A/N: What can I say about this chapter?
There's quite a lot of introspection involved, mostly involving the thorny issue of feelings. And a very small amount of angst. Quite a lot of innuendo too. And rather a lot of snogging.
I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not.
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2nd October 1977, 9.45pm
Lily threw herself down onto the sofa with a thud, ignoring the muffled protests of Sirius and Marlene, who had been occupying the sofa up until this point, and who were now being squashed by the Head Girl.
'Why is everyone in this school so bloody nosy?' Her complaint seemed to be directed to the world in general, but apparently she wasn't looking for an answer anyway, since she immediately grabbed one of the loose cushions and buried her face in it, muttering incoherently and sporadically waving an arm for emphasis.
'I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that something is bothering you.' Sirius had finally managed to extract both Marlene and himself from underneath Lily, and was in the process of adjusting Marlene into a comfortable position on his lap - where neither of them were at risk of being hit by Lily's occasionally flailing limbs - and was now staring at her with an expression that managed to convey serious concern about her mental health through little more than an eyebrow raise.
'This school bothers me.' Lily growled into her cushion. 'This bloody incestuous, everybody-knows-everybody-else's-business stupid school is starting to piss me off.'
'Aw, come on sweetie.' Marlene patted her on the shoulder in gentle commiseration. 'Tell Marly and Padfoot your problems.'
Sirius turned his face to look at her, his lips rising in a smile of easy affection as he looked at her. 'We sound like a detective agency from one of those muggle TV programmes they made us read about. "Marly and Padfoot". Nice ring to it, don't you think?'
'We could track down lost pets and possessions!' Marley flung out an arm dramatically.
'No, we could investigate the dubious backgrounds of all the Professors!'
Lily was starting to worry that Sirius might actually be just a little bit serious about this, and she was forced to drop her cushion to allow for easier conversing. 'I think you two would definitely be more sitcom material. Fawlty Towers maybe.'
'Is that an insult?' Sirius turned his head from Marlene, to Lily and back again. 'Was she insulting us?'
'I have no idea.' Marlene shrugged. 'We'll have to get a telly and find out.'
Sirius turned back to Lily. 'Anyway, enough about our new calling in life, we've gotten off topic. What's bothering you sweetheart?'
Lily scowled at his tone but decided it was easier in the long run to just get it out now. 'Do you know how many people have asked me if it's true that I'm going to Hogsmeade with James on Saturday? I've lost count. I have no idea why anyone cares, since you'd think they'd have bigger things to worry about, but apparently my sex life is a hot topic.'
Sirius' expression perked up. 'Sex life?'
Lily threw the cushion at him. 'It's an expression you idiot. Don't be thick, we've not even gone on one date yet!'
'Yet you've already snogged each other senseless on his bed. Agrippa knows how many other times you've hidden away from us all and touched each other up.' Sirius announced loudly, to much aggravated shushing from Lily and laughter from Marlene. 'Your relationship isn't exactly progressing normally is it?'
'Shut up.' Lily folded her arms and looked pointedly away from Sirius.
'Is that all that's bothering you?' Marlene wriggled in Sirius' lap, ignoring his pained hiss. 'You're normally thicker skinned than that.'
Lily scowled. 'Yeah, well, this…James thing is sensitive enough without everyone else sticking their noses in. Not to mention one of those aforementioned people just called me a heartless bitch.'
'What? Who?' Marlene demanded, leaning forward.
Lily sighed. 'I was patrolling, and I caught Liz Perkins in a broom cupboard with Steven Gage. He was sensible enough to leg it after I'd bawled them out and given them detention, but she decided she wanted to have a row with me. And apparently, the consensus amongst a group of the younger girls is that I'm a heartless bitch who enjoys stringing James along, rejecting him and encouraging him in equal measure, for the sheer joy of causing as much emotional scarring to him as possible.'
Marlene was silent for a moment before she responded. 'I know Liz Perkins, and I don't think she knows enough three syllable words to have said something like that.'
'I was paraphrasing without the profanity.'
'Ah.'
'Why do you care?' Sirius interrupted lazily. 'So a group of bitchy little girls think you're getting your rocks off by torturing James. They're probably the same bunch of Quidditch groupies who believed Pete when he told them that James had a tattoo of a Gryffin across his lower back, and giggle whenever he catches the quaffle. No-one who knows either of you could possibly imagine it was true.'
