March 16th, their "anniversary", that is what they called it. The day Kate showed up at his door and they took that irreversible step that changed their lives forever. Sometimes Jack had to stop in the middle of a task to contemplate it and realize that it has already been seven years since it all began. He wished he could say that he had moved on, but he hadn't.

Last year, he had been out with Marc one Saturday night. He knew precisely why he approached one particular woman. She was a couple inches shorter than Kate, but had long curly brown hair. Pretty, petite, with nice features … her name was Morgan and she was an aspiring actress.

So he went back to her place and whether it was the harsh fluorescent light in the elevator of her building or he was simply making excuses for himself, but he couldn't go through with it. This girl no longer seemed real to him. She was simply a stand-in for Kate - and a much lesser version of her too. Her skin and features weren't as fine after all. No sprinkling of freckles across a tiny nose and cheeks. She didn't have Kate's crooked smile and deep earthy laugh. And to Morgan's surprise and disappointment, he made a hasty and poor excuse for an apology and left her standing in the elevator bank.

He missed her, everything about her. He thought about the way they made each other jealous, how they would quarrel, struggle in one another's arms and then make up. He then fleetingly remembered the way Kate would always whisper afterwards, "Are we crazy?" into the underside of his chin while he held her after their lovemaking. There were moments still when he swore his nostrils would catch her scent and memories of Kate would come in waves, from somewhere afar.

Jack was just finishing his shift at the hospital and he was already running late for his blind 'date', the one Christian had arranged with the daughter of his interior decorator. His dad said he thought she would be perfect for him and to just try and give it a shot. Jack didn't want to meet her and promptly told his dad no, especially when he registered the day it fell on. But, according to his father, it was too late to back out and Christian was convinced that she was someone Jack would like. It initially was supposed to be for dinner, and being how his job was, it now turned into just drinks. He sighed, another date starting off on the wrong foot, but for some reason this did feel different. Maybe because his father said it would be and in hindsight, he always seemed to be right. Or maybe he was afraid to meet someone else….

Jack looked at his clock on his phone, 8:55 pm, that meant it was 11:55 pm New York time. Prickles rose up the nape of his neck, he could feel his fingers itch, with an urgent pressing need to just call her already - almost as if some force was willing him to do it. Especially, since Claire had finally given him her number, he had never asked her for it again since their lunch at the club. But one evening, he received a simple text from his sister:

Kate 917-555-1234

Blinking his eyes quickly, he shoved the phone away into his pocket. He better go and meet up with the daughter of his dad's friend.

The music wasn't loud, it wasn't that kind of bar. Loud enough to hear the steady beat, but low enough to easily engage in a conversation. The establishment catered to an older crowd, the bar's specialty being high-end single malt whiskey, but it became a secret watering hole for the medical students on the Upper West Side.

Kate stared into the glass that was now only half filled with the amber colored liquid and melted ice. The drink had been strong and cold, just what she needed.

"Stop it, you're tickling me." Juliet giggled. Kate looked next to her and saw her friend snuggled and embraced by Sawyer's muscular arms from behind. He was whispering something apparently pleasant into her ear. Kate heard an "I love you baby." Those words made her take another bitter gulp.

"Freckles. Are you ready to high-tail it out of here? Juliet and I are gonna go and hit the hay."

Kate considered it a moment, but based on the public display she just witnessed, she wasn't up for going home with them and then being forced (again) to wear earplugs for the night - especially tonight.

"Nah. I'm gonna stay out a little bit. Why don't you go ahead. I'll meet up with you at home."

Juliet gave her a look of concern, she knew Kate was feeling down. That's why they were out tonight in the first place, to cheer her up and get her mind off of their anniversary.

"Are you sure, Kate? I don't want to leave you, it's pretty late and, plus, it's not safe - really."

Kate waved her off, "I'll be fine. I just want one more drink. I'll be home soon."

Reluctantly, they left her alone at the almost empty bar. She played with the tiny straw that was sticking halfway out of her small glass. She wondered what he was doing right now and if he was thinking about her too, if he still remembered this date - their unofficial anniversary, the day they had first made love. She then pulled her phone out of her bag, it read 11:55 pm. Every year, since they had broken up, on this day, she would take out her phone and vow that she would call him. She wanted to tell him that she messed up, that she loved him… and to beg him to forgive her. She sat and stared at his number, all she had to do was hit 'call'. She wanted to call him and could feel her thumb itch and inch towards the button. Her fingers trembled and then she promptly tucked the device away.

She was so tired of being alone. So, so tired.

Kate felt a tall form slide into the seat right next to hers. She could smell a masculine scent and she cringed involuntarily, ready to tell the guy to take a hike and find another seat at the empty bar, that it wasn't necessary for him to crowd her space.

"Hi Kate." She recognized the voice and lifted her chin its direction.

"Hi Ryan." She noticed how his dark blue eyes seemed to light up ever so slightly.

"You're here by yourself?" He asked quietly, a glimmer of surprise evident in his voice.

