What had she done?
The question haunted her as she walked briskly back to the Gryffindor common room.
Her footsteps resounded in the corridor but she barely heard them, all her thoughts concentrated on the events that had transpired only minutes ago.
She'd almost been kissed.
By Severus Snape.
A man nineteen years her senior.
Her teacher.
Hermione was so confused.
She knew she ought to feel embarrassed, disgusted even.
But when she searched her feelings, she only felt disappointment.
She'd almost been kissed.
She entered the common room, oblivious to anyone around her and set off purposely to her dorms.
She opened the door to the bathroom she shared with the other sixth year girls and closed it, leaning heavily on it afterwards.
Muttering a spell to lock the door, she turned to stare at herself in the mirror.
Her reflection stared back at her, a Hermione with a flushed complexion and disbelief clear in her eyes.
'I was almost kissed by Severus Snape' she said aloud, in a rather neutral voice.
Her reflection cocked her head to the left.
'I was- I was almost kissed by Severus Snape' she repeated again, though this time her voice held a tinge of panic.
'Oh gods!'
Hermione moaned and sank to the floor.
Her hands rose up to clutch her the back of her head in desperation.
What had she done?
What did she feel for the man?
But most importantly, what did he feel for her?
Hermione groaned and slumped until she was lying on the cold tiled floor of the bathroom.
She stared at the smooth white ceiling and brought her right hand to trace lightly her lips.
She closed her eyes.
His hand resting softly on her waist.
His lips brushing against her cheek.
His deep beautiful voice whispering that he did feel.
Did he mean he had feelings for her?
Did she feel something for him?
She rose suddenly.
She pushed off the ground and got up. She took a last glance at her reflection before unlocking the bathroom door and stepping out.
She changed into her nightwear and slipped into her bed, taking care to put a silencing charms around her bed and shut her curtains.
Did she have feelings for Severus Snape?
She knew she respected him.
Puff! Respected him! Hermione rolled over on her side.
She chuckled to herself.
There was no sense denying it any longer.
Merlin help her.
She was in love with Severus Snape.
…
Severus paced around in his chambers.
He was so angry.
Angry at himself for acting out.
For not holding back.
He'd almost kissed her!
He clenched his teeth and stopped pacing to drop in his chair.
He ran a pale hand through his hair and exhaled slowly.
He knew what he did was wrong.
But he couldn't make himself believe it fully.
He'd been through too much.
And now, with having to kill Albus...
He brought his right hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose.
He needed to stop Hermione.
He couldn't let her get involved with him.
But did she feel anything for him?
He wasn't good enough for her.
But she didn't back away...
He was way to old.
But she leaned in to meet his lips...
He was snarky sarcastic and had done things she would never understand.
But you love her!
And she probably loves you too...
He rose from his chair and went to take his trusty bottle of Firewhisky.
He was going to need it.
…
Hermione rose feeling oddly refreshed.
While dressing, she mentally scanned her day's lessons.
DADA was last...
She huffed loudly making Lavender turn around.
'Something wrong Hermione?' She asked, eyebrow raised.
'No nothing really... Just another Monday morning!' she responded lightly.
Lavender smiled at her and rolled her eyes to indicate that she understood Hermione's pain, then continued to put on her makeup.
…
Hermione felt incredibly nervous before entering the Great Hall.
She hesitated slightly before crossing the doorway.
Once in the Hall, her eyes were instantly drawn up to the Head table where she saw, to her great dismay, that he wasn't there.
The spring in her step left and she felt rather empty and disappointed as she seated herself.
She helped herself to some toast and waited for Harry and Ron to appear.
Severus bloody Snape, she thought to herself as she angrily munched on her breakfast. You left me last night and now you don't even have the courage to come this morning.
She stopped chewing as a horrible thought crossed her mind.
In her frenzy to decipher her feeling for Professor Snape, or rather, Severus, she'd completely overlooked how last night had ended.
He'd left her!
Why did he leave?
Did he not want to kiss her?
Or because he realized that, as a teacher, his actions were inappropriate?
She shook her head and swallowed her bite.
She didn't know much about men, but she wasn't blind to how they acted and what their body language expressed.
He'd wanted to kiss her.
Severus Snape had followed her, had tried to tell her that he did feel, that he was really a human with emotions.
He must have realized that he'd gone too far.
Hermione wasn't certain what to think.
All she knew, was that she desperately wanted to see him.
She chuckled to herself as she waved to Harry and Ron who'd just entered the Great Hall.
