Kate received the long anticipated notification, she was accepted into Columbia. Although the acceptance was not necessarily a surprise, what she didn't expect was that she wasn't overjoyed. It was real now, her days with Jack were numbered she quickly thought.
Mentally she had been readying herself for this for a while, but now it was real and she was all set to go until her father shared some sudden news over dinner in the kitchen.
It was several moments after they began eating their lasagna that he decided to tell her. He made sure to take some heavy breaths first because he knew his daughter was not going to take the news lightly. "Katie, my transfer has been deferred, the army base closing has been delayed for another year and half. " Sam said putting down his fork.
Kate's face dropped, "But Daddy, I'm supposed to start Columbia in the fall. You were going to move to Brooklyn by the spring semester." Sam saw the rising of her emotions, so he stood up, walked around the table and tried to draw her into his arms, "Katie, you're still going to Columbia. Just because I need to stay in LA a little longer doesn't mean your plans have to change. I actually think this will be a good thing for you-"
Kate let out an astonished cry, "How could you say that? You know that I can't leave you. This changes EVERYTHING Dad!"
Sam planted his hands firmly on her shoulders, "Kate, you can't follow me forever. I'll be there in two years and we'll visit each other in the meantime." Kate shook her head adamantly, she felt her heart race and that familiar feeling of anxiety that she thought she had outgrown.
He added, "I spoke to Dr. Hansen and she agreed that you are ready, if anything it would be better if you did-"
"No Dad! I won't go." She said as she violently wiped the tears that were now running down her cheeks.
She ran up to her room and Sam could hear her slam her bedroom door. He sat back down wishing he could change her mind. He really hoped that she would have been more receptive and it troubled him to see how little has changed regarding her over dependence on him. He had even called Kate's old therapist to discuss how this news would affect her. The doctor had told Sam that she thought it would be good for Kate to still go on her own. He loved his daughter, but ever since the accident and then Diane's passing, Kate had internalized so much and become clingy when it came to him. He understood her fears and why she reacted the way she did. And, truthfully, she has made incredible progress, particularly during her senior year. It looked like she had made some close friends and that she was opening up, finally. He rubbed his temples, he would try to broach the subject again later and hopefully convince her to change her mind.
Sam had tried his best to convince her again that evening, but the next day, Kate had taken matters into her own hands and reached out to the admissions office at Columbia. She explained her situation and they gave her two options, she could defer her acceptance for one year, in effect taking a year off before attending college or transfer for her junior year, provided her academic performance met their standards. Kate decided that she would opt for the latter, she would attend UCLA and transfer to Columbia. If she were honest with herself, she would admit that a big part of her that wanted to stay had nothing to do with her father.
Even before she called her father, she needed to tell Jack. There was something she needed to find out first.
Jack was in the grocery store when he felt his phone ring in his pocket and answered it. "Hi Jack. Are you around? I need to talk to you." The words came out in almost a flurry.
He had a difficult time reading the tone in her voice and now he was very curious, "I'll be home in about an hour. Is everything okay, Kate?"
"I think so. No… I mean, yes. Yes."
"Kate?"
"I'll be over in an hour. Bye Jack." She hung up before giving him a chance to ask what this was all about.
He scratched the top of his head as he reflected on their conversation. She sounded anxious and the first thing that popped into his head was that she could be pregnant. He quickly tried to push that thought out of his mind. He had been so careful and used a condom every time, but he knew they weren't fail proof and they had been intimate a lot lately… a lot.
He had just put away the last of his produce when he heard the furious knocking at his door. As he opened it, a tiny blur of brown curls flashed right past him. Okay, now he was officially worried. What was going on with her?
He gently closed the door and then made his way towards her. She began sputtering, "Jack… over a month ago, at dinner… why did you ask me if I considered attending college in LA?"
Jack stared at her a long moment and then shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. His awkwardness was visible and he tried to think of a way to answer her that didn't require him to be fully honest, but soon realized that there was no way taking it back now. He rubbed the back of his head and sighed, "I asked that question, Kate, because I was hoping that you may decide to stay with me - stay in LA." There, he had said it.
She saw him motion away from her, was it a hint of embarrassment that she saw in his face? Notwithstanding how he appeared, she needed to venture further, so she asked, "Jack, why? Why do you want me … to stay?"
Jack stopped and looked to the side for a moment as if contemplating whether to tell her what was in his heart. He raised his brows and with a quick shake of his head, he told her "Because I love you."
