A Hundred Storms

Chapter Twenty-Four: Childish Fears

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
My Immortal, by Evanescence

The afternoon Draco went to see his mother Harry came by Hogwarts again to assist Hermione with the potion. Much to her chagrin, Hermione could not shake him. His excuse was wanting to spend some time with Ginny after her classes, and Hermione couldn't argue with the happiness written all over Ginny's face.

After adding the final ingredients to her potion, Hermione was satisfied the brew would work perfectly. In twenty-four hours it would reach maturity and Hermione was hopeful she would soon have her sorcerer.

When Harry and Hermione approached her common room they were greeted by the frame creaking open and Neville scrambling out.

Harry and Hermione paused before Harry continued on to the portrait.

"I'm going to go see what Ginny is up to," Harry said to Hermione. "I wonder if all the Butterbeer is gone?" Harry approached Neville, who gave a Harry a sheepish smile and held out his hand. Harry took it with a grin.

"No hard feelings, mate," Harry said reassuringly. "You're not the first person to bite off the wrong head every now and then. You won't be the last." Harry looked pointedly at Hermione.

Neville followed Harry's gaze and met Hermione's eyes.

"Good luck with that," Harry said in a stage whisper and disappeared into the portrait hole, leaving Neville and Hermione alone in the corridor.

"I wanted to apologize," Neville said uncertainly.

Hermione crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not the one you need to apologize to."

Neville glanced nervously up and down the hall as though the very insinuation would make Draco materialize before them.

Neville turned and leaned heavily against the stone wall. He clasped his hands in front of him and stared out at nothing particular on the other side of the hall.

"I know that," he finally acknowledged Hermione's statement. He didn't offer anything further.

Hermione sighed and crossed the rest of the distance to her former housemate. She picked a piece of wall beside him and let it hold her up.

"What's really bothering you?" Hermione asked gently. "That outburst...well that was really out of character for you, Neville."

Neville closed his eyes and leaned his head back to rest against the cool stone. "Something occurred to me over the summer," Neville began quietly. "I mean, it was nothing I didn't already know, but it was like all the pieces actually made sense for the first time in my life. I didn't see the whole picture until after the trials."

"Go ahead," Hermione encouraged him softly.

"Malfoy's aunt," Neville said slowly. "His mother's sister...she's responsible for murdering the minds of my parents."

When Hermione didn't comment Neville continued in the same subdued tone.

"I've always known Bellatrix Lestrange was responsible. Gran didn't believe in sugar coating. I just think that I never realized...I was going to school this entire time with her nephew. I never stopped to think how small the world is. You know, most pureblood families are related on some level. Ron's mum and my mum were something like second cousins through marriage, Harry's dad has some connection to the Zabini family. The Blacks and Parkinsons are related or married to everyone...but it still never really clicked."

"Oh, Neville," Hermione reached over and touched his arm.

"The worst part?" Neville continued as though he hadn't heard her. "During the trials I kept waiting for justice, something to rectify, avenge my parents. Narcissa Malfoy got off without so much as a scolding and her son got bloody probation. Where is the justice in that?"

Hermione looked at her friend sadly. "Neville, you're not looking for justice," she said as gently as she could. "You're looking for revenge. Bellatrix is dead, as she deserves. I know you wanted desperately to be the one to do it, but she died by the wand of another mother protecting her own child. There's no better justice than that."

Hermione kept her eyes fixed on Neville's profile while he stared ahead. She pretended not to notice the few tears that trailed down his cheek.

"I promised I'd avenge them," Neville said after a few minutes. "Now I never can."

Hermione smiled. "You kept the school from being swallowed up by the Carrows," she reminded him. "You helped keep the younger students safe. The sword of Gryffindor came to you and you destroyed a Horcrux. You didn't have to be the one to kill Bellatrix to avenge your parents. Everything you've done is a testament to the people they were. You've proven that there may be a lot of wrong in the world but it's only as strong as the people who carry it out. And Neville? We're so much stronger."

Neville finally looked over at her then and gave her a genuine smile. "Thanks, Hermione," he said almost shyly. "And I really am sorry. I can't promise you all is forgotten, but I'll try to keep an open mind."

Hermione reached down and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "That's all I'd ever ask of you," she assured him. "I think we all still have a lot of adjusting to do"

Neville pushed himself off the wall and Hermione followed him into the common room. She gave Harry a reassuring smile as she passed what looked like some sort of card game between Harry and Ginny. They had a small plate of sandwiches beside them and Ginny was sipping on a pumpkin juice. Hermione gave them both a little wave and retired into her bedroom.

Classes were over and Hermione realized she had missed dinner in favor of checking in on the potion. She knew she ought to be hungry, but she suddenly felt restless and alone. As fond as she was of Neville, Hermione rarely went out of her way to spend time with him. Harry was involved with Ginny at the moment and Draco was presumably still visiting with his mother. Hermione wondered if he was having any luck with coming up with a list of possible suspects.

