A/N: It's been forever I know. Anyway, here's a new chapter for anyone who's still with me.

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4th November 1977, 10:05pm

It always seemed a little pointless to James, patrolling this late at night; as someone who'd spent many nights wandering around the castle he could honestly say that it wasn't as common amongst the students as some of the professors seemed to imagine. It took quite a lot of skill to creep around undetected – skills he was proud to say that he possessed – and quite frankly most of the student body wouldn't make it out of their common rooms before being caught.

'Stop it.' Lily glanced sideways at him as she rattled a door handle to check it was locked, the smallest hint of an amused smile at the corner of her lips.

'Stop what?' He asked, folding his arms and leaning against the wall.

'Stop driving yourself mental thinking this is a waste of time.' She answered. 'It gives you an excuse to spend extra time with me, so you should be happy.'

She pouted out at him in a very appealing way, and he was forced to laugh at her expression of mock distress. He pushed himself off the wall and caught her up in a hug, burying his face in his hair.

'I love spending time with you. I'd just prefer not to be wandering around a draughty castle in the middle of the night looking for non-existent rule-breakers while I'm doing it.'

Lily tilted her head back. 'Oh yeah? And just what precisely would be your preferred method of spending time with me?'

'Can't answer that in a public place.' He grinned down at her, smiling at her amused snort. 'There is such a thing as decency you know.'

'I do know, just like I know you don't really have any.' She stretched a hand up and tangled it in his hair, admiring the way his thick dark locks flowed between her fingers. She loved his hair, even if it was wildly unmanageable and totally unpresentable most of the time.

She was just considering abandoning all attempts at professionalism and just snogging him senseless right there in the corridor, when she heard a muffled thump from a storage room just down the corridor.

She pulled back in James' arms and looked up at him. 'Non-existent rule-breakers, huh?'

'Even you would have had to admit the chances were pretty slim.' James let go of her and stepped back, gesturing for her to lead the way. At her puzzled look, he simply grinned. 'It's your turn. I turfed Max Roberts and Julie Summerby out of the potion's corridor last time.'

Lily pulled a face at him, but marched towards the cupboard nonetheless, pulling her wand out and casting lumos as she swung the door to the storage room open suddenly. 'All right, come on…oh my God!'

She slammed the door shut and turned back to face James, eyes wide and cheeks flaming. He raised an inquisitive eyebrow, then reached for the handle of the door she was now leaning on. She shook her head and snatched his hand away.

'Trust me, you're better off not being mentally scarred for life.'

'Why would I be scarred? It's not like I've never seen a snogging couple before. And since you've interrupted them, I doubt they're even doing that anymore.'

'Snogging wasn't precisely what they were doing in there.' Lily looked up at him, eyes serious, before she turned back around and called through the door. 'What do you think in there, should I let James open this door?'

'Wait, let me get my shirt on!' Marlene's voice came out of the cupboard, an odd mixture of amusement and embarrassment making it slightly higher pitched than normal.

'Marls?' James looked a little shocked, then his eyes widened still further as another thought occurred to him. 'Padfoot?!'

'Your timing stinks Prongs!' Sirius' voice came through the door, accompanied by the rustling of clothing.

'Bloody hell.' James muttered weakly, running a hand into his hair and leaning against the wall. Lily grimaced at him.

'At least you didn't walk in on it.'

'Thank fucking Merlin.' James answered fervently. 'I'll owe you for the rest of my life for not letting me open that door.'

The door in question swung open to reveal Sirius and Marlene, dishevelled and slightly red-faced. She was attempting to tie her long hair back into a pony tail, hampered by the knots that their…activities…had put in it, and Sirius was still buttoning up his shirt.

'Right.' James looked anywhere but at the two of them. 'I don't even…look, you two go back to the common room, and we'll just all pretend like this never happened, right?' He looked at Lily. 'Right?'

'Oh absolutely.' She nodded fervently. 'I have no desire to write this up on a detention slip, and I'm actually considering a memory charm right at this point.'

James shuddered. 'I don't blame you.'

'Oh, knock it off.' Sirius punched him in the arm. 'I don't like thinking about you and Lily here shagging, but I'm not moaning about it.'

