Earlier that same day
It was about 6:00 am and, still in bed, Sarah peeked open one eye. After she heard Jack leave the apartment, she went straight to his closet. It had been a couple of days since she had the huge confrontation with Jack, the both of them having barely said a word to one another since. It didn't take more than a minute of rummaging around before she found it ... his old shoebox. With shaky, hungry fingers she opened it and saw the neat stacks of photos, letters and cards.
Sarah thumbed through the photos and an indescribable sensation consumed her, making her heart beat faster. Jealousy mixed with hurt pounded at her already wounded, raw ego. And the photos that featured the two of them made her heart sink. In every shot, Jack's eyes gleamed, his arm always wrapped tightly around her. There were dozens and dozens of photos depicting a ridiculously happy looking couple. She knew it was a wrong thing to do, but she unfolded a few of the letters and started to read them. She stopped herself though, when she would started reading a passage that alluded to how much Kate missed Jack, his manhood … their lovemaking. Kate's youthful earnestness seemed to emphasize everything that was missing in her relationship with Jack.
Hastily, she tucked the letters away and then her fingers tapped the smooth surface of a jeweled plastic case. She lifted and examined the disc that had 'Kate" written across it with a Sharpie pen. She rapped the thin case against her open palm … thinking … thinking. Sarah stood up and walked over to her laptop. She settled into the chair and opened the plastic sleeve so she could slide the disc into the drive.
The camera lens was unfocused at first, but as it grew less blurry it rested on Kate lying under the covers of Jack's king sized bed back in L.A.
"Hey Sexy."
Kate shot up, with the bedsheets tucked tightly under her arms. "Jack! Shut that thing off!"
"What? Can't I try out the Christmas gift you gave me?"
Kate pushed the mop of unruly hair out of her eyes, with a slight groan, she huffed, "I knew I would regret giving you that camcorder."
Jack chuckled, "Why don't you strike a pose?"
"That's really corny, Jack."
"I'm serious. You're so beautiful. You're smart. You're sweet … well, most of the time, anyway. But, most importantly … you're really hot." He grinned in anticipation of her reaction.
Jack moved over to the dresser and propped the camera on it. He fidgeted around with it before finally adjusting the lens so it would remain focused on the bed and … on Kate. He smiled widely at her and received a frowning look instead.
"Jack. I'm serious. I don't like that. Please shut it off."
"Hey. I have a fun idea." His voice was full of naughty mischief and he gave her a sly wink.
Wearing only boxer briefs, Jack sauntered over to the bed and crawled under the covers. Kate shifted over slightly in the bed to make room for Jack to settle into the warm spot she made in the mattress. He wriggled a few awkward moves and within seconds tugged the elastic cotton off and flung the shorts to the other side of the room.
He turned a bit and leaned in from behind her. "Kate," he breathed into the crook of her neck. His hand began to caress her shoulder while his lips tickled her jawline. "How about we make a movie, Kate?"
"Nooooooo!" She playfully pushed him away with one hand while steadfastly maintaining an iron grip on the sheet that kept her modest from the camera.
Teasing her was one of his favorite things in the world and he was dying to see how far he could push this with her. Trying to maintain a straight face, he continued, "Come on Kate, it'll be fun. Later on we can snuggle up on the living room couch, I'll make us some popcorn and can we can flip this into the DVD player -"
"Shut up, Jack." Her eyes gave him a warning glare. Yet she allowed his hands to freely roam under the covers. Like a Spanish explorer, his fingers had already mapped out every soft curve and sensitive spot on her body. His breathing became labored, his lips grazed her ear, "We can watch it once and I promise to erase it afterwards -"
She shook her head. "Unh-uh. You think I would ever watch that? No way Jack."
Jack drew his chin back, his face actually full of puzzlement now, "Why Kate? Do you realize how perfect you are?"
"Because .…"
"You don't have to be so shy. If you could only see what I see, Kate -"
Kate's eyebrow quirked up, "Are you trying to set up a video to blackmail me with?" Her question attempted to be serious sounding, but her playful and teasing voice betrayed her.