Lily absorbed that for a minute, pleased to hear James' best mate confirm that he didn't think she was playing with him. Because she wasn't, not even a little bit. This was serious, and scary, and she could really do without everyone else's opinions on this.
'Why do people have to gossip about me?' She recognised it as a whine the second it left her mouth, but she felt just a little bit entitled to complain.
'Aw, it's not really about you sweetie.' Marlene smiled sympathetically. 'Well, it is about you a little bit, but it's about James as well. You're both really visible, you know? You're Head Girl, and you're in the Slug Club and you've always been popular as well; and James is Head Boy and Quidditch captain, and a bloody Marauder…' She trailed off and shrugged helplessly. 'People are interested in you both separately, but together; well, people are just incredibly nosy.'
'So, what you're saying is, I should become used to having my relationship with James scrutinised, because it's not going to stop?' Lily huffed her frustration and slumped down a little further. 'No pressure then.'
'It's only pressure if you let it be pressure.' Sirius spoke up. 'Don't let it get to you. James has had a few people dig at him you know; Max Roberts even accused him of slipping you a love potion. He's just ignoring it.'
'James Potter taking the moral high ground. Never thought I'd see the day.' Lily muttered.
'Well, now you know what he's willing to put up with for you sweetheart.' Sirius grinned at her, and she felt the heat rising in her face; blushing easily, the curse of the redhead.
'Leave her alone Sirius, you're making her blush. Look, she's actually blushing.' Marlene elbowed him on the ribs.
'Oh yeah, so she is.' Sirius gave her a sly grin. 'If it's that easy to do, I bet James has made you blush a time or two hasn't he? Probably has a very different technique though.'
Her face got redder, she felt it instantly, and she pushed herself up off the sofa and began to move towards the stairs to the girls' dorm. 'I'm going to bed.'
'It's only just gone eight!' Sirius shouted after her, his grin widening with every passing second.
'I need my beauty sleep!' She yelled back without looking, then she blushed even more when James' voice answered her unexpectedly from the corner of the common room, where he'd apparently been sitting and playing chess with Peter, unnoticed by her when she walked in.
'No, you don't.'
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6th October 1977, 10.15am
'Why am I nervous?' Demanded Lily. 'I have been to Hogsmeade before, I have spent time alone with James before, I've spent time alone with James in Hogsmeade. I have absolutely no business being this nervous.'
'Dates are a different thing entirely.' Alice answered absently as she looked Lily up and down carefully. Marlene was prowling round her, darting in and adjusting her clothing occasionally as she examined her. She'd never felt more like a piece of meat in her life, as her friends tweaked and altered her outfit to their approval.
She had already pointed out that James wouldn't care; he'd already seen her in every possible type of clothing, from pyjamas to formal dresses, to simple jeans and a jacket. He wouldn't care, and she adored that about him. This didn't seem to matter to the girls though; Marlene agreed that James would be happy enough if she turned up in a mariachi outfit, as long as she turned up, but that hadn't prevented the four changes of top and two changes of boots, not to mention the row about coats versus cloaks.
Her blonde friend gave one last tug of her scarf and stepped back. She gave a nod of approval, then looked at Lily with a serious expression. 'Are you wearing nice underwear?'
'Marlene!' Lily was scandalised. 'I'm not sleeping with him, I'm going to Hogsmeade.'
'Who says you can't do both?'
Lily opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by Emma's voice coming from the doorway. 'Bloody hell. Are you three still in here? Countries have gone to war with less preparation than this.'
'Lily's nervous.' Alice answered with a knowing smile that earned her a glare from Lily.
'The fashion police are keeping me prisoner.' She folded her arms grouchily across her chest. 'As if James is going to pay the slightest bit of attention to what I'm wearing.'
'He might appreciate your outfit momentarily.' Emma grinned. 'You know, when he's throwing parts of it over his shoulder.'
Lily groaned. 'Not you as well. Why do you lot seem to be under the impression that I'm going to be letting James rip any of my clothes off today? It's our first date.'
'Yes sweetie, but Sirius has told all of us about the rather compromising position you two were in when he walked in on you.' Marlene examined her nails as she spoke. 'It isn't exactly typical to be having your first date after you've already felt each other up.'
Lily muttered a brief curse under her breath. 'Whatever he's told you is probably an enormous exaggeration.'
'So you weren't lying on top of James, on his bed, and he didn't have his hand up your shirt?'