'We wouldn't put you in a position where you could see it!' Lily exclaimed. 'A cupboard you pair, really? I'm positively swept away by the romance of it.'

'Merlin Lily, its only sex!' Marlene finished with her hair and moved on to adjusting her clothing to be less obviously mussed. 'It's not a proposal, or some sweeping declaration of love.'

'I don't even have words for you pair.' James scowled at them both. 'Gryffindor Tower now, and we will never, ever speak of this again.'

'Hey, it's not like I haven't ever walked in on you and Lily when you've had your hand up her shirt. Or have you mentally blocked that memory too?' Sirius winked at him and took Marlene's hand, and the two of them strolled off up the corridor, apparently mostly unconcerned by the fact that their respective best friends had caught them shagging in a cupboard.

'Well.' Lily swallowed hard. 'That was one of the more unpleasant experiences of my short life.'

'Hmm.' James was still looking at the wall, a pink flush on his neck. 'And I thought shagging in broom cupboards was a myth.'

'To be fair, it wasn't actually a broom cupboard.' Lily wasn't entirely sure why they were still talking about this, but it seemed impossible to stop. 'They managed to go one better than that.'

James shuddered. 'Yeah, but still! It's draughty, cold, I would imagine uncomfortable, and probably riddled with spiders. Not the place most people imagine their first time I wouldn't have thought.'

Lily bit her lip, not wanting to continue the conversation down her current train of thought, but being unable to stop herself. 'So…that was Sirius'…you know, like his first?'

James stared at her for a second before he fully registered her question. 'Oh! Er, yeah. I mean, I know he hadn't before he was dating Marlene, and if they…well, if they had before tonight, I'm pretty sure I would have heard about it. He'd never have kept that quiet. Am I supposed to talk about this stuff with you?'

Lily shrugged. 'I don't know. Do you think he'd mind?'

'Would Marls?'

'Doubtful.' Lily snorted. 'She's pretty shameless. But if it makes you feel better about telling me, then I'll tell you that I'm ninety-nine percent sure my best friend was a virgin before tonight.'

James stared blankly ahead for a moment. 'I think I could have gone my entire life without knowing the details of how our best friends lost their virginity.'

'Agreed.' Lily looped an arm through his as they walked, and wondered how she could possibly ask him what was on her mind. 'So…if that was Sirius' first, then what about…Remus?' she finished quickly, and James looked sideways at her.

'That wasn't the question you wanted to ask, and we both know it.'

'It wasn't.' She agreed, and she felt herself being tugged to a stop by James.

'So I'll answer your actual question, and tell you that no, I haven't had sex.' He looked at her very seriously. 'There's never been anyone I wanted that much. Not before you.'

She blushed and looked down at her feet. 'Okay. I should tell you that it's the same for me.'

James' hand reached out and pushed her chin gently up until they made eye contact again. 'Would it matter anyway?'

She looked at him for a moment, at his stupid messy hair and big hazel eyes, and those bloody ridiculous glasses that couldn't stay straight on his nose if you charmed them, and realised that no, it wouldn't have made the slightest bit of difference. 'No. No, it wouldn't'.

They started walking again, and Lily felt a smile curl back onto her lips. 'I think I'd have been okay with it as long as your first time wasn't in a cupboard, because really, that's just tasteless.'

'It is, isn't it? Not to worry, I think I'm more the "sweeping declaration of love" type. I like to think I'd at least manage a bed.' James grinned down at her, and everything was okay again.

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12th November 1977, 6.45pm

Hogwarts always seemed bigger when you were running late. Lily picked up her pace a little as she moved through the surprisingly empty corridors, but she knew she was going to be late for the prefects meeting no matter what, so why bother killing herself to get there? James could handle it until she arrived.

She rounded a corner and hit something solid; a hand grabbed her arm as she stumbled, and she flung her other hand out to catch herself on the wall. An apology was ready on her lips until she straightened up and saw who she'd collided with; Macnair looked back at her with cold eyes, and she met his gaze and refused to allow hers to waver. She let her eyes travel to where his hand still gripped her arm, then she raised her eyebrows as she looked back at him.