Jack grinned and he drew his head back, "Blackmail?"
A smile curved her lips, "Yeah. You know … when … one day… you and I will be vying for that coveted Chief of Surgery position. You'll whip this movie out -"
Jack released a rumble of laughter, it came from the heart of his belly and right through his nose, "Chief of Surgery? I like your style, Austen. But a video like this could damage my reputation too, you know."
Kate swiped her hand in the air. "Pfffft! It's different for women and men and you know it. You would look like the stud and I would look like a … you know what."
Jack clamped his lips onto hers and drew her into a deep and ardent kiss. With an exhale, he begged, "Kate. I promise. Just this once. I'll give it back to you. You're everything to me. I would never betray you. You can always trust me …."
They both paused, him now on top of her, the mat of dark hair on his chest tickling her breasts, his hips now cradled between her thighs. Kate did her best to read his expression. And all she saw was love. Without a moment's hesitation she cupped each side of his face, parted her lips and drew him in for a kiss.
Suddenly, Sarah flipped the screen of her laptop shut. She knew what was about to happen next, the way their kisses seemed to devour one another and their heavy breathing grew louder. The last thing she wanted to see was them make love.
She was in shock, her eyes literally hurt. Sarah felt helpless. She could barely recognize the man that supposed to be her fiancé and it wasn't just because of the absence of his tattoos. She replayed the CD in her mind and shook her head. Did Jack actually giggle? She thought of the way Jack stared at Kate with his heart in his eyes. And that's when she knew, finally knew what Jack really looked like … how Jack looked when he was in love.
That Same Evening
His eyes flitted back and forth between the ring on the table and Sarah's small, still form sitting on the sofa. She appeared calm, her face a blur in the gloom, but her eyes were red and puffy. She'd been crying - a lot, that much Jack could see. And that made him feel shitty, because somehow he knew that he was the source of the tears.
Jack took a deep inhale, now leaning his weight on his right leg, he asked dully,"You want to tell me what's going on, Sarah?
"What does it look like Jack?" She asked in a small, raspy voice while looking at Jack from head to toe. Her voice wasn't curt or angry, if anything it was sad sounding and fused with resignation. She then released a tiny whimper. That sad little sound was enough for Jack to move to sit next to her. But she abruptly raised her hand making it clear that she didn't want him coming any closer.
Jack stopped and moved to shove his hands in his front pockets, but then realized he was wearing his scrubs. So he rested his hands on his hips and waited for her to speak.
After a quick glance at the door, she finally told him. "Jack. Jack, I'm leaving you."
"What?" He asked without thinking. Why was he even asking? He knew why. He hasn't been here. They didn't even talk anymore. He had hated seeing what was happening to them and had promised himself to make things different, to work less. He was going to be there for her, to fix this.
He could continue to list out all the things in his mind that he was going to do, but the truth, the real truth was that he was in love with someone else. He always was.
"Sarah." It was all he could muster. He wasn't going to fight this. But he wanted to know why. It was in his nature to want to know the truth, he wanted … no, he needed to know what had made Sarah take this decisive step.
He ventured, "Can I ask why?"
A sad smile played across her face as she thought about his question for a moment, with a tiny exhale, she answered, "Because you're not in love with me -"
"Wait a second-" Jack tried to dutifully interject.
"Jack, you asked and now let me finish. You're a good man, you would be a good husband, well … as much as you could be. You care about me and maybe even love me. But you're not in love with me. And without that…." Sarah paused and raised her arms, her eyes wandering round the apartment before continuing, "This. This is not enough Jack. I want you to look at me like the way you look at … Kate. I know how you look at her, I've seen it and it's different … it's real."
A lump formed in his throat. How could he in good conscience deny the truth of her words?
She closed her eyes and paused for a moment, looking as if she had been deliberating this for a long time.
"Jack, I need to apologize to you for something. I've done something … it was wrong and I make no excuses for it. I invaded your privacy and I hope you can forgive me for that transgression. But I needed to see. I needed to confirm what I already knew was true. And I hope you can forgive me -"
Jack's eyes widened, a sense of dread overcoming him, his voice dropped an octave, "What are you talking about Sarah?"
