"I'm in."
Rose was busy keying in some information into the computer at the nurse's station when she turned to see one of the younger RNs hand a twenty dollar bill over to another.
"All right, what's your bet? Yes, he goes through with it or he breaks off the engagement?"
Before answering, the nurse looked down the corridor to see Dr. Shephard at the far side of the floor engaged with one of the interns. He wasn't talking to Dr. Austen, who had become the center of the "will he or won't he" speculation. Gossip was nothing new in the surgical wing or any other department in the hospital. The nurses were quick-witted with sharp tongues. They knew which doctors were stupid, lazy and/or letches and they were vocal about it. Dr. Shephard was none of these things, from what they could tell ... at least so far.
The young nurse considered her wager for a moment before giving her final answer, "I say he goes through with it. He'll marry his fiancée."
Rose huffed and chimed in, "Hmm-hmm. Don't you all have patients to attend to? Lord, do you ladies have that much time on your hands that you have nothing better to do than talk about Dr. Shephard and Dr. Austen?"
Mary, one of the more senior nurses chimed in with a chuckle, "Oh, lighten up Rose. We're just having some fun. And who said anything about Dr. Austen, hmm?" Mary lifted a knowing eyebrow at Rose. She saw the little spark between them too.
Yes, Rose heard about the long romantic history between the talented and very handsome surgeon and his lovely intern. Gossip traveled fast in the surgical wing - people were buzzing about how the recently transferred and highly regarded Chief Resident had supposedly violated conduct rules and slept with a first year resident. It turned out that the rumors were not wholly accurate. But the couple's prior relationship provided enough fodder to fill many a boring or slow afternoon. A few of the more ribald nurses would tease Dr. Austen trying to get her to spill the beans and give some hot details on Dr. Shephard. Kate was tight-lipped, but seemed to appreciate that the nurses were at least talking to her outside of a strictly professional context. It was well-known that they were a sorority that was impossible to infiltrate. And the junior residents learned quickly that the nurses, in many respects, were in charge.
Rose had observed the two doctors interact over the past two months since Dr. Austen began the neurosurgery rotation. They were very professional and if indeed there was something going on between them, they were certainly discreet. Although, Rose did detect a certain something between them. Dr. Shephard would actually smile when he was in her presence. Although, he was exceedingly polite, he was serious and unbeknownst to him the object of many a crush - from employees and patients alike. Rose shook her head, because she did wonder how his fiancée managed to accept this working situation. If it were Bernard and his dental hygienist was an old flame, she would have nipped that one in the bud.
Kate fought against it, but she released a loud yawn, her day was finally coming to an end. She was so tired - neurosurgery was brutal, demanding, but exhilarating. The days were long, but the hours seemed to go by quickly, especially when she was on call with Jack. Two months in and it hadn't been easy, far from it. Kate wished she could say that she accepted the fact that the love of her life was getting married to another, but that would be a lie. She did her best to put up a strong front and be professional, even though her heart was broken … even though her heart would skip a beat almost every single time he gave her that smile, or when he would brush up against her when they walked side by side. Or the time when they were alone and he lifted her hand and studied it. Jack smiled with recognition and familiarity, but doing his best to sound casual, he told her, "Your little hands, you're destined to be a pediatric neurosurgeon." Kate reveled in his comment, she literally basked in it, the thrill she felt … it was as if she were mistaken for a supermodel.
And then there were her darker moments, when she chided herself, resenting the fact that she felt like his adoring puppy dog. They were back to where they started, he was in the position of being her teacher again. Only in some sick and twisted universe would they be forced to relive this dynamic.
"Dr. Austen."
Kate turned her head in the direction of the voice. It belonged to Dr. Whitman, one of the attendings in ICU. He was in his early forties, attractive … married, but seemed to forget that he was. He took a quick, yet lingering glance at her. Kate couldn't figure out what he was looking at. She was wearing the standard blue, baggy surgical scrubs. Her personal fashion statement were the clogs on her feet and her father's large chronograph watch.
"Yes." She answered just as her pager went off. She read it, she needed to go to the ER.