'On my back! His hand was underneath my shirt, on my back.'
'That's still under your shirt.' Alice pointed out helpfully.
Deciding that there was no dignity to be salvaged from this situation, Lily gave up the argument, straightened herself up and picked up her gloves from the bed. 'I'm going to meet James now, and when I come back from our first date, none - none - of my clothes will have been ripped off.'
She swept from the room and tried to ignore the pounding of her heart as she made her way out of Gryffindor Tower and towards the entrance hall. She kept repeating the same reassurances in her head; that she was meeting James, that they were just going to Hogsmeade together, that this was in no way a big deal.
The trouble was, it wasn't her head that was running the show these days was it? There was very little in the way of rational thought in her brain when it came to James Potter, and her irrational heart was in full control of the adrenaline pumping through her veins and winding her up into an ever-increasing fit of nerves.
When she finally arrived at the top of the main staircase, she actually felt the beginnings of nausea stirring; she hesitated on the top of the stairs and her eyes immediately and automatically scanned the crowd that was milling about in the main entrance, waiting their turn to be checked out by Filch.
She hadn't been looking for him, not specifically, but when the crowd moved and she saw him she felt it like a blow to the stomach. He was alone, not a Marauder in sight, and she felt her heart lift a little because she knew instantly that he'd arranged that deliberately so that she wouldn't have to suffer any jokes or knowing looks from his idiot friends. He was leaning against the wall, arms folded across his chest, smiling at those who acknowledged him on their way past.
Nerves dampened if not gone, Lily found her feet moving towards him of their own accord, her body apparently having given up on her brain and now making decisions independently. He must have caught sight of her - to be fair, her particular brand of red hair was hard to miss, especially if you had one eye open for it - because his eyes lifted to her and his smile widened. She felt her lips rise in response as she took the last few steps to him.
'Hi.'
He looked at her briefly, eyes drifting across her face, and his face creased into that familiar smile again. 'Hi. Stop worrying.'
She laughed, which was as much of a surprise to her as it was to him. 'What makes you think I was worrying?'
He raised his hands and cupped her face, lifting it slightly so that she met his eyes, then he pressed his thumbs to her eyebrows and ran them along the line of her brow, straightening out the furrow that had been there. His fingertips stayed resting lightly on her cheeks while his thumbs moved down to the corners of her mouth and one with slight movement, her frown was gone. He nodded approvingly as he lifted his hands away from her.
'Your previous facial expression.' He offered her his hand, and she took it gratefully, feeling the warmth and slight roughness of his skin and recognising it as familiar and comforting, and allowing him to tug her into the line waiting to leave the castle.
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6th October 1977, 3.20pm
'I feel like people have been staring at us all day.' Lily sipped at her butterbeer and lifted an eyebrow at a third year girl who was unashamedly watching them, her expression slightly hostile. The girl rolled her eyes and turned back to her friends, who giggled.
'Like being on display isn't it?' James agreed, fingers tapping impatiently on the table. 'Of course, if you weren't so dead set against me hexing students, I could deal with it quite easily.'
'You're Head Boy, you can't go around hexing students.'
'So you said.' James scowled at Max Roberts and his friends, watching them avidly from one corner of the three broomsticks, and the boy in question looked away quickly. He glanced back at Lily, observing her slightly tense posture, the way the frown was creeping back into her expression.
It had been absent all day since he'd soothed it off her face that morning. Her eyes had been lit up and her mouth laughing as they'd wandered through Hogsmeade together, just the two of them pretending the rest of the world didn't exist; he didn't care to see it come back. This bloody pub was claustrophobic that was the problem – too many people staring at them. He finished the rest of his drink in three fast gulps and stood up, grabbing his cloak and offering his hand.
'Let's get out of here.'
She looked up at him, and something in his grin made her answer with one of her own – she slipped her hand into his and allowed him to pull her from the pub, turning sharply left as they stepped out of the door, and heading back in the direction of Hogwarts. They reached the end of the main road and James turned and led them into the woods, and she suddenly recalled, with incredibly sharp clarity, walking this path with him once before, on Valentine's day, when they'd been hidden under his invisibility cloak and giggling furiously as they ran from everybody and left it all behind, however briefly.
The memory had her smiling, and she slowed her pace and tugged on his hand to force him to slow down with her.