Hermione realized then that she had to get out of the castle. The compulsion for fresh air made her hands shake. She threw on her cloak and patted her wand pocket for reassurance. Carefully she opened the door that connected her room to the common room and peered out. Neville had joined Harry and Ginny and didn't notice as Hermione slipped through the common room and out through the portrait.

Once outside in the refreshing cool air of the corridor Hermione let out a long breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. She forced down a wave of hysterical giggles and wondered just how many grown witches had to sneak out like she just did. With a shake of her head she laughed again and hurried out to the open grounds of Hogwarts.

Hermione really didn't have a destination in mind. Logic told her that what she was doing was slightly foolish and reckless, but the freedom from stares from strangers and worried glances from friends was so refreshing she felt high on it.

The full moon above glowed brightly, not a cloud was in the sky tonight. Hermione was pleased to discover she could easily navigate by the silverly blue light.

As it always did on a night like this, Hermione's mind traveled back to another year. When she pieced together the true nature of their Defense professor she was scared, of course, but she had faith in Dumbledore. In time she grew to trust Remus Lupin. He helped Harry tremendously that year, and through Harry all of Dumbledore's Army. Casting the Potronus charm had been one of the crowning achievements in Hermione's young life, not to mention Harry's own stag saved so many others. Her teacher had suffered terribly under his ailment before finding love in Draco's cousin, Nymphadora Tonks. Rocky as the relationship began, Hermione knew their love was something to be admired and envied. Sometimes she forgot they were gone. Alive and well and then simply not, leaving behind a son to remind the world they were here.

The night was oddly warm for late November. Was it really November? Hermione's cloak kept the chill at bay. After a loop around the lake Hermione found herself in front of the White Tomb. Hermione realized with a start that she hadn't been back to visit the grave since the day her mentor had been buried. Voldemort had violated the resting place of Albus Dumbledore in order to obtain the Elder Wand, but it appeared someone, perhaps McGonagall, had already repaired any visible damage.

The monument was a gorgeous piece of work. Hermione knew Dumbledore had been ready for death. He had greeted it gladly, as the Youngest Brother had. While staying with Harry over the summer, Hermione had shared a few of her memories with her old friend. After the fog of war was broken (thanks to Harry and a bottle of Firewhiskey) Harry and Hermione explored their memories together with the help of Dumbledore's old Pensieve. It helped ease the ache in her heart when Harry held her hand as she watched herself Obliviate her parents. She took him to Malfoy Manor that day. It wasn't something she ever wanted to relive and certainly nothing she wanted to inflict on her best friend, but Harry had been insistent. This would help. This would heal. Harry, in return, shared the memories that burdened him. She got to see, for the first time, what Harry had meant when he said Draco had not wanted to kill Dumbledore. It was so tragic Hermione could barely stand it. They were all so very, very young.

Hermione dropped to her knees in front of the tomb and looked up. The night was quiet and peaceful. While Hermione had long since given up on prayer she didn't feel quite so alone out here.

Hermione held her position there on the ground for a long time. Breathing deeply she tried to meditate, but when her busy mind refused to clear she started speaking to her old teacher . She wondered if magic was able to transcend life and death. Maybe there was no Heaven, no Hell.

"We won, you know," Hermione told the dead man's grave. "We paid a high price, but we won. I have a hard time grasping the finality of it all. Sometimes I'm sure I'm going mad.

"Harry and Ron moved on from Hogwarts. I think I'm the only one who is still irrevocably stuck in the past. I'm not ready to move on and I can't understand why. I feel like a ghost sometimes, drifting from one thing to the next but not sure of my destination and too afraid of my past to continue moving forward. We did great things. We did terrible things. You knew Ron would leave us. Did you know I'd never find it in my heart to forgive him? I suppose in the grand scheme of things it's really a small detail. What's one damaged heart when so many others don't even get to beat anymore?

I saw the night you died. I think you knew Harry would share with someone. You knew, even then, even after everything...Draco wasn't a murderer. We found out so much about you after you died. I never knew you would have so much in common with Draco Malfoy. I never knew I would have so much in common with him. We paid a high price, but we won. My price resulted in empathizing with Draco Malfoy. I don't think I regret it. I didn't think he had changed when we began this year. I'm not used to being wrong."

"Well Granger," a voice drawled from behind her. "I don't think I've ever heard you say so many nice things about me before."

(A/N) Soooo. That was morbid. I'm sorry I'm not sorry :) I hope I explained Neville's tantrum a little better here. I'm having a lot of fun exploring all the characters I love, and I hope I've proven that I don't like to "punish" characters (coughroncough) by writing them crazy OOC.

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