"I'm sorry Dr. Whitman, I'm being paged. Is it urgent?"
"No." He answered quietly as his eyes followed the beautiful girl rush down the hallway.
Once she was in the ER, she saw Jack and the attending, they appeared to be waiting for her. They lead her towards a patient and asked her to do the consult for a C2 lateral mass fracture. And it was for reasons like this that Kate had no life outside the hospital. When she wasn't working, she was studying and learning. She had decided if she couldn't have Jack's heart, she would earn his professional respect.
Jack stood in front of his bedroom mirror, yanking at the bow tie before making another frustrating attempt to knot it again. His nerves were kicking in and the shot of bourbon he had a few minutes ago did little to calm him down. Once he managed to get the tie on correctly, more or less, he slipped on his tuxedo jacket and took a deep breath. To say he was not exactly looking forward to this evening was an understatement. Kate had originally been scheduled to be on call this evening and wasn't going to attend the hospital fundraiser and that news had made his life pleasingly simpler. Then a couple of weeks ago Kate told him that she would be going after all. As luck would have it, a fellow intern had apparently asked if he could swap shifts with her.
Since he told Sarah that Kate would be working with him, their relationship had taken on a more strained tenor. Sarah had become a little combative and if Jack showed a slight disinterest or inattention to any minute detail for the wedding, it would invariably lead to a full-scale argument in which Kate would somehow become the topic. Jack tried to compensate by being home more, even though there were times he really should have remained at the hospital. Jack wanted to convince himself that he was sacrificing his career for the betterment of his relationship and future marriage, but the truth was he did it for peace … for himself.
With a sinking feeling in his chest, Jack rested his palms on the top of the dresser. He dreaded the thought of the night ahead, for the obvious reasons. The close proximity of Sarah and Kate and how he would negotiate that awkwardness being one reason. But even more so, he couldn't stop thinking if Kate would be accompanied by someone. He had no right to be jealous, but he was. Over the past few months, he developed an almost successful mental block about Kate and her sex life. He knew she worked a lot, especially on the weekends, so he got the sense that she wasn't seeing anyone seriously, although he didn't know what to make of the handsome pediatrician that he'd spotted her with a few times.
The two of them simply never delved into that area of conversation, a topic that was probably more painful than they cared to admit. He wasn't even sure if Kate knew his fiancee's name.
He jerked his head as if trying to shake the thoughts away.
Sarah stepped into the room and through the reflection of the mirror she could see that Jack wore a troubled, almost secretive expression on his face.
Hearing her steps shuffle across the rug, Jack looked at her out of the corner of his eye. He turned to fully face her. "Wow. Sarah, you look beautiful."
And she did. Her red strapless chiffon gown was perfect on her. She wore her hair up and pulled back.
His appreciative look earned him a wide smile from her. "Well thank you Dr. Shephard. And if I do say so myself, you look damn sexy in that tuxedo. I guess I'm getting a sneak preview for the big day, huh?"
He bent over to give her a kiss, but she held up her cheek instead and warned him playfully, "Be careful with the make-up." Jack smirked, and then ignored her by placing a small kiss on the lips anyway. Seeing her in a happy state, lightened his mood.
She frowned briefly as she eyed his bow tie. She reached up and began to straighten it. Jack chuckled, "I can't seem to tie that thing on straight for some reason."
Sarah grinned, "I can't believe that, I would think with your surgical skills, tying a knot would be a piece of cake."
Kate dabbed her lips with a bit of pink gloss when her apartment door rang. Hastily, she made the short distance to the entrance with her high heels clicking against the parquet floor. She swung open the door and smiled at a grinning Sawyer. She stuck out her head and took a quick peek into the hallway, "Where's Juliet?"
Sawyer frowned, "Well, hello Freckles. I'm doing fine this evening, thanks for asking -"
Kate rolled her eyes at him, "You know what I mean. And hello Sawyer."
Sawyer then let out a loud cat-call whistle as he looked her up and down, "Damn Freckles, you look sexy. If I hadn't proposed to Juliet -"
Kate interrupted him then, playfully swatted his shoulder and laughed, "You and I would've never worked out James."
