I looked for a side to see what she was doing. She seemed really peaceful, sitting on that chair talking with Puck. I was freaked out. On my chair, looking at the whole glee club sitting in front of me and waiting for us to start. When Santana told me that she had an idea on that note, I didn't imagine this...
I was trying to find my maths book, I was sure that I left it there, but I was a complete disaster and my locker was an example of that. Santana came next to me and wait until I noticed that she was there.
-''Here you are! How was the morning?''-Her white teeth appeared in a big smile.
-''Good, yours?''
-''Fine! Oh, I came here to tell you what I was my idea. Look Mr Sue is always saying that the best way to express our feelings is singing. So...I've been thinking that if you sing in the glee club a song, you maybe forget all the pain of your past and I also find the right song''
-''Me? On my own? In front of the glee club?''.-I swallowed thinking on that, I don't know if I was ready to sing on my own yet...I was really pleased that santana thought on it...I mean, she was doing a big effort to help me, but I wasn't sure if it's going help me anyway.
-''No! Of course, I want to sing with you. It will be fine, trust on me. Please say yeees!''.-She put her hands together like she was praying and looked me with her cute eyes. I couldn't say no to that.
-''Okaaaay, I'll do it''
-''Great!''-She jumped in her place and looked at her clock-''See you at the auditorium, to practise at...four?''-I nod my head.
-''Great''
And she left in the way she came, happier than before. There I was now, trying to have positive thoughts and trying to remember the lyrics... most of the song was adapted to both of us, and If we did it good, it was going to be beautiful. Maybe it will help me...
Mr shue came into the room and looked at us weirdly, it wasn't expected for us to sing, but that man loved the surprise performances so sit down in her chair, in a side, and waited for us to start.
-''Good luck ladies''.-Puck said, and ran to his place not before looking at Sam with an angry face. He was still a little bit red after Santana's punch.
Santana looked at me smiling.
-''Are you ready?''-She whispered.-''Kill it blondie''
I nod my head and closed my eyes. Was then when I saw my mom, her, alone, smiling at me and saying yes with her head, like I wanted me to sing.
Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
A small tear ran out my eye. Santana was right, I needed to do this. It was her part so I saw her, she had a proud smirk on her face.
Every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
When she ended, I realised that she was fighting for not crying too. What if Santana wasn't doing that for me, what if she had to forget some pain too? Maybe all the Queen's stuff? No, it wasn't so bad to try to forget it by singing... maybe she was just sad for me? Whatever, it was my turn again and I felt how my voice sounded a little bit changed.
And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around
Our love is pastured such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues drawn
But it's always darkest before the dawn
The song was perfect, it just said what I wanted to express, but not with my own words. I started to think that here in Lima, I found my dawn, after all the shit in my past. I also found friends, I looked at Mercedes and Tina, sitting on their usual chairs looking at me amazed.
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
And I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before
the dawn
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
And given half the chance would I take any of it back
It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone
It's always darkest before the dawn
Ooh hoo oooh hoo...
Our voices didn't sound so good together in the practising...it was like we were doing it with our hearts, not with our mind like before...I loved the part which was going on then,I only sang the first phrase, because Santana asked me to do the next three and then continue together. At that moment I wondered why, but I just let it go. Now I was sure that she was singing that for another reason.
And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't
So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my rope
And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope
It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat, cause
Looking for heaven,
found the devil in me
Looking for heaven,
found the devil in me
But what the hell
I'm gonna let it happen to me
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
I ended right how I started, with my eyes closed. And I could see my mom again, on her feet, smiling and clapping. I did it! And I felt damn great. Santana who was next to me, was quite shocked when everyone clapped to our actuation...or it wasn't the reason. I touched her arm and she jumped on her place, scared. What's going on with her? She smiled and hugged me. She held me for a second in her arms to whisper me something.
-''Well done beauty! How are you feeling?''
-''Damn good, you were right''-I wait a second more in there, she needed that hug as much as I do.-''And you?''
-''Thank you''.-Her answer surprised me, I didn't understood it, but she left the hug and smile to the glee club. So do I.
After our performance, Mr. Shue gave us a very, very very long speech, about being a team and some tips to do our performance in regionals, which were going to be in a few months. When he finally ended, I ran to the toilet, because I was still shaking after our song, it really helped me...but I couldn't handle so many emotions at the same time.
I refreshed my face with cold water twice and then I dried it. When I went out, I heard my name twice. I clearly recognised who was, but I didn't turn around, I didn't want to hear anything. I only stopped when a hand touched my shoulder and made me spin around.