Kate was rendered speechless by his words, she stood frozen in her spot, her feet firmly planted to the floor. Her heart was beating furiously and tears were already forming in reaction to the enormity of what he just shared with her.
Her eyes now pooled, she could feel the ends of her mouth quiver in response to what he said. With all her strength, she carefully walked up to him, palmed his face and drew his lips to hers. Jack didn't expect for her to return his declaration, but he felt it in this kiss. Her tears streaked down her cheeks and fell past her lips. Jack could taste the saltiness of them on his tongue and it made him smile ever so slightly. He drew her close to him, the feel of her now igniting his body.
Feverishly, Jack returned her kiss, pushing her up against the wall, caressing her breasts, pressing his body against hers from chest to groin. She returned kiss for kiss and let her body go limp against the wall. He buried his face in her hair as she wrapped her arms around him and allowed him to touch whatever he wanted with his hands. "Oh, Kate." He murmured.
Clumsily, they stumbled backward in the direction of his bedroom, leaving a trail of clothing on the way.
Kate laid on her stomach, the grey sheet barely covering her bottom half. He could see a hint of the crease of her small and round behind. He began to gently run his fingers over the smooth skin of her back. In response to his light touch, she slowly lifted her head and faced him, her mess of unruly hair was strewn across the pillow. Jack pushed a few tendrils behind her right ear so he could better see her face. "Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."
With heavy lidded eyes, she smiled, "It's okay, I wasn't really asleep."
Jack smiled and gave her a light kiss on her lips. "What are you thinking about?"
Kate curled her lips in a smile, "Nothing, everything…. YOU."
She rested her cheek on her crossed arms and stared into the same brown eyes that stole her heart months ago, "What…?"
Jack chuckled, "It's nothing, I'm just looking at you, okay? I don't know… just tell me something about you. Something I don't know", he coaxed. His fingers continued to tickle her back and then ran up to her rounded shoulders.
Kate's head lifted and she propped herself on one elbow to face him with her cheek resting on the palm of her hand. She momentarily closed her eyes and took in a deep breath before she told him, "I had a little brother once. His name was Henry."
Jack's expression emoted everything, he understood that what she was about to describe was nothing short of heartbreak and that there was no fairness in a world that would allow Kate to describe her little brother in the past tense.
"He was four years younger than me. We were so close. I mean, we fought like all brothers and sisters do, but we shared a bedroom - he didn't like being alone. Henry was so much fun and he would go on these crazy, fun sprees. He was also so sweet and warm, he made everyone laugh - a total performer. I was the quiet, serious one. Henry was the jokester- Hold on, I want to show you something."
Kate began to move off the bed in order to reach her messenger bag, which was resting about two feet away. She tugged at the sheet in attempt to keep herself covered as she grabbed for the bag.
Noticing her awkward effort to be modest, Jack let out a throaty laugh, "Kate, you know I have already seen EVERYTHING."
Kate drew a feigned look of dismay and with exaggeration, she batted her eyelashes and whispered "Maybe I'm shy."
Jack's eyes darkened and he lustily responded, "Trust me, you're not that shy."
She gave him a playful swat and reached over for her bag. Once it was on her lap she began to rummage through its contents until she found what she was looking for - a small 2x3 photograph. She handed the photo of herself, Henry and her mother to Jack and he studied it.
"That's your mom, right? You look like her, she was very pretty. Ahhhh, there's Henry, you're right, he looks like a little rascal. Look at that grin, that's a little clown for sure. Kate, you were so cute! I like the Batman t-shirt you're wearing and your hair is much shorter. Were you a tomboy?"
Kate nodded, "Yeah, I was a total tomboy. I climbed trees, played with action figures and tracked deer with dad."
Jack continued to look at the photo, "I wish I could have known you as a kid, you were adorable and I bet you were fun."
Kate drew a wide smile and teasingly added, "What? Seventeen is not young enough for you, Mr. Shephard?"
"Ha- ha, you think you're funny, huh? And you ARE eighteen, so stop exaggerating." Jack turned his attention back to the photograph and quietly asked, "Kate, what happened to Henry?" He pulled his knees up under the sheet, resting his arms on them and looked at her.
Kate faced him, she was resting on her calves and with one hand she clutched the sheet at her chest, her backside was completely exposed but not visible to him.
Kate bowed her head and rubbed her forehead as if trying to find the courage to get the words out. She took a deep breath and began to replay the story that she kept hidden in her heart, "Dad was stationed in Arizona. We were living on the base at that time. We were finally back in the States after being stationed in Germany…."