'Lil?' He twisted his head and looked at her questioningly, taking in her flushed expression and darkening eyes. 'Is something wrong?'
'No.' She stopped dead, and jerked him to a halt.' 'No, everything's right.'
She closed the gap between them in one big stride, and her mouth landed roughly on his as she sank her fingers into his hair and pulled on it, tugging at it by the roots, so hard it must have been painful. He managed something between a groan and a swearword before his mouth moulded completely to hers, and his hands landed on her ribcage and stroked smoothly up and down her sides, before they slid to rest on her hips, fingers clenching the fabric of her sweater under her cloak.
She bit his bottom lip as she pushed herself into him, chest pressed against his so that she could feel his heart thumping against hers, and he tightened his grip and pulled her tighter against him, hands moving down to grip at the undersides of her thighs, tickling lightly before lifting her up so she could wrap her legs around him, hips crushed against hips. He spun around and took two steps, and then she felt herself being pressed against the nearest tree, and he was pushing his body into hers and she was tightening her thighs around him as their mouths clung desperately to each other, and suddenly this kiss had become a battle to get closer.
Her fingers dived under his scarf and found the buttons of his shirt, and busily made their way down the line of them until she could press chilly hands to warm solid flesh, earning a gasp of mingled pleasure and shock.
'Merlin, Lily.'
His hands trailed back up from their position under her thighs, no longer necessary to support her since her legs were wrapped so tightly round his middle and her back was firmly pressed into the trunk of the tree, gently skimming the curve of her rear and then pushing up under her jumper so his fingertips could dig into soft skin. His lips left hers and she mewled in protest, but that became a moan when his teeth bit down on her collarbone, and his lips left trails along her neck and jaw before finding her mouth again and sending her brain tumbling into a muddled daze, his own thoughts becoming more and more clouded as the scent and feel of her fogged up all his senses.
'Oi, lovebirds! Yeah, we saw you stumble in here! We're going back up, so shift your arses yeah?' Neither of them could be sure just how long they'd been wrapped up in each other for when Peter's voice echoed through the woods, and they tried their very best to suppress their laughter as they giggled against each other's mouths.
'Should we go?' James whispered as he pressed little pecks to the corner of her mouth.
'Mmm. No. Just a few more minutes.' Lily ran her fingernails up his exposed chest, enjoying the shiver that ran through him, and then up his neck until her hands were gripping his face and pulling it to hers.
'Okay.' James managed to get the word out between increasingly frantic kisses that made him grip her even tighter, if that were possible. 'Just…one…minute. Maybe two. At most.'
Lily hummed her agreement as her mouth attacked his, and she wriggled against the tree for extra leverage to pull him a little closer to her.
When they eventually stumbled back out of the woods, giggling and wrapped up in each other, they turned to make their way back towards Hogwarts, and found Remus waiting in the lane.
'Pretty much everyone else has gone back up – it's too bloody cold.' Remus grinned at them. 'We thought we might have to send out the specialist search party for you two.'
'If you mean Sirius I hope you brought his lead.' James grinned back, and the two boys laughed, leaving Lily a little confused but she chose not to question yet another of their inside jokes.
'Oh good, they turned up then.' Peter appeared from the track to Hogsmeade, moving at his usual unhurried amble. 'Wouldn't have wanted to explain to McGonagall that the Head Boy and Girl disappeared off for a snog and haven't come back yet.'
He stopped as he came close enough to get a good look at them, and then he burst into laughter. 'Although she'll probably be able to guess the snogging bit.'
He wandered off up the track, still laughing, and Lily turned to look at James. Now it had been mentioned, his hair was rather mussed, his shirt was untucked and definitely a little crooked, and his scarf was hanging unevenly. Not to mention there was a hint of a bruise blooming just below his ear that was unmistakably caused by her teeth.
'Whoops.' She said, unable to avoid smiling just a little as she touched the mark gently. James looked at her and bit his lip as he took in her appearance. Hair just as messy as his, strands springing free from her braid, cheeks flushed and lips swollen and pink; he knew that there were more than likely a few bruises on her neck as well, but at least he'd had the prudence to leave them out of sight – her scarf seemed to be covering them. He reached out and plucked two twigs from her hair, handing them to her with a self-satisfied smirk.
She blushed slightly as she snatched them from his hand and discarded them to one side, ignoring Remus' amused laugh. The three on them began to walk towards the castle, James with one arm looped around Lily's waist as they went, talking about rubbish as they always did.
