Note: GUEST reviewers, please have the courtesy to at least make up a name, will you? Just using "Guest" is lazy as fuck.
PART II
CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
KIN-DREAD SPIRITS
"What happened to your luxurious hair?"
Emma was waiting for her parents to get out of the burn unit when, of course, Hook shattered her already sour mood and she pulled her beanie down further and glared at the pirate.
"What happened to yours?" Emma snarked back.
"Not cool, Swan," Hook huffed as he signed out and retrieved his hook. "Seriously, though, it looks like you got it caught in that shredder thing at the Station."
Glaring, Emma admitted, "I wear extensions, okay." At his bewildered look, she explained, "Fake hair... well... real hair but not my real hair. It was originally for work, so I could con bail jumpers by looking sexy with a lot of golden blonde hair, but then I came here and I had to compete with Regina and live up to Henry's Savior princess ideal, so I wear extensions and I color my roots and do highlights in the Sheriff's Station bathroom at night - or I did until Lily burned it down - and you have no idea how hard it was to maintain that while shitting in the woods for a month after falling through that hat, and, so yeah, my big secret is that I sometimes wear these stupid hats for weeks at a time because the Night Supply Train doesn't bring my Miss Clairol. Happy?"
"Not especially," replied Hook, to Emma's annoyance taking a seat beside her with box of too many rings and necklaces for a man who was not a gangster rapper. "Wouldn't really wish my hereditary hair issues on anyone. Should have wondered, perhaps, when I first saw your mother after Pan's Curse. It looked like she had a raccoon's nest on her head. It's a wonder Regina didn't curse her with that hair instead of lopping it all off. I'd get a good laugh every day if I passed that on the street."
"Maybe Regina figured it wouldn't be mayoral to be seen in hysterical tears every morning when she went to get coffee," mused Emma.
"Hmm, could be. I was worried David couldn't give me a horse and supplies fast enough. I barely made it to the treeline before doubling over in laughter... which probably would have diminished my chances of them approving of my courting you in the event the Curse was reversed."
Rolling her eyes, Emma reported, "Honestly, if repeated attempted murder just endeared you to them more, laughing at my mother's ugly wig-like hair would have probably gotten you invited to dinner. Your syphilis really fucked them up mentally."
"Not my fault. I got it from Baelfire's mum... and... or possibly my own mum," Hook lamented.
"Yeah, you have a really disgustingly fucked up story, Hook. I'd feel bad for you if that hadn't resulted in my own list of misfortunes, including my hair, which in its true form got made fun of by pretty much everyone I met in Purgatory, so thanks for that."
"Hey, now that really is my mum's fault," Hook argued. "She was the one with magical hair she used to con sex-addicted sailors out of money instead of for good like making amazing wigs for poor people with bad hair, and thus cursed all of her descendants with follicular problems. Plus the whole sleeping with her own son and suicide thing that got her hair turned into a sailor-murdering net. Or, at least, that's what The Shaman said when he came to see me the other day."
"Your brother was a real asshole, Hook," Emma told him and plucked a ring from his box of personal effects. "I can't believe I wore that ring you said was his and kept wearing it after I found out he mass murdered your entire merchant ship crew for a back door into the Navy."
Hook blinked at her. "Wait... he what?"
Emma winced. "Oh, right, you don't know. Yeah, Liam made a deal with Hades and sunk your ship so he could get that stupid storm gem to give to the King to get his own ship. I'm pretty sure he even made fun of your drinking problem. Then in The Underworld he basically called me a skank who wasn't good enough for you, and skank I might have been, but since I never raped anyone and only killed one person in self defense, that's pretty low, but it was again all in some deal with Hades that in exchange he'd get you as his adoring little bro again. Then he fell off a cliff and somehow letting himself die was enough to free all the people he murdered... not that I'd think they would want to sail off to Heaven with the guy who murdered them and wasn't even sorry about it for like three hundred years. Of course, that was some weird Sea Heaven from a book, not real Heaven, and for all I know they were all deadbeat rapists before he killed them, so... But he did call you more of a hero than he ever was... though... considering the mass murder thing, the greed, the lying to you about it, plus all this other rapey incest shit with your mom... actually accurate in retrospect."