-''Heeey! Congratulations from your actuation, I haven't heard for you since long, how are you doing?''
-''I'm fine''.-I continued walking, but he continued by my side. When Sam wanted something he became a really annoying person.
-''I was thinking...do you want to go with me to dance or something this weekend? It could be nice!''
I stopped for a second. He couldn't be serious. He didn't see me when he was kissing queen, but how could he be so so so selfish trying to have a date with me after that...
-''No.''-I just said, more angry than surprised.
-''Oh...why?''.-He followed me because I walked a few steps more leaving him behind. I rolled my eyes and turned to him quickly.
-''Look Sam, I don't wanna go with you, don't text me, don't call me, don't bother me okay? I think you should take a moment to think in what you want and clear your mind''
I left him, with his trouty mouth wide open, in the middle of the halls.
Santana had to control the youngest cheerios that afternoon during their training so i had to wait for her because i didn't have any idea where she lived or how to arrive. I spent the rest of the day thinking in how the Santana's house would be, instead of looking at my history book. I had an exam in a week so...I better studied than anything...
It had to be very big, her parents worked a lot so, they had to have a lot of money, and I imagined her room lightly and peaceful...god, it was impossible to concentrate on that place. I closed my history book with a strong noise which made the woman in here raise her head and ordered me to shut up. I decided to go for a walk outside. It wasn't cold yet so it could be fine.
I walked around the empty halls, it looked quite different then, without all the teenagers screaming and walking...so peaceful. That was the reason why I heard a familiar voice when I came near the auditorium. I said Santana that I was going to meet her at the front door at nine o'clock, and I had ten minutes more to gossip what was going on there. I opened the door carefully and put out my head.
-''You don't have any right to interrupt my life Santana...''
-''Yeah, is your life, but it's hers too, don't you understand? You ruined everything last year, don't do it again okay? I mean, if you want to be with Queen, why don't you?''
-''Because she likes Puckerman!''
Santana shut up for a couple of seconds.
-''And she isn't with him because...?''
-''Because he is your boyfriend?''
-''No he isn't!''
-''It isn't what it seems...''
-''Whatever, If you love Queen, leave Brittany alone, I don't wanna see you with her once again''
I was frozen, was all this fight for me? Was Santana defending me from Sam? Maybe she saw us in the halls this afternoon. Santana started walking to the door I was so I closed it, but I heard something more so I put my ear on the door to hear clearly.
-''Why are you doing this Santana?''
-''Because I care for her, leave her alone, Sam. Is the last time I tell you this''
I ran through the hall as fast as possible, I didn't want Santana see me in there. I just couldn't believe what was happening...she was defending me! I ran away until I arrived at the place where I said santana I would meet her. I breathed really quickly it was such a quick ride. I waited for her, and in just a couple of minutes she appeared on the corner.
-''Hey, are you ready?''.-I tried to breath normal, but it didn't work and I started coughing.
-''Uh, are you okay?''..-She said touching my arm and looking at my face
-''Yeah sure, it's just...I came running from the library because I thought I was late''
-''Oh, don't worry then...come on, I wanna show you something''
We spent walking like 30 minutes and I was still wondering where did she live because I was really exhausted. We walked for over a mountain or something like that, and I didn't stop asking how much time left to arrive. Santana didn't say anything so I supposed that it wouldn't last so much longer, but it seemed like it had no end! Then, Santana stopped and I was watching at my shoes so I crashed with her.
-''Did we arrive?''.-I said with a smile. I really want to see Santana's house
-''Not yet, come here, I'm gonna put a bandage in your eyes''
-''What? For what?''.-She only smirked and turn me around, and put a soft bandage covering my eyes. I couldn't see anything, but I guessed that she proved that.
She placed herself behind me and pushed my back to walk with her. I refused at first, but then I trusted on her and let her guided my steps. A few minutes later we stopped. The cold wind was blowing. In the news said that a storm was coming what made me sad, I hated storms, but I really missed the rain. Her hand took me off the bandage and I could see where Santana took me. It was so beautiful.
We were at the top of a mountain, surrounded by green grass and in front of us, we could see the whole town. It was really quiet and peaceful.
-''Wow...''.-I just said
-''I knew you would like it!''
-''Where are we?''
-''I've been thinking that you told me your secret yesterday, and it was really brave. Now I wanted to learn you a part of me. This is the place where I come when I felt lonely or I need to think. Cool uh?''
-''Yes, that's beautiful!''.-I said sitting on the grass next to her.-''How did you discover it?''