'You might want to get your hands off me right now.'

He sneered. 'You might want to watch where you're walking mudblood. And how you talk to your betters.'

'The only people in this school that I see as my "betters" are the professors, and they don't have a problem with how I speak to them.' Lily answered coolly. 'And that's twenty points from Slytherin for foul language, and you can report to Porfessor Slughorn for detention on Friday.'

Macnair's grip tightened on her arm, and she slid her hand surreptitiously closer to her wand. 'You might think you're something special when you're strutting around this school with that mad old git as Headmaster, but you're going to get a nasty surprise when we're all out in the real world, Evans.'

He spat her surname like it was poison, and she supposed to him it was; a muggle name, dirty and unworthy. The thought infuriated her, and she found herself taking a step closer to him and glowering straight back. 'I'm sorry Macnair, but are you under the impression that you're intimidating? Because you're not. We both know you don't have the brains or the balls to take me on and win.'

'You dirty-blooded little bitch.' He growled. 'You just wait and see. We have plans for you, and for your blood-traitor boyfriend. In fact…' he drew his wand sharply, and she had to admit it took her by surprise, she hadn't even seen him move for it, '…why don't I give you a little taste right now?'

He flicked his wand, and she recognised the severing charm by the sharp flash of white light. Her hand closed around her own wand, and she threw up a shield before firing off a stunning spell. To her surprise, Macnair deflected it easily and returned a body-bind which she had to dodge; either he'd managed to consistently hide his abilities in class, or he'd improved rapidly in a short space of time. Neither option was pleasant to consider. She cast another stunning spell, a more powerful one this time, and watched him dive to one side to avoid it as she moved away from him and glanced down the corridor, which remained empty apart from the two of them.

Macnair had regained his footing, and was about to fire another hex at her when he suddenly toppled forward. Lily straightened up slightly, but didn't lower her wand as she stepped hesitantly towards the prone seventh-year, coming to a halt alongside him as she prodded at him with her wand.

'Must you look a gift horse in the mouth?' Snape's dry tone came from just alongside them as he stepped out of an alcove that was just about concealed behind a statue. 'He's stunned, just go Lily.'

'What are you doing here?' She asked warily, eyes flicking between the two Slytherins.

'I was on my way to the prefects meeting, which I presume is where you will be going? I'll take him to the hospital wing.' Snape remained calmly stood beside Macnair, his expression unreadable. There had been a time when she could read every nuance on his face; were his expressions different now, harder to read, or had she lost the ability to understand him?

'You stunned him?' She asked suddenly.

Snape inclined his head and looked at her as if she was stupid. 'Yes.'

'What will you do when he wakes up?'

He scoffed. 'He didn't see me do it. No doubt he'll think you got the better of him, and I won't disabuse him of the notion. It will probably make him more determined next time you tangle with him, so I'd avoid him if I were you.'

Lily snorted her disgust. 'As if you care what happens to me.'

Snape's eyes flashed, and he grabbed her arm quicker than she would have believed possible. His hand closed around her wrist and yanked her closer. The lion on her charm bracelet woke up instantly and began to growl, a low rumble of warning, and Snape glanced at it quickly, his lip curling when he saw the little golden beast.

'A protection charm, how sweet. As if it's going to do you the slightest bit of good if you continue to pick fights with people in deserted corridors.'

She opened her mouth to respond, but he was already continuing. 'Listen to me Lily. Your background puts you at risk, you know that. What you need to do now is be smart, keep your head down, and stop parading around with Potter.' He spat the name like it personally offended him. 'There's almost no-one the Slytherins in this school hate more than Potter, so if they can get at him and take a shot at a muggleborn at the same time, then they are going to. You are the biggest target in Hogwarts right now. So try and have some sense.'

He released her wrist, and she immediately moved away from him. 'I appreciate the advice, Snape, but there's a really important thing you seem to be forgetting here; we're not friends anymore. And you are one of those Slytherins that would like nothing better than to get at James and hurt a muggleborn at the same time. So stay the hell away from me.'