"Well, I was here by myself." She said stagily, leaning her elbows on the bar, deliberately leaving a distance between them. She hadn't seen him in a long while. Over the past few months, he had seemed to lose his edge and hadn't hit on her for quite some time. He seemed to keep himself busy with other women though.

Ryan's eyebrow furrowed slightly, he then put his head to the side, as if fixing her with his good eye. Her tone and demeanor was such that he was unable to discern whether she wanted him to leave or stay. He hoped for the latter.

He eyed her carefully. She looked hot, as usual. He liked her outfit, a skin-tight shirt, with skinny jeans tucked into her knee-high black flat-heeled boots.

He decided to take his chances.

"Can I buy you a drink?"

Silence stretched between them.

Kate bit her bottom lip, she already knew the answer was yes, "Sure. I hope you have your credit card on you." She then waved the bartender over to place their order.

He did have a credit card and when he saw that their single round of scotches had a tab of over one hundred dollars he sucked in his breath. This better be worth it. She better be worth it.

She noticed that he grimaced slightly at the price tag, "Hey, you didn't think I was a cheap date, did you?" She reached for the glass, holding it with both hands before noticing how his face perked up slightly.

"Are you saying this is a date?" He asked sounding hopeful as he picked up his glass and took a drink.

"We'll see." Kate said as she downed the glass and rattled the ice around for a moment.

Another two hundred dollars later, Ryan closed out the tab. They put on their winter coats and walked outside the bar. An almost sobering cold blast of air swept over them. It was an awkward moment, Ryan wasn't able to read her body language so he could try to figure out what she wanted. So he played it safe, she had shot him down a countless number of times over the years, what was going to change now … tonight? He walked over to the curb and looked over his shoulder, "I'll hail us a couple of cabs."

"Just hail one." She hadn't meant her thought to slip out into words, but the drinks had made her feel stronger.

Her words got a reaction from him and he turned to look at her, and his eyes focused on the way the tips of her hair lifted in the cold air.

Yes!

His hand felt a little shaky as he unlocked the door to his apartment. He had no idea why, he's brought more women here than he could remember - literally. He turned a few lights on in the living room and gestured for her to take a seat on the sofa. He was about to offer her a drink, but she already beelined for the bedroom.

"Ohhhhh-kay." He said out loud and then he took a hard incredulous gulp as he followed her.

She had already boldly (or perhaps presumptuously) stepped into his room. Nervously, with the toe of her boot, Kate tested the pile of the carpeting, her heart pounding a mile a minute. She shook her head, standing there still undecided, poised for flight, perhaps not yet certain what she would actually go through with, how she would react to whatever Ryan may do next.

She just felt ... she just needed to get this done and over with. It's been so long. She looked at her watch, it was really late. Just after 3:00 am. She let out a sigh of relief. Perfect, it wasn't their anniversary anymore, even in LA.

She felt, rather than saw, his presence in the doorway, she fought down the impulse to shiver. She didn't want to turn around, but she did, making herself do it, her chin tilted almost defiantly. They looked at each other, his mouth was agape, the shock that this was happening clearly written on his face. She unzipped her snug fitting leather jacket and began removing her clothes.

Frozen, numb with excitement and raw lust, he just watched. He was in … awe. She was perfect, just like he knew she would be.

She made sure that he shut off the lights, so the room was now slightly illuminated from the streetlights outside.

His voice was hoarse as he approached her, his hand brushing the side of her neck, "I can't believe this is happening, that you're finally letting me do this…."

Kate could feel the heaviness of his rich, whisky breaths as he moved in to kiss her, but she turned her cheek and instead pushed him away so that his back fell flat onto the mattress.

He liked that, he didn't figure Kate to be so fiery and aggressive. They were both naked now, except for the locket that laid in between her round breasts. She sat with him straddled beneath her thighs and Kate flatly stated, "You need to put a condom on." And he did … with lightning speed … of course, she noticed.

Again he tried to reach up and catch her lips with his, but she placed a little palm, flat on his smooth, hairless and firm pectorals. In fact, he was hairless but for the small thatch of light brown hair that grew in a thin line below his mid-section and he had a golden, almost tanned hue to his skin, which she couldn't figure out how he accomplished in the dead of winter. Kate slightly shook her head in confusion. She then did a quick mental comparison and easily preferred the masculinity of a spread of dark hair across a male chest. Kate reached around for his dick and lifted her ass so she could then sink herself on him. They both let out simultaneous guttural groans.

It ... was … done, she thought. The initial contact ... finally done and … over with.

Ryan reached up and pinched both nipples, he whispered "Your breasts are incredible… so perfect."

She almost brushed his hands away, but allowed herself to give in to the pleasant sensation instead. BUT, she was too distracted…. she couldn't understand why he kept murmuring all these random things. What was he talking about? Why was he talking? She just needed him to be … fucking quiet. She needed to concentrate and pretend that she was where she really wanted to be.

Why couldn't this guy understand that?

"You are so fucking hot." He hissed as she ground and rode hard against him.

"Shut up." Kate whispered while she kept her eyes clenched shut and fantasized that it was Jack's fingers touching her.