"I went through your things. I saw the photos, the dis-"
Heat rose up his neck, the thought of Sarah watching him and Kate in a most intimate moment sent him into a near tailspin. Sarah saw the look of horror on his face, "No. No… Jack. I didn't watch it. Well, I stopped before anything happened …." Her voice trailed off.
Lines deepened in his face. Jack didn't know how to react, he was torn between being furious by this intrusion and his sensitivity to her pain. In the calmest voice he could muster, he murmured, "You shouldn't have done that."
A whimper tumbled from her lips and she nodded. Jack was right. She was wrong in this instance. There was nothing to defend.
Jack looked at her guilty expression, but he still felt terribly though. He could only imagine how Sarah felt. How hurt she must be by the fact that he would still hang onto something like that. And he should have destroyed it years ago, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Even though he didn't even have the heart to watch it. It had been years since he was able to sit through it. It was simply too painful a reminder.
A compulsion to apologize flooded Jack's mind - to explain himself. "Sarah. I want you to know that … that disc. I haven't watched it in years. Please believe me-"
A sad, mirthless laugh escaped her lips as she stood up, and then she began to unconsciously straighten her skirt. "You know Jack. I'm sure in your mind that disclosure was supposed to somehow make me feel better. But we both know that the only reason you haven't watched it is because it hurts you too much. Because watching it would remind you of what you miss most."
Her words made his lips glue shut. He watched her walk over to the table and pick up her handbag.
While she adjusted the strap on her shoulder, she told him, "Jack, I've booked a hotel room and I'm taking the first flight in the morning back to L.A. Can you please call the doorman to come up and help me with my luggage?"
"No. I'll take it all down for you."
Sarah didn't fight him on this and they both rode down the elevator in silence. Jack helped load the trunk of the taxi cab. They stood before each other.
"So I guess this it." Jack said.
"Yes, it is." She whispered hoarsely.
He opened his arms and drew her in for a hug, which she yielded to. His chin rested on her shoulder and he inhaled her pretty and feminine aromatic smell for the last time.
Jack's eyes watered as he pulled away from her embrace. He saw the tears streaking her cheeks.
"Sarah, I'm sorry -"
Her eyes passed over his shoulder before resting on his face again, "Jack, don't be. This is for the best. We both know that."
He nodded and proceeded to open the cab door for her and watched her step in. He closed the door and watched it pull away. And tomorrow he would have to work with Kate who was now with someone else.
Kate had gone to Ryan's room to check up on his post-op, but a couple were in there, they were older and Kate presumed that they were his parents. They were handsome and from the brief view she had, Kate could see that Ryan bore a strong resemblance to his mother. Kate didn't bother to step in and introduce herself, she hadn't even spoken to Ryan since they broke up a few days ago. But she still was concerned about him and needed to know that he would have a full recovery. And she couldn't help but feel that she was at the center of all this and blamed herself for the accident.
Kate then went to look at the schedule to see when Jack was on call next. She was surprised to see that he was out for the remainder of the week. She knew he was getting married next month and would be out for about three weeks. She felt that pain in her chest again as she thought about that dreaded day looming closer. She went over to the nurses' station and found the head nurse. The woman peered over her half-glasses at her and then released a heavy, irritable exhale, anticipating that she was about to be asked to do something.
"Hi Mary, I was just checking the schedule and I'm a little confused. It says that Dr. Shephard is out for the week. That can't be right. He's already scheduled to be out for most of October -"
Linda who was standing to the side chimed in, too impatient to let Kate finish her sentence, "Haven't you heard Dr. Austen?"
Kate turned her head to the side and rested her elbows on the counter, "Heard what?"
Briskly, Linda added, "Dr. Shephard's wedding. It's been called off."
Kate's head jerked upward and she nearly stumbled from the nurse's revelation. Her eyes widened further as she tried to adjust to the shocking news. She stared at both nurses, "No. I … I didn't know that. When did this happen? I mean. That's terrible news." She said after a captivated silence. Her words came out more like a gasp and Kate immediately wished she didn't sound so awkward.