'I've never wanted to hurt you Lily.' There was an odd tone of hurt in Snape's voice now, and for a second she almost believed him, he was almost Sev again. Then she looked at him straight on, and all she could see was his face twisted up with hate, his mouth spitting the unforgivable word. Sev was nothing more than a childhood memory now.

'Well, that didn't stop you from doing it, did it?' She walked away from him, a tiny part of her hating herself for feeling even the slightest bit sorry for doing it.

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17th November 1977, 3.40pm

It was still early for snow, but that didn't stop it pouring down in bucketloads, collecting in drifts against the castle walls and blowing wildly across the grounds. The world was cast in white, and for a little while, everything was calm and beautiful.

Lily gripped James' gloved hand a little tighter, and he smiled down at her, his hair blown into even greater disarray than usual by the winter wind, snowflakes settling in it briefly before melting to nothingness. She'd tried to convince him that he ought to wear a hat, but he'd laughed and commented that his mop of hair was better than any hat could hope to be. He had acquiesced to the scarf and gloves though, and was secretly grateful for it now he'd actually experienced the bitter chill in the air.

The vast majority of Hogwarts students were tucked up warm somewhere in the castle - the bitter cold had driven even those most dedicated to snowball fights inside - so for now they had the grounds more or less to themselves, though James privately thought that perhaps he'd rather that they were by themselves in front of a roaring fire somewhere. Preferably in a room with very lockable doors.

'It's been seven years, and I've never gotten over how much it snows here.' Lily was holding her free hand out to catch the falling flakes on her palm and watch them melt. 'I barely saw snow all through my childhood, then in my first year here it was just incredible.'

James smiled at her. 'It doesn't snow much in Cokeworth then?'

Lily laughed. 'The south of England isn't really known for snowfall. Tuney can remember a really cold winter with a lot of snow, but I was too little really. I think it was 1962, or 63. Anyway, when we were little she'd tell me about that winter, building snowmen and sledging and things like that, and I was desperate for another winter like that, but I never got one until I came here.'

'If there's one thing you can rely on in Scotland, it's that winter equals snow. And frost, and ice, and generally freezing your arse off for three months.'

'Yeah.' Lily was quiet for a moment, and recognising that she was thinking about something he kept silent too, keeping a firm hold on her hand as they walked with some difficulty through the snow.

'You know…' Lily began, before trailing off for a second and then starting again. 'I think it's just one more thing that made Tuney resent me. It sounds so stupid when I say it, but every year we'd get all excited and talk about all the things we'd do when it snowed - snowball fights, snowmen, sledging, snow angels - and then we never really got the opportunity, it never snowed like that. Then I came here. And I went home for Christmas first year with all these stories and all these photos, and I thought that she would want to hear about it, but she didn't. And I wonder now if maybe it was because I did all those things without her.'

She looked up at James, who remained silent but looked at her with encouraging eyes. Recognising the tacit offer to unload, she carried on. 'We were so close. We did everything together as girls. And when we talked about the future, we just always assumed we'd carry on like that. I'd be her bridesmaid, she'd be mine. We'd buy houses in the same street, have children at the same time.'

'And then you met Snape.'

She tugged him a bit closer, and he took the hint and dropped her hand in favour of wrapping an arm around her shoulders so she could nestle herself in the crook of his body. 'And then I met Snape, and it all just went wrong from there. I mean, she'd always reacted badly to me doing things, but never in a spiteful way. Once I met him and he told me about magic and Hogwarts…well, she was furious. I didn't understand then, but I realise now that for the first time in our lives, I was…different…to her. My life was going to go down a different route, and I could handle that, and she couldn't.'

James shifted uncomfortably. 'Well…'

She tilted her head back to look up at him, blinking the snowflakes away from settling on her eyelashes. 'Go on.'

'Well, you could probably always feel that you were different, you know? You were happy, I know you had a happy childhood, but whether you remember it clearly or not, I bet you always felt a little…on the edge of things? Like you didn't quite fit right? And that was because you didn't. Petunia did, she was always in the right place all along, but you weren't, you always belonged somewhere else, even when you didn't know it. And think about it now Lily, would you still want all those things? Finish school, get married, have kids, keep house? It's what a lot of people do want, but I don't think you're one of them. I don't think you ever were one of them, I think you just went along with your sister's ambitions, because you didn't have any of your own. How could you? You didn't know who you really were, so how could you possibly know what you wanted for your future?'