When they reached the castle gateway, Remus leaned down to whisper in Lily's ear. 'If I had to pick, I'd say the biggest giveaway wasn't the twigs in your hair; if I was you, I'd worry about the moss stains and tree bark all over your back. Dead giveaway.'
He chuckled as he walked away, leaving Lily attempting to examine the back of her own cloak.
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19th October 1977, 10:30pm
Two weeks. Lily mused things over as she made her way up to Gryffindor Tower; two whole, fantastic weeks of dating James Potter, uninterrupted by outside catastrophes. No sick parents, no bitter sisters, no aspiring Death Eaters. Just rather a lot of snogging. It had definitely, definitely, been too good to be true and today proved it.
They'd started to look forward to their evenings to patrol together, since it allowed extra time together away from prying eyes and usually without interruptions, so she'd been fairly disappointed when James had sent her a note that morning to say that he was sick and wouldn't make it to classes or the late night patrol.
To make it extra inconvenient, Remus was in the hospital wing for his monthly visit – you'd think they'd have come up with a halfway decent cover story for his lycanthropy by now – and that meant she was down a prefect and a Head Boy. She'd bribed Andrew Brownstone into doing an extra patrol tonight, and then she'd simply done the late patrol by herself. She knew James wouldn't have approved, but really, what else could she have done?
He'd seemed quite wretched when she'd gone up to see him at lunchtime, and he'd been sleeping when she checked in again after dinner, so she'd decided the best thing to do was to just leave him to rest; unfortunately, she missed him. She felt utterly pathetic that she apparently struggled to go a day without James Potter's company now, but she decided she didn't really care that much; that last summer spent without him before they'd been dating had been bad, so it wasn't exactly surprising that she was pining over his absence now was it?
She entered the common room, which was almost empty, and stopped for a moment to send the last few stragglers to bed. She paused at the bottom of the girls' staircase, feeling oddly indecisive. After a moment's thought, she turned around and heading up towards the boys' dorms instead, telling herself that she would just poke her head in and see how he was, then her mind would be put at rest and she could sleep without worrying.
She knocked lightly, but for once there was no answering shout from inside the room; weirdly enough, there was no noise from inside the room. Usually their dorm was pretty rowdy, no matter what time of night it was. She pushed open the door gently, thinking that if by some miracle they were all asleep – they couldn't all have gotten sick could they? – then she'd just check on them and go back to her dorm.
What she really wasn't prepared for, was to find the room empty. Totally, completely devoid of life. It was 10:30 at night for Merlin's sake, and while she didn't doubt that the four of them had sloped around the castle that late before, they couldn't possibly be doing so now; Remus would be transformed by now and James was sick.
Where the hell were they?
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20th October 1977, 5.45am
Even though it had been a fairly easy night with Remus – some full moons were better than others, for no obvious reason they'd ever been able to discern – Sirius, James and Peter were still exhausted when they eventually climbed the stairs to their dorm. They'd become incredibly good at sneaking in and out of Gryffindor Tower over the years, but it still surprised James that they hadn't been caught at least once; after all, the four of them disappeared for six to eight hours overnight, on a fairly regular basis and apparently no-one noticed. Now he thought about it, it was practically insulting.
He'd felt incredibly bad about lying to Lily today; she'd been so concerned when she'd come to see him at lunchtime, so solicitous, that he'd felt the guilt like a solid blow. But he didn't really see what he could have done differently; he couldn't divulge secrets that weren't his. He wasn't a Gryffindor for nothing, and sometimes people focused so much on their bravery that they forgot their reputation for loyalty to their friends; Lily might have known about Remus, but she didn't know the half of it really, and he wasn't entirely sure that Sirius and Peter wouldn't view it as a betrayal if he told her.
Telling her he was sick had been the only way he could think of to get out of patrols; if he'd asked to swap she'd have wanted to know why, and there was no answer he could give her without telling her about being an animagus. He knew he was going to have to tell her eventually, but he was really unsure of how she'd react, and everything between them was still so new, so uncertain, that he found himself wanting to bury his head in the sand and just pretend that they would never have to have the argument.
He'd just have to live with the guilt for now, and maybe by next month's full moon he'd have managed to talk to the others about telling Lily everything.