Sawyer smiled and with a snort said, "Yeah, but I can still look, can't I? But seriously, you clean up good Kate." And he meant it. He always thought Kate was very pretty, at one point he was even attracted to her. But over the years he'd gotten pretty used to seeing her in scrubs, sweats or pajamas. It almost took his breath away to see her looking like a … real woman. A hot one too.
Kate wrinkled her brow, "Oh yeah? So where's Juliet?"
"She's running late, a 'simple' delivery turned into a C-Section. She told me to go ahead with you and that she'd meet up with us a little later. So it looks like you got yourself a date. Well, at least for a little while."
Kate put on her coat and looped her arm into the one he had extended in invitation. His genuine reaction to her appearance gave her confidence. She turned her head and looked up at Sawyer, "You look pretty handsome yourself."
He shrugged nonchalantly, "I know."
When they emerged from the resident housing building, York Avenue was quiet, a light drizzle laced the streets and a few cars sped by with loud sprays of water. Kate waited under the awning while Sawyer hailed a cab to take them to the Metropolitan Club.
In the cab, Kate began to feel butterflies in her stomach, suddenly she felt uncomfortable in her dress. It was more revealing than anything she had ever worn, well … at least worn out in public. The saleswoman at Bergdorf Goodman had managed to convince her to buy it. The shocking price tag should have dissuaded her from even trying it on, but she did anyway.
"You look hot!" Those were the exact words from the sales associate when Kate stepped out of the fitting room to get a better view. Not one for being vain, but Kate had to admit that she felt bold and powerful wearing it. And so help her god, she wanted Jack to see what he was missing. Was she being catty and juvenile? Hell yes.
The gown was a dark navy blue and had a sporty racerback detail that highlighted her sculpted back and shoulders. It had a small train that flowed from the back hem and the waist was accented with a metal belt. The fabric clung to every curve on her body and left little to the imagination.
Instead of wearing her hair neat and pulled back, she decided to leave it down, so it looked wild and curly. Her smoky eye make up was specifically chosen to accentuate the green in her eyes. Kate had also selected a very dark nail polish that almost looked black and she wore a wide leather cuff on each wrist. She recalled the last time she took such care in her appearance and that was for Claire's graduation party. That was almost nine years ago, in some ways it felt like yesterday and in other ways … as if a lifetime had passed. She considered how she looked then and how she was no longer that dainty version of herself when compared to what she was wearing now. In her mind, she now looked like some cross between a warrior and a rock star.
The ballroom was brimming with men in tuxedos and women in brilliant gowns while the live orchestra was in full swing. There were dozens of tables covered with colorful tablecloths that were laden with candles and beautiful floral arrangements. Kate followed the music and the festive tinkle of glasses being toasted against the other. She looked carefully about, not trying to reveal her true intentions - she had to finally see his fiancée … Sarah.
Sawyer and Kate each accepted a glass of champagne that was offered by a server. The bubbles tickled the roof of her mouth. But she didn't feel the usual sparkle, Kate was too preoccupied with the idea of Jack and Sarah being there, somewhere in the crowd. She let her eyes dance around.
Without realizing it, Kate gripped his arm a bit too tightly.
"Take it easy there, Freckles." He saw a hint of nervousness in her face and he had a good idea what was causing it. He bent over and whispered into her ear, "Trust me, you're gonna knock his socks off when he sees ya. Guaranteed."
Kate loosened her hold on his forearm, she whispered, "Am I that obvious? I don't want to appear desperate -"
"No, the only people that are going to feel desperate are Jack and that fiancée of his. She ain't going to be too happy catching sight of you, I can tell you that much." Sawyer said, as he roamed the ballroom in a fluid, casual daze, stopping only to smile and greet some of their fellow colleagues.
"How are you so certain? I bet you she's gorgeous." Kate said as her eyes continued to flit about, trying to locate their intended target.
Sawyer laughed easily, "Don't matter, Freckles. She ain't you."
