The alarm on Kate's iPhone went off at 4:45 am. She desperately wanted to hit snooze, but knew that there was no way that was happening - even if it was an ungodly hour. So she groped fuzzily for the device in order to stop that grating, interminable sound. Yawning, she sat up in bed, the sheets falling from her body, the butterflies already beginning to churn wildly in her belly.
First day of residency.
She was meeting with her chief resident at 5:30 am, if she rushed she could still get there on time and if she really hustled, she could squeeze in a tall steaming cup of coffee … maybe.
Kate knew exactly where to go, she had already spent a few hours last week wandering the hospital locating the essentials, the ER, Radiology department, the call room, the pharmacy, the showers and the cafeteria. She had also called the junior resident the evening before to get sign-outs on the patients she was assigned to - she wanted - no … she would be ready for her pre-rounds on the first day.
Dressed in scrubs, running sneakers and backpack in hand she jogged the two deserted city blocks to the hospital from her hi-rise apartment building. Her hair was still damp having decided to forgo her usual blow-dry and get a jolt of much needed caffeine instead.
This was her first day as a general surgery intern and she could begin to feel that all too familiar surge of adrenaline she always got on the "first day" - lord knows she experienced more than her fair share of them. This day came quickly, the free month she had since graduation was a whirlwind, the move to resident housing, a brief visit to Iowa to visit her aunt and two cousins.
It was incredible how things all worked out actually- the odds of the National Resident Matching Program matching her, Juliet and Sawyer at the same hospital was nothing short of divine intervention.
Surprisingly, over the years, Kate adapted to Manhattan life rather easily, she always thought herself a country girl at heart, but it seemed that she still managed to learn new things about herself.
Her dad, on the other hand, the poor guy could never embrace New York City. He found Brooklyn too loud and crowded. And, ironically, Fort Hamilton was one of his longest assignments in his career.
She was also relieved to be staying on the east coast, things would be easier this way, there would be little opportunity for chance to let her path cross with Jack's.
And still … not a day went by that she didn't think of Jack. It was hopeless. She constantly struggled with the what-ifs and each time it was a fresh pain, a blow straight to the chest. The thought of him gave her such continual anguish, she couldn't help the reaction, it was compulsive and involuntary.
Over time, she realized that Jack was the unwounded part of her that she had lost a long while ago with her brother and mother - now an indelible sliver of her. She so wished she had the courage to call him, but the more time passed the more daunting it seemed. For surely, he had to hate her at this point. So, it was easier to pretend that he still loved her ... at least a little. That was better than to speak to him and hear a cold bitterness in his voice that would confirm her worst fears despite how much she felt she deserved it.
They were a group of eight interns, five of them were preliminary candidates that would pursue specialties after the general surgery rotation and the other three were categorical candidates that would be expected to complete five years of general surgery. Kate was one of the five, in six months she would start her training in neurosurgery.
They were gathered waiting for their chief resident to meet them before they were expected to begin their pre-rounds. The interns made some idle small talk as they introduced themselves to one another. Thankfully, the awkward lull was broken when Dr. Rom finally showed up to give a very brief welcome speech (it wasn't "welcoming") and highlight his expectations.
"To be blunt, I expect you to make my life easier, just make sure whatever you do is legal, ethical and not dangerous. Also don't lie to me, if I ask a question about a patient, I expect the truth. If you don't know the answer, just say that. If I ask you to do something, I expect it done by the end of the day. If it's not done, tell me why and when I can expect it to be completed. I expect two updates a day, once during the day and then at the end. Do not go home without speaking to me. Never and I mean never, be afraid to call me any time - work, home, cell. I rather talk about an ill patient than a dead one. I expect us to reconvene here at 10:30 to discuss how we will do the notes on each patient and I will be meeting up with each of you separately to review the in-house patients with the attendings you will be working with. We will also meet at noon for conference and lunch. Carry on."
As they started to disband, Steve, one of the fellow interns, tilted his head to Kate and whispered, "Wow, he's a charmer, huh?" Kate gave a small nod and smile before she headed to her call room, ready to log into the computerized EMR to see what happened in service overnight. As she read through it, she noticed that it must have been a quiet evening, there were only three names she didn't recognize. She then skimmed the available information in order to assess the nature of the issues involved. She then checked the OR schedule to see if there had been any changes made since she spoke to the junior resident.