'I don't know now.' Lily laughed, and James pressed a kiss to the freezing cold skin of her forehead.

'There's time yet to decide.'

'You're right though.' She sighed. 'Petunia dictated all those things, and I just went along with them, because she was my big sister, and I wanted us to be that close always, and even if there was a part of me that wanted something else, I didn't know what it was. Not until I got my letter anyway, and then this whole world opened up for me, and how could I turn away from that? My parents were worried, my sister was furious, but how could I not come here and find out who I really was?'

'You couldn't.' James answered easily, leaning across her to tuck the end of her scarf in more neatly with his free hand. 'How could anyone ask you to pretend a part of you didn't exist? It's never a good idea to deny a part of yourself. I've watched Sirius fight with it for years; he may not like it, but he's still a Black, and he was raised to be superior and unfeeling, and even cruel and cold-hearted. There are times when he still is those things, and he hates himself for it, but that upbringing is part of who he is, and I firmly believe that if he accepted that, he'd have better control over himself.'

He stopped walking, pulling her to a halt alongside him and angled his body round to shelter her from the wind somewhat, before reaching out a hand to brush across her cheek. 'The magic inside you would have just kept welling up Lily. You'd have carried on doing uncontrolled things. And you'd have carried that emptiness with you for your entire life, knowing that there was an entire part of you that you kept shut away. Petunia might think that you chose magic over her, but there was never a real choice; it's who you are. And really, you shouldn't have had to choose. If she'd been less unyielding, you could have had both.'

Lily reached a hand up to wipe the tears away before they could fall. 'Maybe you should talk to her; you explain it better than me.'

'You listen better than she does.' He answered easily, pulling her a little closer until she was tucked into his arms, his heavy winter cloak tenting around them both. He felt her shiver, and wondered whether it was from cold or crying.

'Remind me again why we're not using warming charms? Its brass monkeys out here.'

She snuggled her face into his chest, her words muffled against his jumper. 'Because it's cheating. We're being muggles for a few minutes. Remembering the other side of my heritage.'

'Right. Okay.' They stayed there for a moment, enjoying the warmth of each other's bodies pressed into each other as the snow whipped around them, then James released her and ran his hand to her arm to find hers again; the lion on her charm bracelet purred as his fingers brushed past it, and their fingers laced around each other again.

They started walking back towards the castle, and Lily pursed her lips thoughtfully. 'Did I tell you about my little entanglement with Macnair the other day?'

James curled his lip. 'Yes, you told me. You said Snape showed up and stunned him. Which just goes to show that Macnair is such a prick that not even the other snakes like him.'

'He said something strange.' Lily looked up at him. 'About my bracelet. Something about a protection charm?'

James shifted uncomfortably. 'Ah. Well.'

'James Potter…' she trailed off, the unspoken threat obvious in the low tone.

'Okay, alright, there might be the tiniest little spell imbued in the metal.'

'What sort of charm?' Lily demanded.

James shrugged, in a manner that was trying too hard to be nonchalant in Lily's opinion. 'Well, it has a perception charm; if someone gets close enough it can sort of sense their intentions, and it growls if the person is hostile. You might have noticed that it never growls at your friends.'

Lily nodded. 'I have, though I never thought to question why. I mean…it's magic right? A lot of it still doesn't make sense to me.'

James grinned at her. 'And it has a small shield charm built in. Not a very powerful one, but enough to deflect a minor curse if one catches you unawares.'

'Huh.' Lily was silent for a moment while she mulled that over, and James was inwardly congratulating himself on a potentially tricky situation well-handled when she thumped him in the chest, knocking the air out of his lungs; she never pulled her punches damn it, and they hurt almost as much as her hexes.

'Bloody hell Evans, anyone ever told you that you're awfully violent?' He rubbed a hand over the sore spot on his ribs and moaned loudly.

'Serves you right, sneaking a charm to me by passing it off as a birthday present.'

