A/N: And once again I'm absolutely amazed at your phenomenal response to this story! It's honestly something I've never expected, and it's appreciated so much. I will say your excitement for this chapter and 'the talk' makes me a little nervous. No pressure or anything. :) It took me a little longer than expected to get this chapter to where I felt it needed to be. I hope you agree that I got there. Enjoy!

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Castle walked into the loft and suddenly found himself with an armful of redhead.

"Hey, hey, Pumpkin. Everything's fine."

"Detective Beckett?"

"She's in the hospital, along with a couple of others. She'll be fine."

"Because we'd heard one of the hostages…"

Rick sighed and hugged his daughter a little tighter.

"Yes, one of the detectives was killed, and another is still touch and go, as far as I know."

"I'm so glad you're safe," Alexis whispered into her father's chest.

"So am I, Pumpkin."

"Richard!"

Martha came down the stairs and gave Rick a quick hug.

"How's Kate?"

"In the hospital, Mother."

"You haven't talked?"

"Some, but not the big discussion. She's just been through a hell of an ordeal, she needs to rest."

Martha raised an eyebrow.

"But you will talk?"

"Yes, Mother. Tomorrow."

"Good. Now, it's still quite early, you need to rest yourself."

"You're right," he replied. "And that goes for all of us. You two look like you've been up all night as well. We should all get a little shut-eye."

XXXXXX

When Castle walked out of his bedroom around noon, Martha was once again sitting at the counter with a cup of coffee.

She was waiting for him again.

"Mother, the talk is going to happen tomorrow," he said by way of greeting.

"Good. Are you telling her everything?" she inclined her head towards Castle's office and his 'murder board'.

"Mother…" Rick trailed off, not evading, but looking for words.

Martha stayed silent, waiting.

"I don't know yet. I don't know what to expect. Ryan told me Beckett doesn't know why I left, and I'm having a difficult time believing that."

"Well, let's see. You left the precinct, you've not been in contact with anyone there for over a month, and you've told no one why. Did Kate know you were listening to her interrogation?"

"No, I'd just walked in. I hadn't talked to her yet.

Martha nodded.

"Kate and the boys had found the man they thought was the bomber and she was in the box with him when I arrived. She had no idea I was there."

"And you listened in and then left when you heard she remembered."

"That's right."

"And you're not sure you believe she doesn't know why when she didn't know you were there?" Martha asked with an exasperated tone. "Darling, you write for a living. You're usually wonderful with words, so why not with her? I'll ask again," Martha pointed toward the large monitor in the office. "Are you going to tell her everything?"

Castle looked to where she was pointing.

"I don't know, Mother. I… I don't want to destroy anything meaningful before it starts."

"How can you have anything meaningful if you still have that secret?" she shook her head and continued. "Perhaps it will destroy the romance before it starts, perhaps it won't. But really, Richard. You have no choice. You have to tell her."

Castle took a deep breath as if to interrupt, but she kept going.

"I've said it to you before. You're poking into her private life. You need to tell her about what you've found, and give her that information. If Beckett throws you out of her life, then let her go and leave her and the case alone."

She softened her tone at the kicked puppy look on Rick's face.

"Who knows, she may not toss you to the curb, she may forgive you, but whether or not she does, you must tell her the full story."

"I never thought I'd be saying this Mother, but you're making too much sense."

Martha chuckled as she pulled her son into her arms

XXXXXX

He had never wanted to visit Kate here again.

The stark, white hallway; the uncomfortable plastic seating… and the silence. That was the worst; the silence after the frantic rush from the doctors and nurses trying to save a life before crashing through the doors on the way to an operating room.

Maybe he wouldn't mind seeing her in the waiting room, when they both were visiting Jenny and Kevin after the two decided to start their family, but not as a patient again.

Yes, it was different this time – Kate's injuries weren't life threatening – but it was still bad.

It was Kate in the hospital. And there was definitely a whole lot wrong with that picture.

Rick had spoken with Jim Beckett this morning and was told Kate wouldn't be in intensive care long, they just wanted to make sure there weren't any internal injuries they hadn't caught before.

He made his way to the ICU where all four detectives had been taken, and stepped up to the nurses station.