The morning was a blur and before she knew it, it was time to gather for a team conference and lunch. Dr. Rom joined the group and began rapidly listing some directives and instructions on how to complete the patients notes. He pointed out that he had noticed some mistakes already and wanted to make sure that they were corrected ASAP and not repeated.
Kate's head was facedown trying her best to keep up and write everything down. Dr. Rom paused for a moment and beckoned someone over, "Ahhhhh, perfect timing. Look who's here, for those of you that are rotating into the neurosurgery program, I'd like to introduce you to Dr. Shephard, he is our new Chief Surgical Resident and just transferred from St. Sebastian's in L.A. - obviously its their loss, but fortunately for us, our gain. You may have heard of his father, the world renowned Christian Shephard…."
Kate stopped listening to the rest of what he said, instead, she lowered her notepad and slowly lifted her chin, not sure if she could have possibly heard him correctly. And there was no mistaking it, there he was.
Jack turned to face the group, he smiled - it was that precious smile she loved, the one with the wrinkled corners in the eyes.
He scanned over their eager faces. He opened his mouth to speak … and then ... he saw her.
Their eyes locked. The blood rushed from their faces, so fluid and sweeping, it felt like they were falling off a precipice.
Time slowed down to a grounding halt. Time no longer moved.
Seconds that felt like hours passed.
Finally, the weight of his gaze was too much. Kate felt her eyes forced closed under the pressure of it. Her hands were shaking. She swallowed hard, just before she stopped breathing.
He watched her place her small trembling hand to her chest. The sound of his gulp was deafening.
She was still ... beautiful. Of course she would be.
Kate felt like she was suffocating, she had to get out of there ... now.
In a daze, by reflex, Kate began to mutter, "Excuse, excuse me… I'm sorry, I don't, I don't feel well, I feel sick." She shouldered and elbowed through three of her fellow interns and proceeded to speed off down the hallway. Everyone on the team turned around and looked in Kate's direction trying to decipher what the sudden commotion was about.
Jack observed all this and let it sink in, he knew what he had to do. With lack of composure, Jack blurted, "Uhm, Dr. Rom, thank you for the kind and generous introduction, but can you excuse me for a moment?"
And right then, he sprung into action and bolted in pursuit of her, Jack's voice could be heard by all those in hearing distance calling out to her, "Kate!"
Why was he chasing after her? Sheer instinct, sheer lunacy, sheer - what? It's been almost four years. He had sworn to himself that he was over her. But once again, Kate managed to get his mind to erase every logical thing he had been taught since his boyhood. They were hard learned lessons ingrained in him during all those years of being the only child of Margo and Christian Shephard.
He was supposed to always be strong and in full control of himself, emotions were to be kept in check. So instead of being rational, he was now chasing after Kate in front of the entire staff of the surgical wing.
It was official. He had finally and unequivocally lost his mind.
At this point, the interns were resting back on their heels, fully taking in and enjoying the entire spectacle. And sure enough the whispers and buzzing ensued.
Kate ran as fast as her Nikes could take her. Tears were freely flowing now and coursing down her face. She nearly wiped out on the linoleum floor as she rounded the corner at full speed, and practically slammed into a parked gurney. The tails of her lab coat flapped behind her, she had no idea where she was going or why.
In his typical graceful, athletic form, Jack raced down the hall and without missing his stride he bent over to scoop up the stethescope that had slipped from around Kate's neck.
She found the elevators and began to pound on the buttons. Looking furtively over her shoulder, she could feel his presence. Kate was drowning now and felt like she could pass out. Again, she looked over her right shoulder and saw him turn the corner and jog in her direction.
"Kate! Please wait."
She slapped at the buttons again and let out a sigh of relief when she heard the ding of the elevator door as it opened. She dove in, nearly knocking over the two nurses who were emerging from it. She stood inside, pacing, waiting anxiously for the doors to close and take her anywhere.
"Wait, wait, no. No, don't!" He shouted as she watched him sprint the distance to beat the doors from closing, but it was too late.
But not late enough to miss the loud squeaking sounds of the soles of his sneakers as he abruptly broke his stride so as to not collide into the thick metal.
Jack was just in time, though, for her to see the deeply wounded expression in his tear-sheened eyes. No, there was no way one could miss the deep pain in those beautiful brown eyes.
She didn't know what floor she was on, but she found an empty exam room and collapsed on the chair and buried her face in her hands. She was shaking uncontrollably. He was here.
Jack. Was. Here.
Like a mantra, she repeated that line over and over again.