'It was a birthday present!' James protested as loudly as he was able to with his lungs still complaining about the blow to his ribs. 'I saw it in the window and thought of you, I would still have bought it if it hadn't had the charms! They were like…a bonus.'

'Oh, a bonus?' Lily repeated. 'If they were such a nice bonus, why didn't you tell me about them?'

'Because, you insane, violent, overly stubborn witch, I didn't want to give you the impression that I thought you couldn't take care of yourself; and don't say you wouldn't have taken it that way, because that's exactly what you're thinking now, don't even try to deny it!'

She folded her arms crossly, but kept silent for him to continue. 'I saw it in the shop, I thought of you, so I bought it for your birthday. The shopkeeper told me about the charms, but I didn't buy it for the charms. I actually had Flitwick look at it so see if they could be removed if you wanted rid of them, but they couldn't be so I didn't tell you. Sue me.'

He folded his arms grumpily, in an exact mirror of her current stance, and she felt the corners of her lips begin to rise at the sight of him sulking in the middle of a blizzard, the snow settling in his hair and on his shoulders, the wind lifting the edges of his cloak and scarf. For a moment he reminded her of Heathcliff on the moors, and that was enough to crack her up. The very thought of James – funny, kind, boisterous James – flouncing around on the Yorkshire Moors in a huff had her laughing hysterically, and he watched her silently until her giggling fit had passed before he spoke again.

'Bloody mental you are.'

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25th November 1977, 12.45pm

Marlene shivered and stuck her fingers in the pockets of her long winter coat. 'On a scale of one to ten, how mental do you have to be to have a Quidditch practice in this?'

Lily rested her arms on the barrier rail of the Gryffindor and leaned out to try and spot the Gryffindor team, currently hidden by the swirling snow. 'About an eight or nine. So approximately as mental as both of our boyfriends.'

Marlene nodded slowly. 'Sooo…on a scale of one to ten, how mental do you have to be to stand around in this weather, watching a Quidditch practice you can't actually see due to the aforementioned weather conditions?'

Lily laughed loudly at that. 'I'd say that one's a solid ten actually. I'm freezing.'

'All this for the opportunity to see Sirius' arse in his Quidditch trousers.'

Lily smirked at her best friend. 'I was under the impression that you preferred seeing him without trousers.'

Marlene rolled her eyes and scowled at her. 'There aren't quite so many opportunities for that kind of thing as some people seem to believe you know. Even if you can find a quiet unoccupied space, there's always the possibility that your best friend will come blundering in.'

'I still refuse to apologise.' Lily held her head up, unrepentant. 'How was I supposed to know it was you in there? And you shouldn't have been there in the first place, so even if I had known, I might still have thrown you out.'

'James wouldn't have.' Marlene muttered under her breath.

'Maybe not.' Lily answered evenly. 'But that would be because he was even more mortified than me by that entire situation, so if he'd been on his own, he'd probably have slammed the door, obliviated himself and carried on patrolling.'

'Since when were boys embarrassed by sex?' Marlene joined Lily at the barrier, leaning out in an attempt to make out any vaguely human shapes in the air above the pitch.

'I don't think sexual attitudes are defined by gender Marls.'

'Really? Mum always said that men have a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.'

Lily laughed. 'Oh, that's terrible.' She thought for a moment. 'It's quite possibly true for a fair number of them, but still.'

'James isn't one of them then?' Marlene caught sight of Sirius flying past with an irritated expression and blew him a kiss.

'Sorry?' Lily looked back at her, having been distracted by the sight of James doing some sort of strange barrel roll on his broomstick.

'James isn't ruled by his penis?'

Lily pondered it for a moment. 'I think I can say very definitely not. He's a bloody idiot, but he's not that kind of idiot. I'd say he's ruled by his heart actually; he acts impulsively, makes emotional decisions, but it's because he's a good, caring person. Even those stupid actions come from a good place; he just doesn't always stop to think before he acts.'

Marlene snorted. 'You almost manage to make him sound sweet.'

'He is sweet.'

'He is not. I've known him most of my life, and I don't think I've ever heard anyone else describe him as sweet.' Marlene took a sneaky sideways glance at her best friend, leaning over the rail and grinning madly as she caught sight of James hovering nearby and yelling at his team. 'Of course, I've never talked about him with someone who's in love with him before.'

