinizing face, Sakura began to wonder if Gaara was just as flabbergasted as her about this.
"It's been following me all day." Sakura said, hoping Gaara could shed some light on this perplexing sight.
Nodding that he had heard her, Gaara continued to study the sand for a few more seconds before opening his palm towards it. Like Sakura's hand before, the grains shifted to float above his skin.
"Be gone." He whispered to the sand before fisting his open hand around the sand.
Just like that, the sand disappeared in the air, heeding its master's wish. With the sand gone, Gaara turned back to face Sakura. Her smile had fallen after watching his display, and in turn, the redhead's gaze had become apathetic.
"Why?" Sakura asked as soon as she knew Gaara's attention was on her.
"Why do you have your sand follow me? I don't need protection, if that's what you're thinking."
Her words had come out more harsh than she wanted. Never before would she have thought that she, Sakura, would round angrily on the Kazekage. She didn't want him thinking her weak and incapable though. If he thought that she needed his sand to shield her from his sister, then he was really setting Sakura's bar way too low. Gaara just stared passively at her for some time, and silence filled their room. Only when he began taking steps towards her did he speak.
"That isn't what I'm thinking."
He stopped just short of her, and Sakura had to look up to his towering head. As she did, her eyes narrowed angrily at his bored expression.
"Why then?" Sakura mumbled bitterly.
"I don't want it following me."
Gaara said nothing as he continued to study Sakura's hardened expression. He understood where her anger came from, why any proud ninja would fine offense to his grains. However, her whys would be left unanswered for now since he did not understand either why this small pile sought her out instead of remaining in his gourd. While the sand had always seemed to have a mind of its own, shielding him all his life regardless whether he wanted it to or not, never before had it ventured on its own into the world seeking another.
And never had it protected someone without his consent.
If this happened again, he would take his chakra back from this small pile and let it return to earth. As for now, he dare not let the strong woman in front of him know that. He hated informing others when he had lost control of a situation, and he never let anyone know when there was something he was unsure of. Instead, he spoke to reassure and find a solution to the problem. It had come a lot easier to him now after running this village.
"It won't follow you anymore." Gaara spoke.
Before Sakura could open her mouth to demand answers, Gaara gently brush the side of her cheek with the back of his hand.
"So please," he spoke again, "don't let your smile fall."
To his touch, and soft-spoken words, Sakura bit her lip as she felt a hot blush creep onto her face.
'Stupid, innocent, handsome, sweet Gaara.' She thought.
'He's learning how to butter me up.'
Sakura took in a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. When she felt her anger disappearing with her breath, her emerald gaze met back up with teal ones.
"I'm not weak..." Sakura mumbled like a bitter child.
To her remark, Gaara could feel his heart lifting again. She wasn't angry at him, and that was a relief. He didn't want everything they admitted earlier to be in jeopardy suddenly.
"No, you're not."
To his comment, Sakura felt her smile returning and she allowed Gaara to visually drown himself in it before she spotted the plastic bags in his hands. It was only then did she notice the strong smell of food that had entered in her room along with the young lord. Immediately she was reminded of her walks through the town's market while stands around her prepared delicious meals.
"What's that?" She asked, nodding to the bags in his hands.
Gaara let himself take in Sakura's look for a few seconds longer before tearing his eyes to the bags. Lifting them to her view, he spoke.
"I brought us some dinner. We can eat before beginning the session."
To the mention of food, Sakura's eyes lit up some. She had been wanting to take part of some junk food from the market the first time she walked through it. This was a rare treat the few days she had been living here. Usually some sort of house help would come by and prepare dinner for the siblings.
"Come." Gaara spoke, breaking Sakura's trance.
"We can eat in my room."
Before Sakura could answer, Gaara had his back turned to her and began walking out of the room. Sakura hurriedly followed to catch up with him.
"Temari, and Kankuro?" She asked, use to the routine of all of them eating together.
"They'll be out until later tonight. Possibly until the early morning. So, I told the help to take the evening off."
Sakura nodded silently in understanding, she wasn't one to be pampered anyway with others cooking for her.
'Just me and Gaara tonight...all alone.'
Sakura blushed bashfully before grimacing to the floor. When had these shameful thoughts started? She reprimanded herself for thinking this was some sort of lewd opportunity.