"Hi, I'm Richard Castle, here to visit Detective Kate Beckett?"

The nurse at the desk checked a list.

"Ah, yes, Mr. Castle," she pointed down the hallway. "Room 110C"

"Thank you," he tapped his knuckles on the desk and moved off in the direction the nurse had indicated.

When he reached the doorway to Kate's room, he paused.

He was nervous.

But why?

They did need to talk. He knew it, and Kate knew it too. But the nerves were there nonetheless.

'You just don't want your suspicions of how she feels confirmed,' he thought, then scoffed at himself.

'You've already had your confirmation. She's lied to you for a year.'

He heard her speaking.

"No, I don't know when he's coming. He just said today."

A pause, then; "I know."

'Ah, she's on the phone.'

He backed away for a moment, not wanting to eavesdrop.

XXXXXX

"I hope he tells me what's going on," Kate grumbled into the phone.

"Do you think he won't tell you? What do you think is going on?" Lanie asked.

"I don't know, but I'm so confused," Kate's voice grew hard. "And furious."

"Well apparently, so is he," replied Lanie. "And you need to find out why. So talk to him. And I mean really talk. Break out of that holding pattern you two have had going on for the past year – and longer."

"What am I supposed to say to him Lanie?"

"You'll know when the time comes, Baby."

"Lanie, that doesn't really help…" Kate looked up at a soft knock. "I've got to go."

"Is he there?"

"Yeah."

"Good luck, Kate."

"Thanks, Lanie. 'Bye."

She clicked off and looked up at Rick.

"Hey."

Rick stepped into the room. "Hey. A little 'pre talk pep talk' with Lanie?" he asked.

God she was a sight for sore eyes.

Kate gave a small smile.

"Something like that."

"I kind of had the same thing with my mother."

Her smile grew bigger, then fell away.

He pulled a chair over to the bed and sat, tapping his thumbs together nervously.

"So, ummm…. How do you want to do this?"

"Well, we can start with why you left." Kate wasn't going to give him ground.

"Jump right into it then," Rick nodded. "Yes, I suppose that's best."

They sat in silence a minute longer.

"You lied to me."

"What? When?"

Castle stared at Beckett incredulously. Suddenly his nervousness was gone and all his feelings about what he had heard that day came rushing back.

"I'm sorry, but are you kidding me?"

"What? Castle, I…"

"For nearly a year. Ring any bells?" The ire was ramping up again.

Kate looked up at him from her bed, still confused.

Rick gazed around the hospital room.

"It was at the precinct," he mused. "I found out about it in the interrogation room – well, you were in there. I was in Observation."

"Castle…"

"Bobby Lopez," he interrupted. "Anything clicking yet? Ringing getting any louder?"

Kate said nothing, still confused.

"You remember, Beckett," Rick leaned over the edge of the bed as if he were the cop and she was the criminal; which was not necessarily a bad comparison, he thought, once again conveniently ignoring his own lies and evasions about her mothers murder.

"You remember every second."

Kate blanched, turning white as a sheet, realizing what it was he had overheard.

Castle smirked a little. His anger was back in full force. Yet at the same time he was dying a little inside. He was infuriated – he had a right to be. But he still loved her and hated to see her hurt. And he hated himself for doing the hurting.

"You're not wrong," she said in a low voice. "But I'm wondering how did you know I wasn't lying to Lopez? You've seen me do it before, fudging the truth here and there to see what a suspect will do. What was different this time?"

"Are you denying it?"

Kate looked Rick in the eyes. No more evading; it was time.

"No. I do remember everything. What happened, what you said…" She ran her fingers through her hair and took a deep breath.

"Castle, you never said it again. You never pushed me to 'remember'. You never brought it up."

"You said some things are better not remembered."

Kate's eyes closed. He's a writer, pushing his thoughts on a page that millions will read. She's skilled at empathizing with victims – and even suspects in certain circumstances – but they're both awful with communication with each other.

"You never said it again," she repeated. "And that made me think it was a spur of the moment thing. Just a last ditch effort to make me want to survive. Not real. Not something you actually meant."

"'Not something I mea…' Kate, I've shown you a million times – before and after I said the words. I love you. How could you think it wasn't real?"