When he finally followed Sirius and Peter into their room, he wanted nothing more than to collapse on the bed and sleep until lunchtime; it was always a little easier when full moon fell on a weekend, because they at least didn't have to try and make it through classes on little to no sleep. What he really didn't expect was for Lily to be curled up in his bed.
Not that he was complaining - he'd have been quite happy for her to appear in his bed every night - but he wasn't entirely sure what her presence there meant. She had obviously come up to check on him, a factor he hadn't really considered when he'd come up with the whole "fabricate an illness" plan, and found their dorm empty. The fact that she was sleeping in his bed was confusing though; he'd have expected her to be furious with him, and Lily being furious would usually result in a display of temper and her storming off. The fact that all his belongings seemed to be intact and that she was curled peacefully up under his duvet suggested that she wasn't mad, but how could she not be? She had every right to be – he'd lied to her and been caught out.
'Padfoot! Oi, Padfoot.'
He hissed the words quietly, knowing from experience that Sirius could be relied upon to hear the faintest of whispers, but he got nothing more than a groan in response and he was forced to turn around and cross to Sirius's bed, where he was already collapsed under the covers, poking him hard in the shoulder. 'Padfoot, wake the fuck up. Lily is in my bed.'
One of his grey eyes popped up and looked enquiringly up at James. 'Lucky you. Please put up a silencing charm.'
'Get your mind out of the gutter Padfoot.' James punched him lightly in the shoulder, not wanting to cause any more noise than was actually necessary for fear of waking Lily. 'I mean, she's in my bed asleep, which means she came in and found our dorm empty and is probably going to want some answers when she wakes up.'
Sirius rolled over and buried his face in his pillow, his voice muffled by the fabric. 'Then give her some answers when she wakes up Prongs.'
'Oh, that's great, very helpful. What am I supposed to tell her exactly?'
'Oh for Merlin's sake, can't a body get some sleep?' Peter's tired voice came from the far side of the room. 'Go to sleep and worry about it in a couple of hours when she wakes up, for the love of Circe.'
James groaned in frustration at the extreme unhelpfulness of his best mates, and Sirius suddenly sat upright and put his hand on James' shoulder before speaking slowly and clearly. 'James. You are knackered. You are in no condition to even consider having a discussion with her. Go to sleep, and then tomorrow, when you are both coherent, tell. Her. The. Truth.'
'The truth?' He looked at his best mate, who nodded slowly before flopping back down into his bed sheets and rolling over.
'Seconded.' Peter's voice echoed in the dark again. 'Tell her the truth, tell her I was stuck up a tree and you came to rescue me, tell her whatever, I don't care as long as you shut up and go to sleep now.'
James fell silent as he considered his friend's words; that was probably as close as he would ever get to having their blessing to divulge secrets. He moved back towards his bed and pulled his bed hangings round while he considered the possibility of transfiguring a mattress on the floor for himself or something, in case she didn't approve of him simply sliding into bed with her. He'd also be a little further out of hexing range come morning when she woke up and inevitably got angry with him.
He gave the matter some consideration as he stripped out of his clothes and into his pyjama bottoms, chucking his glasses onto the bedside table as he changed. He stood by the bed and looked at her for a moment before giving in, lifting the duvet and sliding into bed alongside her; perhaps it was a little lacking in chivalry, but right then the fact that he really wanted to cuddle her into his side was the dominant motivation for him, pushing all other factors to one side. He moved over until he could throw an arm over her, and then gently pulled himself closer to her until her back was pressed against his chest; her body, which had been curled into a tight ball, relaxed and stretched out a little at his touch, moulding into his with an almost familiar ease. Her hair was in his face, his nose was just about touching the back of her neck and he could smell her familiar scent with every breath. He had only moments to appreciate the simple pleasure of having her this close before he fell asleep from sheer exhaustion.
When he woke up, it was because he felt her move out of his grasp. The sun was up, and the light was just edging in around his bed hangings, and his brain felt like mush; the only clear thought he had was that he couldn't let her leave before he had a chance to talk to her. He forced his eyes to open fully and squinted in the daylight as he looked round for her; to his surprise, she was sitting cross-legged on the end of the bed, watching him speculatively.
'Hi.' He managed to rasp out, aware that as greetings went it was neither imaginative nor conciliatory, but it was about all he felt capable of at that moment; she was ridiculously pretty in the mornings.
Lily looked at him for what felt like an eternity before speaking.
'So, safe to say you're not sick then?'