'It's all about work tonight.' She told herself.
'You were put here for work in the first place. Hold back your emotions and questions until tomorrow morning when the session is over.'
Sakura's face hardened more to that thought. She wanted to know what she and Gaara were. What their future meant, or whether they would even have one. She had so many questions, but because she was a ninja, she would have to push that all aside.
'I have to do this for Gaara.' She spoke in her head.
'He deserves to have his insomnia cured. It's like Temari said. He is such a good person now, he deserves the world.'
Taking a glance at the food in his hands, Sakura just felt all the more reassured at what a caring person this redhead was.
"Thank you for dinner." Sakura spoke while they continued walking up the stairs.
Gaara didn't say anything at first, and with Sakura following behind him, they walked in silence. Minutes passed like this until Gaara decided to speak.
"No thanks needed." He said before tilting his head slightly back to catch Sakura's eyes.
"Someone once taught me that this is what friends do. That their happiness becomes yours."
Sakura's heart swelled with pride when Gaara said those words. She couldn't think of anyone else ever speaking, or remembering, her words of wisdom. It made her giddy to think Gaara hung her sayings deep in his mind and remembered them all. With her new demeanor, Sakura practically skipped the rest of the way to Gaara's room. Once inside, the young lord set the bags on his desk before pulling a chair for Sakura to sit on. As soon as he made sure she was comfortable, he went around to the other side of his desk and sat in his chair.
"Thank you again." Sakura said when Gaara handed her the food and chopsticks.
"It's no trouble." Gaara answered before pulling his own meal out.
"Let me know if you don't like it. I can always go back out and get something else."
Sakura smiled at this gesture. Again reminded how selfless he was.
"I'm sure it's delicious. I've been enjoying the food here in Suna."
Opening her box, Sakura began to play with her food lightly and thinking on how delicious, yet greasy, the food looked.
'I bet it taste good,' Sakura thought, 'but I'm really going to have to train hard tomorrow to burn this all off.'
She could feel Gaara's eyes on her, so she hurriedly took a bite of the food. She smiled at him after she tasted and swallowed.
"Delicious." She mewed.
In his eyes, Sakura could see him light up, and watched as he took a bite of his food before turning back to his bags. The rosette's eyes widened when she saw him pull out a giant pile of papers.
'What's a night for him without his work?' Sakura sighed.
She watched him silently as he began reading and scribbling on the papers. She let time pass in silence while she finished her food, but when she noticed Gaara not return to his meal, that was surely cold by now, she had to speak her mind.
"You should eat."
She watched Gaara flinch to her sudden voice. It would be like him, she thought, to forget that she was there. His eyes lifted to hers for a moment, as if remembering she was there with him, before his gaze fell to the food next to him.
"I will." He replied.
"After my work."
Just like that, Sakura watched his pencil scribble under him again. Like the first night she had studied him, as minutes passed in silence, so did his pencil slow to his work until he would abruptly stop. He would always tap his pencil lightly while a deep thought enveloped him. Ever since the first night, she wondered where his mind would disappear to while he stared at his paper below.
'What are you thinking?'
She had wanted to ask that question, but bit her tongue. She remembered how aggravated it had made Gaara the last time she pointed this antic out, and didn't want to sour the mood. She also thought of how it had been her voice that pulled him out of his deep thinking and back to his work. So many questions she had, but held back for the sake of this selfless man in front of her. He even sacrificed dinner for his people.
"It will be easier for you to sleep on a full stomach."
From her advice, a heavy sigh escaped him. Turning to his food, Sakura smiled while she watched Gaara lift the chopsticks to his mouth. He slurped down the noodles he ate before turning back to his work. Sakura suppressed a giggle to this, Gaara was definitely a character.
"What is your plan for tonight?"
Sakura was surprised by his sudden question. His words just simply spilled out of him while his attention remained on the paper under him. The answer was easy, she knew she did not want the use of any narcotics to help him, but was troubled at how easy sleep may or may not come him.
"You're going to lay in your bed until you fall asleep, and I'll study you throughout the night. See at what points you wake up, if you do, or if I notice any restlessness." Sakura sternly said.
At this, Gaara grimaced before a heavy sigh escaped him. He drew a hand back through his hair before returning to the work below him. It didn't take a genius to see that her words had bothered him.
