Lucy couldn't believe what James had said earlier. Quit BTR? This was his dream. It was because of him that the boys were in LA. It was because of him they auditioned for Gustavo. From what James and the rest of the guys had told her this was what he wanted more than anything ever since he was a little kid.

Turning over, she leaned on her elbow and watched her boyfriend sleep. She desperately wanted to know what was going on in his head, what he was thinking, what he was dreaming. Before she moved back to the Palm Woods Lucy thought James was pretty easy to figure out, but as she got to know him better she found he could be the most complex of the band.

Softly, she rubbed his cheek, his left one since he was sleeping on his right side, away from her. She put her arms around him and laid her head on his shoulder. She couldn't stand to see him in pain. She wanted him to be happy. She wanted him to do what he loved.

"Please let me help you," she whispered.

After a long moment of laying there silently, Lucy crept out of bed and headed downstairs in her pajamas which were just a pair of blue cotton shorts and an old t-shirt.

"Lucy?"

She jumped back hitting her heels against the wall of the kitchen.

"Kendall?" Blinking her eyes, she noticed the blond sitting at the table with a glass of ice water in front of him. "Can't sleep, huh?" She sat down across from him.

"You either?"

She shook her head.

"I keep thinking about Jo. I don't want to lose her."

"I don't think you have." Lucy reached over and began rubbing Kendall's fingers. "I haven't talked to her or Camille, but you probably just scared her."

"You think that's it?"

"I don't know. Why did you do it?"

"Because I love her. I know she's the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. Why wait?"

"If this isn't something the two of you have discussed before then she's probably not ready. You may have been thinking about this for a while, I don't know, but to her it just came out of the blue. And you're so young."

"Like you're that much older than us!"

Lucy laughed. "Yes, you young'ns want to get married younger and younger these days, like them good ole days. We'll be havin' 'em getting wed back at the age of fourteen before ya know it."

"So, what's keeping you up?"

"James," she sighed.

"You know he really doesn't love that Fallon girl."

"I know. That's not it." She looked at Kendall. "Can you promise not to tell a soul what I'm about to tell you? James would kill me if he knew you knew."

"What?"

"No, I shouldn't tell you. I didn't promise James, but I know he doesn't want anyone knowing, especially you."

"What? Oh, you got to tell me now!"

"OK," Lucy bit her lip and blinked slowly. "James said he wants to quit Big Time Rush."

"What? Go solo? That bastard."

"No, I don't think so."

"You mean give all this up? His dream?"

Lucy nodded. "He's got some weird idea in his head that in order to follow God he needs to let all this go, something about a camel and the eye of a needle or something some preacher said."

"Aha! Now that you've lost Jo you think you can just move on back to my Lucy?"

Startled, Lucy jumped up knocking over Kendall's glass. He yelped as the ice cold water dripped onto his yellow boxers. Lucy stared at James in a black tank top and plaid boxers wearing his angry face look.

"It's not what it looks like," Kendall said. "Lucy and I were just talking…about…things. I don't want Lucy. I want Jo," he added softly as he left the room to change his underwear.

"What are you doing up?" James asked.

"I thought you were sleeping," Lucy said at the same time.

"I felt you get up." He wrapped his arms around her. "You're cold. You wanna go back to bed?"

Instead of verbally answering Lucy pointed toward the couch in the living room. The couple settled themselves on the brown leather monstrosity, pulled a blanket around them, and cuddled.

"I know my ticket is for the 5PM flight tomorrow or today whatever, but I want to stay with you longer." Lucy ran her hand through James's hair.

"Fine with me."

"My manager won't be so happy if I don't come home, though."

"You don't have to let him rule you." He poked her nose. "Why don't you just stay here til we leave, I think Kendall said Gustavo got us tickets for mid-December, and we'll work on our duet for your New Year's Eve show."

"You still want to do that even though you want to like quit BTR?"

James brought a finger to his lips. "Shh!" His eyes widened in that look. "I don't want any of the guys to hear. And yes, I do still want to perform with you."

"I also need to get my brother home. He's leaving on Wednesday."

"Transfer his ticket to a flight out of here."

"Some of his stuff is still at my apartment."

"Ship it to him."

"Oh," she kissed his lips. "You just have an answer," she kissed him again, "for everything."

"Yes. I. Do." Each word was punctuated with a kiss.

"Oh gross! I did not come downstairs for this!" Linus exclaimed. Lucy threw an ugly brown leather pillow at him.

"What are you doing up at this hour?"

"Thirsty. I'm just getting a drink and then you can get back to sucking face with your boyfriend."

"He's older than me, but I swear he acts like he hasn't even entered puberty yet," she whispered to James.

"Why do you like me?"

"Um, haven't you already asked me this before?"