If anyone had told her just months ago that she'd desperately want to see Professor Snape at any time in her life, she would have sent them directly to St-Mongo's.
…
When Albus had flooed for Severus first thing in the morning, he'd immediately shaken himself out of his drunken stupor, taken a hangover potion and put a cleansing spell over his yesterday's outfit before flooing into Albus' office.
When he breathlessly asked what was wrong, for the Headmaster rarely called upon him so early, Dumbledore had smiled sadly.
'Ah nothing, nothing's wrong Severus! I simply prefer using up all of my last days!'
Which had the same effect on Severus as being punched in the gut.
He ruffled his black strands of hair and breathed out, defeated.
'Now Severus, I called upon you to ask how the Draco situation is going. Has the boy confided in you at all?' Albus' smooth voice calmed Severus down, but his piercing stare made him close his mind which he hadn't taken to do in his haste to get to the wizard's office.
An ice cold shiver ran through him at the thought that Albus, one of his only friends who'd been there for him all these years, would find out about the- what should he call it?- Hermione situation.
'Draco isn't budging. He remains faithful to the idea instilled by his derange aunt that I am out, somehow, to steal the glory linked with your murder.'
Dumbledore pursed his lips and breathed out slightly, clearly disappointed.
'Well, if that's all, I'll go done to get some breakfast before my first lesson.' Severus offered gesturing to the door to indicate that Albus could come with him. He didn't want to miss the occasion to see her. Even though he did not know how he was supposed to act. Or how she would act for that matter.
God, what a fucking mess.
Albus waved a hand turning his offer down, but continued to fix Severus in the way he'd dubbed long ago the Albus X-rays.
'Are you sure nothing else is bothering you, Severus?' His concerned voice made Severus want to curl up and forget the world.
I need to kill this man…
'Apart from having to eventually kill you, no, nothing, Albus.' Severus let, for one rare time, emotion cross his features, an incredible amount of long contained sadness, before nodding and exiting the Headmaster's office.
Once out of the stairs and in the corridor, his mask was back up again.
…
In the Great Hall, he saw her right away. Sitting with the two boys, her faithful companions, who definitely didn't deserve her. Scowling, he proceeded to seat in his regular spot and serve himself some toast. Not that he was hungry. But he needed a reason to be present this morning.
Very subtly, he observed her as he ate. She had her back to him so she mustn't have notice his entrance.
She finished just before him, having been in the Hall for longer and stood up, followed by the boys.
As she did so, she casually glance upwards to the Head Table.
Immediately, her eyes locked on his.
From where she was in the Great Hall, very far from him, Hermione still shivered, remembering the intensity of the night before. She tore her eyes away from his dark ones before anyone noticed, a twisting feeling in her gut.
She tried, rather unsuccessfully, to rejoin Ron and Harry's conversation, but her mind was obviously elsewhere. …
Severus spent the day scowling.
It seemed as if the students were all plotting against him to make his lessons seem endless.
She entered with the two of them and sat down in their usual corner.
Once again, their eyes met, but this time, Hermione allowed herself to sustain the contact, for it was in her habits to look up at the teacher during lessons.
Giving in, she allowed her mind to wander and starting observing her Professor's features.
Was his hair really all that greasy? It seemed to have gotten better in the past year, since he wasn't in a room full of cauldrons all day long. He did have a rather chiseled jawline and high cheek bones, how have I never noticed that before?
True, he wasn't the most attractive of men, but there was no denying that he held a sort of aura of dark mystery and seduction…
'Why Miss Granger, pray tell us what has captivated your interest so much that you've started to daydream in my class?' His cruel mocking voice and cold eyes made her want to scream.
'Nothing sir,' she responded calmly, trying to not blush or snap at him, 'nothing whatsoever'.
Then, for a second, she saw it in his eyes.
Regret.
'See me after class.'
Severus gave her one more menacing look, warning her to stop, then continued to teach his class.
Harry and Ron gave Hermione sideways surprised glances. She knew why. He'd called her out in his usual rude manner, but he'd let the incident slip past easily. Too easily. Already she heard some whispers, the Slytherins weren't happy about this.
Severus wanted the class to end. He couldn't do it. He needed to put a stop to all of this. It seemed to him that they were eternally locked in this struggle, always taking one step forward to then take two backwards.
He needed to talk to her. To explain that this, he didn't even know how to name it, relationship? Affair? needed to stop. It was ripping him apart from the inside, but he knew it was the right thing to do. For her.