"You speak as though sleep will come easy for me." Gaara mumbled.
"It won't."
"It will take time." Sakura spoke to reassure the young lord.
"We should start by building a routine. In time, your body will fall into a pattern. Even if you can manage any sleep tonight will be a good start."
"Hn."
Sakura sighed and smiled lightly to Gaara's answer. She wasn't sure yet whether to label him her most ornery patient, or her most reasonable.
'Maybe I can put a label on it later tonight.' She thought to herself.
Spotting his barely touched food again, Sakura mentally moaned. It was hard for anyone to sleep on an empty stomach, let alone for someone who never slept. She turned to look at him once more, and to remind him to eat. It was then she also spotted the pile of papers next to him that she knew he had planned on finishing this night. His mind was probably filled with thoughts of the never-ending work he had to work on tonight. Even with her experience, she knew you needed a clear and empty mind to sleep peacefully throughout the night.
'He will be going to bed with an empty stomach, and full mind. Yeah, this is has all the makings of this panning out smoothly.' Sakura sarcastically thought.
It was then Sakura decided she needed to take charge. She knew Gaara would dislike her for it, but then again, this was her job. This was what she was here for, to help him.
"Ten o'clock."
Gaara picked up his eyes to meet Sakura's after she spoke those words. There was question in his eyes that she easily recognized, he was silently telling her to elaborate.
"You have until then to finish up whatever work you can, and finish your dinner. When this hour is up, you have to retire to your bed and try to sleep." Sakura said with a smile.
She stood her ground when she saw Gaara's normally soft look turn hard. He narrowed his gaze at her, once again upset that someone was trying to challenge his decisions. He would go to bed when he wanted, not when she wanted. Sakura held her smile soft while Gaara's angry eyes narrowed more, she could tell he objected to this and she prepared herself to speak out against him when he would verbally decline. She had seen Gaara hiss at his sister whenever she instructed him to do something, and knew he was going to lash out at her in the same fashion. However, minutes passed with his gaze locked on her, and she was surprised in time as he instead turned back to his work without uttering a disapproval.
Sakura, of course, noted how she didn't get an approval either.
She would just have to wait and see what would happen when the clock struck ten.
While time passed, she noticed his pace did not change. He took a few bites of his food at times when she reminded him, while the rest, for him, was spent on the papers below. While he worked on those, Sakura remained quiet and watched as the silence in the room held back his progression compared to when she spoke to him. He seemed to work more acutely as a multitasker than focusing at one problem at a time. This in turn made Gaara's eyes narrow more, and soon he began to grind his teeth while resting his head against his hand. He continued to work, but the frustration in his look was more than evident for anyone to see.
At first, the rosette felt a tad guilty. Should she speak up in hopes he would relax and progress normally on his task? She had remained quiet, and finishing her dinner, in hopes that Gaara could focus and get more of his work done. However, she could see that this plan had backfired completely, and he was tossed in the opposite.
'He's been Kazekage for a while.' Inner Sakura spoke.
'He has been use to working in silence, like this, for a long time now. There's no reason for us to let him grow accustom to your presence and voice. It's not like you can remain here forever.'
Studying Gaara more, Sakura's eyes furrowed as she continued to watch him become more aggravated at the work under him. The frown on his face was starting to turn into a snarl, and his teal eyes began to show a deep sign of aggression.
'I don't understand why he is suddenly so frustrated. Does the quiet bother him so much?' Sakura asked herself.
Inner Sakura simply scoffed.
'He went isolated most of his life. This should be nothing new. I think he is more angry that you've given him a bed time.'
Remembering the time, Sakura turned to the clock. She had been caught up in Gaara's sudden demeanor change, that five minutes had already passed ten. The hour was finally up, and Sakura sighed when she turned back to see how much work he still had left over, as well as food.
"Time's up." She said in almost a whisper.
Sakura knew that the redhead had heard her. You could hear a pin-drop in the dead silence of the room, however, he chose to ignore her. Her eyes narrowed angrily when he didn't look up to even meet her gaze, but instead scribbled his pencil deeper into the paper under him. His hair was becoming more disheveled the more he buried his forehead in his hand, and Sakura was beginning to grow annoyed. Kazekage or not, Gaara needed to depend on her skills, and smarts, if he was going to learn to sleep properly. It was making her upset that he put his work before her insisting.