Mary looked at Kate's surprised twinge suspiciously and how it vanished almost immediately. She didn't believe for one second that Dr. Austen was disappointed by the news, but she continued anyway, "Not sure. But Dr. McAdams contacted me and said that Dr. Shephard would be needing a few personal days and to put him back into the surgical rotation for October because his engagement had ended."
"Oh." Kate could see that the nurse wanted her to press for details.
She felt like the ceiling just collapsed on her. She began to walk away, her head shaking with incredulity from the news. Mary made a face and turned to Linda, "New pool ladies. I bet Dr. Austen and Dr. Shephard will be sleeping together again before the end of October."
"I'm in."
It had been two weeks since Kate found out about Jack's broken engagement. She would be a liar if she didn't admit that she was suffused with relief after hearing the news from the nurses. Yeah, Kate knew she was probably going to rot in hell for secretly being joyous over this.
But the relief was soon replaced by a murmur of resentment that began to settle inside her because Jack had yet to mention that he was no longer with Sarah. In fact, she had barely seen him and when she did he was always occupied, his brow deeply wrinkled in thought. She noticed that Jack barely looked at her and only spoke to her when necessary. He was … formal. She wanted so badly to approach Jack and apologize for what she said to him during the heat of their argument, but the stiffness in his body language had made it clear to her that she was to keep her distance, so she did.
By the third week she had learned to expertly evade him.
Yet, each day at the hospital, Kate put on a bright smile even if her heart was sinking. Even though it wasn't even 7:00 am, Kate felt the need to take a breather in the lounge, she crumpled onto the sofa and then sat crossed-legged. She closed her eyes and almost looked as if she were meditating. She rubbed her tired temples and released a sigh.
She needed a vacation, a real one. Juliet and James were getting married in a few months and she would be flying down to Miami for the reception - that was the closest thing to a break that she had planned. Kate was even the Maid of Honor, Juliet's sister, Rachel was going to be the Matron of Honor. It looked like Kate would be attending stag … again. "Dateless" was now becoming a permanent state of being for her.
She felt a presence in the room, instinctually her eyes opened.
Jack stood before her, "Dr. Matthews is not in today. Do you want to cover a Lumbar Microdiscectomy with me?"
Their eye contact held. Kate swallowed nervously, but her stomach flipped in excitement.
"Why don't you scrub in Dr. Austen?" he asked, using his strong, authoritative "surgeon" voice.
They prepped in silence, Kate slipped her arms into the sleeves to bring the front of the surgical gown around her body while taking the extra care needed to not use her hands. The assistant stepped behind her to secure the gown on her back and then walked over to Dr. Shephard to do the same.
His voice sounded slightly muffled behind the surgical mask, "Dr. Austen, I believe this will be the fourth time you have assisted with a discectomy?"
Kate nodded and then realized she needed to speak up, "Yes."
Jack was beginning to wonder whether this was such a good idea. The procedure was routine enough, but Kate probably wasn't the physician he should have asked. He had been taking extra caution around her over the past few weeks. He was avoiding her, not wanting to ingratiate himself into her life more than he needed to. Kate deserved a chance to make a relationship work and after talking to Ryan and seeing how Jack's actions had impacted them made him realize how selfish he was behaving. Ryan was right, Jack did want to keep Kate close to him and he had been using his position to make it happen. It was wrong … on so many levels. Jack shook his head just thinking about it.
Christian hadn't really commented too much on the broken engagement. As a matter of fact he didn't seem surprised at all. Jack could tell that his father was itching to ask about Kate, but Jack made sure to end the conversation before his father had the opportunity. Yet, now that Sarah had left him, he couldn't help but think about the possibilities ... if it still wasn't too late.
Kate tried to keep her nerves under control and not think about the three medical students and four residents that were sitting in the theater observing the procedure. Jack had also asked Dr. Kim, a new first-year resident to participate.