She was too good, too smart, too pure to be tarnished by him. He wasn't good enough for her. Too old. Too ugly. Too bitter. Too snarky. Too damaged.
She needed someone as young and wonderful as her. Not one of her teachers, a man nineteen years her senior, an ex-Death Eater.
Just keep teaching, he thought to himself bitterly, it's almost over.
…
At the thought of having to see him after class, to be alone with him, Hermione's heart rate accelerated and she felt the all too familiar twist in her gut she'd come to associate with being around him.
She wondered what he'd say.
She wondered what she'd say.
…
'Class dismissed.'
He didn't even have the strength to give them homework. He just wanted this to be finished, so he could drink himself into nothingness to forget the pain of having, once again, lost the woman he loved.
Severus saw Hermione pack up her things very slowly as the rest of the class rushed out, eager to be done with the day's lessons.
All the students had left when she finally stood up, slung her bag over her shoulder and approached him carefully.
Her hair was loose and the little light that was present in the room made it shine and brought out the variations of brown in it. Oh how he longed to reach out and stroke her locks, to trace her cheek and taste her lips.
Stop it Severus.
Stop all of this once and for all.
'You wanted to see me, sir?' Her voice quivered slightly with anticipation and she bit down on her lip. Hermione didn't know how he'd react. She was so incredibly nervous. If he'd just speak...
He continued to shuffle with his papers then he stopped and looked at her.
'I wanted to tell you that your private lessons are over.'
He had tried to slip an insult in there or at least to try and sound as if it didn't bother him, just to keep up his facade, but he couldn't make himself do so. He didn't want the last time they'd probably ever talk about anything important to be ruined by his cold emotionless demeanor.
Hermione was sort of expecting this. It didn't hurt her any less though.
She cocked her head slightly and peered deeper into his dark black eyes.
'May I ask why, sir?' she asked inquiringly.
He stepped towards her just slightly, but enough for Hermione to be overwhelmed by his scent. He stared her down and answered softly: 'You know perfectly well why.'
His rich voice seemed detached.
They were locked in a staring match.
Hermione didn't want to leave him.
Not now.
Not like this.
There was a war going on.
Who knew if this conversation would ever be their last real one?
She needed to know.
Bracing herself for possible harsh rejection, she crossed her arms and asked him quietly.
'Do… do you regret last night?'
Her soft voice made Severus' heart ache. Of course he didn't regret last night! The only thing there was to regret was not having kissed her fully!
And so, even though he knew these words would cause more pain to him and to her in the end, he chose not to lie to Hermione.
'No.'
Hermione's sharp intake of breath was the only sound they both heard.
She stepped closer to him.
'Severus…' His name left her lips before she could stop it and instinctively she rose her hand to cover them, eyes wide.
And that's what broke his resolve.
Hermione saw a sort of deep determination light up his eyes as he closed the distance between the two of them, in one step.
His arms enclosed her back as she brought her's up to encircle his neck. His beautiful face was the last image she glimpsed as she closed her eyes. Suddenly, his lips met her's fiercely and everything else melted away.
Fire.
Desire.
Passion.
She couldn't get enough.
She was breathless, wanting more of his lips, more of his taste, more of everything that was him.
Severus needed her.
All of her.
His arms tighten his hold around her back.
He felt every single place she touched him as if electrified.
Her hands in his hair.
Her body pressed against his.
His lips continued to kiss her's, nipping and biting.
He would soon need to stop for breath but stopping meant letting her go and he just couldn't do that.
Her.
All of her.
Hermione.
All of a sudden, a knock sounded out.
They broke apart abruptly, straightening their clothes hastily but never once breaking eye contact.
'Yes?' Severus asked still looking into Hermione's doe colored eyes. She was biting her lip again and her cheeks were a rosy shade. Severus' body and soul were already crying from the separation, wanting desperately to taste her once more.
She looked beautiful.
'Uh, is Hermione still in there?'
POTTER.
Severus was going to rip the boy to pieces.
Scowling, he turned his head towards the door and answered scathingly: 'Yes she is.'
Then, motioning that she should follow, he led the way to the door.
He opened it and nodded to her as she left the room. Once the door was closed, he leaned upon it and brought his hands to his face, breathing in heavily.
What had he done?
Author's note: Yay an update! What do you guys think? Next time, I'll write thank you's to all those who have reviewed! Sorry about that, it's been long overdue for me to do that!