Hook's expression shattered. "It just keeps getting worse!"
"Yeah, it kinda does."
"Liam said mum had left her ring when she died and he wore it as a reminder of her," sighed Hook, "but the little shite probably stole it from her jewelry box and kept it as a reminder to get revenge on her by hurting me too, because he thought mum always loved me more since she didn't protect Liam from our papa when he got drunk. And he murdered all those men who got me laid too! What's wrong with my family, Swan?"
"Well, everything. But you were just a little kid, Hook. Your brother had to be one hell of a psychopath to blame you for your mom managing to keep your father from beating you. Plus, the mass murder to get a ship thing."
Hook shrugged and considered, "I'm not sure Liam ever even saw it that way. He was clearly obsessed with revenge against our mother and my whole life I was really never more than an errand boy to him. I used to think he was helping pay both of our ways out of indentured servitude because he loved me and felt bad that I'd inherited our father's drinking problem. But now I see that it was only because I would be indebted to him, indentured into servitude by my fraternal gratitude, and he could manipulate me as he saw fit while I idolized him for heroism and good form that was all lies. I joined the Navy because he saved my life and found that jewel, because that's what he wanted me to be and I owed him. All he wanted was me in a position to do his bidding. The only time I ever spoke out against him was when I objected to our king's operation. He died and he was still messing with me after death? What kind of brother does that?"
"A crappy one?"
"Clearly."
Hook asked after a moment, "Did he at least acknowledge my awesome badass pirating?"
"Didn't even mention it."
"Damn it. I did that for him too! Stupid jerk can rot in The Underworld then!" Hook pouted, crossing his arms.
"To be fair," Emma pointed out, "all of your most evil deeds and even your revenge against Rumplestiltskin was always piggie-backed on some more intelligent and cunning villain who made false promises and bullied you the way he did."
"Noooo!" Hook moaned. "All of my schemes have been a buggered attempt to recapture my dysfunctional relationship with my brother! For three hundred years that pillock has kept me from being my own evil genius!"
"Um... right."
"He can definitely rot in The Underworld!" Hook exclaimed, then burst into tears, "Why does no one love me!?"
"I thought Milah loved you," Emma said, then reconsidered, "No, wait, actually she didn't even ask to see you in The Underworld. Other than throwing shade at me for sleeping with you and her son, she really didn't care. Seemed like you were just her ticket out of a loveless marriage. Sorry about that."
"Three hundred years I wasted revenge on a woman who was just using me!?" Hook wailed. "I'm such a loser!"
"You kind of are," Emma agreed. "But... so am I, I guess."
"So... we can be losers together?" Hook asked her, hopeful.
"Um... no, I'm still kind of disgusted by you on account of the whole marrying you and having sex with you in another timeline thing."
"Right. That."
Hook sighed and considered, "Milah always was rather cold. Oh, she made up for it in physical passion, but emotionally she was... well... like my mum, I guess. Papa was less inclined to punch her in the face if she was holding me as I'd cry and the neighbors would hear."
"That's messed up, Hook."
"It really is."
"Speaking of face punching. Belle? Seriously, you have to apologize for that."
"I let her punch me in the face several times when we were bewitched."
"You didn't let her, Hook, you were weakened from being tased in the balls and couldn't fight back and begging 'please stop before you make me as ugly as your husband' is not an apology."
"Fine, whatever!" Hook huffed. "At least some women are not driven off by bald men, but I don't know any man that would want a bald woman, not even that bleeding heart Nealfire with his Emma-sized torch."
Emma glared. "I am not going bald, Hook. And why do you always have to resort to juvenile insults?"