"Maybe."

"James, you don't really need to question our relationship all the time."

"You're my first serious girlfriend and I'm afraid one day I'm going to wake up to find it was all a dream. Maybe even find out you don't exist. Ow!" James rubbed his arm where Lucy pinched him.

"Dreams don't hurt," she smirked.

"It's not one of those lame lines 'you're so beautiful you could only be a dream.' I mean yeah, you are, but no."

"You need to stop being so hard on yourself. You're a great guy and it has nothing to do with your face, hair, or body."

"Gee thanks."

"Why don't you see what I see? You're funny, smart…"

"No, I'm not."

"You're not Logan smart, but you're not dumb no matter what anyone thinks. Why do you like me?"

"You're beautiful. You, um, you're independent. You didn't fall for my James Diamond charm right away like most girls."

"That's why you went after me so long. I was just something you wanted to conquer." A hurt look spread across her face.

"No, no, no, no, no. The first time, I'll be honest, yeah, but then I had to let you go for Kendall. I never let you go. I tried, but I realized you weren't just someone I could let go. You weren't just some 'new girl' crush. You're not just some pretty girl who would date a pretty boy like me."

"James—"

"I know you're going to say I'm not just a pretty boy, but yeah, the girls I've dated in the past are really just in it for the pretty boy. You claim you're in it for more and that fascinates me. Besides, I can't ever get you off my mind. I think that has to count for something."

"Nah…"

"What made you change your mind about me?"

"When I first met you I wasn't looking for a relationship. Y'know, I was getting out of that bad relationship with Beau." Lucy made a face like the name tasted bad. "You are better looking than him." She winked. "I was also turned off with you wanting me simply because I was the new girl and not because we had a connection or anything. It's why I was never interested in Carlos either and you know Logan's off the table with him being Camille's whether they're dating or not."

"Is that why you went after Kendall?"

"Well—I don't know. I wasn't looking for a relationship, but there was something about Kendall. He was elusive. He was just himself, also not looking for a relationship."

"Because he just shipped his girlfriend off to New Zealand."

"Plus, he got so pissed when I told him his music didn't rock. That was cute."

"Cuter than me?"

"Hell, no! No one's cuter than you, babe. Anyway, it became this game. He was always there, but not trying to go after me. He got my parents to freakin' approve of me! That was something else entirely. Knowing him now this sounds really strange, but honestly, he came off as the mysterious one. Right before you left for your world tour, before he met my parents, I realized two things—I was jealous of your success and I had a crush on Kendall."

"This is just what you want to hear from your girlfriend."

"You asked."

"Wait, you were jealous of us? I didn't know that."

"Good. I didn't want you to. I wanted what you had or rather what you have. You had a recording contract. You had a world tour. You have parents that accept your career choice."

"You never met my mom, have you?"

"I know she wants you to be home with her and run her cosmetics empire, but she is okay with you being the famous pop star boy band member. My parents have accepted that I'm a rocker, but they're not happy," she sighed. "OK, we're getting way off track here. That's why I jumped on the chance to do the European tour. It wasn't what you guys had. It was small venues and pubs. But, it was a start."

"Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?"

"I felt, this is hard for me to admit, I was embarrassed at first because the only reason I accepted the tour was because of the jealousy. I had come back to the Palm Woods, which is a much livelier place to live than anywhere else in LA, and didn't feel that same connection to you guys like I had before so I didn't think I had to tell anyone I was leaving."

"We were still friends. We were even planning on a date the night before, which I royally screwed up."

"I might have told you had we gone on that date and clicked, but that's a decision I wouldn't have made until that very moment, so I can't know. Back to Kendall."

"Back to me," James emphasized.

"I'm still answering your question. If Kendall had chosen me over Jo we probably would have lasted like a month or so and then our friendship would have been ruined. I was hurt he didn't choose me, but now I know it's for the best."

"Because of me."

"There's that, but mostly because Kendall and I wouldn't have worked and he and Jo belong together. I hope she sees that."

"So, I'm not even important enough to be the main reason you're glad you didn't go out with some other guy."

"No! No! That's not what I meant! Yes, yes, you are important. If Kendall had chosen me we wouldn't have lasted long and then our friendship would have been ruined. His and yours. Your stupid ex-girlfriend code would have prevented you from going after me, not to mention you'd probably hate my guts for breaking up with your best friend."

"I could never hate your guts."

Lucy gave James a look.

"We all know how important the bromance is between you four."

"Bromance?" James raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, bromance, got a problem with that?"

"OK, no."