From the corner of her eye, she could see Sawyer taking glances at her backside. She gave him a little dig of her elbow into his ribs, "Can you please stop looking at my ass, Sawyer?" Sawyer chuckled, "Hey, I can't help it. Where have you been hiding that?" Kate's mouth tightened in annoyance.
"Take it easy Freckles, cause the real reason I'm pretending to check you out is because your boy is staring this way and he doesn't seem to appreciate me perusing the goods."
Kate was about to turn her head, but Sawyer told her, "Don't look that way. Too damn obvious. Kate, you really need to work on your play."
Kate released a frustrated huff, "What on god's earth are you talking about now?" She paused for a second and was hit with a realization. "Is that why you've been acting like such a wierdo around me and Jack. Have you been trying to con him into thinking that you're … you're sleeping with me?"
He tapped the tip of his nose, "Now you're catching my drift, Freckles."
Kate scoffed, "That is the most stupid thing I've ever heard. So you were intentionally acting crazy, I thought you had hit your head or something."
"Oh really, me … crazy? 'Cause from where I'm standing, the guy looks like he wants to punch me out."
Kate's heart fluttered.
In the noisy crowd, Jack stood with Sarah, his hand gently placed on the small of her back. She leaned into the subtle gesture, relishing in being the fiancee of the handsome and brilliant Dr. Shephard. He smiled at her, the evening was going well … so far. The three cocktails he already sucked down didn't hurt either. Sarah was her entertaining self, she had his colleagues and their spouses charmed with her wit and quirky stories about restored furniture and clocks sold at the famed auction house she worked for.
"Are you having a good time?" He asked her as he bent his head towards her ear.
Before she had an opportunity to respond, Jack felt the prickling sensation of hair rise on the back of his neck. He seemed to sense, even know. She was here. He turned his head and paused to let his eyes travel slowly and deliberately over her. She wore her beautiful curly hair down and he noticed that it had grown an inch or two below her shoulders. The clinging fabric of her dress allowed him to take in her hand-span waist and every sweet curve of her body, yes it did … oh, did it cling. The way she smiled and seductivley sipped her drink seemed to make all sorts of hushed promises to him. He was dumbstruck.
My God, she was beautiful.
With a sideward look, Jack lingered on her small ripe and full breasts that swayed ever so slightly when she walked or laughed. He took a harsh, nervous looking gulp of his drink before peeling his eyes away to turn and face Sarah again. But it was too late, Sarah had seen the dark look in his eyes, the desire that burned hotter as Kate walked to the other side of the large room.
She gave him an icy look before settling her attention on Kate.
A deep shamed flush heated his face. Jack tossed his head back and drained the rest of his scotch.
Sarah had seen a couple of photos of Kate and was able to see that she was a pretty girl, maybe even very pretty. But she hadn't expected this. The Kate she 'knew' wore fleece jackets and t-shirts. She wasn't supposed to be the fashionable and stunning woman that was sucking all the air out of the room. Sarah felt a painful ache in her belly.
Uneasily, Jack put his arm consolingly around her, "Sarah-"
"Don't." She warned and then wiggled away from what she felt was a pity hug offered out of loyalty instead of love ... or passion.
Jack stiffened, her reaction was precisely what he feared would happen. Sarah's jealousy and insecurities would now escalate and he would have to spend the night convincing her otherwise. But what he didn't predict was for Kate to look like that. She was exquisite, the most breathtaking and sexy woman he'd ever laid eyes on. Granted, he had always felt that way about her, but he had never actually seen her display herself like this before - it was a sort of raw sensuality that was beckoning him to approach her and demand that she allow him to fuck her. He sighed. He wanted to fuck Kate.
Sarah had easily noticed that Jack's admiring gaze was riveted on Kate. And the yearning in his expression hurt and frightened her in an inexplicable way. She looked at him then, the way he wore a careful smile with her. She took a long deliberate sip of her gin and lime.
An hour later and after Jack knocked back three more drinks, he found himself still looking around for Kate. He was cautious, being extra attentive to Sarah, yet he couldn't shake the image of Kate's date so brazenly touching and eyeballing her. So she was seeing that doctor. Jack wished he never had to come tonight.