Eyes streaming with tears, she frantically wondered why Jack was working in this very hospital while simultaneously inventing and rejecting theories for his presence.
She wasn't prepared for this ... for him.
Deep down she knew there was a part of her that always hoped this moment would arrive and she imagined hundreds of scenarios, but nothing close to this.
Kate also knew she wouldn't be able to avoid him, they would be working together soon.
She felt so, so foolish, her first day on the job and she has a virtual meltdown in front of her team and Chief. She would have a difficult time resuscitating any respect or confidence from them soon. The humiliating and eyewatering realization began to set in. What a fucking mess she made.
But more than anything, she was completely upended by the sight of him.
He was still so beautiful, of course. Perhaps more so now than ever, he looked more rugged, bigger somehow. His face was fuller and he now wore his hair very short, it was shorn close to his scalp with slightly longer sideburns.
She also noticed that his shoulders appeared broader, and that he had maintained that well-muscled body that tapered into lean hips and long legs. Jack was more handsome and virile looking if that was possible. She managed to catch a hint of his chest hair peeking out above the v-neck of his scrubs. A feature of his, she always appreciated, the way it exuded a certain undefinable masculine sensuality.
For certain, he was pure sex wrapped in a white lab coat.
If she could, she would seek him out and devour him in seconds.
No man had a right to look like the way Jack did.
Kate then released a curt, bitter laugh. Moments ago, she had run away from him, but now couldn't stop thinking about tearing his clothes off. This was crazy - she was way out of control. The rush and mixture of emotions overwhelmed her.
After a few minutes she could feel the panic slowly subside and soon it was replaced with inexplicable feelings of excitement and vulnerability.
Kate always knew she was still in love with him, but never realized how much. She began crying again and was so angry at herself for being so stupid for shutting him out of her life all those years ago.
She allowed her fear of the enormity and depth of her feelings for him to take over. Why? Why did she ever push him away? She was so stupid, so, SO stupid.
Massaging her temples, she continued to sit in the chair while trying to sort out what she needed to do next.
Kate looked at her watch and realized that 20 minutes had already passed. She better return to the team immediately if she hoped to salvage her reputation. Kate hastily wiped the tears from her face, walked over to the sink and splashed some cool water on herself before heading out.
As he saw the elevator doors close, Jack nearly choked from the enormous, aching lump in his throat. His pummeled heart was bleeding ... all over again. At that moment he knew he would never be free of her no matter how hard he tried. For years now, thoughts of Kate haunted him and gave him excruciating anguish. This involuntary and hopeless feeling he carried around with him, now thrown right into his face.
Kate ran off ... no, she literally ran away from him - clearly, she wanted nothing to do with him.
How did it ... how did they get to this point? He still never fully understood why things ended between them in the first place. The instant he saw her, he couldn't stop the swell of emotions that overcame him. It felt like he was looking at her for the first time again in that classroom nearly eight years ago.
Was he doomed to relive this dynamic and the inevitable slow torture that would accompany it?
All he wanted was to sweep her into his arms and kiss every little inch of her.
Even in those briefest of seconds, he sucked in everything about her appearance, he noticed that her face had lost some of its girlish roundness, her cheeks had hallowed, but that only seemed to accentuate her pink full lips and the greenness of her eyes. And her curly hair was long and shiny, just as he remembered it.
She still had those ... freckles, those same freckles that he had showered countless kisses upon, that he counted, traced and named constellations after. And he noticed her grasp the platinum locket she wore around her neck, the locket he gave her all those years ago - he was surprised to see that not only had she kept it, but that she still wore it after all this time had passed.
Rubbing the back of his head forcefully, he released a groan. Just as his father predicted all those years ago, she was 'gorgeous ten times over'.
He buried his face into his hands. God, he missed her so much.
Even though he felt as if he had been punched in the gut and left with a starry ache, he also felt that familiar tingling sensation that he hadn't felt since they were last together. That same feeling that was always there when he was with her.
A thrill struck his heart … after four long years, he finally felt alive again.
Later that day, Dr. Rom saw Jack approach him. He shook his head in amazement.
This guy, he thought.
This guy may actually have set a new hospital record, a true legend in the making. Shephard has been at the hospital for only a couple of days and had already managed to dip into the resident pool and nail, arguably, the hottest woman there.
"Ethan, can I have a word with you?"
"Yeah, sure Jack."