"I do admire how you let Kendall have me. I know it must have hurt because you still had feelings for me, but your friendship was more important to you than a girl you probably thought you couldn't have. The way you treat your friends is something I admire greatly about you. You know, it was your persistence that got me. You kept asking and asking. At first it was annoying, but then it became endearing. It was not the motorcycle that got me to say yes to you. I had wanted to say it for a while but hadn't wanted to give in. The motorcycle was the excuse to say yes while believing I wasn't giving in."

"And during that whole time you knew you were leaving for Europe and said nothing!"

"I got scared. If I told you that would mean you meant something to me and you weren't supposed to mean anything! When I moved back to the Palm Woods I told myself I could be friends with you guys because you are fun but no romantic relationships as it only leads to heartache. You guys are nuts."

"And that's why you love us."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Lucy rolled her eyes. "I couldn't handle it when you crashed the motorcycle. I was leaving for Europe the next day and you were supposed to mean nothing. Essentially, I was running away. I thought maybe if I ran these feelings would go away. I felt so guilty, but I couldn't call you. I couldn't contact you. The guilt and realization that you meant everything practically ate me alive on that tour. Oh, I did well. My manager could not have been happier until I told him I had to come home. He almost cut up my contract. But, I had to come home. You were on my mind 24/7. Yeah, I heard one of your songs when I was in Nice or Prague, I don't remember, and it broke me down. I heard the song; I heard your voice, and I knew I had made the biggest mistake of my life. That's when I told my manager there was nothing he could do to stop me from returning home."

"The Tween Choice Awards."

"Luckily, the day I arrived was the night of the awards. I had been invited so I just used that as an excuse to see you. If I saw you and nothing then I could safely go back to Europe and finish my tour. When I saw you…I can't describe what I felt."

"I know what I felt."

"The whole world knows what you felt."

"I wasn't too subtle about that, was I?"

"No, but it was my fault. I felt elated, guilty, embarrassed, stupid, in love, like I wanted to throw up—"

"I made you sick?"

"No, not you, per se, but more the idea that I was in love with you. I wasn't supposed to be in love with you. I definitely wasn't supposed to be in love with the pretty boy. That's another reason why it was easier for me to go after Kendall than anyone else. He's known as the leader of the group."

"He pretty much is. That's one thing the media's gotten right."

"Yeah, he's the leader. He seemed so much more mature. Getting to know you guys I know he can be just as immature and you can be just as mature, but on the surface he came off different. Might've been because his heart was still dealing with Jo leaving, I don't know. I know I didn't know that at the time. Anyway, I was able to use the excuse that I put my tour on hold for the awards. You wouldn't know and neither would anyone else. You do know you weren't supposed to mean a thing to me!"

"Do you know I actually broke up with Kendall because you ran away to Europe?"

"You what?"

"Don't laugh. I failed a boyfriend test in Pop Tiger so he took a best friend test because and I quote 'we are not dating' and it was determined that he was a bad best friend."

"How?"

"I don't remember specifics but there were a bunch of questions he didn't know the answers to. Hello! We've been best friends since kindergarten. How can he not know this stuff about me? He didn't even know my birthday!"

"He didn't know your birthday?"

"Well, he was off by a day."

"Ooh, just a day."

"I should show you the card he gave me this year."

"You did. He signed it 'Love, Kendall I didn't forget this time.' I asked you what that was about and you wouldn't tell me."

"He's known me since he was four! He should know when my birthday is. I know his. November 2."

"Not like it was just two days ago or anything. OK, so you broke up with Kendall because he failed the best friend test."

"Yeah, it was stupid. That's why I said don't laugh. You think those tests are stupid, but it did teach me to be a better boyfriend. At least I hope so."

"You are! How many times do I have to tell you before you believe me?"

"A dozen more, probably, I dunno. Hey, back to the Tween Choice Awards."

"Right, right. I saw you at the awards. I actually did enjoy it when you interrupted my interview. I couldn't show it. For one thing, it would ruin my image. Another, I couldn't let you know that I possibly had feelings for you."

"Possibly?"

"OK, definitely. If I let you know I couldn't properly evaluate whether a relationship with you would be a good thing. Don't ask. It sounds stupid. However, when you surprised me by showing up onstage to present an award with me I lost all control of my senses."

"And you kissed me."

"And I kissed you." Lucy leaned over and placed her lips on James's. "Your kiss held so-oo much more than Kendall's did. If he had chosen me I would have never had the chance to find that out."

I know there seems to be a lot more Jucy in this story than I originally intended, but it is kind of fun to write. Maybe it's just me, but I get the feeling when I watch Big Time Tests that it takes place the very next day after Big Time Rides. I don't think there's anything in that episode that pinpoints an actual date. I just get that feeling when James walks into the apartment with the poster that this is happening immediately after his motorcycle dating crash. He crashes motorcycle, screws up date, wakes up next morning to find girl gone.