"Don't you think you should introduce us?"
Her words pulled him back into the present. "What?"
With a tone of slight irritation she elaborated, "Kate? Don't you think you should make introductions? I mean, I've met everyone else you work with that is here."
His brow raised cautiously, "Do you really think that's such a good idea?"
"Why? What are you afraid of, Jack? Are you jealous of that stud of a date of hers? He looks like the kind of guy she met at a gym."
Jack didn't appreciate the acidic tone in her voice and he could have corrected her wrong assumption about Dr. Ford, but he didn't bother. "I'm not afraid of anything. I just ... listen, I'll do whatever you want," he said resignedly.
"I want ... to meet her."
Kate was standing alone when she saw the pair approach her. Jack looked so handsome, a streak of envy raced up her spine. She took a deep nervous gulp and pulled back her shoulders. Jack looked apprehensive and Kate couldn't read her expression, although she could see that Sarah had a nice, wide white smile. She was very pretty and blond, maybe Jack really did have a type after all.
Jack cleared his throat, "Dr. Austen I'd like to introduce you to Sarah Wagner."
The women briefly eyed each other. Trying to look positive, Kate extended her hand, "Hello Sarah, nice to meet you. You can call me Kate." The women spoke briefly, making some polite exchanges. Sarah carefully studied her and became increasingly disheartened. She was building Kate up to be some kind of boyfriend-stealing temptress. But instead, Kate simply came across as ... nice and ... sweet ... and gorgeous, even more so up close. It became even clearer to Sarah, that Kate was a smart and down to earth woman and that made her all the more threatening.
Sarah then shifted her eyes around as if she were looking for someone specific, "Kate, are you going to introduce us to your date?"
Kate gave her a quizzical look. "Date?" Kate pondered the question a moment before realizing who she was referring to. Her earlier conversation with Sawyer came to mind and she had to stop herself from giggling. "Ahhh, you mean Dr. Ford. Well, my "date" is on the dance floor with his fiancée, Dr. Juliet Carlson." Kate pointed in their direction and sure enough Sarah and Jack saw the couple in an intimate embrace.
Kate smiled, "The three of us met during our first year of med school. We became roommates too, I actually lived with them for two years, if you can believe that."
Sarah's smile tightened, while Jack's brightened with relief. The conversation quickly began to falter and Kate felt uncomfortable, "Well, it was very nice meeting you Sarah." She then looked at Jack, "Enjoy the evening. I'll see you at the hospital." Kate turned around and rubbed her hands together. She felt sick and pitiful. She wanted to vomit, she could feel it kick around in the back of her throat. The dress, the make-up did nothing except make her feel worse. She was the loser.
It was a slow dance and Sawyer held Juliet closely. "Did I tell you how stunning you look tonight, Blondie?" he whispered into her ear.
"Do I? I feel like such a mess, I rushed like hell to get here and then ..."
He stopped her sentence with a soft kiss on her lips. He drew his head back to look at her. She smiled, "I'll shut up now."
Over his shoulder, he spotted the trio engaged in a conversation, "Well, well, well. Looks like Freckles is getting acquainted with the future little missus."
Juliet followed the direction of his gaze and rested on her. Her heart bled for Kate, she knew her well enough to recognize that little sad dip in the color of Kate's eyes. The way it dimmed the beautiful green glimmer.
"I wish Kate would find someone else." Juliet announced in a whisper.
"Why do you say that? I think she should go after what she wants -"
"He's engaged James. Kate will only get hurt -"
Sawyer snorted, "Like she ain't hurting already? Like she hasn't been broken since we met her? I say that the guy has been dropped into her damn lap again for a reason and Kate should go get what's hers."
"My God James. You seriously think she should wreck an engagement? We're engaged, how would you feel -"
"Blondie. I am with Team Freckles. And trust me, I've seen the way Jack looks at her. The guy has a highly evolved sense of denial. That son of a bitch nearly wanted to rip my larynx out because he thought I was making a little time with her."
Juliet raised her brow suspiciously at him, "What sort of trouble have you been up to?"