Jack walked over to a quieter, remote spot - away from the nurses' station. Ethan followed, eager and pretty curious to hear what Jack had to say about the earlier incident.
"Listen, about the episode earlier today. Please don't hold this against Ka- ... Dr. Austen. She's ... she's brilliant and is one of the most responsible individuals I know. If you could give her a pass this once it would be much appreciated."
Ethan's eyebrows raised at this unusual request, "Sure, okay, that's fine - just this once. Sooooo… what's the deal with the two of you? She looked pretty upset."
Even though a long uncomfortable silence passed, Jack noticed that he was still staring at him like he actually expected an answer.
Jack finally blinked in discomfort, looked down, rubbed the back of his head and let out a harsh laugh, "It's complicated."
"Listen, it's none of my business and I don't know what it's like at St. Sebastian's but I can tell you right now that this hospital tends to frown on sexual relationships amongst co-workers, especially between senior and junior staff. Apparently, there was some huge embarassing sexual harassment lawsuit a little while back involving a PGY-1, so if you have something going on with her, you better be caref- -"
Jack shook his head. He really didn't want to discuss his personal life with someone he barely knew. Hell, he didn't even discuss it with his friends. But he knew how bad this looked for Kate and how important first impressions were during this early period in a medical career.
"It's not like that. A few years ago, Dr. Austen and I … we used to be together, we dated for a long time." And if he were to be completely upfront and honest he would have added 'I wanted to marry her'.
"Well, based on what I saw today Jack, whatever it is, it doesn't look resolved. Is this going to be a problem? Because she's rotating into neurosurgery in six months and you're gonna have to work with her ... alot."
This disclosure made Jack's head pull back slightly and, unconsciously, his hand reached for his temple.
Jack's shock must have been obvious because Ethan asked, "You didn't know that, did you?"
Jack drew a tight smile and shook his head in disbelief and in a low voice as if speaking to himself, "Well, Kate always had a knack for surprising me…."
"Listen Jack, I personally don't care how you deal this, but please keep the drama to a minimum. I'm responsible for her until January and I don't need any complications, okay?"
Jack nodded his head, "I got it."
It was almost 8:00 pm when Kate walked into her apartment. She dumped her backpack on the chair in the living room and headed to the bathroom to take a quick shower. She didn't linger in there, she was finished in a couple of minutes before she dried herself off and donned her pajamas, a pair of small jersey cotton shorts and a tank top. She knew that she should get something to eat, she hadn't eaten all day, but she had no appetite.
Kate groaned thinking about how poorly her first day went. Her Chief was far from impressed with her and it showed in the terse way he spoke to her later in the day and when he admonished her in front of the group for her interruption. Even her fellow interns looked at her differently, in just a few short hours she could tell that she had managed to earn the reputation as the intern slut. She shook her head and tried to snap herself out of it, she would have time to explain that it wasn't what it looked like.
But all those worries paled in comparison to the revelation that Jack was here, in New York and at the same hospital. And with that thought she went to lay on her bed, curled herself into a little ball and began weeping. Her sobs got louder and she shook from the force of it.
She heard her doorbell ring. It rang again and more harshly before it was followed with some loud and aggressive knocking.
"Kate, I know you're in there! Open the door. Kate, if you don't open the door, I'm going to use the spare key you gave me."
Juliet gave her another ten seconds before inserting the key to unlock the door, "Alright then. I'm coming in and if you aren't decent, don't say you weren't warned."
She entered Kate's apartment and noticed that it was almost dark with the exception of some summer early evening light peeking through the shut blinds. She walked into Kate's bedroom and saw her laying there, a little bump in the middle of a Queen-sized bed. Juliet could hear her crying and approached her. Gently placing her hand on Kate's back, she began to rub it in a soft circular motion.
Juliet whispered, "Kate, honey. Are you okay?"
Juliet nudged Kate over so she could lay next to her and "spoon" her in a tender embrace. Earlier that day Juliet had heard some talk amongst the interns that someone named Kate had a total meltdown because of a resident she was sleeping with. Initially, Juliet thought the talk was silly gossip, she knew Kate wasn't seeing anyone. But judging by Kate's current state, Juliet realized that there must be some truth to the rumors after all.
Juliet stroked Kate's hair and in a light voice tried to coax an answer from her, "Kate, please talk to me. What happened today?"
Kate rubbed the top of her hand across her runny nose and flipped on her side so she could look at Juliet, "He's here!"
Confused, Juliet asked, "Who's here? What are you talking abou-?"