Ryan started muttering some more and Kate's frustration was mounting. She bent over and lowered her breast into his mouth. And it seemed to work, the gesture made him happy as he sucked away, but most importantly, it kept him … silent - at least for the most part.

She felt herself getting close to the edge and adjusted herself again, so she could use the right muscles. And judging by his heavy breathing and the loud groans coming from him, Ryan was almost there too. Thank god.

Without thinking, she placed her hand over his mouth … she then wouldn't have to hear him make sounds as he came. And ironically, that seemed to excite him more.

Soon after, they laid on their backs breathing heavily, she could almost picture the little smug grin on his face - so pleased with himself that he finally got her into his bed. The thought of it annoyed her a little, but she quickly shook it off and realized that she did this for herself and not because she gave in. A shine or glimmer must have caught his eye because he reached his hand out to examine her locket and … the touch of his hand groping that precious metal made her bolt upright. Minutes later Kate was almost fully dressed. Her back was to him the entire time until she finally looked in his direction while she zipped up her jacket.

The disappointment on his face was apparent. It was so obvious that he had hoped that what they just did was merely Round 1 for the night. They walked back to her apartment in silence and she let him give her a peck on the cheek.

Once inside, Kate immediately jumped into the shower, scrubbing her skin under the very hot water. She started crying, shoulders convulsing as her back slid down the cool tiles. Suddenly, and for the first time, she was struck by the bitter, irrevocable truth of her actions … she had allowed another man to touch her - finally. The overhead light began to painfully splinter her vision, so she shut her eyes. Kate clutched her arms around her knees, hearing only the rhythmic noise of the running water blending in with the sobs that fell over and over again. She wept for Jack … she wept for them.

Things could never be the same. It was too late for regrets.

Ryan called her the following day and the next. He left her messages, inviting her to dinner and a movie. She ignored them.

The following Friday, she called him. She went to his apartment and they had sex, she let him fuck her mindlessly. And the week after that and the week after that. Despite his repeated and heartfelt requests … she never spent the night.

And to be fair, Kate did give Ryan his due, he was good in bed, just as he alluded to all those times when he hit on her at school and at the local bars. His body was nice, even though it was perhaps a bit more 'buff' than she personally cared for. But Ryan was able to get Kate to forget who he was, so she could pretend that it was Jack's mouth and fingers that played over her body. And perhaps, almost, on one or two occasions during the act, she may have actually wanted Ryan.

A couple of months later Ryan approached her after her final exam. She could see the heavy look in his expression, perhaps it was weighed down by … sadness?

"Hi." She smiled weakly. And then she saw what looked like tears forming in his eyes.

He shifted uncomfortably, his demeanor so different from his usual assured and confident self. "Hi Kate." He paused, his voice was dry and raspy, "I've been thinking a lot lately and well… please don't call me later."

Her jaw tightened as she stared into his face. She saw this coming. Over the last couple of weeks, he was the one that would promptly roll out of bed and get dressed. He didn't smile or try to flirt anymore. He was more dour in her presence.

His voice faltered, "Please. Don't. Call. Me … anymore."

"Ryan-"

"No. Kate. For over two months, I've tried to have something … real with you and … you won't let me in. We've never gone to a restaurant, seen a movie, hang out with your friends. You've never even invited me to your place and you've never spent the whole night with me -" The words painfully poured out of him.

Feeling suddenly defensive, she placed her arms across her chest and let out a huff, "A lot of guys wouldn't complain about no-strings attached sex, Ryan."

His reaction was as if her words slapped him.

"Screw you Kate. Maybe I want the strings. And trust me. I never wanted them before." He paused, appearing almost breathless as he stared contemptuously at the shiny locket around her neck, " I don't know what that … guy … 'J.S.' did to break your heart, how he made you this way. But, I'm finished here. I feel like he has been in bed with us every single time since this all started. I mean you still wear that necklace when you're fucking me. God! …. Bye Kate." His voice choked on her name.

Abruptly, he left her standing there alone and she had the decency to wince under the weight of his harsh, but truthful words. But, most of all, she felt terribly. She saw it in his handsome face, she had hurt him … deeply. She'd broken another man's heart.

A/N: So, I wrote this chapter a while back. I expect to be flamed for it, but I stand behind it. I've always tried to integrate some of the feelings/emotions from the actual show and I would say that I was trying to channel the cage scene in "I Do" when writing Kate's encounter with Ryan. Both graphic and painful for Jack and Kate fans to endure, but it happened. And I feel like it needed to happen here and to be honest, I think by allowing you all to see Kate POV during the act, it actually minimized it. If Kate is ever going to have a real chance with Jack one day, she needs to mature and experience things.

And as for their "relationship" following it, I was definitely channeling Kate in "Catch-22" and "The Brig", the way Kate used Sawyer and refused to spend the entire night in his tent.

Now as for Jack, I have been deliberately mum on his sex life post-Kate. I am allowing you to use your imaginations and decide whether you think he may have slept with other women.

If you have read "He Has Her", "Fix A Heart", "Right Here With You", "One-twenty-one" or any other stories that you enjoyed and didn't review, please do so. It could really make a difference ... really.