The evening was finally coming close to an end ... thankfully. Jack's tongue was feeling heavy and lazy, he should have stopped two whiskeys ago. His steps were less fluid and he wasn't making much of a dance partner for Sarah. Then again, most of the revelers were not in top form having imbibed more than they should. Over her shoulder, he could see Kate dancing with one of the doctors from the hospital. It was Dr. Whitman, a man that had a reputation for a roving eye and from what Jack could also see ... a roving hand. He watched the angry hot and irritated look in Kate's eyes as she would adjust his hand off her behind and how she determinedly tried to keep him from crushing her against him. The tightening of her back muscles was evident, which he knew to be a sure sign that Kate was uncomfortable.
All evening Jack had noticed the second glances Kate kept getting from men and women, which came to no surprise.
Just as the song was coming to an end, he felt a tapping on his shoulder. He looked over his shoulder to see Dr. McAdams, the Chief of Surgery.
"Your lovely fiancée promised me a dance, would you mind Jack?"
Jack looked at Sarah and she nodded a yes. From the corner of his eye, he could see Kate pulling herself away from her dance partner. Dr. Whitman had seized her wrist, trying to draw her back in, but she loosened it from his grip and offered a fake playful smile as she made her escape. Jack's instinct was to step in, but it was no longer his place.
Jack smiled slightly and answered, "Of course." He turned back to Sarah, "I'll be at the bar." She returned his comment with a reprimanding look that questioned whether another drink was such a good idea.
But Jack had no intention of going to the bar, he saw Kate leave the grand ballroom and decided to follow her out. She was walking quickly as if she were agitated, there was an obvious stiffness in her motion. He watched her continue past the crowds and turn a corner.
The quiet hallway was dim and he saw her leaning against a long wall with her hands planted firmly behind her, her slouched shoulders drew him to her. She appeared pensive. Her hair fell over the side of her face, creating a protective canopy.
Was she waiting for him?
He should turn around and leave.
But he approached her, he really didn't have a choice in the matter. Of course, he would go to her.
She lifted her head, she knew it was him without seeing that it was.
"Hey." His voice sounded hoarse. His throat strained from too much idle talk during the evening.
"Hey." Her voice was tinged with sadness. Jack knew why. He felt sad too.
He looked at her, her small hips that his hands itched to touch.
They stood there for a while, close to each other, their thighs only a few inches from grazing. His eyes honed in on her mouth.
With an air of wistfulness, he began, "Today -"
"I know." She interrupted him, she knew what he was about to say. Today was their day. Their anniversary, nine years ago it all began when she showed up at his apartment and offered herself, all of it to him.
With little resistance, he leaned into her then, his mouth brushing her curls, "Two years ago, tonight ... at about now, I almost called you. I had your number on the screen of my phone and I was so ... close ..."
Kate winced. Her eyes clenched shut from the painful truth of his disclosure. Oh, if only he had called. Things would be so different. There was so much unsaid between them.
Jack felt a searing wave of whisper against his cheek, she breathed, "Why are you telling me this now, Jack?"
He dragged his face away to look at her. His eyes were wet and miserable looking, "Because you are the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen. Because I ... miss you. Because I'm drunk." He chuckled derisively at the last part and Kate could detect a note of self-disgust in his voice.
Kate released a small aching whimper. She watched him turn around and walk away with a slight inebriated teeter to his gait. He sighed as he forcefully tugged at his tie until it was undone.
A/N: Hi everyone, I hope you enjoyed this. Thank you everyone for all the lovely reviews. They really, REALLY are what makes me keep writing. If any of you that have been reading this and haven't left a review yet ... please do, even if it is only a few words. It seems like writing Lost/Jack and Kate stories is a dying art form on FanFiction, but it doesn't have to be that way. I know for a fact that a few of us are still so inspired by this couple. Please leave reviews for all the Lost stories you are reading... Please.
FYI - So, Kate's dress does exist and if you google this: "Stella McCartney Belted Mesh-Inset Racerback Gown" you will see what it looks like.
And TTR is up next and coming soon :)