"Jack! He's here at NY Presbyterian-"
Juliet pulled her head back in question ... in sheer shock, "YOUR Jack?"
"YES!" Kate bursted out. "MY Jack, he's not supposed to be here, he'd supposed to be in L.A., I don't …I don't understand…" Her voice trailed off in her confusion. She shook her head.
Juliet lifted her finger to her own lips, "Shhh, Kate… Kate, you need to calm down."
"I can't calm down, in six months I'll be working alongside him!"
Juliet looked at Kate and with a small sympathetic smile she asked, "Would that really be the worst thing in the world?"
"Yes, yes it would! Jack hates me, or if he doesn't, he should."
Juliet emphatically shook her head, "Nooooo. He doesn't hate you, because no one can hate a wonderful person like you. I promise you that." Juliet then laid a reassuring hand on Kate's shoulder to offer comfort.
Kate, now in a state of full blown tears, blathered out, "I saw him for only a few seconds and I ran away. I made an ass out of myself in front of EVERYONE! He chased after me and I made him look like an ass too!"
Kate let out a long pained groan, "Juliet, I'm still in love with him!"
Juliet let out a hearty laugh, "Are you really just figuring this out now? Because I've known that since I met you."
Juliet walked into her bedroom to find Sawyer, sitting up in bed, with a white sheet covering his bottom half. He was shirtless and engrossed in his book, he turned his head and removed his glasses as she approached their bed.
"So?"
With a flirtatious smile, Juliet winked at him, "James?"
She wanted to draw out the suspense, Sawyer always was a bit of a gossipy busybody, even though he would never fess up to that fact.
"Well, was it Freckles? Was she the head case that everyone in the damn hospital is talkin' about?"
Juliet took in a deep breath as she crawled under the covers and rested her head on his chest, "Yes, it was her."
Sawyer threw his head back, "Son of a bitch. Why in the hell did she have to do that for? What the fuck happened?"
Juliet took a deep breath, "She saw Jack today."
Sawyer jerked his head and looked at Juliet for confirmation that he heard her correctly.
"Jack?! HER Jack?" He almost yelled out.
Juliet sat up, "Yes, HER Jack."
"Here at NY Presbyterian?" Sawyer shook his head, confounded by this turn of events.
Juliet let out a small laugh.
"What's so funny?"
"I literally had this EXACT conversation with Kate a few minutes ago."
"So Freckles saw Jack and then she ran off? Just like that?"
"Apparently. You know Kate, when it comes to him, her heart just takes over-"
Frowning now, Sawyer admonished Kate even though she wasn't there, "Yeah, well, where was her head? She knows perception is everything. If she gets an early reputation for being a flake, she's gonna have an uphill battle at the hospital."
Juliet pointed her finger at Sawyer, "Don't you go now and say anything to make her feel worse, James. I'm serious, she's really upset. And you know Kate, she's so smart she'll recover from this mishap quickly."
"Juliet, I'm not gonna say a word. But ya know what this means, right?" He said, rubbing his hands enthusiastically.
Juliet looked at him quizzically, "What?"
"We finally get to see this mysterious Jack, of course."
A/N: Firstly, I want to acknowledge and thank those of you that came out to support me AND the story by leaving reviews. I literally received about three to four times more than I ordinarily receive. Thank you, thank you.
But now that you have done this, I am holding you all to it. If you Read it, Review it. If the readership support ceases again, the story will continue outside of FanFiction. I've received a lot of inquiries about TTR and why I am only updating this story. The truth is, that a few readers actually went back and reviewed chapters for this story. That showed commitment to me. Meanwhile, not a single reader went and reviewed TTR other than to apologize for not reviewing.
I have no intention of abandoning TTR, the good stuff is yet to come- there is plenty story left to tell. The question is whether a majority of the FanFiction readers want me to continue and are committed to help me see it through. Unless, a number of the Follows and Favorites start speaking up ... well, you can figure out the rest.
Okay, now onto this chapter. Sorry to leave you in this place of the story. I wanted to explain why Jack was in NYC, but that would have made this chapter over 9K words. So, I was forced to cut it in half. The good news is that the next chapter is almost ready, so the sooner you review, the sooner you find out!
I have a special favor to ask. If you have a theory as to why he is here, please do not mention it in your comment or review. I don't want potential spoilers.
Oh and, yes, folks ... that is hot "Season 1" Jack that has Kate flipping out over!