"Gaara." She tried calling out to him.
Again, her voice went over his head. In fact, it seemed the frustration was building more and more with every passing second. His snarl was growing, his eyes were glowing, and the grip he had on his pencil was threatening. It was uncharacteristic for the young man Sakura knew, and her eyes grew wide the more his scowl deepened. Standing herself, the rosette slowly made her way to the young lord. If he was going to ignore her voice, then perhaps some small physical contact would pull him away from his paper and pencil.
"Gaara." Sakura tried again, this time poking him lightly on the back of his shoulder.
As soon as she touched him, a loud snap echoed in the room and Sakura jumped back lightly to the sound. Peering over Gaara's hunched figure, she saw the pencil he had in his death grip now split in two. His fist was so tight still though, that the bottom part of the pencil was still snug in his hand while the top part rolled to the floor.
'Have I really made him that upset?'
Before Sakura could question him, she noticed his breathing was suddenly loud, short, and heavy. His back was lifting rapidly at how fast his breathing was, and she felt herself panic. Was he going into some sort of shock? She brought her hand out towards him, but stopped when she heard a low, audible growl escape from his teeth. Suddenly, she felt very much in danger.
'He couldn't be...' Sakura thought, backing away from him slowly.
'He can't be changing like those nights. I watched him, he didn't take any pills!'
At this point, Sakura's brain was screaming at her to book it. Yet, she stood there frozen, trying to refuse that he was once again turning crazy.
"Gaara." She managed to rasp out, cowardice making her voice small.
Again, she was ignored and instead a louder growl purred out of his throat.
'No!' Sakura screamed in her mind.
'Not this selfless man. I won't let him become the monster he's not!'
Finding her courage, Sakura stepped closer to Gaara. As soon as she was in range, she quickly shot her hand out to the redhead's shoulder.
"Gaara!" She cried as loud as she could while squeezing his shoulder to remind him that she was there.
Whatever thought he was in, Sakura could see she successfully tore him away. A small gasp escaped him, and he turned swiftly around the minute he felt Sakura's fingers. As their eyes locked, the rosette was able to see the confusion, wariness, and fear in his teal gaze. It frightened her.
'I've never seen Gaara show fear.' She thought.
It made her all the more on guard that something bad was indeed suddenly happening to him. Yet, he shouldn't be changing back, she was trying to convince herself. Not when she still had those sleeping pills. Her own fright, and questioning, must have rocked Gaara hard, for he whipped his eyes away from her the second he knew he was letting his emotions show.
"Forgive me." He spoke, voice raspy.
"I'm not use to taking orders from others."
Sakura just stood there gawking lightly at the young man in front of her. Debating whether she trust his words or question him further.
'Temari did mention he doesn't like when someone else is in control.' Sakura mentally said.
"Are you sure you're alright doing this?" Sakura cautiously asked.
"I'm going to need you to follow my lead. If you don't think you can, this will never work."
Though his face was stoic, Sakura could sense his light panic. It bothered him that he had suddenly made her so leery of himself, that her trust in him might be disappearing, and that his anger may push her away like it had in the past. Though, Gaara did contemplate slightly whether this was something he could really do. Why did he even need to do this? Who was it that suddenly decided he sleep just like every other person? Then again, him refusing Sakura would probably mean a more quick departure from her back to her home, and Gaara was certainly not yet ready to give her up. Not when he still had these new-found feelings he wanted to explore with her.
Him refusing her help would also probably make Sakura frustrated. She had put so much time in him already, that a part of him wanted this all to work out just for her sake. He wanted her to feel proud and accomplished with her work. For her to brag to everyone that she could make the boy who never slept, succumb to the dream world.
He did not want her smile to fall because of him.
Turning his eyes to his bed, he gulped. He had laid on those sheets many times before, but tonight, his bed looked all the more intimidating. Would he really be able to sleep? And with no help from narcotics or Sakura's chakra? Could he really not wake until many hours later? It was odd to think that the next time he open his eyes, the sun would suddenly be out. His questions and thoughts were making him dizzy again. Before he could yield to them, he turned to Sakura with an apathetic gaze.
"Please help me to sleep, Sakura."