'Hmm, I imagine that would make a difference.' Lily answered absently, her eyes still on her boyfriend's slightly indistinct form. There was a moment or two of silence, then Lily's head turned sharply to face Marlene, her eyes wide and horrified. 'I didn't mean…'

'Oh, yes you did.' Marlene interrupted with a grin. 'You really, really did.'

'No, I wasn't listening properly, I was just agreeing, I didn't mean to imply…'

'Sweetie.' Marlene silenced her stammering explanations with one word. 'You weren't listening properly but you did hear me; you just weren't thinking about your answer. For once in your life you weren't being careful, and I think that is a good thing.'

There was silence again as the two girls stood next to each other for a moment, then Lily spoke. 'I can't tell him.'

'I fail to see why not.'

'No.' Lily looked at her, eyes brimming. 'I mean I actually can't tell him. I can't even say it, not even to myself; the words just don't come out.'

'What is this actually about Lil?' Marlene looked at her carefully. 'Because this isn't about James. You can't believe for one second that he doesn't feel the same way about you.'

'He might not.' Lily looked thoroughly miserable by now, and Marlene felt a stir of irritation whip through her.

'If you've given that thought more than three seconds consideration, then you're a fucking idiot. The bloke adores you, has done for bloody months. He's waited around for you, been the best friend you could bloody well ask for, he was miserable when you weren't speaking to him, he came to your sister's damn wedding for you…'

'I know.' Lily cut her off. 'I know okay? I know that even if he doesn't "love me" love me, that he cares about me a hell of a lot okay? I know that he'd never intentionally do anything to hurt me.'

'Then why are you so worked up about this?' Marlene wasn't even pretending to watch the Quidditch team practice now, her eyes were fixed firmly on her friend.

Lily sighed. 'You're going to be pissed at me.'

'I'm already pissed at you.'

Lily grabbed her arm and tugged her back towards the seats, and the two of them huddled down in a sheltered spot where they didn't have to yell at each other to be heard over the wind.

'I just don't know how to…let myself depend on someone like that anymore okay? Tuney and Sev both just…tossed me aside, and I can't take that again, and it will be a hundred, a thousand times worse if James does it.'

'And in what possible world is that going to happen?' Marlene spoke with far more gentleness than she felt at that point; she was always infuriated by the way Lily flagellated herself over her dead friendships. For someone who believed very much in living for the moment, it was all kinds of annoying to watch your closest friend deny herself things because of the possibility of future difficulties. 'And actually, so what if he does? It happens. People break up, people lose things that they love, people die Lily. You can't go through life refusing to ever let yourself have something good just in case you lose it.'

Lily looked at her, a ghost of a smile on her face. 'So basically, you're pulling out the old "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" line?'

Marlene pondered the question for a moment before shrugging. 'I've never heard the quote, but that seems to sum it up to me. But, I feel it's worth pointing out that I have never, never, seen James Potter look at anyone the way he looks at you when he thinks you're not looking. The thing is Lil, yeah, there are plenty of things that don't last forever. But there are some that do too.'

'Bloody hell, this is practically sentimental for you Marly. You feeling okay?'

'I'm fine. You're the one who's emotionally fucked up sweetheart.'

Lily sighed. 'I am aren't I?'

'Probably a good thing he's a bit odd himself then isn't it? Merlin help your kids though.'

Lily looked utterly startled for a few seconds, then started laughing hysterically.

'Can you imagine' she managed to splutter through her laughter 'the hair a kid of mine and James' would have? Bright red and uncontrollable.' She mimed a massive cloud of hair around her head, and collapsed into fresh giggles.

The mental image was all it took for Marlene to join her in fits of giggles, and when James and Sirius found them ten minutes later to tell them that were abandoning practice, they were still weak with laughter, prompting a number of comments about them being "mental" before each of the boys slung their respective girlfriends over their shoulders and headed for the castle.

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A/N: The only thing I really want to say here is that I think people very often underestimate James' intelligence, and I completely consider him capable of the kind of insight that he offers Lily in this chapter.

One chapter left to go! I'm a little sad.

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