He pushed himself up to a sitting position, ignoring the protests of his sorely abused muscles. 'No, I'm not sick. Or rather, I wasn't sick yesterday. I lied to you. And I shouldn't have.'
She wrapped her arms around her body, and stared down at the patch of duvet in front of her. 'So why did you?'
'Because I'm an idiot.'
He could have sworn there was just a flicker of a smile on the corner of her lips at that. 'You are. And I can't really be angry about that, since it's not like I was blissfully unaware of it until now. And to be honest, when I came in here last night and found it empty, I wasn't even angry then, I was worried and scared. But here's the thing James; I'm a little angry now. Because you lied to me. I understand that we don't have to tell each other everything, and I'm okay with that, but you outright lied. And as far as I'm concerned, the only way you can justify that to me is if you can tell me why you lied, and make it good.'
He sighed as her words sank in to create a cocktail of guilt and worry churning low in his belly, but looked back up at her, squinting a little for lack of his glasses, as curiosity overtook him. 'Why aren't you jinxing me, yelling at me? Slap me for Merlin's sake, at least if we were fighting I'd feel like less of a bastard for this.'
Lily fixed him with a cold look. 'Because, much as I'd love to be hexing you right now, it wouldn't get me any answers would it? And after last month's little debacle, I have learnt my lesson about storming off and letting everything fester in my mind. I want you to explain things to me, properly, so any decisions I make will be rational.'
'Any decisions you make?' James asked, before light dawned and he shifted uncomfortably. 'Ah, right. Decisions you make about us. Right.'
Lily's face softened. 'Relationships don't last without trust James. No matter how you feel about each other, there's no point if there isn't trust. And you've tested mine.'
'I'm sorry.' He didn't think he'd ever meant two words more. 'I couldn't have told you the exact truth, but I shouldn't have lied either. But I really, genuinely thought you'd have a fit at me if I told you that I needed the night off from patrols and I couldn't tell you why.'
Lily pursed her lips thoughtfully. 'Well, I might have done. You know how my temper can be. But the point is, you didn't give me the opportunity.'
'I know.' He scratched at his head, and then gestured towards his bedside table. 'I'm er, just going to grab my glasses; it'd be nice to see you a bit more clearly. And I, uh, might put up a silencing charm too.'
She nodded her agreement, and within a few seconds James had returned to his position at the opposite end of the bed to her. He picked at the duvet cover with a fingernail, staring at it while he tried to decide what to say.
'Okay. Okay, here's the thing; there is a strong possibility that you are going to flip your lid over what I am about to tell you, so I'm just going to come out with it.' He took a deep breath and lifted his eyes to her face. 'I'm an illegal animagus.'
For a moment there was no answer, then Lily looked at straight back at him, her eyes defiant. 'Bullshit.'
He couldn't help it; he laughed. 'It's not, I swear. We - that is Wormtail, Padfoot and I - learned how so we could stay with Remus during the full moons. Make it a bit more bearable for him. That's where the nicknames came from by the way.'
Lily stared at him. 'So you are telling me - and you expect me to believe - that you ditched out of patrols last night so that you could go gallivanting through the woods with your werewolf friend as a…?' She looked at him questioningly as she trailed off.
'As a stag.' He supplied helpfully.
'Right, a stag.' Lily continued sarcastically, before trailing off again when a sudden thought struck her. For the first time, she looked a little less sceptical. 'A stag. Like your patronus.'
James nodded. 'They're often the same; the patronus and the animagus forms.'
Lily sat back on her heels, the tension leaving her posture as her shoulders slumped a little. 'James…are you serious? You actually did this?'
He nodded. 'Started working on it back in second year; took us ages obviously, but it was all we could do to help him. How could we not help our mate when he needed us?'
She stared back at him for a few moments, then began to get up; he grabbed at her, suddenly panicked that she might not come back if he let her go now. To his shock, she turned to smile at him.
'Go back to sleep, you must be exhausted if you've been up all night. I'll bring you up some breakfast in an hour or so, and we'll talk some more then okay? You can tell me about this stupid scheme you three tossers came up with, and I'll yell at you a bit, then we'll snog and both feel better.'
She leant towards him and kissed his cheek, just by the corner of his lips, before sliding off the bed and drawing the curtains back round him. He flopped back down onto his mattress and stared at the canopy of his bed, wondering what had just happened.