Kate paused and Jack could see the tears glistening in her eyes. A half smile came to her lips as if she were suddenly recalling something pleasant, "It was the weekend of the Fourth of July. I remember it being so hot, but dry hot - you know, typical Arizona weather. Anyway, this was going to be Henry's first 'real' July 4th in the US, he was too young to remember the ones from his early years. So as you could imagine, he was quite excited."
Kate inhaled deeply and chuckled, "Gosh, he was such a goober, busy counting the days until the fireworks show. Ummm…."
Her expression then changed and Jack could see that she was struggling to finish. He placed his hand on her back and rubbed soothing circles, "Kate, it's okay. You don't have to share this with me now. It can wait-"
"No, I want to tell you - I've been meaning to tell you for a while now." She raised her shoulders as if to gather her resolve.
"Well as you can imagine, that holiday is big deal at an army base, so there were a lot of festivities and partying. My parents hosted a barbecue with family friends, it was nice - fun. Everybody was outside and Henry was in the front of the house playing frisbee with one the boys and… well, he missed the catch and ran out to get it."
Kate stared straight ahead as she began to sniffle, "It happened so quickly, Jack. He ran into the street and didn't see the jeep speeding along the street. I remember screaming after him and… and well I don't think I need to tell you what happened next." Then ends of her mouth dipped and her eyes clenched shut, as if trying to block out the memory.
Jack gently took her into his arms and whispered into her ear, "Kate, I am so, so sorry." He held her tightly as if he were trying to unburden some of that pain and bear some of it on her behalf.
Kate eased herself from his embrace and wiped the tears from her cheeks, "Henry begged me to play frisbee with him, but I didn't want to and I wasn't kind about it either, Jack. I called him a 'pest' and told him to stop bothering me because I wanted to be cool and hang with some of the older kids. So instead he found someone else to play with, someone younger, someone with less precision…."
Jack saw where she was headed with this, "Kate -"
Kate shook her head at him, "Jack, I know it wasn't my fault, I just wish … I wish I had played with him that day, that's all." Her voice trailed off, he understood what she meant and all he could do was nod.
Jack adjusted the pillows behind them so they could be more comfortable and he encouraged her to lean against the headboard with him. Jack took her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers. They both looked at their joined hands and without each other knowing it, they were both thinking the same thing. How grateful they were to be here, together like this.
She felt her jaw tighten, "So, it turns out that the driver was only seventeen and he was driving recklessly. There were rumors that he had been drinking, but we were never able to confirm that. And to add more complications, he was the son of a senior officer, so as you could imagine, especially in the military, trying to get to the bottom of it was impossible. He was a minor, so he basically got a slap on the wrist. My mom was devastated. She refused to accept that there would be no criminal recourse, so she became obsessed with trying to get some type of justice in the civil system. And that proved nearly impossible as well."
Kate turned her head to the left and saw his expression and she knew that he was completely focused on her words, "So my mom started to lash out at my dad, she blamed the military for Henry and, I guess, by extension him. After a few months, she couldn't take another day on the base so she moved the two of us to her hometown in Iowa. I thought for sure they were going to get divorced, but that didn't happen. Soon, Dad eventually secured a transfer to a nearby base, but we would never live on military premises again." Kate rested her head on Jack's shoulder. They played with their entangled fingers, he stroked her knuckles and then raised her palm so he could place the softest of kisses on her wrist.
She sighed, "Within a year of Henry's death, mom was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. And nine months after the diagnosis, she was gone…."
Jack turned to her and gently kissed her cheek.
"To this day, I don't believe that my mom died from the cancer. I know she died from a broken heart."
Jack was at a loss for words. He always had a distinct feeling that she held tightly onto something sad, but he couldn't comprehend that it would possibly be as tragic as this.
Jack reached his arms out and urged her to climb onto his lap, her legs now straddling his hips and their foreheads gently resting on one another. He placed his hands on her hips and pulled her closer. Silently, they looked into each other's eyes. He sat still allowing Kate to make the first overture. Kate dipped her head and closed her mouth over his, the kiss started out slow, but soon it turned passionate until she was practically swallowing him up. With her chest pressed against his, she groaned into his mouth and shivered as she felt his strong arms run up and down her back before resting on her behind and pulling her to him. She snaked her hand between their bodies and moved it downward until she found him hard and eager for her. They both sighed at the contact and she was now anxious to lower herself on him and feel the familiar sense of wholeness that she always felt when they came together this way.