"I don't know, maybe because I was traumatized by my psychotic brother who made me shag my own mum!" Hook huffed. "And I've heard excessive dying and perming can lead to hair loss. How long have you been abusing your roots, Swan?"
"Just shut up."
"Fine."
"And Neal is not carrying a torch for me. Every time I bring up the possibility of us, he shoots me down. After the Shaman thing he made it blatantly clear that he could only ever see me as a friend because I hurt him too badly with all of the stuff I did for you that I wouldn't do for him and lying that I would have when I was visited by what I believed was his spirit," Emma explained. "I think maybe he could have forgiven the rest if I'd been honest then, but I felt so guilty and how do you tell someone who died to help you that not only did they die in vane because Zelena was still alive and hurting our family, but that you actively shot down an opportunity to get them back because you didn't want the complication of a relationship that was long and deep and painful with someone who called your bullshit that you were afraid would see what a failure you were and leave you again when you could be with someone who was all bullshit and would never leave because of a stalkerish obsession if you could just bring them back from the dead by binding them to you for life with your heart?"
Hook gave her a disturbed look.
"That's... very creepy and selfish, Swan. You turned me into the Dark One and then gave me half your heart because you wanted me as your back-up plan so you wouldn't have to watch Netflix and chill alone with your vibrator? Not because you truly loved me?" Hook exclaimed. "I guess I really do fall for selfish bitches like my mum!"
"Hey!"
"Well, you're not making yourself look heroic! I was nothing but your fuckboy!"
"You spent three centuries date raping women, Hook! I fail to see how being tied to a woman who gave you regular sex that you thought loved you, that you were freakishly obsessed with, is a bad thing!"
"It's dishonest!"
"Yeah, well, that's how our family rolls! Deal with it!"
"And you call me juvenile?" Hook huffed.
Emma frowned and admitted, "I've never been good with talking about feelings, okay? And I was never good at listening either. I should have known when Neal didn't call my bullshit, when he didn't lay into me for asking him to help me split my heart for you, when he said he didn't have unfinished business after never getting to say good-bye to Henry, that it wasn't him. And that's where I lost him," she sniffed. "I looked into the eyes of an impostor and I didn't know it wasn't the man I love. And I can't say it was a soul thing, because I was in Purgatory then - the real place - so that was all of me in that moment, wasn't it?"
Hook shrugged while screwing his hook into his gauntlet as if her emotional unburdening was utterly boring to him now that he wasn't trying to shag her.
"Well?" Emma demanded and Hook rolled his eyes.
"I'm not clear on the particulars of how that works, Swan. But from what Neal said of it, you got tricked by the Devil. Whatever connection all that had to Hades, it'd have to have been Satan himself to get to that place, to impersonate someone you loved so well. And from what all those fairy nuns blather on about around here, Satan has tricked some pretty devout and intelligent prophets. It's sort of his thing with saviors, isn't it? The game he plays with The Almighty - if you believe in all that rubbish."
"Maybe, but I'm not sure Neal sees it that way," Emma replied, then asked, "You don't believe in God?"
"We never discussed it in that other timeline?"
"In a vague roundabout way. More about the 'happy places' that we sent people in The Underworld to and then not much. I didn't want to think about it, about Neal being there and not being able to see Henry grow up. He'd said when he died that he'd be looking down on us from somewhere, but then when I saw him - fake him - he didn't know... all he knew about was you in The Underworld, which should have been another clue that it wasn't really him, but I thought it was him and he was happy without us and that hurt, but I was also relieved that he couldn't see us, because I knew he wouldn't approve of me taking Henry to find you, and that it hurt him what I was willing to do for you, that I wouldn't listen to his warning. I saw that flicker of sadness, of rejection, just like when he died and he knew I wasn't going to try true love's kiss to save him, and I thought it was him... but I guess it was really the Devil disappointed that I wasn't going to stay away, save souls that he could torment."