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31st October 1977, 9.45pm
The combination of Halloween and victory against Ravenclaw on the Quidditch pitch made for one hell of a party in the common room. And for the first time ever at one of these things, Lily was sat on James' lap, not just able to glare at other girls, but entitled to glare at other girls.
So it was a bit disconcerting to realise that she had absolutely no desire at all to glower around at the various girls she'd seen glance in James' direction over the years; she was simply too absorbed in him to really notice them. Even when Marlene pulled her up to dance, complaining that she was neglecting her girlfriends, she felt absolutely comfortable leaving James on the sofa with Remus, totally certain that he would ignore every other female in the room; within the boundaries of politeness anyway.
'How is that not bothering you?' Emma shouted into her ear as she grabbed her hand and swung her around to the music.
'What?' Lily shouted back, then followed Emma's line of sight as she nodded towards the sofa where James was sitting.
She supposed there were quite a few girls hanging around the Marauders, but she was oddly serene about it; they could flutter their eyelashes till the cows came home, but James would most likely remain oblivious to it. Even if one of them got bold enough to outright approach him, she was utterly certain that he would rebuff them as gently as possible. It was nice, feeling this sure of something for once.
She wasn't sure whether it was normal to feel this easy with someone, this secure in your belief in them after dating for a matter of weeks, but she certainly wasn't going to question it, not after all the anxiety and confusion of actually getting to this point.
And really, she wasn't sure she could say their relationship had started a few weeks ago; she couldn't exactly pinpoint the start of them. Was it their first date? That desperate kiss in the fifth floor corridor, when he'd breathlessly asked her out and she'd said yes? Or should it date from their first kiss in the kitchens on that bizarre New Year's Eve, since she knew that neither of them had so much as looked at anyone else since then?
She knew it was probably ridiculous to think that way, so stereotypically girly of her to imagine some grand romance where they pined for each other for months, but she couldn't help it. If she was honest, she preferred to think of it like that.
As if he was summoned by her thoughts, a long arm looped around her from behind, and a large calloused hand splayed itself across her stomach.
'Hi.' A voice she'd know anywhere whispered in her ear, and she couldn't stop the smile from spreading across her face; it was practically automatic now. Ignoring Marlene's mocking eye roll, she turned in his grasp and smiled up at him, one hand coming up to rest on the side of his neck.
'Hi yourself.'
'You know,' he started conversationally, leaning down towards her so he could speak without being overheard, 'I was sitting over there with those wankers I call mates, when I thought to myself, "that's a very pretty girl dancing over there", so I thought I'd best come over and dance with you. You know, before any of the other idiots in this room decide they stand a chance with you.'
Lily stepped a little closer to him, still moving her hips to the music as her hand rose further up to play with his hair, even more of a mess than usual from the earlier game and subsequent shower. 'What makes you think that you stand a chance with me then?'
James' face moved a little closer to hers, his hazel eyes glinting behind his glasses as he inched closer again. 'Oh, I like my odds.'
'Really?' His lips were awfully close now, but they still definitely weren't close enough for her liking.
'Really.' He answered with a quick cocky grin, that would have annoyed her once but now just made her insides melt into a puddle of lust.
That low burning in her belly was somehow both settled down and stirred up when his lips landed on hers, lightly teasing his way across her mouth; she groaned once, just slightly, but it was enough to make him bite down on her bottom lip and tangle his free hand in her hair as he tightened his grip on her back with the other.
She gripped his neck with both hands and sank into him, neither of them noticing nor caring that they were attracting a number of stares from the room at large. She could feel his body pressed against the length of hers, feel his hand resting on her lower back and holding her tight to him, and nothing much else seemed to matter, except maybe the way his mouth was clinging to hers, and the way hers was responding with every inch as much force.
He broke away from her, and thank Merlin he still had the presence of mind to do so, because any thoughts about holding back because they were in public had abandoned her brain some time ago, and if she'd been in charge there was a strong possibility he'd be losing his shirt right now.
But instead he was pressing his forehead into hers, and smiling brightly at her in that way that made everything inside her light up, and they were wrapped up against each other and pressed tightly together as they swayed gently to the music, ignorant of everything else around them. And really, there was nothing more they needed right now was there?
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A/N: As always, your reviews brightened up my day, so thank you to everyone who is taking the time to read my random splurges of Jily, and especially to those of you who take even more time to leave your thoughts.