For the third time, Kate repeated, "You never said it again."

It was Rick's turn to be amazed at their utter lack of ability to talk to each other about the really important things.

"If you'd told me you remembered," he said slowly, "You could have told me my feelings weren't reciprocated and we could have moved on as friends, or I could have left or…"

"Richard Castle!"

He jumped. He hadn't heard her say his name in that tone of voice since their first case.

Kate's look softened, as well as her tone.

"I was healing – physically and emotionally. I had Josh to deal with… I wasn't ready for you and those words. I wasn't ready to hear them, I wasn't ready to deal with them, I wasn't ready to say that I absolutely reciprocate, even though I do."

Rick's head shot up at that, but Kate wasn't finished.

"I have never 'reciprocated' like I have with you, Rick. And I had no idea how to tell you that, or even if I should."

"Kate…"

"I'm still broken, Rick!" she cried, tears beginning to form. "I've been working on it and I'm less broken than I was, but I'm not there yet. I'm not in a place where I can let you love me and it won't feel like I'm just taking and taking because I'm too goddamned scared to give it back!"

Her laugh was sardonic.

"Badass Kate Beckett. Highest closure rate in the precinct. Runs in heels without breaking her ankles – or her neck," she chuckled a little at that, but then it faded. "But she can't pull herself together enough to tell the one man who makes all the songs make sense how she feels about him."

She looked up at his speechless face.

"I'm a mess, Rick. And I don't know why you say you feel the way you do about me, when I don't know how I feel about myself."

Then, tears drying, she looked at him with an expression Rick was a little surprised to see, given what she had confessed so far.

Anger.

"And then you left."

"Kate…I…"

"You left without saying goodbye, without saying why… And it's not just me you abandoned."

"Yeah," Castle interrupted. "Esposito and Ryan have both done some reaming."

"I know," Kate replied. "Ryan was here earlier today and told me what he said to you."

Castle frowned.

"Esposito told me to go away and don't come back. 'Your services are no longer needed,' is what he said. I wonder if you really understand how protective they are of you."

That earned an eyeroll and a snort.

"That may be true, they are my partners. We all have each others backs. But what Ryan said to you was more male posturing than anything else. I don't need them to be overprotective brothers, and they know it."

"What do you mean by 'male posturing'?"

"It means they're being protective of me to hide the fact that they're just as hurt by your leaving without saying anything as I am. You bailed on all of us, Castle. Lanie's felt it too."

Castle sat back in the chair, rubbed his hands over his face and closed his eyes.

"How do we fix this?" he asked.

"I don't know if we can," she replied. "But I'd like to try."

Rick remembered his mother's words earlier at the loft.

"Perhaps it will destroy the romance before it starts, perhaps it won't. But really, Richard. You have no choice. You have to tell her."

Rick pulled a flash drive from his pocket and looked at it, turning it over in his hands several times.

"Speaking of maybe not fixing this… us."

Kate looked at the small object in Rick's hands.

"What's that?"

He sighed and handed it to her.

"Something that could break us completely. Do you have your laptop here?"

"Um, yeah. Ryan brought it over."

She gestured to a chair with a pile of work related items – files, computer, a stack of forms to fill out.

Rick stood and took the laptop from the chair. Handing it to her he said, "I should go, let you take a look at that."

"You could stay while I look…"

"No, umm, you… I should probably not be here when you read it. Just promise me you'll let me come back to explain myself?"

Kate nodded.

Rick gazed at her a moment, as if he thought he might never see her again. He left the room, more dejected than Kate had ever seen him.

Plugging the drive into the jack, she watched as the program came up on the screen.

Johanna Beckett

Who killed her?

Why?

Who was involved?

All the questions had notations underneath them, mostly information she already had, but there were some things she hadn't seen before.

"Oh, my God, Castle," Kate exclaimed softly, skimming through the information. "What have you done?"

XXXXXX

A/N 2: A couple of chapters ago, I mentioned that there were only 2 chapters more at most. Famous last words… It seems there's more story to tell. I do have some ideas on where to go, (why do they always come while you're driving?) so I'm hoping it won't be too long to get it posted. Thank you all so much for reading!