-''When I was six years old, my father had a huge argument with my mom, and I couldn't bear it, so I escaped from home. I walked until I arrived her and sat down because I was exhausted''-I loved how she looked at the town, remembering when she was a child.-''And when I looked at it, I realised how small were they, and from here, I was bigger than didn't matter how much they hurt me or what they said to me to make me feel bad...I was safe in here, I was bigger than anyone, and I could think...relaxed!''
She was true. I wish I could know little Santana, to make her feel better when someone hurt her.
-''What happened when you return? Were they mad at you?''
-''They didn't even realise that I escaped...''
Her eyes were sad, it was easy to know that so I touched her leg and she raised her head smiling. She took my hand and we spent the next hour like that, in silence, breathing fresh air and thinking. It wasn't uncomfortable at all. She held my hand the whole time, and I started to think that it wasn't anything better in the world. It was time to assume that maybe I was starting to fall in love with that girl. What if it was like that? She wouldn't be with me never, after all...
-''Let's go home?''.-She said smiling.-''Did you like the surprise?''
-''Of course, I love it...I envy you...I don't have any special place to go at...''
She thought for a second
-''mmm...We can share it, it will be our place. But only if you promise not to tell anyone''
I raised my right hand.
-''I promise''
We stopped in a bar before going home because we saw some of the people of the glee club in there, and they saw us too. There wasn't Queen, Puck or Sam...but Rachel and Kurt yes and also Artie...with Sugar! I was really proud of my job, they were such a cute couple
-''Heeeeeeey blondie, how are you? I'm really sorry for what happened the other day...''-Her white smile disappeared when she said the last words, but I didn't blame on her, I hadn't even thought of that. She was really kind with me when I arrived at the lima bean and I considered her as a good friend.
-''Are you kidding? You didn't do anything, it was my fault! And...I don't wanna talk about it, I'm fine by the way''
She smiles and returned to Artie's knees where she was sitting first. Aw, so sweet. We had a couple of beers and we left. Well, Santana had more than me, I didn't like it at all and I made a big effort to drink the last one.
She promised me that her house was near the bar, and it was like that. A beautiful white house was in the middle of two tall trees. It was as huge as I imagined, of course, her parents were always working, they could afford a house like that. She opened the door easily with her keys, even when she drunk a little more than usual, it was difinitely my problem with the doors. She showed me her lightly kitchen where she told me her abuelita used to cook with her when she was younger and her big house when she watched the football matches when her father had time. And then went upstairs to see was I was expecting to see since we arrived, her bedroom. It had been just the opposite I'd thought, it was dark, just like her eyes. It wasn't even light, because she had black curtains and her covers were also black. The only piece of color was her red pillows and her dresser, where plenty of bulbs were surrounding the mirror, just like a famous actress. I gasped because it wasn't what I was imagining, but it was beautiful...it was...so santana.
She came downstairs to make some sandwiches and I just stayed in his bedroom. I sat down in his bed, thinking, how comfortable my night was going to be. I jumped a little, yep, I was going to enjoy a bed at least! I walked across the bedroom, watching what was hide in Santana's dark room. She had plenty of trophies. Gymnastic, cheerios...volleyball? I had no idea she liked it!
She looked sooo cute in her photos, and so happy, more than now. She had one with her parents and who I thought she was her ''abuelita'' but she was pretty young to be her. She had some with Queen and of her performing with the glee and cheerios.
Oh my god! What was there! I couldn't believe it. I took it and ran downstairs, trying not to fall and I looked for the kitchen, it was pretty hard in this huge house.
I finally found her, she was cutting some things to put into the sandwich really carefully and looking at it really close, I thought it was because she was a little bit tipsy and she couldn't see it clearly.
-''What's the name of that cutie?''
She raised her eyes confused at first with the knife in her hand, but she dropped it soon, and she opened her eyes a lot.
-''Where do you find it?''.-She was still in her point.
-''You're not aaaaanswering...''-I sang
-''Shit, I thought I hid all things''
-''All things? So you have more?''.-I said turning around and starting walking upstairs once again to see what more was she hiding. But when I looked at my back, I saw her running after me so I ran too. It was hard to find a way to scape because I didn't know any part of the house, and when I realised I was in a completely different room I'd never seen.
She was faster, but not as much as me. I arrived at the living room and I jumped over the couch with a smooth move. She stopped and stared for a second with a smirk on her face. She didn't say anything but I could read her mind. She would say something like ''I got you''. She tried to do the same, and jumped over the couch, but when she did the hardest part, of the jump, her feet bump into with the highest part of the couch. But her clumsiness, not only made her fall, also me. She fell over me, and she was seriously worried if I was damaged, but I couldn't stop laughing.
When she realised that I was okay, she laughed too.