Emma wiped her eyes with her sleeve. "I really screwed up. I got played so bad. And now I don't know what happens if I actually manage to fix everyone here and really save their souls."
"Who said we're in need of salvation, Swan?" asked Hook. "Maybe some therapy..."
"Yeah, definitely therapy," she ruefully agreed.
"All right, Mr. Jones!" the nurse at the desk called out, "you're free to go."
"Thank you, milady!" Hook beamed flirtatiously as he stood.
The nurse snorted. "I was a siren in our world, pirate. Your magical hair sex powers don't work on me. You're lucky you never sailed into my corner of the ocean or I would have 'arse raped' you with a narwhal's tooth."
Hook glowered at her, then told Emma, "You should try talking to Nealfire, Swan. Everyone makes mistakes in love. I've clearly made several. He was engaged to that harlot who shot him-"
"And he could have been engaged to me if I'd believed in our love, but I didn't."
"Aye, well, faith has never been my strong suit. I suppose your mum got it from her father and it skipped a generation."
"Seems like it," snorted Emma.
The nurse gave Hook a glaring look.
"All right, all right, I'm going, you harpie!"
Hook backed out the door and Emma slumped in her chair. Her life had seemed like it was going so great before she died, and now she'd been hit with a reversal of fortune. It was Portland and Phoenix all over again... though this time she was even more to blame for her misfortune. Selling out a soul was obviously worse than possessing some stolen watches.
If only she'd never made that suggestion. If only they'd just gone to Canada.
If only...
But there was no point in dwelling on it. This was her do-over, and it wasn't about her. She had to stop dwelling on her own deserved unhappiness and focus on getting everyone else to fess up to theirs. Cora was a crazy bitch, but she had gotten that right. It was time to stop bitching and wining about the fucked up stories of the past, take some accountability, and see where the truth got them... which was hopefully free of making the same selfish and cliche mistakes over and over like Wile E. Coyote running off the cliff every time.
And speaking of...
"What happened to your hair, darling?" Cruella asked as she sauntered into the waiting room, "Did you get cursed?"
"What happened to y... oh... right... cursed," Emma said, wincing.
"I'm looking for your pirate on Ursula's behalf. Have you seen him, darling?"
"You just missed him. He's probably taking a cowardly walk through the woods," Emma snorted. "You should be able to head him off at the old bridge. Just follow the sign by Gold's shop."
"Marvelous!"
"Hey," Emma spoke up as the skunk-haired woman was about to leave, "I'm sorry."
Cruella raised a brow. "For what, darling?"
Emma sighed. What was she sorry for? She hadn't killed this Cruella and the other one had deserved it, even if she did feel regret once she stopped pretending that she'd reacted the only way she could have. It was a wonder Cruella hadn't attacked her in Purgatory... but then she had been a complete psychopath which kind of negated the lessons there. Emma's brain hurt still trying to piece together all of the facets of the Afterlife, what was real and what was some made-up limbo, some fly paper for dead fairy tale souls that kept them from nonexistence.
"Just dragging you back into this," Emma said at last. "Your world didn't have magic either. At least, not in the way the Enchanted Forest does. It was probably a relief to come to this world after Isaac trapped you there."
"I wouldn't call it that, darling," said Cruella. "Every world has different bars. And I don't mean the ones serving gin."
Before Emma could come up with a response to that, Cruella concluded, "Well, I'd best be going. I shall endeavor not to hit the pirate too hard, but only out of courtesy to the hospital staff."
Letting out a sigh, Emma threw Liam's ring in Leroy's passing janitor cart trash. It was as good a place for it as any.
AN: Yes, Hook and Emma actually had a REAL talk, unlike the bullshit ones on the show. As blood relations they have some messed up stuff in common they should work through, plus a lot of self-loathing and confusion over being used as pawns by people they thought loved them.
Next up: Hotrod meets pirate.