One hour into the procedure on the seventy-five year-old, things were under control. Using the microscope, Jack was easily able to remove some of the damaged disc material. There was more damage than he anticipated and the surgery would take closer two hours to complete. Jack was getting ready to observe Kate irrigate the wound with antibiotic solution and then eventually sew up the incision.
Unexpectedly, there was a flow of blood and almost simultaneously the patient's monitor started to alarm. The surgical nurse announced that the patient's blood pressure was dropping dramatically and that explained the sudden dilation of the blood vessels.
"Call Dr. Blume in here." Jack was asking for the anesthesiologist, Jack knew that something was wrong with the dosage and he was concerned that with the age of the patient, she wouldn't be able to tolerate an extended period with a too low BP. Jack looked up at Kate and saw her continuing to scope out the patient and confirm that there were no more disc fragments pressing on the nerve. He needed her out of there. Immediately. She was too distracting and when he heard the monitor sound again, he knew that the patient was under significant distress.
"Dr. Austen and Dr. Kim, you both should leave now," he said firmly. Dr. Kim followed Jack's directive immediately. Kate didn't move, as if she didn't think that Jack was referring to her too.
"Dr. Austen, you need to leave." He sounded almost menacing now.
"I've got this under control Jack," Kate growled and her eyes stared at him in defiance. Her voice dripped with irritation.
The way she casually addressed him by his first name made him take another deep breath. Jack could feel his face change, grow tighter, and his eyes fell away from hers and he re-focused on the patient. Jack stated with controlled anger, "I said, you too Dr. Austen."
Had she heard or actually imagined his curt order? There had been a pause after Jack's icy dismissal of her objection. She looked at him once more before storming out of the OR. As she aggressively snapped off the latex gloves, she looked up to see that she was welcomed by a few smirks and know-it-all glances from her fellow residents. A shameful heat flushed across her cheeks, Jack had treated her like an impudent child and her colleagues were there to witness her time out.
Under the threads of steaming water, Kate thought she heard her doorbell ring. It must be Juliet, Kate was already supposed to be downstairs at her apartment for dinner by now. Too busy with her own thoughts, she had lingered in the shower longer than she intended. She kept replaying yesterday's botched surgery. The way Jack had dismissed her, how condescending his voice and tenor was towards her. She actually used to defend him when her fellow residents would imply that he was arrogant. Well, he was on his own now as far she was concerned.
Jack had managed to really embarrass her and make her look so amateurish in front of her fellow residents. She could feel the scream of frustration bubbling from deep inside her. Kate thought she actually heard her teeth grinding in the back of her mouth, she knew then she wasn't just upset, she was seething. Now she could add another reason for her to stay out of his way. Kate was going to make for bright and pleasant company tonight, that was for sure.
God! That man could make her so angry sometimes.
She shut off the water and heard the doorbell ring again. Slightly irritated, she shouted, "One second, I'm coming." She frantically drew on her panties and camisole. Kate regretted her haste immediately because she was still soaking wet from the shower and her undergarments were now damp and clinging to her uncomfortably. She shrugged, she would just have to change again. The doorbell buzzed once more.
She grabbed her towel and attempted to pat herself dry with it as she rushed to the door. Kate was shouting loudly now, "I'm coming Juliet! Jeez!"
Her apartment was dim, with only the bedroom light that emanating through the doorway and a lamp on her desk in the living room. She then somehow managed to stub her knee into a side table while making her way to the door.
"Fucking shit!" She winced and began to rub the spot where she knew a bruise would soon be forming.
Kate finally made it to the entrance and turned the deadbolt, peering her head over the long side of door while shielding her state of undress.
"Sorry Jul-"
Kate's eyes widened with shock, "Hey?"
"Hey. Can I talk to you, Kate?"
A/N: Hey there. Sorry to end this chapter at this point. But that's the way it had to be. The good news is that the next chapter is almost done.
So, the flashback and Sarah's discover was something I had written a while back and I had planned to use. But I then decided not to and just have her break up with Jack end the way it did in the last chapter. But after reading some comments from you guys wanting more details, i decided to use it anyway. I hope you liked it.
Thank you for all your reviews. They mean a lot to me.