-''I didn't know you had this kind of things...''-I said still holding a super cute teddy bear.
-''It's Ted, my mom gave it to me when I was...three years old I think''.-She was still over me, and I could feel her breath.
-''Well, Ted nice to meet you''.- I was talking with the bear...what was a little bit weird but until I did it, I didn't realised. Then I turned my face to Santana.-''Is as cute as you''.-I touched her nose with my finger, playing. She blushed and smiled. Then silence...she was looking me at the eyes, why didn't she move over me? I wouldn't say that I didn't like it but...I would have to breath in one moment or another...
But instead of moving, she was there smiling. What was she doing? She started getting closer and closer. WHAT WAS SHE DOING?
And then the only thing I could feel was her breath and her tongue playing with mine because I had just closed my eyes in the kiss. I was frozen, I hadn't imagined that she had that kind of feelings too. My hand automatically left Ted on the floor and ran to Santana's back. I didn't know if it was the alcohol, but she was kissing me really hard and I tried to control myself to no moan loud, but I might have saod something like ''mmm'' at first. She just moved her jaw to a side to kiss me deeper and didn't stop by moving her hands from all over my hair.
But it didn't last too much, I didn't know why I wasn't surprised. She suddenly stopped, and got up quickly while I stayed on the floor, breathing and trying to recuperate all the air that the tan girl stole from me.
-''Bri...Brit''.-She looked so confused looking at every part of the living room and touching her right arm like he was cold.-''I'm really sorry...don't misunderstand this okay? I'm not gay, is just...the alcohol and I miss Puck...''
What? She just saw him today. She was blaming it on the alcohol, but I knew, for the way she kissed me that it wasn't totally a fake!
-''mm...it's okay...don't worry, I'm not into chicks too''.-She smiled and looked at me like I was lying. But it wasn't a lie after all, I didn't know what I wanted after all.
She didn't say anything and went to the kitchen. I looked at Ted, at least I had witnesses to prove that I wasn't dreaming. But I also rub my eyes. Yep awake.
I followed her to the kitchen
The dinner was really really uncomfortable, we just ate in silence, without looking at each other. I ate as fast as I could, and she too. We just went upstairs and I took my pyjamas to put it in the bathroom. I wasn't looking for another uncomfortable situation with santana if she just looked me staring at her while she changed her clothes. When I came back at the bedroom, she was already in her bed, in the further part of mine. If she just made a little move, she might fall from there. I laid next to her. We were in the same bed, but it seemed like we were miles and miles away. I was looking at the wall, I didn't want to look at her.
-''mmm...so tell me, do you like my idea this morning?''- Thanks god, I thought that none was going to talk. I was relief that I wasn't the first.
-''Yeah! I forgot it! Of course I liked it, it was such a relief singing my feelings, is so much easily''
-''It was nice uh? How does it feel when you sing without dancing?.''-She turned and looked at me, but I was still looking at the wall. Giving her my back.
-''God, at first was really strange, but it feels good! You just get used to it.''.-I turned to look at her smile.
-''I'm happy for you.''-She paused for a minute and placed her hand under a side of her face.-''Have you thought what are you going to do now? I mean, are you going to look for a job or something?''
-''Oh...''.-I didn't have time to think about it yet, but it was for sure that I needed money-''...I suppose it yeah. I need a job. I'll start tomorrow looking for something''
-''Fine! I can help you if you want to''.-She was actuating like anything happened...it was really easily for her.-''Now sleep time!''-She moved to a side to find the light switch and turn it off
-''Good night San''
-''Goodnight Brit-Brit''.-What did she call me? It was the first time she said me that...but I actually liked it. We only spent two minutes in silence in the dark, when she talked again.
-''Britt...''
-''mmm...''
-''I know it's weird but could you...could you just...?''
-''Tell me''
-"Don't misunderstand this...is just...could you...?
-"Santana are you going to end a sentence at least once?"
-"Hug me"-she suddenly said. Okay she was right it was weird even more after our kiss. I looked at her at the eyes to see if she was joking. But she wasn't she was totally serious, no smirk, no smile...the only thing I could see was worry in her eyes, she might thought that I was going to leave or felt uncomfortable.
-"Puck always does it and i'm kind of use to it...i sleep better and..."
-"It's okay Santana, don't worry"- I smiled to calm her and I moved closer to her she turned around and I placed my hand around her waist until I could touch her stomach.
-"Better?"
-"Yes! Good night Britt"
-"Good night"
And we fall asleep quickly, Santana's bed was a nice change after my couch.
Yay! I've finished my exams :D Enjoy :)